The Letter

Julia laid on her bed, fingers trembling in a fury, chest rumbling without relent as she struggled to hold her pen to the paper. A tug-o-war raged inwardly with one side telling her she was out of her mind for what she contemplated. The other side believed she would be relieved to do what she considered and she had a chance to be with the woman that filled her dreams.

Asking a guy out was one thing. Asking out another woman was something different especially when it wasn't clear the object of your desire liked girls and you. That woman being an older sister was another level of insanity.

Julia thought writing her feelings about Cindy on paper would make it easier but it served to increase the madness between her ears.

Who has deep romantic feelings for a family member, a sibling no less? The audio in Julia's mind continued to play in what seemed to be an endless loop.

You're disgusting and sinful for entertaining this! What's wrong with you? Do you need mental health treatment? No, wait. Is it because you've been single for almost a year? Yeah, that has to be it.

It wasn't. True, she hadn't dated since she began her freshman year. Julia and her high school sweetheart wound up going to different colleges hundreds of miles apart. Their long distance relationship lasted all of a few weeks after their university lives began and Julia was too buried beneath the pressures of her new life to so much as think about being with anyone else.

No one except her own sister...

Her dating drought could not strengthen a desire for Cindy that already existed.

Since they knew of each other's existences, when someone saw one sister, the other was there or not far away. Cindy was there when Julia fell from her bicycle with an arm of comfort and Band-Aids. They shared their silly secrets about what guys they liked and discussed the latest dating gossip around school. The girls tested each other's love interests and dating them would not happen without the opposite sister's approval. They would take the blame when the other got into trouble as the image of their punishment brought crushing despair. Not least of all, Cindy turned heads and caused double and triple takes from both genders. Her time on the school volleyball team only helped to do wonders for her figure. What was not to love?

Julia watched a mental slideshow of her and Cindy engaged in a kiss that burned their lips while snuggled in each other's arms. Julia snapped back to reality, breaths pumping in excitement, but inside a concoction of fear and future regret if she revealed her secret to Cindy's disdain.

Julia hollered and banged her head on the comforter. She was back at her parents' home for the summer and Cindy was on her way from university to join them. Due to arrive any moment, the walls of time closed in and ticked down for Julia decide how to finish her letter to Cindy. She dug her nails into her temples and grunted. When all creativity scattered from her inner chaos and the tension to come up with something reached explosive levels, she folded the paper, stuffed it into the notebook, and shoved it under her mattress.

Julia leaned towards forgetting the whole thing. It was a better chance her admission would end in catastrophe and she'd lose her best friend and sister. Worse yet, what would happen if their mother and father found out? The thought had Julia shuddering with her head beneath a pillow.

A trio of knocks at her bedroom door had her slithering out of the sheets and carrying those rattled nerves to answer.

She drew a breath, grabbed the knob, and pulled until a crack appeared between the door and doorframe.

She stuck her face into the opening. Dear old dad brought with him the aroma of barbeque over burning mesquite coals. What hair that remained was silver. Despite the wrinkles tugging at the edges of his eyes and the hole in the middle of his grin, Jon may as well been his daughter's age given his level of energy. His joyous presence soothed Julia without knowing it like he always did and she sought to enjoy the welcome home cookout her dad was preparing.

"Hi, dad! What's up?" Julia said attempting to lift her elation to meet his.

Jon squinted and looked at Julia with a side eye. His age showed in his voice when he spoke. "Are you okay? You've been stuffed in there since you got home last night."

Julia waved off his concern. "Oh, it's nothing! I've just been catching some extra snoozes because of the flight. You know how jetlag is. Hoo!"

Jon glowed in apparent acceptance of her half-truth response. "I know all about it, honey. I guess I've missed you so much that I'm anxious to see your face."

Julia's cheeks ballooned and her heart began to melt. "Aww, thanks, dad." She pecked his cheek and he mimicked the size of her smile. "I'll be out soon. Smells like you've been doing good work on the deck. My mouth is watering."

"You're too sweet. It's all for my girls! Your mother is picking up your sister from the airport as we speak. Soon, we'll all be together!"

Julia's stomach flooded with butterflies and she began pushing on the door. "Okay, thanks dad! I'll be out in a minute!"

His lips moved and something inaudible came out but Julia shut him out.

She fished her notebook from beneath the mattress and sat on the bed with it in her lap to finish the letter. She sealed her eyes to conjure an image of the best case scenario of her and Cindy making sweet love together with them snuggled together in the covers afterwards. Julia sucked in air and penned the last of the note though an overwhelming urge to tear it to pieces started to weigh on her. All it took was for people to find out and she'd become the nasty town weirdo that would have to live the rest of her days in a hole in the ground.

Julia folded the paper and stuffed it under the socks in her drawer. She still wanted Cindy to know in order to alleviate her neurosis but she hoped the right time would naturally show itself.

The rumbling and coughing of her mom's white Camry had Julia rushing to the blinds to catch a peek between them. Her heart leapt into her throat upon spotting the light brown sugar hair of her sister emerge from the passenger's side door. It had been a while since she'd seen her hair curly. When the rest of her appeared, Julia ogled at how well her track and field exploits shaped her body. Cindy's open peach and white plaid button-up shirt flew in the wind revealing a black tank top hiding her oversized breasts. Her cream pants showcased her luscious rounded hips and heart-shaped ass. Julia couldn't help but fill with envy.

Julia giggled, dove into the covers, and feigned sleeping like they often did when they spotted the other coming. They would jump out and try to scare the other out of their shoes.

The front door squeaked open and chatter between Cindy and their parents started. A lot of "I missed you so much, how have you been?" kind of talk. The clamoring moved closer to Julia's room and she tensed while her grin stretched wider. Cindy spent another five minutes conversing before she asked about her sis's whereabouts. Julia couldn't hear the response but knocking on her door followed.

"Hey, sis! I'm here! Are you in there?" Cindy made her way inside without waiting for an answer. It was once her room, too, after all. Julia changed positions and grumbled something. Cindy parked her rolling bag in the corner and crept towards the bed. "Oh, she must be sleeping but why now? It's four in the afternoon! I'm certain she wouldn't be faking. No, she wouldn't do that. I should come back later but I think I'd better be sure she isn't playing a trick on me!"

Julia pressed both hands to her mouth to trap her giggles. She curled into the fetal and squinted while forcing herself to hold still. She withdrew her hands to exaggerate snoring but fought against laughing.

The covers began moving away and Julia gripped them to stop it. Cindy grunted but instead of trying harder, she tickled Julia's sides. Julia arched and laughed beyond her control.

"Stop! Please! Hehe..." Her stomach cramped. "I'm trying to sleep!"

Cindy accelerated her assault. "Liar! I saw you peeking through the blinds!"

"Please...haha...I can't take this anymore!" Tears poured from Julia's eyes as she pushed on Cindy's hands to shove them away.

Cindy tickled Julia a bit more but stopped to pull Julia up. She pecked her forehead and pulled her sister into an embrace. Julia slid her arms around Cindy and sighed into their warm connection. The scent of peaches and cream resonated from her brand of shampoo as it did when they grew up. It was the first time they hugged that Julia noticed her sister's pillows pressing against her smaller ones and shame covered her by how much she enjoyed that.

"I missed you so much!" Cindy spoke into her ear. Julia couldn't wait to hear her joy in seeing her. "How have you been?"

Julia tightened her hold on her sister and breathed a deep one. "I couldn't be better now that you're here."

"Glad to hear that!" Cindy said pulling away but still holding Julia at the waist. "I don't know about you but school's been a madhouse! Between taking six classes, doing track and field, and working. I'm surprised I have to time to breathe!"

"It's been wild for me, too. I have the same amount of classes, I'm an English and Algebra tutor, and I help write the school newsletter every week. I know what you mean about struggling to find time to breathe and throw eating in there, too. Me and ramen noodles have become best friends."

"That's the fun of college life!" Cindy stared at her sister and nervousness pushed a smile to her lips. Was she checking her out? Julia wanted that to be true but it was likely born from her own hidden desire.

"What?" Julia asked.

"Did you fall into the weeds and they stuck to your head?"

Julia scoffed and ruffled her bangs and jet-black locks. "Whatever. I hadn't got that far in my day!"

Julia wanted to leave on her blue university shirt and dull gray sweat shorts but it was probably best to dress for the day or what's left of it.

"It's almost nighttime!" Cindy said. "Ugh...never mind, sis. I'll take care of it like I used to. It was a long trip and I need to pee. After that, I've got you."

Julia snickered. "Yeah, like that's not too much information. Who said I needed to know when you need to pee?"

"I told you anyway so there! Humph!" Cindy walked towards the bathroom. Her ass had a wiggle to it Julia couldn't peel her gaze away from. More shame piled upon the heap that was already present.

A few minutes later, Julia was sitting on a chair near the foot of the bed. Cindy took a handful of her tresses at their ends and brushed their length in slow, repeated strokes. Afterwards, she migrated to the top of her head and the brush sweeps lulled Julia into a tranquil state. She loved her sister taking care of her and she would have stayed there forever if not for the grumbles in her tummy. The last thing she wanted was to ruin the chance to have more moments like these. Her letter would have to find the trash the next opportunity she found.

"Mmm...this feels wonderful..." Julia commented on her trip to the dreamland.

"I remember how much you adored this. I'm glad you didn't attend to your hair today but don't expect this to become a daily thing."

"Yeah, sure, even though you love doing it as much as I do."

"I can't spoil you. You'll be like a cat that keeps coming back for more."

Julia smirked and remained speechless. A minute of silence passed and that failed to escape Cindy's notice.

Cindy maneuvered into Julia's view with hands on hips. "What's going on with you? I know you're quiet but not this quiet at least not with me. You only get like this when you're thinking about something like...a new guy in your life? Hmm?"

Julia backhanded the air at that comment. "Ha, no, it's not that. Who has time for guys with my schedule?"

Julia closed her eyes as Cindy ran the brush over her bangs.

Cindy slid to her rear and gave her locks one more pass-over. "It is depressing, isn't it? I hadn't seen any action in longer than I can remember."

"Yeah..."

"So, what is it? You can tell me anything. I don't need to remind you of that."

"It's nothing. You know I get relaxed when you brush my hair."

"That's true but I think it's something else. I don't like it when you feel like you have to keep things from me."

Haha, tell you anything, huh, sis? How about I'm in love with you and I'd love nothing more than for us to sleep together? Sure, sisters tell each other that all the time!

Julia couldn't help but run that through her mind and chuckle inside at its absurdity.

"I'm not keeping anything from you, sis. I promise."

"Okay, I believe you..."

That meant she didn't but was going to resume her prying another time.

"Good."

Mama Carol's voice boomed through the door. "We're ready, girls! Come get some din din!"

The sisters still laughed at mother's way of saying dinner.

Through chuckles, Julia and Cindy said, "We're coming, mom!"

The laughter continued as they were on cue like they were every day growing up.

"Hehe, we still got it!" Cindy said leaning against Julia's shoulder.

"Never lost it! Well, we should go before 'din din' gets cold."

"Yeah, I'm starved!"

Chicken, sirloins, burgers, hotdogs, and veggies with the perfect amount of char straight from the grill lined aluminum pans on the countertops in the kitchen. The girls walked as their noses passed over the food and the smell had their appetites more than wetted.

Carol nestled between Julia and Cindy with a glow masking the wrinkles on her face and her brunette shoulder-length locks that were making their transition to gray. Despite the spryness in her movements, it was beginning to be obvious she was approaching the half-century mark. She was an inch over five feet but she'd never be the one to ask for help reaching the top shelf. She was the first to offer assistance. The girls loved her more than the world itself but sometimes they had to remind her that it's okay if they fix their own bowls of ice cream.

"Hi, sweethearts! Can I make plates for my favorite daughters?" Carol was already carrying three paper plates and reaching for tongs.

Cindy took a pair of plates, gave one to her sis while keeping the other, and slid an arm around mom. "We're fine, mother! Second, we're your only daughters in case you and dad did something we don't know about."

Carol giggled. "No, no. After you two, I think we're too tired to go for a third."

Jon saddled up to the line and wound up next to Julia. "Ah, come on, Carol-honey. We're not ready for the old folks' home yet! I can still 'get up' for it!"

"Whoa!" Julia blurted as pushed her hands forth like stop signs. "First, sis is telling me she's going to pee and you're advertising your bedroom prowess. Is this family all about giving information no one ask for or wanted?"

Carol pinched Julia's cheek. "He's not lying, sweetie. He could make the Hall of Fame with his performance last night!"

Everyone cackled minus Julia. It was no secret their talk of inappropriate subjects typically kept quiet by normal families made her want to hide under the biggest boulder she could find. They usually sought to make teasing her the source of their entertainment whenever they could. If she confessed (or joked) she wanted her sister, it probably wouldn't raise a brow. She wasn't exactly the type but what if she pretend to be for this occasion?

Julia swatted Cindy's ass as hard as she could and the sound created looks of shock across their mugs. "And I want to have beautiful sex with Cindy all night long but I'm not putting it on the news!"

"Owwwwww!" Cindy griped as she rubbed her throbs. "Eew! I love you and would do anything for you but that's called grossness. You're a girl and my sister? Yuck."

"I was joking! Just joining in on the fun! I would never do that so don't get any ideas about watching me in the shower, sis." Julia's bubble popped when Cindy rejected her wish without realizing it but there's no way that was going to happen anyways. That didn't stop her mood from collapsing into the pits but if she showed it, there would be too many questions to answer.

The four moved along the line as they loaded their plates.

"I don't know, Cindy," Jon said while piling on a couple of steaks. "Julia is kinda cute."

Carol bumped him with her hip. "Stop it! We're venturing into awkward territory now and you're going to make Julia blush."

Cindy stepped out of line holding her meal. "How about we talk about where we're eating instead?"

Jon had to finish licking his fingers of barbeque sauce to respond. "Mmm...uh, in the family room. We're having a barbeque movie night!"

"Awesomeness!" Cindy nudged Julia's elbow with her own. "Come on, sis."

Julia spooned the empty corner of her plate with baked beans and dropped the utensil in the container. "Right behind you!"

A half hour later, the sisters were on the sofa facing the flat screen and the parents had their arms around each other on the love seat adjacent. The sight of parents still in love as the day they met warmed Julia's heart and was something that never grew old. It was something she wished was more prevalent in the world.

Everyone's loaded bellies would bring on a bout of drowsiness at some point but for now, they reveled in their satisfied condition and focused on the suspense music of the thriller onscreen.

Cindy patted her thighs and whispered to Julia. "Come here. It has to be like we always did."

"Okay." Julia crawled onto Cindy's lap and the older sister fastened her arms around her.

For Julia, it was like a bull hitched to her couldn't pry them apart nor could anything with ill-intent reach them. She couldn't have asked for anything more from an older sister even when her desire to protect her bordered on smothering and Julia's protests led to arguments. More often than not, Julia allowed Cindy to have her way as it made her feel like the older sis she believed she needed to be.

If Julia wanted to speak against sitting in her lap this time, she would have good reason considering her feelings toward Cindy. Being this close to someone she couldn't have the way she wanted was paving a path to craziness. She opted to silence her inner chatter, sigh in delight, and savor the moment. As night continued to fall, the heat coming from between her sister's legs proved to shield her from the drafts whisking through the room.

After the first movie ended, Julia swiped the remote from her dad's lap being careful not to disrupt the couple's snores. Cindy stretched her arms to the ceiling and yawned a long, drawn out one.

Julia sat beside her sister and clicked to the next title, a foreign film based in London that was a murder mystery.

Cindy propped a pillow against the sofa's armrest and rested against it with her legs draped across Julia's lap. The sisters did things that pushed against what was "socially acceptable" for siblings to do but never did it go beyond. What Julia used to see as cute annoyed her.

She rubbed back and forth across Cindy's legs as they viewed the flick. It wasn't long before Julia's eyelids increased in weight but Cindy wiggling her feet kept her from falling out.

"Hoo...it's like a freezer in here! I thought it was going to be warm so I left my socks at university. Can I borrow a pair?"

Julia straddled the dimension between the real world and the snooze land when she answered. "Yeah...top drawer...where they always were..."

Cindy tossed her legs to the floor and popped to her feet. "Okay, thanks. Pause the show. I'll be back."