All Comments on 'The Lonely Girl'

This is a very good first story, I hope you have more chapters to share.

I agree with JusteenK. A wonderful story, but I'd enjoy hearing more about Claire and Kyle.

Usually I think some of the stories I read here are too long. This one was too short. The entire stroy was build up, and then you quit without finishing it.

24000 word build up and then an alluded to “happily ever after “ there is another half of the story to be told.

Awesome start, hope there is more to come. 5*

Strong first chapter but in need of proofreading. Too many wrong words like confusion of their and there. Also the word is spigot, not spicket. Particularly good considering it is your first story. Keep at it.

Amazing story

A brilliant and moving story! I hope it is the first part and not the whole.

5 stars so far, I will wait patiently for next chapter.

Dark but relatable. Many, perhaps most, of us have been bullied at least a little but this is heavy stuff. It needs a continuation.

FTDS

Oh, very, very nice. I hope you do continue this story.

What a painful but lovely story. A much happier sequel would be great.

Excellent 1st go. Please continue the good work.

I have written an Epilogue that is already submitted and is awaiting approval. Looking forward to your feedback.

For whatever it is worth, you have an amazing start to a good story. That said, you are in dire need of an editor. An editor can move your good story to excellent.

More please.

This was one of the most believable stories I’ve ever read on this site. You need to take it forward. You are a great writer.

A good but very painful story; spoilt by sloppy writing, particularly missing words. Don't you read through your work?

There are volunteer editors and proof readers on the site.

Nicely done!

Too short!!! Seven chapters of great buildup, then nothing. eddywhere

Your grammar is horrible.

Worse when the correct word is worst

Misuse of the letter 's' when sometimes there is no need of the plural or not putting in the 's' when it was needed

..... and many others

Can't wait for the follow-up. Great first story. Cheers. Frankie

This was a great story ... waiting for epilogue with the ending it deserves. So some of the grammar wasn't perfect ... like all the other authors are perfect! Even with editors there are errors. This was a great story and from one of us who read stories not grammar ... thank you.

This was a story that should have been told linearly. Once you know about the contact later in life, the telling of the High School years was just dull. It became a slog to get back to the meat of the tale.

Told in chronological order, it might have built better.

Instead the reader just wants to skip the out of sequence, extended exposition.

Thanks for this awesome if somewhat troubling story! I sure hope this is part one of a longer story!😁

A good story. Hope to see more of your writing. Grammar? ... I didn't notice that it detracted from the story line. Keep up the good work

This is excellent. Granted it needs some editing, but the ideas and storyline are excellent. Don’t give up! Write a chapter 2. Then a chapter 3. If you need help PM me.

Ignore the grammar nazi’s …. WetheNorth was probably a mean girl wannabe. Great character development! Wish I could give it seven stars

I loved the story.

Please continue writing. Just get someone to proof your stories before you submit them.

Earle

Stories like this or rather of this calibre are why I persist with this sorry site. Well done and hope you never experienced the heartache 1st hand.

I really hope you’ll follow up with this

This is your first story? Wow! It could easily be mistaken for a story from a seasoned pro. The storyline was slow to build and easy to read. I truly felt that I got to know your characters as people I know. Developing rich characters is not easy.

Please ignore the clowns that nit-pick at the spelling of a word or a phrase not "grammatically correct". To hell with them. How much did they pay for this story? They got a hell of a lot more entertainment than what they paid, that's for sure.

Please keep writing, not only to finish this story but many others that I am sure lie in your creative imagination. I can't wait for the next chapter with Claire and Kyle.

Wow. That was one helluva story. Very sad tale. Looking forward to the epilog. 5stars

More on this please

Wow! Great story! Can't wait for the next one! Hopefully Chapter 2?

Outstanding. Hard story, well written.

I just wanted to thank everyone that left a comment for your support and/or constructive criticism! The epilogue to The Last Girl was submitted right after this story went live. Warning: I still don't have an editor yet, so I'm sure the epilogue is filled with same grammatical errors that this story has. I hope to have an editor soon. With their help, I hope to revisit these stories to fix them up and republish. -MH

Very well written! I would love to see more about Claire and Kyle.

This story deserves an ending please?

Nicely done first story. Unlike other readers, I don't really need a further installment, though I can certainly see how you could do one -- the trick would be to not make it too treacly.

Excellent excellent story! 10 stars. If there are grammatical errors I didn't notice as I was too enthralled and couldn't stop reading. The story has a perfect ending; somethings best left to the imagination.

Welcome to Literotica!

This is a fine story and I’m glad I read it. It made me very uncomfortable, and I was tempted to quit, but I’m glad I didn’t. The story affected me so strongly because you write so well. You are a gifted storyteller and I hope to read more!

Thank you for writing and thank you for sharing your work.

5 stars.

Please do not end it here. You have me totally involved in this story. I can see evolve into so much more.

Nice job highlighting bullying. It may seem like a bit of fun to the bullies but it can destroy lives.

High school bullying is a vicious blight on society and this story highlighted the torment victims undergo.

Such a heartfelt story. I think everyone can relate on some level with this.

Heart wrenching story!

5

An excellent debut story - tragic in many ways but hopefully there will be joy in the concluding part