All Comments on 'The Messenger'

You sir have a way with words. Thank you

I truly hate to say it, but this is an amazing story. No other writer on Lit compares favorably with Stev2244 when it comes to writing this type of psychological drama. It's dark, it's unusual and it's a page turner. This Stev guy has become one of the best writers on Lit. He sort of sneaked up on us.

Great, creative take on the End of the Affair theme.

Well-written and engrossing. 5 stars.

Hooked

Sick nasty story, Mr. 2244. Everything I hoped it would be, and more. You are one of the best around. Thank you, Randi.

What a thoroughly engaging tale. Well done!

An excellent story, thank you!

I hope to see a few more stories from you outside your usual genre - I'll happily sit down with a mug of tea whenever I do.

This is utterly engaging and absorbing from the very first paragraph. You create a compelling world, one that is savage and mysterious and scary as hell, and you carry us through it along with your heroine. Just outstanding!

Thanks, ohio

Very much enjoyed this story and would like to see what happens next if there is ever another chapter. Glad to see ol' Abigor get his just rewards.

An eighteen year old ruling a future kingdom, she only had her parents wisdom growing up. Stev2244 a very good story that needs to be continued. There are too many questions that require answers for the inquiring mind. This is a fantastic start.

Interesting story!

5

Great twist on a well worn theme, loved it

I liked it.

Like it so far, but it begs continuance as too many questions posed remain unanswered. Would her parents, free to determine their own destinies help the girl? What was the purpose of the Messengers? Clearly not to collect tribute or maintain order. What did the Black Queen get out of maintaining the status quo, surely that couldn’t have been the hi-tek purpose behind the design of The Mind? Was the knife just a coincidental relic used by the Red as a simple, if dull, knife until wielded by a potential better servant for the Mind than the current incumbent? I would certainly read any follow-up as the scenario has potential.

Quality enough to publish. Can easily see this expanded into a novel and then a book series.

Why not send to Baen Books for an opinion.

This just cry’s out for another chapter or chapters , Stev2244 you’ve got to continue this story, it could turn into a sci-fi epic.

It’s gotta be done mate.

More please. 5 stars

You could make a whole series of this. Nice job.

5 stars! Thank you.

And echoing Jetcrash747, I hope there is more to come.

Please continue this!

Fantastic Story

I really got into it quickly and it flowed so well. It created great mental imagery and that is the mark of a great writer.

Really superb story.

I mean, really really fantastic. You are getting better and better every story.

I can see Randi roaring up at 4:41am (11 minutes late). You two burn a bowl in her car before you light out for the first flea market. After the third one, where you find a couple really cool antique medical instruments and beef jerky, the two of you head to Denny’s for the Muscle Car Show in the parking lot. Good thing you have the jerky....Denny’s food is disgusting. Around 3:30 you head to her house and burn two more bowls, pull out the foil with the Hawaiian mushrooms and start brainstorming about the next story.

Jealous.

~Enkidu

Excellent! Would love a sequel sometime to know how it all turns out. More about the Mind and the history of that world.

Outstanding.

I really did not expect this when i started reading and now i desperately want more.

Great story from a n excellent story teller. I really liked it. Thanks for time to write it, the effort and the story.

Thanks for the nice feedback. As there have been quite a few requests for a sequel, I feel compelled to answer. I have never written one and planned to keep it this way. My friends on Literotica told me this would be just the start, but I disagreed. I felt that where I stopped was the last point before the story expanded to something huge and uncontrollable. I don't feel I'm able to write a whole novel. After reading the kind comments, I thought about it again and had a few ideas. I might have her explore the dark palace, try to understand what's going on, what The Mind is and how to get in touch with it. It would be pretty dark and claustrophobic, and I feel that I have already done that too much recently. Should I be able to think of a good plot, I might write it.

Sequel

Perfect in every way, except I want more. 5 stars.

Top class Sci-Fi!

The story bounced echoes of Steven King's Dark Tower series around in my mind. The mystery, the unexpected allies in the machine's tools, the post-apocalyptic squalor and sudden deaths, and the non-understanding of the MC are all indications of top-class plotting with an excellent writer handling it. I too add my voice to those who ask for more.

A Bizarre And Tedious Writing Style

I wonder if you realize how boring it is to read a meandering dithering monologue that appears to have no point other than exhibiting a stream of consciousness and asking questions that cannot be known or who's answers are already self evident? Did you really mean to write a 5 page story that can pretty much be told in two? Are you operating under some kind of page number requirement? Or maybe 5 is your lucky number? Should I go examine your other stories to see if they have the same run on contemplation process, where your character appears to be very thoughtful, but what is being thought about has no relevance to the immediate scene, plot, or story. Maybe I'm just supposed to keep typing redundant and mostly useless ideas that reinforce the point that most of your characters mental wandering has no point?

Anyway, it was a really long story about some dystopian world where if you don't do what Big Brother wants he sucks all the filling out of your Twinkie. Maybe in the sequel you'll introduce us to the giant cock (what else?) that will be filling the new Queen's twinkie.

Or you could save us all another painful exposition of writer's diarrhea and yourself some effort.

Whichever you choose, thanks for the effort.

Thank you that was excellent. The beginning of a novel perchance?

@Annie: A Bizarre...

Your comment was about as bizarre and tedious as any I have read. I have an idea: let's see one of your stories. We can then make comments on it as prolix and dishonest as yours here. You could tell this story in two pages? Why haven't you? I have searched in vain for an author named Annie, so I could see your shining example of concision and brevity. Alas, nothing. There is no need for Mr. 2244 to introduce any giant cocks. You, the giant dick, have already made your appearance. Zero, seems to be your lucky number: as in zero stories written, zero intelligence, zero balls and zero manners. Sorry, but only little wit can be your excuse for making such a comment. Randi.

Would love a sequel about how she rebuilds the society, and reunites with her parents.

@Anonymous Re: Category - It's in Sci-Fi & Fantasy, what other category could it be in?

Excellent story.

At times it felt like I was watching a movie. Keep up the great writing, and thankyou.

Well done...novel idea...interesting read! Thanks!

Very well written. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Well done.

This has got to be one of the best science fiction stories I have read in years, on Literotica or elsewhere.

I think this needs turning into a full length novel and published, as it must be shared with a wider audience.

Thank you, Stev2244. 5*, of course.

Well done! This reminded me of those Steven King novels about the gunslinger, or dark tower, or whatever it was. Please continue.

Found this story among those related to the End of Affair challange so I was surprised to see it is from the Sci/Fi section. That being said I enjoyed the entire tale just not sure how it tied in the "End of Affrair" theme but hell a good story is a good story.

Didn't like it. Makes the reader feel powerless, doubtful, unsure. The storytelling is compelling, the writing is good. Too bad those skills were used for exploring desperation without hope.

“.... boring it is to read a meandering dithering monologue that appears to have no point other than exhibiting a stream of consciousness...”

I am the king of hating “meandering dithering monologue” and found this story just mildly offensive in that regard. There has been far Far FAR worse here on LE.

Is it really one of the most “bizarre and tedious” that you’ve read? Really?

It really fit the storyline itself. It added quite a bit to the atmosphere of the story I thought. Sort of like “The Martian Chronicle” or “Dune”. I’m not saying this is in the same class, but just it uses the style the telling itself to help the storytelling. Though, to be honest, this story was way more interesting to me than Bradbury’s work.

5-Groks. Or, rather, 5-stars.

Excellently written. The style was a bit disturbing at first but damn, how quickly it grew on me. With relatively few words you painted a world that I could easily envision. The story line is really well planned and written. A sad little anon made some silly critical remarks about " A Bizarre And Tedious Writing Style" that are obviously the result of a deep envy of those that can write. Poor baby, I guess it has some diaper rash. 5*

Wow please make this a series.

This was a powerful story and you are demonstrating a strong ability to paint a picture of this world. I hope this will become a series of stories.

Should anyone still be interested in this story, I am actually writing a sequel. If everything goes as planned and my beta readers tell me it's worth submitting, it will be part of Randi's next event.

As an old SciFi fan I really appreciated this one. It has the post apocalyptic flavor of one of my favorite novels, the 1961 Hugo winner "A Canticle for Leibowitz." My wish is that your muse provide you with an unfolding of this story in many chapters.

This is a very compelling story , I enjoyed it very much .

Five stars .

I am an avid reader of fantasy and science fiction , if you flesh thus out a bit it would sell as a mainstream science fiction book .

Loved it

Five stars

uninteresting blather.

Terrifying, but a compulsive read.

Nice mix between King's Gunslinger and something from Lukianenko.

Just found this story, from a very talented writer, whose stories I really like to read, and have to admit- this is the EMPTIEST story I have ever read! No purpose, no color (except black and blue), no humor (something Stev excels in) and the heroine is only a heroine by default. She has no clue who she is or what is happening, ever. She does nothing heroic, has no great character or morals, wants things to change but doesn't do a dang thing until a very strange knife shows up. She really wants to kill the Messenger Abigor but stands there stuttering and mumbling and getting ready to die, forgetting that she has a KNIFE in her belt. Which if it didn't jump into her hand would be as useless as she is. A rebel group the 'Reds' is mentioned, oops there's another color, but they are never mentioned again. These stories are fiction, yes, and require some suspension of belief, but this goes too far, while going nowhere good. Most seemed to love it, I found it, as I said, EMPTY. Maybe it was supposed to be. Please, no sequel.