All Comments on 'The Looser'

It's hard to take a story seriously when the author can't spell the word "loser" correctly. Just to inform the author - loose is when something doesn't fit tightly. I will admit that the author and the hopeful lack of an editor was consistent throughout the entire story.

extreme but effective

But it's "LOSER" not "looser". Look it up. And then things went downhill from there. My biggest problem is that suicide/murder is never a solution. No one wins and everyone involved comes out the worse for wear. Five people lose their lives. The kids lose their parents. His parents lose their son. Nothing positive happens. The other point I question is that there is no way that his ex-wife can force him to sign away his parental rights. He's not a drug addict, nor is he an alcoholic or a convicted felon serving time in prison. No Court in the land allows that. Every Child Protective Service in the U.S.A. would insist he retain his parental rights as being in the best interest of the children. So that was wrong. And why would she care about alimony? She won't be getting it for very long. In order for her new lover to adopt the children she's going to have to marry him. That way the Court would see that the children were going to be raised by loving parents. She gets remarried, the alimony ends. And there would be no child support if lover boy adopts the kids as he would be supporting them as their new Daddy. So you're "blow'em up" show was all for nothing. Poorly thought out and badly written. Try again.

You mean, LOSER.

I like your choice of the attorney's name.

Learn English. Look up loose and lose in the dictionary!

Wtf has this site come to.

Enough already with the moronic themes already, especially this 750 word nonsense.

Not a bad story, but you need an editor or someone to proofread for you. I think you meant to use the word loser instead of looser. You had a good story idea ,but how can anyone that takes out two lawyers and his bitch wife be a loser? By not using a timed detonator is the only mistake he made.

Loser is someone who loses. Looser is the state of a cuckold's wife's vagina after her bull finishes with her. I'm assuming you meant the title to be The Loser and you meant to use the word LOSER throughout the story?

KB

Enough with these 750 word 'stories' particularly when they're NOT 750 words.

Of course, I did the same thing in my last story, so I can’t complain. Heck, just like this story, I set it in Pennsylvania.

By the way, it’s spelled loser, not looser.

As in Dick Head? 😁

It is loser. Many people confuse the two words these days.

The word you want is "loser". Different spelling, different meaning, different pronunciation.

Dumber plot. Dumb writing.

Loser!

I believe you mean he's a "loser" as in "not winning"

. Not looser as in "not as tight as before"

Please learn to spell as this mistake just makes the whole thing silly.

Downer.

Just like the guy that tried to seduce my friend's wife, we took him to the Everglades.

Now the kids are orphaned and the burden of rasing them put on his family. Everyone loses here. The kids most of all. Very sad.

take them all down

Loser

He really was one...But all the others (including the lawyers) also were losers...Why? They didn't understand that even a mouse when cornered, fights back...3*

Can kill a story and this was how you killed this one; as Anon has said - 'Loser'

But why was he so loose?

And why?

Because so many comments are made and not yet posted, and so several readers end up making the same comment because they haven't seen how many others have made it before.

When will we return to real-time posting of comments? The current situation is hopeless.

Lue

It's the anal fisting.

As many have said, "loser," not "looser."

Please indicate scene changes. He's getting the kids in the car, then handing things to his mother, then in the lawyer's office with no "They drive to ..." "He went to ..." or at least five asterisks to show that the scene has changed.

I was going to comment, thought there should have been six bodies, though maybe he somehow got away, then double-checked, saw that the paralegal had left the room.

Really woke up the spellers with this one. If that is the only thing you got from the story... wow.

first of all, it's LOSER* not looser.

Secondly, if there was a switch, the husband could easily say "i gotta take a shit real quick" and detonate the switch after getting a safer distance away.

even if he went to jail (which depending on the bomb may not happen) he'd eventually get out and have his kids by default.

Was he looser because he had been completely cuckholded and sexually used? Was he looser because he had started using recreational marijuana to deal with the stress? I don’t see why he was “looser.”

In the end, he certainly wasn’t the loser.

going to be one of the grammar police as I screw up spelling myself sometimes. I will say this though when the loser was pushed and his back to the wall he made sure that his bitch wife had a looser snatch that even the other loser Bill couldn't fill. His lawyer deserved his pay off as well. Sad short story but at least a 4.

would grab their teeth into this kind of story and utterly vilify the dad while singing the praises of the ex-whore and her new man, and the kids would probably be brainwashed by pressure to hate their dad.

Still, 26thNC likes it.

It is hard to understand why you would submit this to anyone.

Don't quit your day job, looser.

I've read some of your other stuff and you had to have used "looser" on purpose. What that purpose is I have no clue. If it's humor I damn sure missed it. You did pretty well on the western PA vernacular but the story itself sucks. I hated it.

Maybe the screws in his brain were looser than anybody else's?

But anybody who would kill five people, two of them who weren't even really responsible for his problems, is a loser. And a psycho. No one to root for here, and a really hard-to-read story with the title description misspelled throughout.

It was the use of a timed detonator that enabled Hitler to escape death in 1944. Had Count von Staffenburg, who was caught just a few hours later anyway, did things like the main character did, he’d have died only a few hours earlier, and been sure to kill his target.

The only reason to use a timed detonator would be to try to get away alive. If he had, and still killed his targets, he’d have wound up on death row in Pennsylvania, though he’d die of old age there.

I was expecting something humorous based on the misspelling of "Looser", but no, I just got the key word in the story misspelled over and over. I don't get it.

See comment title, loser.

Is someone who can't spell the word "loser"

It was always a bad idea, the stories, except for a very few were horrific, and I think everyone sees that. Just enough with this shit.

This was stupid. You are stupid. You are looser than the loosest loser.

Why was he looser? Were his joints inflamed? Was he into extreme yoga? Had he lost a lot of weight? Were his bowels loose from stress?

Now I can understand if the title was meant to be loser, and that fact that he was losing his life to give his kids a better life away from the toxic nature of their egg donor and her living dildo... but you repeated looser several times - so you must have meant that but I can't figure out why....

...9mm with a silencer. Leave no witnesses.

Can't believe this is rated so highly. First 1 star I've ever given. Terrible from start to finish. Couldn't even get the title right.

It's never a good sign when the title is only one word and it's spelt incorrectly.

...I am by training an organic chemist. I know precisely what is involved in manufacturing explosives like TNT or PETN (not PENTA, by the way.). It is next to impossible for an ordinary joe to make a few ounces of either one in his garage without the neighbors noticing and calling the police because of the noxious fumes; or poisoning himself with said fumes; or, blowing himself and the garage to bits because he screwed up an essential part of the process. I’m not certain I could do it safely with access to a full-scale synthesis lab.

Ten pounds is simply a ridiculous quantity.

The synthesis of lead azide in someone’s garage is even less likely, since all known methods involve the use of highly toxic materials to produce an essential precursor chemical, which private citizens cannot purchase from commercial sources.

I may be looser than some, but don't call me that!

Maybe 'The Looser' was about her. She was 'looser' than he wanted her to be when it came to relationships. And he was a 'looser' chemistry teacher, because he didn't ride his students too hard. So you see, it was used correctly.

Hey, we all make spelling errors at times. Not a bad quickie about a guy whose wife turned him into a terrorist. He could have been okay . . . he just needed to loosen up a bit.

Further, to prove the title is appropriate, I offer a brief continuation . . .

So, by incredible coincidence . . . or not . . . the five of them ended up sitting together in the 14th circle of a rapidly expanding hell. They all felt thirsty, hot, and tired, as if they'd been on a long, strenuous walk without much to drink or eat. A small demon secretary entered the room and gave them each a small cup of very hot, not very thirst quenching tea . . . to welcome them. When they asked where they were, the demon told them they were in the 14th circle of hell. When they asked why, it explained, "Two of you are lawyers, one of you worked to break up a family, and the other cooperated, breaking her vows and causing great hurt and pain in the world. The chemistry teacher is a terrorist, but only blew up himself and people who weren't doing anything positive for the world anyway.".

"And hey," continued the demon, be glad you're not on the 11th level . . . lots of others like you are, and you wouldn't want to be going through what they are now!"

"Why isn't he down there further??", the lawyers, wife, and lover all screamed. "The bastard killed us!"

"Yeh.", said the demon, "If you want, you can argue that out with other lawyers . . . God knows, there's a lot of them down here'", it chuckled, "But really, it's probably because he was trying to protect his kids from two really selfish assholes. Speaking of assholes, it's almost time for your daily routine here! Looking glum, they all trudged towards the door, begging their tea to cool down."

"It won't be quite as bad for you, chemistry teacher . . .", the demon opined.

"Why not!?!" They all wanted to know."

"Because the lawyers, your wife, and her lover are all a bunch of tight-asses. You really are 'the looser' of the bunch."

---------

. . . And so you see . . . totally appropriate title !

Maybe if you didn't do it five out of five times, not counting the title, it wouldn't have gotten quite the reaction.

With certain disaster, blow up the bitch... I get it. 4

went out with a bang ;-) It would have been better if he'd told his lawyer to leave for a moment, and the other lawyer sit down to talk, and then explained they were going to die and why...

To be set free from the constraints of a marriage. A well planed execution of the cheating wife and her lover. The spelling is correct and was used properly, the husband took his only option to protect his children, even brother-in-law, sister-in-law seemed sick at what was happening. Foreshadowing in the story with his mother ("Thanks, Mom," Mark said, "Please make sure Sue and Sam get these documents when they get in."). What did they need with the children? Godparents to raise the children. He was loose to do what needed to be done. An excellent story, if you can read between the lines. 5***** stars!

perfect the bitch and her boyfriend got what they deserved love it

If course I liked it when compared to other posts tonight. I'm assuming that you are the same Anon who liked the foot long black cock in his ass. Which of us is the bigger looser?

but in this case i ll make an exception

should of shot her and taken 25 years in jail instead

but this works

his kids will be better off without the mother since she thinks of them as rug rats

by letting his exes new man live he could of had the jerk looking over his shoulder wondering when his turn would come

i hate cheaters and wish they could all suffer in hell together

5* 10 hardons and a mini orgasm

Hmmm, really triggered the spelling police here. Thank God I didn't make a grammar error as well!

Thank you to the folks who ACTUALLY READ the story and understood it. In the "no fault" states, the mother is in the driver's seat regardless of her actions. The father is usually ground into a paste and ends up supporting her, the kids and the new BF.

Anyway... have a fine Navy Special Weapons Day people.... BOOM!

and to the point. 5* effort.

Pity he killed himself but stuff happens.

Why was everything so loose? Didn't anyone use a screwdriver to tighten it? Seriously...lefty, loosey....righty tighty!

The Bad and Ugly. *****

Spellcheck won’t find that you meant loser, because looser is a word too.

They never knew what hit them. So no real revenge for me. It was a good story for 750 words though.

I don't like the 750 word thing in general. I usually prefer shorter stories (1-3 pages) so maybe 1500 words would work better.

It would be great if Literotica had an indicator of the story length before you go into it. Like they have for comment count.

That is the way to end an affair. A bit harsh and the kids will be at a loss, but probably better off in the long run.

Well done for 750 or less (and just the right price...)

Smokepole

It came right to the point. I could feel his pain and the contempt for his wife and her lover. He should have put it on a timer... Good story.

That went with a bang.

Nice twist.

A looser must have written this looser story. I hope it doesn't fall apart from the looseness.

I was thinking there was a clever double entendre with looser and loser. But instead of being clever the reverse was true.

The protanist proved himself a true loser by being LOOSE with whom he took out. Just because your attorney is named Dick Head doesn’t mean he, the other attorney (whose directive in our system is to zealously advocate for his clients’ interests), anybody else that may have been in an adjoining area, on the floor above and below got taken out by him because he was too much of a loser to figure out another solution.

And that’s besides the destruction his actions would have on his kids, parents, sister, her family, etc. I guess he was such a loser the author wanted to bring attention to it by ‘purposely’ Misspelling the word. Don’t worry No1soecific, I got you 🧐.

Can one like the story, but still find the spelling distracting? I think it met the objective, but I am glad was 750 words as the writing mechanics were a little difficult to navigate. (Not that I have room to talk) :-)

From the brief case he should have pulled a gun and a knife. First he shoots the lawyers. Then he wounds the wife and the asshole. Then he cuts off the assholes cock and shoves it down the wife' throat, strangling her to death. After the asshole bleeds to death he takes a sleeping pill over dose and quietly fades away.

The explosion was way too fast and painless. Way way too painless.

Don't shit on people that point out your spelling mistakes. It's how you learn. 1*

There was a whole lot more that could have been pointed out.

Leave personalized brief case (with her name on it) in lawyer's conference room for ex-wife with note:

"signed divorce papers in brief case, here's the key."

And, have quietly left the country, 24 hours previously.

It's loser, not looser FFS

Plot=average

A good effort for your first attempt...it WAS your first attempt, right?

and clearly red meat for the BTB crowd. And not particularly well done.

what do you want? A bloody medal?

I was probably the only one who genuinely thought that no1specific took liberty on his spelling of 'looser' for artistic reason ('guess I was used to such things, because of Tarantino doing the same for his 'Basterds'); but, given the author's response to all the flack he got for this, it sure seems like I overthought this. In any case...

This would have been a must better story if it was more develop. Obviously, no1specific was more interested in the endgame, but I bet most of us readers would have liked to know why exactly was Dorothy acting this way towards a man she actually had kids with, and why Mark was allowing her to do so. It's one thing for a woman to move on to another man... but why exactly would say man agrees to become the legal father of her spawns from a previous relationship? And how could any judge agree to let some doofus sign away his parental rights AND pay alimony to his ex at the same type? Shouldn't Bill first be MARRIED to Dorothy before being able to adopt her kids?

So, ultimately, what we ended up with here is an under-developed, nonsensical and unrealistic story starring a suicidal, spineless failure and an pointlessly vindictive, evil cunt. We're supposed to cheer for the final payoff... except with have no idea how and why we got there. Who knows - maybe Dorothy had some valid reasons to be such a bitch toward her ex; maybe Mark has NO BUSINESS being near his kids - hey, who fucking knows? We don't really have anything to properly explain this story, and it's therefore impossible to justify its existence.

Wish you had put more effort on the tale, author; it would have properly give you a much better BTB.

To all who think he should have offed them differently I say why would he have wanted to live and become Bubba's buddy and then be looser than the wife?

It's rather interesting when the story itself gets very few comments but its title puts it up in the 'Most Comments 24 hours' list on the Public Feedback Portal.

You say that it seems like you overthought this. There's nothing wrong with that. Overthinking things is far better than underthinking and leaping to judgement as the Moral Brigade inevitably does in their comments.

Lue

He eliminated two slime ambulance chasers, a cheating slut, a lowlife sonofabitch who doesn't respect another man's boundaries and saved his kids from being corrupted by their slut mother and the arrogant asshole she was cheating on her husband with.

The only flaw in the story was the misspelling in the title and its repeated misspelling throughout the story. Bet no1specific ever makes THAT blunder again.

I still gave it five stars because his character had the BALLS to do what was necessary. (damned rare among the plethora of gutless, limp wristed stories submitted of so-called men who passively accept the added insults and undeserved raping by the corrupt and heartless fucks who infest our legal system.) The Liberal Socialist LOSERS won't like my comment but... it's the truth. So, as they say in Russia, "Toughski Shitski".

Please don't mix politics with sex! I'm pretty far left (Feel the Bern!) but I hate cheaters and like to see then pay the consequence of their cheating, even if this was a little extreme.

You don't have to be a conservative to believe that if a wife IS going to get away with her cheating, that she at least shouldn't cut the husband's balls off in the divorce!

Just sitting here, laughing... imagining all of the "looser" revenge-porn fanboys furiously jacking it in their mom's basement, thinking about how awesome it would be to kill people and then... JIZZING all over their mobile device. Sweet, sweet life you're all livin'!

What a steaming heap of crap... I guess that you're an American, mainly due to your inability (like way too many Americans) to differentiate between lose and loose. Let me explain , using very small words so Americans can understand... LOSE is the opposite of WIN, as in I WIN and you LOSE, or maybe you drop your keys down a drain and LOSE them...... LOOSE is the opposite of TIGHT, as in LOOSE as a goose, Or maybe you drill a hole (for a screw) using the wrong size drill and the screw is too LOOSE.

The story itself was OK , not good but OK.. Needed to be longer, and you need an editor. Story spoiled by bad spelling and a spell checker just doesn't cut it...

Loser Story

I once pulled the pin from a fire extinguisher in a cinema thinking it would be funny as loads of people leant on it in passing as it was right in the corner on the way out. When I sniggered telling my friend, he asked why it would be funny as we would not see the look on the person's face when it happened.

Same applies here, beyond making the kids orphans which might not be such a bad thing, as the mother is a slut that is just using them a pawns (or prawns as no1specific might say ;) ) and the loser didn't have the where with all to google a bit of family and divorce law, so maybe the other side of the family will give them a better chance.

Where is the revenge in not looking into their eyes as they learn what is going to happen to them, give them the case with a 5 second timer and ask them to open it to see the horror and fear in their faces and get the final word. Maybe the wife was right not even man enough to look them in the eye as he did it.

Got to agree with others that this craze for 750 words or other minimalism of stories is taking away from what in some cases may have been decent tales. It was an unofficial challenge, not an obligation, hell a decent stroke scene will be more words than that.

You must be British, you pedantic arsehole. Whilst reading your strident rant, I wonder how you came to get loose from your mum again. Mayhap, she sees you as we do, and just decided to lose you. By the bye, the wheels are loose on your pram and if not watchful, you might lose them and have a tumble. I believe you have a screw loose, and might lose your mind if you read anymore stories on LW. No1, you are on the right track buddy, so write on.

But perhaps the only way to go.

They were right. He really was a looser, or was that loser. Kept changing in the story. Weak story.

...for a man who lost obviously lost his mind with his wife's betrayal. ***** for portraying that in 750 words.

Wow, this is really sloppy. She says that he's such a looser because he won't sign the papers. Spell check is asking me in the text box if this is correct, and the title of your story is Looser?

3 stars for sarcastic only high school chemistry teacher

Stories normally say that cheaters have all the power and take it or else

Internet and 100s of ways to take out the garbage

Staying alive and taking out pieces of garbage best way to handle the situation

This LOSER writer can't spell LOSER! FYI it's not LOOSER.

Guess the ex and lover aren't smirking at the looser any longer. Sometimes losers just won't lose any more.

Again. Don't care about the slelling, I still love this srory. Ultimate revenge on everyone.

How about an alternate ending: he refuses to sign, the two cheaters storm out of the office, two shots ring out from a distant rooftop, blood and brains splatter the brick wall, and he keeps is kids? That's an ending I can support!

Good job telling the story.

I think that people who call the writer "loser" should show their skills and write something themselves. It looks easy until you try it.

A great story that I have one quibble with: None of the assholes knew what was going on, none had the time to feel the pain and fear before their deaths that would carry over to the other side. If an other side exists. Basically, too clean an ending IMHO.

You misslelled slelling lol

Sheesh all he had to do was tighten up.

Tell him to try some alum

Great end

1 for this story. A spelling/grammar checker program would be a good investment.

There has to be a better way than murder/suicide. Get a better lawyer. The Court system will certainly give him visitation. If he thinks he's truly screwed will the boyfriend and take off for parts unknown. But killing himself was just stupid.