The Lemon Soup

"Honey, I'm home! TGIF!"

That was my usual call upon entering the house at the end of a week.

"In the bedroom!"

That was an unusual reply. I got up to our bedroom and saw her finishing putting the final touch to her makeup. She was wearing the skimpiest LBD ever. She was stunning.

"I'm going out tonight. I have a date with Jason Hebert. Don't wait for me, I won't be back until tomorrow," she said, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

"Ok, enjoy your date," I said almost cheerfully, as I was getting back downstairs. I got a glimpse of her dumbstruck reflection in the mirror.

I got to the fridge to get myself a beer, and in no time, she was gone, without even a goodbye.

You see, this was no surprise to me. Things were going just as I had expected. My wife is a woman of habits. She more or less always does the same things, reacts the same way to specific events. So her odd behavior over the preceding three weeks had set off an alarm in my head. One evening, two days before date night, I waited until she fell asleep and after some cursing, I was finally able to find her phone password. And the answers to my questions.

She had been planning this date with her asshole colleague for over two weeks. They were planning on having dinner at Theodorakis', her favorite Greek restaurant. She had praised their Avgolémono (lemon soup) to asshole. And then, they would go dancing and end up in a hotel for the night where she would give him her ass.

I loved to bring my wife to Theodorakis'. But she did not know that it was also my favorite spot to dine and wine my clients. And she could not know that over the years, Theo had become a good friend of mine.

It had taken me a few hours to come up with a good plan.

In the morning, I had called Theo and explained my situation. He was shocked by my wife's blatant disrespect, but he could not stop laughing about my plan.

A few minutes after my wife had left that evening, I drove to Theodorakis' and got in through the service back door with my secret ingredients, so that I could help Theo prepare a memorable dinner for my wife and Dickwad.

As expected, my wife had ordered Theo's famous Avgolémono. She could not stop praising her fetish dish as she savored every mouthful. I was glad she could not detect my special spices.

About half an hour after she had finished her soup, she excused herself and went to the restroom.

Hebert waited. And waited. And waited.

She came back, apologizing profusely, then... went back to the restroom running like crazy.

And Hebert waited again.

At first, Theo was skeptical that my plan to doctor my wife's dish would actually work. But after my wife had spent half an hour in the restroom, he had to admit that the proof was in the... soup! A few grams of magnesium citrate would perfectly blend into the lemon soup and induce an explosive diarrhea within 30 to 60 minutes. I had also added some polyethylene glycol and some senna to draw out her pleasure. That would be a perfect night for anal play!

I went home, put most of my clothes and some articles in my car and went back in to wait for her return. She got in at 2 am and ran for the toilet.

I was sitting in the living room when she got out after 20 minutes.

"So, how was your night! I hope you were able to blow some... steam?" I chuckled.

"Are you making fun of me?" she shouted.

"No shit! Oops... Sorry... So, how long have you had something running?" More chuckles.

"I know you're mad, Erick. Let me just explain..."

"Go ahead... let it all out!" I laughed at my own jokes. She did not.

"Oh by the way, here are the divorce papers. You treated our marriage like shit, why don't we flush it down the drain, like the rest?!"

"What the fuck Erick, I don't want a divorce!! Oh fuck... I have to go again!"

"Cut the crap Helen, (chuckles) we're done."

I got up and walked to the front door.

"Can't stay here, it stinks. Don't forget to start the fan if and when you're done!"