All Comments on 'The Last Library Ch. 05'

Each new chapter continues to surprise me :)

Good chapter.

Though I disliked the part of altering body parts. I have seen it in a few fantasy stories, and it never made the characters more relatable.

The combat saved the chapter...

This is great story-telling. The characters developed in ways that made five pages fly by. I picked up several possible foreshadows, including the cliffhanger. I vaguely recall noticing one missing word, but i was too engrossed to tell you where.

I think you missed an opportunity for a sex scene when manipulating Mera's breasts. It is literotrica, after all. I don't know that I would have gone with the breasts down to her thighs, but I am sure that some readers liked it and want more of it. Changing sizes is definitely a power that it would make sense for them to enjoy. Whether or not you choose to go into those details is up to you as the author, of course. Let your style be your guide, because this is going awesome.

I'll admit that the first couple chapters were a little slow. But they were so well written that I had to keep reading the story. If you were to redo it for a more professional publishing, I would suggest littering the vignettes in chapter 4 throughout the early chapters to capture readers a little sooner. This is really good stuff and I am hope that this becomes the long story arc that I am envisioning!

@Suggestion- Actually, I passed that up intentionally. I will be using it in sex-scenes later on, but the instant use of it seemed to be too cliche. As we gain more characters, it will definitely come in handy later on.

Sorry it has seemed slow, but I see this story going on for several hundred chapters and want to give it a solid base.

@Esbanos- I've seen it a lot too and usually as a way to increase the fetish-factor of a story. For Ashur, the sexy, schmexy alterations are going to be a side benefit rather than the main purpose of the ability. There are a few authors that really make it work though. One of my favorites is "The Body Shaper" by Icedragonmo3, but that's probably because the shaping is the main drive behind the story, not just some way to give the main character a gigantic schlong.

I will say that the fights are fun to write because I've got to come up with new choreography and surprises for each one. I'm glad you liked them.

Thank you guys for the comments. Keep 'em coming!

Exceptional story! Thank you, please don't abandon this project.

via the statue-cam, (him being able to telekinetically pinch her worked, he just needs to develop the skill/power), he didn't see it was the perfect match to Mera's connection through the statue; she sees and he telekinectically ousts them.

Certainly the safest way to do the library housekeeping and prevent exactly what happened to Ashur, just now. But then, if OHSA makes the jobs of Caretaker and Guardian, safer, then what would you use for a plot twist, and separation anxiety bonding scene.

He JUSTS tells her he loves her, and you jank them apart; you can be a real jerk to your characters, can't ya? LOL

There's a certain symmetry to the job roles, you gotta admit. Less body part regeneration, and risk of death, as well. But then, what would you use to develop character bonding; so when he tells Mera he loves her, it has MORE emotional impact; then when YOU do jank them apart, it's even MORE painful.

I SEE what yer doin'. It's nothing short of literary mental/emotional harrassment of Library Staff. I Got my eyeball on you; be making Union Rep claims with the Personhood of Universal Librarian & Intergalactic Teamsters. Ya hear?

Unique scene with the astral 'threesome' they had; don't think I've ever read anything like that before.

Thanks,

GeoD

I'm not too worried about the PUL-IT Reps. The monthly bribes usually keep them quiet.

The telekinetic is going to be more of an "astral-ability" while in the Library itself and probably not used very much...maybe.

I don't say it enough, but thank you guys for the comments. The last few months have been rough and they help keep me writing, even if its only a few paragraphs a day sometimes.