All Comments on 'The Loners Ch. 09'

wow still loving this series hey. keep up good work

You're good - real good!

Even with the episodes that aren't particularly erotic, this tale and the characters continue to be fascinating. Keep it up.

Great story so far, and this chapter was really nice surprise.. hot, but a nice change of pace, and makes you wonder what's going to happen.

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I discovered this story today and have been thoroughly enjoying it so far, but you really botched the introduction of this new character, Katie.

1. - There is no reason for Katie to become part of this story. She was a kidnap victim tied up in the trunk. Rachel could have just fed off her in a couple of days and gotten rid of the body. Meals on wheels. Super convenient. She was already missing so it's not like anyone would be surprised if her body was never found. The entire justification for her joining their adventure makes no sense. I feel like you were worried that having Rachel kill someone would turn readers against her, so you made the victim a kidnapper to justify the killing. We certainly don't sympathize with the victim anymore. But now you have to do something with the girl, and if you have Rachel kill her too you are right back where you started. You should have at least addressed the issue of Rachel feeding on her. Maybe Alan could talk her out of it? Have her show some sympathy for the girl after she gets to know her?

2. - She is a kidnap victim, but this part of her backstory is never explored! How did this happen? Who was the kidnapper? Does she have family she wants to go back to? None of this is addressed and its absence is conspicuous.

3. - The topic of sex comes up too early. We barely know anything about her and immediately we start talking about sex and setting up the possibility for threesome shenanigans. It should have taken a few chapters for that to happen. She sees the relationship that Rachel and Alan have and wants to be part of it. Ease her into their lives. This is too fast. This story has felt very organic thus far, but this is the first twist that feels contrived and out of place.

On the whole I'm really enjoying this story, that's why I felt compelled to write this. It's like everything was going great and then suddenly logic went out the window and things started to go off track. I'm really hoping that things stabilize over the next few chapters and I can get back into it.