All Comments on 'The Last of Them Ch. 04'

Again, too short. While I understand that it's hard to write, the brevity of the chapters also makes it very difficult for the reader to get into any kind of flow. Because everything's over so quickly, you lose the sense of the characters in the story.

Gratuitous sex really isn't needed, imo.

What would I do differently? No idea right now. There's a lot that needs to be done to get the story moving. All of the chapters could could have easily been combined into just one or two. So that's something to think about. If there's nothing really going on, as in this chapter, you need to really think about whether or not it needs to be included. The sex scenes, for example, took up a lot of space in a chapter with a limited word-count. Did it help any? How did it advance the story? How did it build up the characters? How was it sufficiently different from the other sex scenes?

Just because this is a porn site, don't get in the mindset that sex has to be a big part of the story. In the last chapter, we heard about all of these amazing changes the nanites were going to do, but then we don't hear anything about how the protagonist is feeling with this amazing new body. We hear that he's going to work, but we don't really get a sense of what it was like on his first day, especially since his body is filled with alien tech. That's just one example of how you can deal with fleshing out the characters and making the story more full.

Gratuitous sex is most definitely needed.

That said the story definitely has potential to be engaging without it. I hope you have the time and desire to continue it for a long while.

I'm not sure if you planned on leaving it as is or not but I sure hope not. Would really love to see where this story could lead.

Thank you