The Mary-Go-Round Pt. 02

Just a warning, this story had a lot of "loving wives" content, some "Good Sam" stuff and no graphic sex scenes. It's not fit for anyone to read, so you have been warned.

I really appreciate the comments. Entertained me for hours. Thank you all.

*

It was in the desert that I found my salvation. I took a job on a remote farm working 12 hours a day, 7 days a week that included room and board. The hard work kept me from worrying about other things, as I tried to get myself back together. Once a week, I drove into "town" and called my parents, letting them know I was ok. Honestly, I never even thought about trying to date at this time. I just worked pretty much all the time, and that was by design. My mind was a mess, and I wasn't ready to deal with anything else.

Every week, they informed me that Mary had called or stopped by, looking for me, but they would not tell her where I was. She was still acting crazy, so I had no desire to talk to her. It was nearly comical when I talked to my parents every week, and they updated me on her appearance. She added tattoos and piercings. Then came the weird hair colors and dramatic make-up. Every week, she had looked more and more like a freak. This went on for 4 years. 4 freaking years! Then she suddenly stopped calling and stopped visiting my parents looking for me. She just disappeared.

My father did some asking around and found out Mary's father had been recalled to Japan, and he took his daughter with him. Apparently, she wasn't very happy about it either. It took me another year in the desert after that before I finally felt free of her. Five years is a long time, but that's what it took to put myself back together. I was finally free from the spell she had held on me for so long.

I realized it was my own insecurities that had landed me in this situation. If only I had put my foot down and put a stop to all of her nonsense things might have been different, but I was always worried she would dump me if I did. The only way I could have gotten out of the whole mess with my dignity intact would have been to have said no the very first day she told me to ask her out. The entire enterprise was doomed from the start. There was never an alternative that would have ended well for me.

It was a hard lesson for me to learn, but that is what happens when you try to date someone out of your league. It had taken a toll on my own self-worth. Working out in the desert helped me recover that. Now I know that there was nothing wrong with who I was, but I should have just stuck to my own level.

The irony to the whole thing now is, after the past 5 years, I was considered a "good catch" by most women I talk to and Mary would be lucky to ever find even a decent guy to date her ever again. She had piercings and tattoos, plus two black children. No decent guy would look twice at her despite how beautiful she had once been. In a way, I felt sorry for her, but she had brought this on herself.

After 5 years on the farm, I decided to move to an actual city and get a regular job. It was time. Slowly I reconnected to the world and got back out in it. It was about 2 months after that when I was contacted by a Japanese woman I didn't know. She had talked to my parents, and they agreed to only give her my email. I opened her email message one night after work.

"Mr. Jason, my name is Myuki, and I apologize for disturbing you, but this is a matter only you can help with. I am a psychologist at SuchandSuch University, and one of my patients is your wife, Mary. Her father has obtained a power of attorney over her, as she is currently being treated at our facility. He has authorized me to discuss certain aspects of her treatment with you. Please understand that it is a very unusual circumstance that has brought me to this point.

Mary has attempted suicide in two separate occasions, and as I uncovered during my discussions with her is the root cause for this issue is her guilt over the breakup with you. She believes she must pay a penance before she will recover enough karma to be worthy of being with you again. Therefore, she believes she must end this life in order to start paying the debt she feels she owes."

(Note - Mary is Buddhist and believes in reincarnation. She believes once she has repaired her karma, we will find each other again in another life. This is something they believe takes multiple lifetimes to accomplish - thus the desire to end her own life.)

"Therefore, I am asking you to travel to our facility to meet with her. I think you are the only one who can convince her to move off this belief. I believe it will greatly benefit her treatment if she is allowed to apologize to you and ask for your forgiveness. Please understand, this is not an attempt to have you return to your relationship with her. She only hopes for forgiveness. She has accepted that a reconciliation is not possible, but she feels it is important, not only for the redemption of her soul, but for your happiness as well. She fears you suffer daily from her actions, and I believe forgiving her and demonstrating your own wellbeing will relieve her of this burden, and hopefully eliminate her desire to end her own life.

I would not have reached out to you had we not come to an impasse in her care. No matter what I try, I cannot move her from this belief. She is determined to end her life, and you are the only one who can help move her from this position. Her father has made arrangements to provide for your travel and stay, at his expense, if you are willing to meet with her. I strongly request you to consider this action in order to help her.

Sincerely, Dr. Myuki"

I talked to my parents, and upon her return to Japan, Mary's parents had put her in rehab and got her into therapy. Apparently, Dave had kept her on high on Ecstasy and other drugs most of the time, which explained some of her behavior. Eventually the therapist made her realize not only what she had done to herself, but to me as well. It was then that she had a breakdown, mostly over the guilt that she felt over how she had treated me. That is what led to her suicide attempts. The first attempt may have been just a cry for help, but the second attempt was the real thing.

In a bit of irony, I had accidently saved her life on that second attempt. Mary had gone to a bridge, determined to jump. She climbed up on the retaining wall, and had to jump over a fence, but she was wearing my hoodie when she did, maybe as a message to me as it was my favorite piece of clothing. Had it been clean the day I left; I would have been wearing it. The hood caught the fence she had jumped over and held her there long enough for bystanders on the bridge to get to her and keep her from freeing herself and completing her fall. It was then that her father took control over her and they admitted her to the hospital. She was a thin piece of material away from being dead.

I replied to Dr. Myuki that I would consider her request. The next morning, I was woken by my phone ringing. I answered the phone, and it was Mary's father. I wasn't even sure how he got my number, but I knew he was connected so I wasn't that surprised. It was a very discouraging call, as he was not the same man I had known before. While he had always publicly demonstrated a humility that is rare of very successful men, that man was gone. The man speaking to me was devastated. I could feel the pain in his voice as he literally begged me to come see Mary.

If I had any doubts about going, that call destroyed them. Yes, I had a lot of different feelings about Mary, but this was no longer about me. I had resolved things in the desert long ago. I had to help her and her family. I couldn't turn my back on a person in need. I knew I couldn't hide in the desert forever, but I was not prepared for what I was about to face.

I flew into Tokyo and was picked up by a car that took me to my hotel. At Dr. Myuki's suggestion, I went to the hospital where Mary was being treated. She gave me a brief tour and then took me to her office where she showed me the video feed from Mary's room. She was under constant surveillance - suicide watch. She looked nothing like the woman I had known before. She had lost at least 25 pounds - practically skin and bones, and a total wreck. It was a disturbing sight.

"I wanted to prepare you Jason." Dr. Myuki told me. "Tomorrow will be a difficult day, and I have told Mary you are coming. This is actually a good day for her, because of that news. Most days she won't even get out of her bed. I assure you, she won't be allowed to touch you in any way. I will have attendants present to prevent that. It will be very emotional, but I need you to stay calm and let her talk. She is carrying a deep guilt, and the only way for her to start to recover is for her to give up the desire to end her own life. I have talked over and over with her about it, and she knows not to expect a reconciliation. She just hopes for forgiveness."

I told the doctor I understood, and I had prepared myself for it, but the truth is, nothing had prepared me for what I saw when she showed me the feed to Mary's room. I could barely believe she was the same person I was married to five years ago. She looked so thin and frail. Now I understand why her father was so distraught.

I didn't sleep that night at all. I'd like to say it was jetlag, but the image on the video screen in Dr. Myuki's office haunted me. How could things have gone so bad? How could that be the same confident, vibrant woman I had once married? The woman who wasn't willing to compromise on what she wanted in life. A part of me wanted to say she got what she deserved, but I didn't want to be that man. That would have made me no better than her.

Getting into the patient area of the hospital was much like what I imagined going into a prison was like. I had to remove my belt and shoelaces. Then I was thoroughly searched for anything that could be taken from me. Finally, Dr. Myuki and I sat in a brightly lit room with only built-in benches. Not a single piece of furniture. It looked so sterile.

The door opened and two attendants escorted Mary in. Tears immediately started rolling down her face when she saw me, but she stayed calm. They escorted her to within a few feet of me and the doctor, as we stood up.

"Mary, do you have something you want to say to Jason?" Dr. Myuki spoke in a calm voice.

"Jason," Mary started. "I want to apologize for my behavior. I hurt you and you did not deserve it. I was wrong to treat you as I did. Please allow me to beg for forgiveness."

Then she dropped to her knees and pressed her face to the floor in an act of humility. Literally begging for my forgiveness. This is a big deal for the Japanese. That deep of a bow is normally reserved only for the emperor, but she was trying to demonstrate her sincerity.

"Mary, I don't want you to be unhappy. That was a long time ago. Of course, I forgive you." was my practiced line, and I recited it perfectly.

Without lifting her head from the floor, Mary said "Thank you Jason. Please know, that I will always love you.". Then she rose to her knees and shouted something in Japanese. It was just then I saw what could only be called a "shiv" in her hand. I was frozen, I couldn't move. Very quickly she slashed one of her wrists, then the other. With blood already pooling on the floor, she slashed again and again and again, until the attendants finally came to their senses and grabbed her arms. The entire scene was horrifying, and I was screaming for her to stop.

Dr. Myuki pushed me out of the room as the attendants carried Mary out, with her still shouting the same phrase in Japanese. It shook me to my core. I've never been so disturbed in my entire life. I actually fell onto the floor I could not hold myself up. Dr. Myuki picked my head up off the floor and was saying something I didn't care about. I didn't want to hear her excuses. For those of you who think I'm a wimp, let me tell you. It is very different seeing it in person than in a movie. I will never get over it as long as I live.

Dr. Myuki took me to her office, and I laid down on a couch for a half an hour before I felt strong enough to get up. Immediately I asked what had happened to Mary, and they told me she was in surgery. I guess the one good thing was she was already at a hospital, so they had acted quickly.

I had to know, so I asked Dr. Myuki what it was Mary had been shouting the entire time. My Japanese was only basic, and there were some words in there I didn't recognize. Mary had kept repeating the same thing over and over, and the doctor knew I wasn't going to take "no" for an answer, so she finally just told me.

"I will find absolution in the next life." Dr. Myuki explained was the phrase Mary had been shouting.

That broke my heart to hear. Even though I had told her I forgave her, I don't think she was capable of forgiving herself. I think she looked at our meeting as a way to say goodbye to me. It hurt knowing another human being had felt that way because of me. No matter how justified I was, I didn't wish this upon her.

Dr. Myuki tried to send me back to the hotel, but I would not go. I got a little "American" on them and pressed the fact that technically, I was still her husband, and I would cause I big stink if they kicked me out. Finally, they allowed me to wait outside in the surgery waiting room and Dr. Myuki disappeared. A few minutes later, Mary's parents showed up, looking as distraught as I felt. They both greeted me warmly considering the circumstances, after all it wasn't my fault what had happened.

They asked me what went wrong, and I told them everything that happened. Then Dr. Myuki returned, and Mary's father spoke to her. Dr. Myuki had been observing the operation they were doing on Mary. She told him in English so that I could hear that Mary was still alive, but there were two teams of surgeons fighting furiously to get the bleeding stopped. Mary had done a lot of damage, and her very life was hanging in the balance. This had not been a cry for help, this was a strong effort to end her life.

Even after the surgery was finished, they weren't sure if Mary would live. Basically, the chief surgeon said the next 24 hours were crucial. If Mary survived those 24 hours, the odds were much better that she would recover.

I waited at the hospital overnight and all the next day. It wasn't until the following night that Mary woke up. Now, this isn't the movies, and she wasn't happy, and all her problems were solved. She was still distraught and had to be physically restrained to prevent her from hurting herself further. Dr. Myuki suggested we all briefly visit with her. She needed to know people cared about her and wanted her to recover.

I'll be honest, up until that point, I had carried a lot of feelings for Mary that I had kept suppressed. I had still had some anger and bitterness for her but seeing her in that condition over the last couple of days had silenced those feelings. She was a human being in need of help. She was a human being I had loved at one point.

When it was my turn, I spoke to her.

"Hi. How are you feeling?" I asked her.

She was weak, but just nodded.

"Mary, I'm sorry I made you feel this way. I'm sorry I cut you off like I did. I was not strong enough to face you, and that is my fault." I told her, getting a little emotional.

"Jason," she quietly replied. "I'm sorry. This is entirely my fault. I want to pay for my actions."

"If you really are sorry, then stop trying to hurt me again." I tried a different approach. "I will always care for you, and it hurts me that you tried to kill yourself. If you really want to pay for your actions, then get better and get out of this place. Repay me by being a good friend to me. I'd be much happier if you were that again."

"I thought you would be happy if I died." she started crying.

"No, I wouldn't be happy at all. It would upset me greatly." I quickly replied. "No matter what, I wish you to have a happy life and it pains me to see you in this condition. I want Mary back. I want to be your friend again."

Mary just nodded. I don't know if I reached her or not. Only time would tell.

"They want you to rest now, but I am not leaving. I will be here today, tomorrow and every day until you get better." I told her, and I meant it.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized, I could either go home and go back to my do-nothing job and my life of hiding - only worrying about myself, or I could stay here and actually do something to help. I had a rare opportunity to really impact another person's life. I realized that this was the reason Mary crossed my path years ago. I was sent here to help her at this very moment.

So, I went back out to the waiting room, and Mary's father asked if I was going back to my hotel. "No." I replied. "I'm going to stay here as long as I'm needed. I promise you; I will do everything in my power to help you get your daughter back."

I nearly fainted again when he hugged me. Very out of character, and I heard him say "Thank you" to me. He didn't even hug me on my wedding day. Once again, I was impressed with how much he cared about his child. At that moment, he was not an executive or a businessman. He was just a father who was very worried about his daughter. I knew I was doing the right thing. I think forgiving and helping someone who wronged you is what makes a man a real man. Not being violent and angry. That's the easy way out. Doing what is hard just because you know its right is what being a real man is all about.

We all stayed at the hospital overnight. Mary woke up the next morning, and once again, her doctor thought it was best if we all visited her again briefly. She really wanted to impress upon Mary that there were people that cared about her. She didn't talk a lot, but I just chatted away about my trip over here and the things I saw in Japan. She seemed to be out of the woods as far as her immediate physical health was concerned. Her surgeon even let me eat lunch with her. I think she ate half a banana, but at least it was something.

That afternoon, Mary rested, and her father told me to go back to my hotel and take a nap. He would stay there until I returned. I was exhausted, and everything seemed to be ok, so I took the opportunity to get a shower, at least. I finally laid down for an hour before I woke up and wanted to go back to the hospital.

We all got to see Mary again that night, and afterwards, her father took the opportunity to go home and get some rest. We talked and decided we would take turns on the over-night shifts. After 4 more days, Mary was moved into a less restrictive area of the hospital, and we were able to visit her at the same time, and for longer periods of time.

Mary's psychologist, Dr. Myuki also started meeting with her at this time. She jumped right into the problem and tried to find out why Mary had hidden her intentions from her. They met for two hours a day for the next 6 days before she asked to meet with me and her father.

"It's very early, but I am optimistic." Dr. Myuki explained. "I don't know what you said to her Jason, but she seems to have grasped onto a goal now. She says she wants to become your friend again and has realized how her suicide attempts hurt you and her parents. I think she wants to move past it now. Something I haven't seen from her the entire time I have been treating her."

Several days later, Mary was transferred back to the mental health ward, and was to start rehabilitation on her wrist injuries while continuing counseling for her emotional problems.

I visited Mary every day for two weeks, and she seemed to be making progress. Dr. Myuki said she was a completely different person in counseling. She had opened up unlike before and began treatment in earnest. It was this time that I talked to her father. I needed to return to the US, and get some things squared away. He said he understood, and then he said something that surprised me.