The Last Time We Meet

Holt nodded. "Thank you. It's been difficult, of course, but at least she's at peace."

"She hadn't been in good health for years, you said."

"No. After a while her care took up most of my time and energy outside of work. One reason why I wasn't able to see you for so long."

"Family comes first, I know. I've had many married clients."

Holt said, brightening, "If there's anything good that's come of it, it's that—I can finally stop hiding. I've decided to come out. Tell my kids. I don't think they'll reject me." He chuckled ironically. "If for no other reason than they want my money. Work will be harder, but then again, I don't have to work much longer anyway."

He grasped Lee's hand. "I'll be able to travel. Come see you here. Or we can meet places, like we did that time in Chicago." He grinned. "Fuck at every airport hotel in the continental U.S. All expenses paid, of course."

He stopped, noticing the strain in Lee's expression. His friend slowly withdrew his hand.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about, Holt."

"What do you mean?"

Lee looked down at the table. "There's been a big change in your life. Me too." He looked up, his gaze steady. "I'm retiring."

Holt stared. "You mean—"

Lee nodded. "From escorting." When Holt said nothing, he went on. "It's been happening naturally, in a way. Many of my clients have moved on. To someone younger, I'd guess. A couple of them have passed away themselves.

"Last year a man I'd been seeing for a long time had a fatal heart attack. He wasn't that old and it was a real shock. He was a good friend, like you. Maintained my escort website. After he was gone I closed it down, and then I got to thinking—why not just close everything down?"

His expression became appealing. "But then you contacted me, and wanted to come visit. I didn't have the heart to tell you I wasn't going to be in the business any more. I like you a lot, Holt. You deserve more than an e-mail."

Holt sat as if turned to stone. Lee stretched a hand toward him. "Please say something."

More silence, then Holt spoke, very quietly. "I thought something was different today. You being so affectionate. Doing me bareback when I asked. Letting me fuck you. All new experiences." A snort of ironic laughter. "It was a sendoff, wasn't it? Kind of like giving an old dog his favorite meal and a last walk on the beach before you put him down, right?"

"Aw, c'mon..."

"No, you c'mon!" Holt hated himself for raising his voice, but couldn't help it. "I've always known what I was to you. Give me credit for that, at least. I couldn't help it that over the years you've become more than that to me. You've been a lifeline. Someone that I missed. Someone I lay awake nights thinking about. Someone I loved, a little."

Lee looked stricken. "I'm sorry."

Holt began again, almost talking to himself. "Why shouldn't you retire? Everyone does. You probably have someone you're recommending, right? Some hot up-and-cumming stud taking over your practice."

"Holt, don't."

Holt looked Lee in the eye. A leaden lump of sadness was in his heart, but he was not going to cry. "You were wrong, Lee. An e-mail would have been a lot better. I'll let myself out."

He rose from the table. Lee started to say something but Holt cut him off.

"Envelope's on the table by the door. I should have left a bigger tip."

He was out of the house and into his car in what seemed like half a dozen strides. On the road back to downtown he stared straight ahead, angrily brushing away the tears that had started from his eyes.

***

After a shower the next morning Holt packed the few things he had brought with him into his one case. The hotel where he had been staying was one of the best in the city, but he had barely noticed his surroundings.

He heard a buzz and glanced at his cell phone on the table. Another text from Lee, one of a half dozen, begging him to make contact. He had left them all unanswered.

Since their bitter parting Holt had spent most of his time in his room, lying on the bed or watching TV without comprehending what was on the screen. He had been lost in a fog of sadness and anger, directed as much at himself as at Lee.

He'd been a fool not to have seen it coming. How could he have imagined that Lee returned his affection? He provided a service. He paid Lee well and the man delivered every time. Anyone who could have sex in front of a camera could get it up for an audience of one.

Sometime in the middle of the long, long night Holt sighed, resigned. It had been a good run, but the show was over. There was nothing left to do but move on, alone, as best he could.

He picked up his phone and deleted the last text from Lee. Time to get moving. Luggage, briefcase, and sport coat in hand, he took a last look around the room, and walked down the hall toward the elevator.

It was mid-morning and the lobby was not crowded—the tide of early departures had ebbed. Holt dropped his keys in the express checkout box and headed toward the entrance.

"Holt."

He wheeled around, somehow not surprised. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Lee tried a smile. "What else was I supposed to do when you wouldn't answer my messages?"

"I have to catch a flight." Holt turned back toward the glass doorway.

A hand grasped his upper arm. "Please. Hear me out. Then you can leave. Forever, if that's what you want."

Holt stood still, then sighed and acquiesced. They found two chairs in a quiet corner of the lobby. As they sat Holt looked Lee over and felt some grim satisfaction at his haggard appearance. Apparently Lee hadn't gotten much sleep either.

As soon as they sat Lee stretched a hand out toward Holt. He shrank away from the offered touch. "What is it?" he asked.

Lee dropped his hands back into his lap. "I am so sorry I hurt you."

With an effort Holt maintained his facade. "I was a fool. I made you into something you aren't. You're not my lover or boyfriend. Just someone I pay to pretend to like me."

"Do you think I've been pretending all this time?"

"I don't know. You sure were convincing in those videos."

Lee's expression darkened. "When the fuck are you going to stop throwing that back at me? Whatever I've been selling, guys like you have been willing to buy. Takes two to make a transaction, buddy. So cut the crap."

Holt sat silent, ashamed.

"Holt, listen to me. Do you really think yesterday was just an act?"

To his chagrin his voice wavered when he answered. "All I know is that the thought of never seeing you again is tearing me apart."

"You may not believe this, but I feel the same."

At that Holt snapped his head up. Lee's gaze was clear-eyed and unblinking. "Then what are we going to do?"

Lee sighed. "I don't know. All I ask is—don't write me off. At least not yet. I don't want to lose you. And I'm not pretending."

A long silence. Then Holt said, "I don't care about the sex. If you don't want to any more, that's fine. As long as I can see you. Talk to you. Be friends. Can you see that happening?"

A smile crossed Lee's craggy features. "Absolutely."

Holt felt something loosen in his chest, and drew a long, shuddery breath. "Then I won't write you off. I guess we'll leave it up in the air. Speaking of which..."

They rose, and Lee faced him. "I know you have to go, but there's something I want to show you."

"What?" Holt asked, curious.

"This is a great old hotel, and there are sights that tourists always miss." He turned and gestured at Holt to follow. "This way. It'll only take a minute."

They walked down a quiet side corridor, until Lee stopped at a solid mahogany door. He pushed it open and Holt stepped in. He looked around, not comprehending.

"This is just a restroom. Wha—"

His words were stifled by Lee's lips on his own. Shocked, Holt struggled to break away. With swift motions Lee turned, shot the deadbolt on the door of the single occupancy lavatory, and turned back to face him, pulling Holt's shirt out of his pants, unbuckling his belt, drawing down his fly.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Lee gave him an impish grin. "What does it look like?" He sank to one knee and fished Holt's rapidly hardening cock from his underwear. "Just cum fast and don't make too much noise."

The next moment hot, wet pleasure engulfed him down below. The baggage in his hands thumped to the floor. Holt closed his eyes and threw his head back, surrendering to Lee's expert lips and tongue.

The thrill of coupling in a public place brought him to the edge in what seemed like seconds. "Oh God, going to cum," he hissed, his grip tightening on Lee's shoulder.

"Mm hmm," Lee said, sliding even faster back and forth on Holt's shaft. Holt drew in a lungful of air and let it out in a strangled groan, struggling to stay quiet as his body pitched forward, his cock unloading what felt like a gallon of cum down Lee's throat.

Choking, gurgling noises rose from his partner's stifled vocal cords, but Lee held him in his mouth until Holt's balls were drained. Then he quickly got to his feet. Holt just had time to catch a glimpse of Lee's smiling face, eyes tearing and cheeks flushed and bulging, before Lee's mouth clamped on his, forcing him to take his own load. They swapped semen back and forth, smearing it on each other's faces and licking it off, both swallowing their share. When that was done Holt, exhausted, let his forehead rest on Lee's shoulder. He felt Lee's arms encircle him.

"So, what was that about being okay with no sex?" Lee said.

Holt chuckled. All anger and bitterness had drained from him along with his ejaculation, leaving only rueful self-awareness. "Okay, that was bullshit."

He lifted his head and met Lee's eyes. "I love you. Fucking love you. Can you live with that?"

There was tenderness in Lee's cobalt gaze, perhaps for the first time.

"Yes. I can live with that," he said.

END