All Comments on 'The Madonna and the Manatee'

Sweet vengeance.

That was a really good story that was well written.

5*

Yeah, I figured out your riddle.

Good story, more on the wife, and how she reacted during the reveal and during and after the divorce.

I realize that is not the story you wanted to write, but she is ... interesting.

5 for you

Hehehe

Fucking brilliant!!

Would have gotten five stars if this author could have figured out how to include a little self-realization for Ashley. Why? Because, no, the divorce was not enough revenge for that sociopath.

Excellent work. I look forward to your next story.

To make your plot work, you had to make one of your characters (Ashley) a lunatic. That’s never a good thing. As to the ending, I’ve suspected that the cuck and BTB crowds are full of repressed homosexuals. That’s probably why they hate each other so much … because they hate themselves.

Winnie reminds me of Francis from Pee Wees Big Adventure (apologies to the actor)

Outstanding writing and sly humor combine to make for an immensely entertaining read. All the Writers' Workshop necessities are checked off, all the logical steps in plot development are paced out, all the characters' personalities are fleshed out to make them real, believable people instead of caricatures.

In short, an excellent piece of writing both as a creative imagining of a very possible modern marriage and a depressingly sad outcome (for the marriage, not the revenge). As it was meant to be (I firmly believe), the sex was not erotic--though it was definitely descriptively detailed.

Hell of an accomplishment. THAT'S my highest compliment. More please.

MLJ

5+ Brilliant. Your character development in just a page or two is inspired.

Ash, Wow, a Therapist's dream and Winnie, I could smell the sweat.

I need more from you Sir.

This was a Pleasure to read.

I wonder how the ex wife reacted to the divorce and how she felt when she lost Chuck due to her own stupidity. Hope you do a part 2 with her side.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Good for Charles, getting out of a very bad relationship and getting bonus revenge too!

Sweet sweet revenge

A beautifully rendered revenge story, hitting a privileged dickhead in the places he thinks he’s strongest. Well done!

Some of the best writing I've had the pleasure to read. I wish I could give you six stars.

Well done! Found a way to make the privileged turd pay. He is damn lucky to be rid of the sociopath he married.

Nicely done!

A real chance for a good story and you blew it. He's too stupid and she's too sick in the head to make it a good emotional story. And his ideas of revenge the way you laid them out were "sterile" at best. But your writing mechanics were very good. You just need to learn HOW TO TELL A STORY !

Loved it - the dialog, the sarcasm, the patience to "burn-the-bastard". Keep the stories coming!

Original -- I like original. 5*

Very good effort. I really liked the intellectual approach to revenge. Too often these stories fall into the "evil wife cheats, man kills everyone involved and in the process becomes beloved and rich beyond his wildest dreams" scenario. This story gets another route and it works. I do love.the poking fun at the climbers section, a particular passion of mine.

Fucking excellent!

This was a pleasure to read. You're a very good writer and will do very well. One thing I noticed is that you tend to use the wrong pronoun after a preposition. Rather than "to Ash and I" it should be "to Ash and me". You used an subject pronoun where a object pronoun was required a few times. That is my biggest quibble, which I would not mention to a less talented writer. Nicely done.

"Pierce, Bateman runs on the firm belief that money makes its own morality. Put simply, if it's profitable, it's good." - This seems to contradict the earlier statement about her affair hurting her career.

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"I realized that I didn't have any pants." - So, for ACCIDENTALLY tossing three dresses, which she easily replaced, she DELIBERATELY tossed ALL of his pants, with no time to replace them? He should have dumped her ass right then.

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Hadn't Ash experienced hell week before the arrival of Kaitlin?

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As far as she knows he only "cheated" one time (the time his phone was dead), yet she's fucking Winslow daily?

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"And here was me, the poor cuck" - Not "cuck," but cuckold.

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I would have told him how HE didn't seduce Ash,that she seduced him.

What a great take down of a seriously depleted and worthless boy. He should have divorced that evil wretch as soon as he got a new pair of pants.

Only one thing to say about this one. LOVE IT!!!!!

What a great story. It's both well-written and well-edited, with a nice thread of revenge justified by the author. Thanks for sharing this 5-star tale.

Well written and engaging. Ash is an interesting…and frightening…character. Winnie is about as pathetic a character as I’ve encountered in a story. Winnie’s focus on the MC’s penis reminded me of lujon2019 and others, who see cucks everywhere. Why are they so focused on cuckoldry? The MC’s attitude about revenge in this scenario seems just about perfect, though I’m not sure that sex with Winnie’s wife was necessary. Instead of confronting the wrongdoers with a weapon, he mostly confronted them with a mirror.

Pretty good.

Ashley was a wonderfully deranged bitch that made for an interesting plot device.

Winnie, more accurately, his parents came to the forefront as the real villains in the story unfortunately.

They overshadowed Ashley and I was left with a frustrated feeling about their unfulfilled justice.

Winnie was simply a worm and well written as such.

4*.

Very good revenge on “Winnie”.

.

But I was starving for some kind of confrontation/final conversation with that bitch Ashley. Some kind of “post divorce” catharsis. Did she have regret? Remorse? Or was she so full of self justification that to this day she feels “satisfied” with her behavior and its outcome?

.

Can we beg the author for a follow up called “Ashley’s Story” or something? Thanks!

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4 ****

That was a good one - pretty funny. I would have liked to hear a little more dialogue about her whining and trying to fight their divorce but 4 pages was long enough. Clever revenge.

Nice but could be longer.

Some more revenge on the wife

Excellently written story. It's so nice to read something which isn't rife with errors, like so many of the careless contributions on Literotica. I even had to look up the meaning of a few words, but they were used in a non-pretentious way, where they fit perfectly. While I found no eroticism in the story, I kept reading simply because of how well it was written, causing it to hold my interest.

I rarely include "I'd have wished for" comments, but in this case I think the psychotic, vengeful wife got off far too easily. There's always going to be someone willing to have sex with a cheating spouse, but it's the spouse's responsibility to say "no". You painted Winslow Hubble as deserving of everything he got. While extremely dislikable, he was still just a weak pawn, sacrificed in Evil Ashley's plan. If it wasn't Winslow, it would have been some other hapless sucker the wife would have used for her nefarious revenge. Well done!

Predictable fun read. 4*

Decent story. A bit boring with all the focus on minutiae, but well written. Frankly Chuck deserved what he got (a divorce and really weak revenge) for not dumping his psycho wife after the wardrobe incident. That chick was batshit crazy!

Very well written. Thank you.

A very well written story, that dragged a little with the author bludgeoning the reader with details to make his point. He’s such a good writer, it’s unnecessary. But his detailed description of the wife’s need for revenge/retribution perfectly described a young woman with deep deep mental issues. Someone in dire need of professional intervention. It might have been overkill, but frighteningly real. One might find it strange that the husband didn’t recognize the severity of her issues. However having witnessed similar real life scenarios eerily as described, the person closest to ground zero rarely recognizes it until much to late. A sad but very well told story.

I enjoyed the tongue-planted-furmly-in-cheek tone of this story! The revenge was little short of brilliant. Complete mental Evisceration. Better than the standard “Rambo Revenge” most expect and enjoy.

5*

Wow. Just finished the first page. Her revenge with the pants would have been a direct hit on marriage. Either she groveled in abject submission while convincing me that she fully and completely understood how horribly wrong she was, or we would be divorced post haste. And any repeat would result in repercussions she'd remember for life.

Knoxhard

didn't go far enough. The "parents" of that waste of life need a little comeuppance.

Really enjoyed this. 5 stars.

Good story, very well written. I hope we will see more soon.

Holy shit, that was brilliant!!!! and original!!

Thank you for writing

PS rare 5 stars from me

Great story - right length and original

Sweet revenge - an excellent story well written 5stars from me

Excellent. 5/5

Deliciously savage. Would've enjoyed more insight into Ashley's post-revenge misery. Very happy for Chuck and Marty. I hope they have a long and wonderful life together.

yes a bit long but a very good storyline and great characters

You were soooo close to having an awesome story and then you blew it by ending on what you think is a clever ending. That cost you two stars, in my opinion.

1 star - no comment

Agree with the comment, “now we need Ashley’s story”. Keep up the good work. 5*

Every bit as impactful as Jezzaz’s ‘Words’. Chuck utterly dismantled poor Winnie, with a nod and a wink to Martha, of course. And the ending was perfect - talk about going out with a bang! That was a lot of fun.

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I’m still digesting your Hell’s Gate piece - scrolling through images of the bridge and the art. I’m gonna have dreams about that one.

This story was unsatisfying on many levels, articulated by those before me. It just was not very good at all, asshole and cheating wife directly from central casting. In all, comeuppance was weak, and too delayed in its arrival.

First, wife found wrapped in a green sheet, festering and decomposing in a dumpster.

Next, a severe fuck up to parents’ $150. mil investment, the paperwork directly and indirectly the product of asshole himself.

Finally, lawsuit filed on behalf of Mary, Danielle, and ‘Goldfarb’ intern, naming asshole, his parents, and Pierce, Bateman jointly and severally adds to assholes woes, especially as his ever-present safety cushion is gone forever.

Bruce1971 is fortunate that I awarded him 3 stars, not for this tripe, but for his reference to my great, great uncle (once removed) Reinhard Heydrich. It’s rare to see his name in the string of Hitler, Goring, Goebbels without inclusion of Himmler. Makes me somewhat delighted to see mention of Uncle Ray.

The added reference to Pierce, Bateman also supports the 3 stars. Why did you not mention the chainsaw?

The cheating wife gets off Scott-free after she sets the pathetic tool up as her revenge mechanism. The idea of mercy to the wrong person is pretty lame. Very, very well written, but the MC destroys the wrong person.

Well written. I can relate, having had some experience with a psycho bitch in my past. Quite high accolades from 5 or 6 of my favorite authors as well. I certainly agree 5 stars and a new follower.

I dated Ashley's spiritual twin sister. Unlike your protagonist I bailed as soon as she pulled a stunt like the "pants" incident. Nonetheless, I enjoyed this tale of revenge.

Awesome.

Please keep writing!

Fricking crazy wife.

Wow! But 10 year old boys sometimes grow up. Apparently, Winnie never did and probably never will. Loved this story.

5

IMHO this would have been a much better story if it was not so drawn out. Thamk you for posting though.

Ash was in desperate need of psychological help. With absolutely no evidence he did anything other than what he ad done during previous help weeks, she fucks someone else because his phone died while he was at work. Bitch is seriously sick. Would have liked to hear some of her realization of the truth of the matter.

Way too long

What a pleasant surprise! A marvelous story from an excellent writer who cares enough for his readers that he carefully edits his work. And some memorable lines, e.g., "She folded like an origami artist on speed."

Well written. Many thanks for the story. BUT... taking a view of the entire story, Chuck turns out to be a complete coward! Other than getting actually divorced, what did his cheating slut wife suffer? NOTHING. Plus, Chuck showed how pathetically weak he was by not sorting out his wife's jealous, manipulating, txts. Why didn't Chuck start txting his controlling wife ten times a day and going nuts if she failed to respond within a few minutes? He just accepted what she did. I would have emptied her whole wardrobe if she had done that to my suits and trousers after an honest mistake. Yes, you both could have replaced her missing three dresses. But what she did... was unforgivable in a relationship. Dump all her clothes! Draw the line that she had gone too far and tell her it's divorce if she doesn't get her act together!

Again, she chested multiple times... and got away with it. Send the video to her parents, her friends, your shared friends, if you are too much of a coward to send it to his HR department.

You could have made a huge fuss and the Brokerage Group would have taken a huge hit, via media etc. So, a weak ending. The slut escapes any responsibility consequences.

He married a sociopath; he got what he married, what he deserved. As to the supposed revenge soliloquy, what a waste of electrons. So he has been fucking his wife for a year, who cares. The fucked up crazy bitch wife is the sole owner of his failed marriage, and we heard almost nothing from her. Yeah, you described all the mumbo jumbo of her fucked up personality, which just begs the question, why didn't he know better before he married her, and why did he marry her? An ambitious plot, but poorly executed. The asshole predator is for focus, when its the wife's derangement that is the real suspense and drama. And we have almost nothing from her about that. Too bad; I bet that was an interesting story. This one, not so much. But thanks for the effort.

Tooook to long by a page and a half.

LOVE slap-hapy-papy #9

Very well done.

The story glossed over Ashley's regrets. Does she realize what she did? Is she getting therapy? Perhaps he should have gotten her fired and then sent a letter asking if this was enough revenge for her tastes. Remember guys, you don't put your dick in crazy.

5 stars, pretty good, very enjoyable revenge. I do wish it was a bit longer dealing with revenge on the ex-wife as while Winnie deserved it I think she deserved it more. He was just the tool of her revenge, her own actions and insane jealousy were the catalyst. I dunno, just didn't feel losing her husband, apartment, and promotion opportunities was enough revenge for her insanity. Otherwise great story.

Pure Gold: [She folded like an origami artist on speed.] And from there, it only got better. There's nothing like a good story that's filled with humor and off-handed cultural references. Puts the snap in synapses! The Nazi Haircut game was the best, but that was just another well-placed spice in this great story. The final scene is a perfect example of the pacing and timing of dialogue. The dialogue blended perfectly with the rich visual descriptions. OP gave us a free clinic on storytelling. This writer is another one who seems to be strolling through here with an already full resume. 5++++++++/5!!

Well written and enjoyable read, but it seems almost criminal to not give us some of Ashley's remorse at losing her husband. The first page tells us that she 'didn't want the divorce', and tried to derail it. Well, duh, and of course we can imagine her heartbreak, but why have to imagine it? With such a different character as her, her reaction might have been all over the place. Sequel needed.

Top story. Top revenge. Top writer.

A good story with some good humour, although a little more on the consequences for Ash would have been nice.

Good strand well written but no cigar. I think the revenge on his wife should have included her remorse.

I enjoyed this. Thanks!

Really needs a part 2 from the wife’s perspective- great story and writing. Please write more!

It was entertaining yes, but entirely drawn out too much. In stages it got boring. We kept waiting for the hammer to drop.

Hubble was merely a symptom, Ash was the disease and she got off, yep got off. No revenge there. Her pay off was the divorce, really?????

Scores 3/5, deservedly so.

You did an excellent job of developing the characters of your protagonists. I could really get to know the people. Great work. The only thing I can't explain is that he still feels something for Ash. Nevertheless 5*!

Well written. He is lucky to be done with her. He was right, he was not safe.

Bravo

Whereabouts are the Scottish Reggae band playing? They must be fantastic.

Well written, absolutely loved it.

4 stars for a brilliant plot, except that Ashley was the true evil, not Winnie. Evil indeed. She married Chuck, Winnie only took advantage of her evil nature.

She was such a petty bitch that she took mistakes and made them into a cause for "revenge." She took her insane jealousy and used it to rationalize infidelity. Ashley needed to be destroyed, before she hurt someone else for no fucking reason.

Okay, Winnie was a pompous ass. But compared to a bunny boiler, he was small potatoes. Ashley needed to pay. Though honestly, Chuck was an idiot to stick around after the "I'll just throw away all his dress pants" event. She proved what a useless, vindictive bitch she was. A classic abuser of the "Look what you MADE me do!!!" variety.

Female abuser, male abuser, makes no difference to me. As you might tell, I'm not an advocate of the "pussy pass."

I thoroughly enjoyed this! A perfectly executed revenge that took everything away from his nemesis including the satisfaction of being a nemesis! As to what more he could do with Ash? He is right to just walk away. You try a BTB with her and she will “torch the world” in return.

Very well done, creative take on the old infidelity story. Very snappy dialogue. Very smartly done. Thats a five.

Brilliant! Complete! 5stars at least.

It's a story about the ultimate triumph of an ordinary man over superrich privilege.

The wives are there just to provide a framework.

Heh heh........

That's how you win. Ditch the jealous psycho for a better woman. And to rub salt, make sure she WAS married to your ex's lover. Can't get much better. And the ex wife's punishment is on-going. Everyday she wakes up alone, in a world of her own choices.

Well done.

Strong and interesting plot, well worked out.

Most enjoyable read.

Top ratings from me.

"She folded like an origami artist on speed." -That line alone already had me, but the revenge was fucking fantastic!

The next time I accidentally click on a cuckold story in this category, I'm gonna keep that in mind and check how much they talk about the cuck's dick.

Wow glad I gave this one a shot. Very well written. Only loose end I'm dying to see tied up is Ashley discovering he never cheated. And I guess her discovering her vengeance issues in general. I was more angry with her tossing all of his clothes. That's incredibly screwed up. This is what you do when you burn bridges. I feel there really needs to be a sequel for Ashley where she realizes something is wrong with her and it destroyed a great marriage.

Actually dated a woman that did that whole "I think you're cheating so I'll cheat back" crap. Was convinced I was cheating on her because I wouldn't let her sit with me in a uni class she wasn't enrolled in that was so full that a bunch of students had to sit on the floor. I wasn't going to let her take a seat from someone that's actually in the class. In her mind it was because I was cheating on her with a girl that was in that class and I was trying to keep her away from her. Cheated on me soon after but only suspected it. Now that I'm less stupid I'm certain she did and pretty sure with who. After that the relationship went downhill and took forever for it to finally die.

Dudes talking about "proper revenge" on Ashley are obviously stupid. To walk away is always a smarter choice when you are facing a person who is clearly nuts. You make her lose her job, she'll burn your apartment. You ruin her reputation, she'll stab you at night in a parking lot. There is no retribution with crazy ones.

As for the story, it wouldve been nice to see a more thorough break up between Charles and whacko, but still a good read, 5 stars

What a great revenge story! I have to wonder if the divorce brought Ashley any great revelation on just how fucked up she is?!? It would be a nice follow up story. BTB is great when deserved, BUT having the loving wife come to grips with what a sad and pathetic person they truly are is the best revenge possible...because they have to live with it every day of their life!

Brilliant. Complete destruction but no blood on his hands.

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

Wow great funny ending Chuckie! 5*

Hi!

Many thanks to everyone who has taken the time to comment on this story--Loving Wives commenters have a justified reputation for bluntness, but I think people often miss the incredible quality--and generosity--of the feedback they (we) give. Simply put, for anyone looking to become a better writer, it's hard to imagine a better group of readers. Special thanks to SBrooks103x, whose comments once again show the value of a great editor.

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A lot of you noted that I didn't build out Ashley's story enough. Truth told, she's my first real experiment with trying to make a more fully-formed cheater/villainess, and she--like my writing!--is a work in progress. I initially had no plans to revisit her, but several of you made a very good point about the need for more development and a stronger emotional closure to her story. It will be a while, as I think I need to work on my characterizations, but I think she'll definitely return.

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A few of you also noted that I tend to go on a bit too long. Again, a fair point: I'm playing with scene-setting and voice, and I tend to get a bit too caught up in my own writing. I killed quite a few darlings when I was editing, but I have to admit that some of the survivors also could have been sacrificed. For most of my future stories, I'm having readers take a peek at them to see where I can cut.

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A few specific shout-outs:

@JohnTCooksey: Thanks for reading Hell Gate! Still working on character and scene-setting, and I appreciate the feedback!

@Optimistic7: Thank you! I'm really into the way that words--all by themselves--can carry their own savagery, and can effectively function as a BTB. Still working on it, but I appreciate that it's coming across!

@Kaeyo: Thanks! I'm glad the snarky humor came across!

@anonymous: A lot of writers complain about Anonymous commenters hiding behind anonymity. I'm going to take a different approach--some of the best comments I've received came from @Anonymous, and I'd like to thank you. To the one who noted that Charlie destroyed Winslow with a mirror, that was EXACTLY the point I was trying to make, and I really appreciated that it hit. Anonymous (MLJ), you were right on about the sex scene--I don't know if I can write a good sex scene yet--for me, most of them read like something out of HP Lovecraft--but I'm big on sex scenes that carry the plot forward.

@HDVictory1: Thank you! A lot of New York City stories capitalize on it as an exciting place, without really addressing a lot of the human toxicity. I wanted to give a feel for some of the good and bad of being in a place where everyone is on the make. I'm glad that some of that hit!

@TonyGW: "I could smell the sweat" made me grin. I was thinking a bit of Philip Seymour Hoffman when I wrote Winnie, largely because I could almost smell the flop sweat coming off many of his characters!

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To everyone I didn't directly call out, thank you for taking the time to read--and often critique--my work. I'm working on developing, and I can't even tell you how much your feedback helps!

Just a plainly well-written story with a lot of novel elements. Hard to believe that any woman would be as stupid as Ash, but there are loads of people with issues.

Two little issues: (1) for Ash to have real revenge, she would have had to let hubby know that she had fucked Winnie -- otherwise the revenge is incomplete. Is there a sound if no one can hear it? Author does not address the question. (2) If Winnie could recognize Marty's voice, then so could anyone else, and Winnie had the evidence which could be used in her divorce proceeding. Giving the evidence is suicidal, and author should have devised a plan that would not expose Marty to harm. The two deficiencies lowered a 5* to a 4*.

Chuckie was the quintessential whimpy cuck... he let his wife twist his balls, dignity, and his pride throughout their marriage leaving him to fear her wrath daily... then she cucked him for unfounded revenge by seducing a complete and utter fool... nevertheless, Chuckie lets her skate, under the auspices of obsequious compassion and forgiveness, with just a divorce which I'm sure she weathered with minimal pain until she easily lured in another victim to torture... thus, leaving poor Chuckie, self-deceivingly, believing he rained down the ultimate revenge on her... then Chuckie took his most vengeful act out on a complete fool... someone who was just an unsuspecting actor being used in a play for revenge... Chuckie boy... an irredeemable whimp, sucker, and chuck who will get played again.

Brilliant Bruce. Fucking genius stuff. Brilliant psych dissection of a batshit crazy wife who, no matter how hot, is dangerous and better left, as here, in the rear view mirror. And then the take down if Winnie is a blow out. Brilliant. I loved it. More from you, please.

Thoroughly enjoyed the story on first read. However, the thought has occurred to me that Ash's revenge seems pointless.

Either Chuck never finds out that she cheated, or she tells him, or he finds out on his own which is what happened.

Now there were clues e.g. Ash's change of attitude, the sheets, the minty breath and the smell of Fabreeze which lead to Chuck's suspicion's and ultimate discovery. But Ash never blatantly or overtly hinted that she was cheating. So there is no reason to believe that Ash wanted Chuck to know. If Chuck never finds out how will he be hurt by her behavior? Where's the revenge, the pain, the humiliation? Does a traveling salesman humiliate his wife by having frequent sex while on the road if she never discovers his adultery?

Conversely, if she wants him to know she cheated and the hints were intentional why bother? She could simply tell him she cheated to get even because of her perceived conclusion that he was cheating on her. Either way she had to know when Chuck found out the marriage would be over. That is exactly what occurred and as the author tells us Ash suffered greatly at the loss of her marriage. It is therefore hard to believe that Ash intended for Chuck to learn of her adultery.

The only other outcome I can think of is that Ash intended to harbor her adultery in her heart and take pleasure in knowing she cuckolded her husband i.e. tit-for-tat.

If this was a revenge fuck to feed her ego why not enjoy it? What kind of secret rush will she experience in the future as she relives the feeling of vindication she got by fucking a slug like Winnie?

Well written with a twist. Took both of them down with no violence or bloodshed. 5*

More Ashley!

The wife is the most interesting character.

It would be really cool to see how she could redeem herself and convince him that she is not a psychopath.