All Comments on 'Hyeonverse: The Last of the Balagans'

WTF?

Unfortunately, colour blindness isn't passed down that way.

It's inherited from the mother's genes not the father's, so you can't use colour blindness as proof of a son's paternity.

You're a unique talent. Please keep writing.

Kind of followed, but too much going on for me.

WTF!!

with flashes of creativity and character development, but overall it's poorly put together, cutsey too often, rambling, and vitiated with moments of ignorance about genetics, homeschooling, etc.

Hard knocks and soft touches. Probably not linear enough to be as popular as it should be, but still great as it is.

I really enjoy these wonderful messes you call stories. A great change of.pace from the usual LW offerings. These can't be easy to write, but keep them coming.

Good stuff. Tarantino meets Bukowski.

I wasnt crazy about the high school sweethearts cliche. Otherwise it was a ripper

Wow, one of the best I've read in a while.

A piece of modern, speculative fiction disguised as a Loving Wives story.

Nicely done.

whom is watching who's kids watching Madeline's husband's TV show. I'm hoping they are Tommy's kids. If yes, then we awl know who their mom is.

Nonsense, but you have to read it til the end to see if it ever comes together. It doesn’t.

Jimbob style with some Todd violence and craziness thrown in. Unfortunately, it doesn’t match up to either of these masters.

Still - I did read all 7 pages, so ...

Wow! Multiple stories with a stream-of-consciousness writing style.

You had a man, married and he wants absolutely no children. His wife betrayed him and delivered a son... You have teenagers and all that high school drama... Death threats... Blackmail....Suicide... Attempted murder... Coma.... Surprise, the mom is a "Richkid". She inherited millions when her dad dies... in South America, 😀😀😆😂😂😂.

King_Willie delivered more than most. I gave you 4*s. Liked it a lot, not a little.

That was tripping and I'm

AMerryman

...different is a good thing. A very good thing.

That was a pleasant surprise.

so the husband and wife were swingers, and

the husband was cool with the wife fucking everyone under the sun so long as no one but him got her pregnant

but the local coach who was part of the orgy group got her pregnant

and the husband magically found out for no reason and wanted to kill him for no stated reason

so the mother called the coach to come save his son

and in the following years no one ever told the boy the coach was his bio father

and the mother who know her husband wanted the kid dead defied her husband until he woke up from a decade long coma long enough to tell her to murder her son - because . . . reasons, and the reason she never did it all these years even though she already knew that what he wanted is because of . . . . reasons

now at the end of page two the reason the mother hated the son is retconned mid story so its no longer the fact that somehow its the boys fault the husband fell from the roof, but now looks like his grandfather who was mean to her

also some how the kid has a magic cock that drives everyone he fucks insane somehow

we know this because his first girlfriend decided to sell paintings and blowjobs on street corners to finance her cardboard housing development

and his second fuck, who he only had sex with once and swore to never again when caught by his first fuck, became an insatiable nympho who he still occasionally fucks even though just 12 paragraphs before were were totally assured in past tense 3rd party narrator mode that it never happened again

and then we add in corporate espionage because the wife with a dead end janitor job is actually the daughter of a multi millionaire who she wants dead, and to pay for his murder she offers to let a mid level CEO of a small subsidiary of her father multinational empire and his niece have sex with her 50 year old emaciated body that i currently covered n dozens of bruises from her last orgy two days ago . . . totally makes sense, surely that makes hiring an international assassin to kill someone in the middle of a high security event as opposed to waiting until he is alone to kill him

then we find out the husband never wanted any kids because his family are assholes, and abortion was legal, and they didnt get one because . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . ..

REASONS!!!!!

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Christ its like a snuff film producer went on a three day meth binge and tried making a story out of all the insane one liners he wrote down while high

Seriously anyone else feel like they went on a bad acid trip reading this?

Well just huh. That was certainly interesting. Took time and patience to see and understand what was all going on here. I think I liked it. Must have like it because I read all seven pages slowly. This was not a simple read by any means. I guess I have to say nice job and thank you for that story. Please keep writing.

"Buckeye Fan"

Wow. Unfortunately, you’re going to get hammered by the ”strokers”. I thought this was an interesting read with a bunch of underlying intertwined stories that

were cleverly hidden. Because of all of this interweaving I think it could’ve been a longer piece as well, however, I’m glad it wasn’t because you would have had to chop it up into chapters and it would have been hard to maintain the same connection to the story should there have been space/time between readings. I think this way you were able to keep the readers focus and maintain the intensity of the plot without it having to become a literal book. You are going to get 1 bombed by a few but I hope others who appreciate the literary side will balance that.

To think of that. Confusing. But I think I liked it. Will have to reread agin.

Sorry it took me a while to get back to you, sometimes Life happens.

Powersworder - thank you for pointing that detail out, a problem with a story with so many moving parts is that sometimes, one of the cogs goes unchecked.

Fortunately, that part wasn't crucial to the plot, so it was easy to edit it out.

Bebop3 - Thank you, I will. I think I've been bit by the writing bug :)

Xzy89c1, Huedogg2 and Mess anonymous - I'm sorry

Tangledweed - Thank you so much, I have to confess it does get crowded sometimes in my head, it's why I love writing; it allows me to air all these wacky ideas so I can mop the place. Wish I had started sooner in life.

26thNC - thank you so much, the crafting part of writing IS hard work but it pays off because I get to experience the joy of creating these worlds and people in my head.

Easter Bloc Noir Anonymous - Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it.

By - Thank you so much, By.

MattBlackUK - Thank you, Matt.

Well done anonymous - LOL, hush now. <3

Poor Man's Jimbob anonymous - I am sorry

AMerryMan - Thank you so much, I'm glad you enjoyed this little trip into my Hyeonverse.

Case Anynymous - thank you, just trying a few new things as I learn the writing craft.

Wow anonymous . Thank you.

Christ Anonymous - I'm sorry you feel that way, most of those points were addressed in the story. For instances, I went to great length to show that Tommy's sexual prowess came from having Madeline as his teacher.

Buckeye Fan - thank you, I have been trying very hard to figure out how to make my writing easier and smoother to navigate but sometimes it feels like my Muse goes the opposite way on purpose. I'm sorry, I do try... :(

Looking4it - thank you so much for your comment, Looking4it, it was a storytelling experiment. So far, I've always written stories focused on a single character. With this experiment, I was trying to see if I could expand my toolkit and write several intertwined plotlines. I stole the idea from a Frank Miller Daredevil story from back in the 80s, when he put several characters combing NYC for a character named Stick. I remember laughing out loud watching their stories intercept or miss each other by mere seconds.

Cyboji - thank you, Cyboji

+++

For my next story, I've decided to take a break from Hyeon since she's reached her "happy place", fixing cars and hanging around with Tommy and coach Mike. Heroines need a respite too.

The next adventure is a trip into the past and it focuses on her adoptive parents, Cormac and Mrs. Vee.

Well, mostly Mrs. Vee, I've always wanted to tell the story about how she got that Zastava rifle. Please give it a look if you find the time.

I enjoyed reading this, but got confused at times over who was related to who, how they were related, and how they screwed them. I will read some more of your material.

Oh so many paths and references to your other stories and character.... it made my mind work and keep everyone straight, but I loved it. Then the darkness.... It resonated with my own demons. Thank you for sharing your world and your thoughts and I will be looking forward to your next offering.

I absolutely love this series - quirky, moving, great characters. Keep em coming.

Confusing and just difficult to follow. Storyline jumped all over. Overly dark.

You are so inventive. None of the normal tropes. Very interesting characters

The author has heard (and remembers) a lot of ‘big’ words. Unfortunately, the author only guesses the meaning of many of those words. In the acknowledgments, before this tale starts, We-The-Readers see that the editors’ efforts are ‘unvaluable!’ Actually, that turns out to be true, because they overlooked the author’s misuse of a huge number of ‘big’ words. Or maybe, the author simply ignored their corrections.

Not the only problem by a long shot. The time-line looks like a plate of spaghetti. Important details are presented with so many omissions that WTR have to guess at what was intended to have happened…such as the parentage of the MC. My best projection of that is that, since Dad asked the physician to do one more (unspecified) test (which results infuriated Dad.) Dad then surmised that Sweetie had chosen a different semen-donor … which her subsequent behavior seemed to validate. What test could have been done in a medical clinic to yield that result in a few minutes is a mystery, at least up to 2022.

To add to the insult of WTR’s common senses, highly unlikely happenings happen very frequently! Who seems to be Tommy’s semen-donor gets to the domicile just in time to grab him in mid-air from a fourth-floor fall. Works with Superman, way to much kinetic energy for any falling body over 50 lbs. At best serious injuries for kid and savior!

1*

Thank you for your post, Lickideesplit, I'm glad you took the time to read my story and understand that it was Carl Balagan who jumped from a 4th floor and not his son Tommy.

I only dedicated an entire chapter to the subject, so I'm also glad you're one of the few readers who understood that Carl wanted to stop the Balagan "curse" and was upset that his wife Charissa - who loathed his cuckold fantasy- tricked him into impregnating her and passing the child as Mike's.

You have a keen eye for detail.

I am re-reading ALL your stories. It helps me to understand and enjoy them.

Hi, WilkerBeast, thank you for taking the time to read my stories, I hope you're enjoying them.

Although Dark Reflections was the first one I wrote, chronologically it's the last of the series, with Hyeon and her pirate girls all grown up and preparing to enter the young adult life. The timeline would be like this:

- The Vulture of Minsk (1975-2005) - Her adoptive parents Mrs. Vee and Cormac's story

- Kissed By Darkness (1985-2005) - Their Big Bad

- The Vanishing of Mrs. Kan (2005) - Hyeon and her Nemesis' origin story

- Cheers For Smiley (early 2008) - *currently editing

- A Ticket to Nevada (late 2008)

- Monster (2014)

- A Game For Six (2016)

- The Last of the Balagans (2016)

- Dark Reflections (2019)

My plan is to wrap it all in twelve stories, though I am beginning to think I'll probably need fifteen.