All Comments on 'The Lifted Veil'

Quite well done for your first story. I am sure there will be more. Keep at it!

If you had the whole backstory with Max, why didn't you start with that story and follow up with this? You spent so much time catching the readers up so that we could understand this chapter.That creates a distance between us and the characters. How can you feel for them if you haven't experienced anything with them?

Letting readers get to know your characters before jumping into the action would improve your work. I would also have appreciated a story tag for the lesbian aspect.

It was about the time that I submitted when I realized that I should have probably done more on the back story. I will do better next time. I do have the back story drawn up if everyone thinks it was good enough to warrant the filling out.