All Comments on 'The Loners Ch. 21'

love it keep going!!!

just got himself killed. hes no lord, and presumably not even a greater. who does he think hes going to tell? constantine, and everytime i read this name i think keanu reeves, finds out and hes a dead man.

Damn.. every chapter is so good and then it ends way too soon.. arggh.

I'm really glad your sharing this story with us, but damn I have a hard time waiting for the next chapter and the next :)

very interesting development excellent chapter can not wait for the next

To be honest I skimmed this chapter, I just didn't have the energy to read through it. Many of the characters come off as dull. This story started out as a fight for love between Alan and Rachel and has now turned into something else. The chemistry between Alan and Rachel was so good at the begining and now we're to a point where I don't see them ending up together.

I still do not get why Katie is in this story. She adds nothing to either Alan's or Rachel's character and in fact seems to take away the Rachel's ability to become a well rounded character. She feels fake dude to the fact that she is ready do devote her life to these two outlaws after a conversation in a car. Your bad guy also sucks, just bad bordering on psychotic. Give him some more depth then wanting to burn the world because Rachel showed some independence.

I also find that your sex scenes are sub par. The dialog is akward and there is very little build up to actual sex.

Something that I think would also be helpful would be to reduce the number of active lords. Following the activities of all the lords through the chapters is near impossible without a reread when you get a chapter every five days.

So there are most of my reasons why this story fell out of favor with me. I may look into this story again if you continue to post sometime in the future but I will no longer be looking for this on a weekly basis.

Stevens

On the bright side, I still am thankful to those who are sticking around, for the end is soon, and this story most likely will end with Ch. 25.

As for Steven_rocks' opinions, I accept some of what was said. This is quite a feat for me to try and juggle what is now a story with over 100,000 words. (each chapter has varied some where between 2,000 to 8,000 words, which means this story that I dreamed up real quick over a period of two or so months is longer than Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. So yeah, for those who made it this far and make it to the end, you will have ended up reading the size of what would be considered a full length novel).

I also grant that I may be a little in over my head since I intended from start to finish to drive this particular story alone, without even an editor, which yes, is my fault.

At the same time, I'm glad for the experience. I have a better understanding of some of my weakness as a writer. (though it can be difficult to discern the difference between a stand alone opinion and a general consensus) And, writing this has helped me to polish the true focus of my writing (a story which will be celebrating it's seventh year of existence here soon. Sorry, but don't expect to see that story here, for that is one I'm attempting to make money off of if possible. Not only that, it's quite the monster, this story is comparatively simple compared to that trilogy.)

So, I suppose that aside from some glaring weaknesses, some of which were pointed out which I'm grateful for, the fact that this story didn't end up down in the dumps at the start, and even graced the toplists for a brief moment, I suppose I'm not doing that terrible.

In conclusion, I still remain grateful for the opinions, both good and bad, and when I finally finish this, I'll get a complete and proper review of the story as a whole rather than chapter by chapter, when everything is brought together.

Also, next time I write a story on this site, which I probably will because doing this was a lot of fun, I'll be sure to put far more effort into and will have an editor to help me out. (I already have an idea or two in mind, but not sure how well recieved they would be.)

Ozma, that trilogy that you mentioned a few times that you've worked on, what is that about exactly? You don't have to go into deep detail, I'm just curious.

I'll explain a little. It takes place in a fictional world where some humans have magic powers and abilities (the closest basis for this being Final Fantasy Advent Children) and others have no abilities at all, and rely on technology, which I refer to in the story as Magi and Techs respectively, both sides which have been seperated by a vast desert.

My story follows three specific characters with powers that are considered unnatural even by Magi standards, that is currently caught up in a war between the Techs and Magi that has been waging for several years at the time the story begins. That is the most basic of basic explanations, and if I try and go into more detail, the description might actually be longer than one of the chapters, for nearly everything is connected and intertwined with a variety of sub plots and events that would spoil the story if revealed too early.

... where i could get that said trilogy you worked on? Im interested to say the least in these books. Are they published, if yes whats the titel and where can i get it. And if no, where can i read it.

Thanks in advance.

No, they are not published, nor can you find them anywhere. My trilogy I am guarding very closely until it is finally published, if or when that happens. If it does happen, I'll probably announce it here somewhere.

Keep up the good work! At this point perhaps less sex and more plot would be good, though. Also, please tell us when we can buy the trilogy. I would certainly want to buy it if it is as good as this!