The Moment I Knew

I have no doubt Mike's apologies were sincere.

I had dropped hints to coax a confession out of him. I needed to see remorse on his face and sorrow in his voice as he told me how he violated our marriage.

It was a one-time thing. Manny was the last of his college friends to tie the knot, so they threw the mother of all bachelor parties. They were already drunk when Manny pulled out a bottle of mezcal. The game was on to see who would finish the bottle and eat that stupid worm.

Then came the stripper. Jesus, why do college educated guys think there has to be a stripper at every bachelor party. Manny, bless his soul, realized discretion was the better part of valor and left, leaving Mike and his buddies to their own devices.

Candi wasn't a pro; she was a friend of a friend who thought it would be fun to get paid to party. She taught them this idiotic drinking game where the winner got to feel her boobs to see if they were real or not.

By this point, alcohol was at the helm, and one of the guys suggested Candi feel their dicks to see who the bigger man was. Ugh. Candi had the bright idea that she needed to see them all to judge properly.

That's all I needed to hear. I had a fairly good idea what came after.

When Manny heard how far his party had gotten out of hand, he went straight to his fiancée, Sonya. He wanted to ensure she knew he had hightailed it out of there before the train left the station.

I heard from Sonya straight away, as did the other wives. I left work an hour early that day to ensure I got home before Mike.

When he entered the bedroom, I did a striptease, removed my G-string, plopped down on the bed, hiked my knees up to my chest, and spread my inner labia. "Hey, stud, we haven't fucked since Manny's bachelor party. Come get a little taste of 'candy,' or do you need to get drunk first?"

The color drained from Mike's face. "I'm so sorry, Carla, I can't." His voice cracked. "I'm waiting for the results of an STD test."

I leapt off the bed and slapped him hard. "Your shit's in the spare bedroom. Now get out of my sight."

I was hurt and angry. I knew those emotions would fade if I let them, given enough time. But I thought Mike was a better man who knew where the line was drawn and when he was close to crossing it. I didn't know if I could get over the fear that maybe I had misjudged him.

Mike did everything he thought a man was supposed to do as penance. I finally told him sending flowers to me at work, doing some of my domestic chores, and extra date nights weren't necessary. I already knew he loved me. Did he love me enough, that's what had my heart aching.

I did appreciate that he gave me space whenever I asked for it. I wouldn't have survived emotionally had he denied me room to process my thoughts and feelings.

After a couple of weeks, Mike was still banished to the spare bedroom. He suggested counselling and I acquiesced.

Toward the end of our first session, our counsellor said, "I think we've had a very good first session. You obviously love each other deeply and that's an excellent foundation to start with. Mike is anxious to earn forgiveness, but it won't be easy and most of the hard work will be Carla's."

At that moment I realized our marriage was over. "Mike, I'm sorry, this isn't going to work. I know we love each other but that isn't enough. You made a one-time mistake, but it was life changing.

"It's like if a surgeon makes a mistake in the operating room and the patient dies, the doctor might get sued for restitution, but the patient is still dead. We could work on our marriage, but it would never be as alive as it was before all this.

"Honestly, Mike, if I have to put in the work to reestablish our relationship, I'd rather work to build a brand-new relationship with someone other than a known cheater. I'm sorry."

It was an amicable divorce. Mike said he loved me enough to let me go. I assured him I would not return.