All Comments on 'The Lynx/Axe Effect'

I write this in hope it aids your future output.

Firstly you could have covered the setup in a much shorter manner - I was bored.

Secondly, a good story has a setup, transition, and a payoff. I liked the premise of your setup, but the transition was non-existent. There was an opportunity to write several scenes where the mother got aroused and that would have built some sexual tension. Having her naked without even smelling the scent was dumb.

Finally, you must check for mistakes like this one that made me laugh: "Looking at his message he was edited out the spelling mistakes."

The chemist name was Dr Filler then Dr Fuller back to Dr Filler.

During Cassandra's seduction it said she sat on his laps instead of lap

I was looking forward to seeing the effect on Cassandra and her son once the DNA concoction for them was prepared. Maybe a Part 2?

Hi Domj,

not wishing to argue but as I read it she could have smelt it from his top which was now the top thing in the laundry basket, that following the path suggested it was upstairs presumably outside the shower room. The lynx affect at play.

Well that's how I watched the film in my mind.

Joejacks

Thanks for spotting the mistakes, anonymous and DomJ69. I couldn't find the editor and when you're reading through your own story for the forth or fifth time you don't always spot the errors.

DomJ69 - I find the set up helps makes the story that bit more interesting. For my own interest what would you have cut out?

As for the transition, the whole point of the story is that the lynx spray is irresistible. She had no control of her mind when she smelt a bit of the cologne.

Thanks for the comments, I do use them to try and improve

From the way you wrote the story and the comments at the end I was going to say:

There are errors and then I was going to say it wasn't too bad for a first attempt.

I was going to point out a couple of the 'silly' mistakes in case you are not aware of them.

BUT instead I looked at your list of works and I'm surprised that there is so much wrong for someone who has been posting work for the best part of a decade.

I know it is very difficult to find volunteer editors, my first three simply read the stories and said they were good or bad. My 4th did some good work for me but after a while I found it hard to get a response from him. Sadly peoples lives change and their spare time vanishes. and many of my stories have the same requests for help attached, to no avail.

Yes you do very much need an editor and I wish you luck in that respect, this story has potential but the build up is too slow. In my view the content in this story should have happened within 2 pages.

Harvey_32

Enjoyed reading you story.. the only thing I want now, is an introduction to Dr Filler??!

This story has enormous potential, and I look forward to many more episodes. Well done.