The Murder of Dr Black

Until midway through writing this, I had no idea a film based on Cluedo had been made. That film, Clue, was released with three endings, but none of them was accurate -- here at last is the true account of the murder of Dr Black.

North American readers should feel free to think of 'Dr Black' as an alias Mr Boddy maintained for his own purposes.

The sound of tyres on the gravel carried easily into the lounge of Tudor Close where Dr Black's guests had assembled while they waited for the police to arrive. Colonel Mustard rose, pulled a curtain slightly open and watched the car draw up and park. To his mild surprise, one of its two occupants was a woman; there were still few women on the force, although he had heard their numbers had begun to increase since the war.

The butler opened the lounge door and the woman appeared beside him, ahead of her sergeant. It was late but she looked awake and alert as she gestured to the butler to stay. She looked slowly round the room, nodding once or twice as she recognised some of the party, glanced at the grandfather clock in one corner that showed ten minutes to midnight, and spoke.

'Good evening, ladies, gentlemen. I'm Inspector Marigold, this is Sergeant Ash. I'm very sorry to hear what has occurred. I'll need to get statements from you all, but can I just ask first: who found the body?'

A woman in a showy blue gown gave an artificial-sounding gasp.

'Oh - I did.'

'Ah,' the Inspector turned to face her, 'Mrs Peacock, isn't it?'

'Yes. I was going up to bed, I was the first to go. I left this room, and as soon as I closed the door behind me and turned round, I saw it! Just...on the floor, and his arms all flung out...'

She dissolved into dry sobs.

'Mrs Peacock shrieked, of course,' the Colonel interjected gently, 'so, some of us came to see what was the matter, and saw Dr Black at the foot of the stairs. We settled her back in here and gave her some brandy, and I rang you while the Professor here went to find Grey,' he indicated the butler, 'to tell the servants and make sure the corpse was not touched.'

'Thank you, sir,' said the Inspector. 'Now I'll just make sure I know who's who, then. So you are, er, Major --'

'Colonel.'

'I beg your pardon. Colonel Mustard, wasn't it. Yes. Then, Mr Green, isn't it -- good evening, Rector -- and, did you say Professor?'

'Professor Plum is my name,' said the tall man in a leather armchair next to Mrs Peacock.

'Good evening, sir; and then, ah, Mrs Peacock, and finally,' she turned to the youngest person in the room, 'you are?'

'Seraphina-Selene Scarlett, Inspector.'

'Thank you. And you five in this room are the Doctor's only guests this weekend?'

'Yes,' Miss Scarlett continued.

'Servants? Any other family?'

The Inspector was still looking at Miss Scarlett, but the actress took her time before replying.

'This is only my second visit here, but I believe Dr Black had no close family, and apart from the servants he lived alone. Grey can tell you more.'

Colonel Mustard considered the room while he sipped his whisky. Miss Scarlett, like the men, maintained a stiff upper lip; only Mrs Peacock, now quiet but tearful, seemed emotionally affected by Dr Black's murder. He had known Dr Black during the few years the latter had spent as an army surgeon and had quite regularly visited him at Tudor Close but he knew none of the other guests well, although he had met Professor Plum, who was an old schoolfriend of the doctor's, and Miss Scarlett once or twice before. The Reverend Mr Green was the local rector, and Mrs Peacock, apparently also a frequent guest, he had met for the first time this weekend. Nobody seemed inclined to mention to the Inspector that Dr Black's cook, Mrs White -- a handsome widow not yet fifty -- had also been in the house party for some time after dinner, as Dr Black treated her like no servant at all but rather as an equal. The Colonel wondered how much was known to Inspector Marigold; Dr Black had used to be very careful to keep up appearances but of late both he and the cook had seemed ready to abandon the pretence that they were not lovers. Certainly since he, Mustard, had arrived to stay several days ago, he had on at least four late-night and early-morning occasions heard noises of vigorous activity coming from the master bedroom, even without leaving his own room; and sometimes - once when he had woken at the witching hour and needed to walk along the corridor to the smallest room, for example - he had heard not merely noises but explicit instructions from the cook on how her employer should manipulate various parts of both their bodies.

As yet, the Inspector presumably knew nothing of this.

'I am afraid I must ask you all to stay here until the deputy coroner arrives. To be blunt, you are all under suspicion until we find out more. Sergeant Ash will stay in the hall and ensure no-one goes near the -- ah -- near Dr Black. I'll ask you all to give me your statements, in turn, later.'

Inspector Marigold showed the Sergeant where she wanted him to stand, asked Grey where the telephone was to be found, and walked off with him.

***

'A rare bird,' remarked Mr Green, 'but I believe she's doing well.' Policewomen were becoming less uncommon, but there were still few women in the country at or above the rank of inspector.

'That may be,' the Colonel replied, 'but we are still facing an uncomfortable day or two. It doesn't seem as though she thinks the servants are likely to have done this, and neither do I for that matter, so --'

'But I heard someone!' Miss Scarlett interrupted. 'Dr Black did too, don't you remember? He went off and brought back that revolver. And I'm sure I heard footsteps later. After we -- no -- I can't remember -- yes, before the Professor was telling us about that ancient Egyptian pendant wrapped in rope.'

'So did I,' agreed Mrs Peacock, whose tears had dried, 'but I can't remember when.'

'Yes,' said the Colonel, 'you are quite right; I heard them too when our host did. But that scarcely exonerates any of us. The footsteps could have been Grey walking about. The police are bound to suspect someone from...ahum...our social circle...'

He tailed off. It had occurred to him as he was speaking that although the Inspector's thoughts might initially bend that way, she was bound to discover sooner or later the provisions of Dr Black's will, which he knew left the bulk of the estate to Mrs White. Surely the passionate sexual appetite she had for the Doctor could not have lived in the same heart as a plan to murder him? The Colonel began to debate with himself, recalling phrases such as 'Ooh, you dirty tart, that's good' and 'Take it out and get off in my mouth, I want to swallow it!' but reminding himself that on the other hand he did not really know Mrs White at all.

'Grey,' he called suddenly, after a few minutes' thought. The butler had reappeared from escorting the Inspector.

'Yes, sir.'

'How is everyone below stairs?'

'The housemaids, Iris and Veronica, are asleep, sir. Inspector Marigold agreed that they need not be disturbed. Mrs White is very upset, sir, but the Inspector is asking her questions now.' Grey clearly disapproved of the Inspector's behaviour, though whether that was because he felt Mrs White ought to have been given time to collect herself, or because the guests ought to have had precedence over her in giving their statements, or for some other reason, Colonel Mustard could not tell. 'She is using the dining room, sir.'

The Colonel nodded. That made sense. Had the Inspector decided to talk to Mrs White first simply because she had been with her when she finished ascertaining where all the house's occupants were?

'Grey, tell me how the evening went in the servants' hall, will you?'

***

Minutes later, Grey had finished talking to the Colonel and fetched coffee for Mr Green and the ladies. Mustard and Professor Plum had whisky still. Sergeant Ash's face appeared at the door of the lounge. 'Professor Plum?'

Putting down his glass, the Professor rose, said 'Excuse me' to the room in general, and followed the Sergeant.

Colonel Mustard was finding the order of play fascinating. Why the Professor first of all the guests? He couldn't answer that, and sank back into a brown study. From Grey's description of the evening he could, he hoped, guess at much of what Mrs White had told Inspector Marigold. She and the second housemaid had cooked the dinner, then eaten in the servants' hall with Grey and the first housemaid. Dr Black's gardeners both lived in town and had gone home as usual, although it was not unknown for one or both of them to take their evening meal at Tudor Close with the servants. After supper Mrs White had joined the guests for an hour and had a couple of glasses of sherry -- Colonel Mustard wished very much that he had paid more attention to her demeanour towards Dr Black, but he had not wanted to stare -- then returned downstairs and not seen the party again. She had later during the evening asked Grey, however, how everyone was, and Grey had told her they 'all looked jolly' and that Dr Black had been at ease until he had left the others and gone up to bed.

The Colonel nodded to himself again. That had been a perfectly fair assessment on Grey's part: it had been a jolly evening. The guests had spent most of their evening in the lounge, although a few frames of billiards had been played; certainly everyone except the Doctor had been together to hear the Professor's long story about that miserable rope-wrapped pendant. He wondered whether Mrs White would have been asked about Dr Black's will, and whether she would have mentioned to the Inspector that she had woken up this morning in his bed with his fingers circling gently inside her. Or perhaps with his manhood stroking between her buttocks, preparatory to jamming it into her fundament, as had happened two mornings ago. Or perhaps with his face between her legs as he teased her button with his tongue, hoping to be rewarded with a sprinkle of her ejaculate, as he suspected had happened the very evening he had arrived. He was quite sure he had heard the Doctor tell Mrs White he loved to drink from her.

No; he must stop returning to that interesting side issue and focus on the matter at hand. Professor Plum was with the Inspector now -- here was another opportunity for her to learn the terms of Dr Black's will, perhaps, because the Professor was named in it as alternate beneficiary.

'Pardon me,' the Colonel said abruptly, realising Miss Scarlett had spoken to him; 'I'm afraid I was wool-gathering. What did you say?'

'That's quite all right. I offered a penny for your thoughts, that was all.' Miss Scarlett, still looking admirably self-possessed, was smiling at him; Mrs Peacock was talking to Mr Green in a low, agitated voice. 'You seem very pensive.'

Colonel Mustard was not about to admit that he was playing detective in his head, although he remembered that when he had met Miss Scarlett previously he had told her of conspiracies he had unmasked in his career. Nor, with the beautiful young actress leaning close to him, would he admit that he was equally occupied with pornographic imaginings. 'Just wondering how that woman is deciding who she wants to hear from first, that's all. Do you think --'

He broke off at the sound of the doorbell. Grey walked past the lounge door, and in a few moments the voice of the deputy coroner was heard, come to examine Dr Black's body. Seconds later, Sergeant Ash closed the lounge door firmly. The Colonel turned back to Miss Scarlett. 'I was going to ask,' he continued, 'how it could be that none of us heard the attack, although most of us heard footsteps at one time or another.'

Miss Scarlett tilted her head and looked the Colonel in the eye. 'There only seem to be two possible answers to that, don't there?'

'Meaning?'

She leant back, drank some coffee and crossed her long legs. The Colonel, concentrating on the problem though he was, could not help noticing that her dress seemed to fit round her hips very tightly. 'Meaning: either it was entirely silently done, or we were all distracted by something else. Or both, I suppose.'

'I wonder.'

'We were all quite excited to hear you talking about the Doctor's revolver, after he had gone up, for example.'

Colonel Mustard was silent for a moment. Something about that idea seemed important, but what? The Doctor certainly hadn't been shot. Was he being confused by his own current distraction on account of Miss Scarlett's figure? He made a mental note to return to that point, and allowed himself a few minutes' unashamed ogling. Her dress was not cut indecently low, nor did it expose much more than her ankles at the other end, but it was quite probably -- now he paid attention to its lines -- concealing temptingly-full breasts, strong thighs and no undergarments at all.

Professor Plum opened the door, and behind him the sergeant politely called Mrs Peacock. As the Professor sat down, Colonel Mustard noticed that Mrs Peacock was crying again, but something was different; she looked far more in control of herself than earlier. He glanced at the Reverend Mr Green, who was staring after Mrs Peacock as she exited the room, and then at Miss Scarlett in whose eyes he saw an unexpectedly knowledgeable look.

The door closed behind Mrs Peacock, and Miss Scarlett turned to the Professor.

'Was it very terrible?' she asked lazily.

'Not at all,' returned Professor Plum.

Three pairs of eyes were on him, but he said no more.

Seeing that Mr Green displayed no sign of wishing to join their conversation, Colonel Mustard turned back to his tete-a-tete with Miss Scarlett.

'Do you know her well?'

'Molly? Certainly. She's a good friend of my big sister's.'

The Colonel had only progressed to first-name terms with Molly Peacock the previous day, but had heard her name mentioned in a distasteful context by a friend of his earlier that month.

'I wonder,' he said to Miss Scarlett, keeping his voice low enough not to carry to where the other two men were sitting, 'have you heard anything about her being in, ah --'

From where Professor Plum and Mr Green were sitting, exchanging desultory remarks, it looked very much as though Colonel Mustard was smitten with the actress's charms. He was leaning so close to her, over a small occasional table, as they conversed, that even a lip-reader would have had trouble understanding what was being said.

Miss Scarlett was also trying to whisper, but one or two words were audible to the others.

'...very unhappy...'

'...doesn't get on with her...'

'...surely Mrs White would...'

'...Dr Black?!'

The colonel sat back at last. He looked grave, and Miss Scarlett shocked. Nothing more was said for a few minutes, until Mrs Peacock re-entered and Sergeant Ash called Colonel Mustard to come through.

He crossed the corridor to the dining room, where Inspector Marigold was visible in a chair with a notepad in front of her, and heard Ash shut the lounge door behind him and return to his post standing where he could see the lounge door and the body of Dr Black, still being examined by the deputy coroner.

The inspector stood up politely as Colonel Mustard walked in and invited him to sit.

'Colonel Mustard. I'm sorry to have to keep you all up, but we need to talk to you all while your memories are as fresh as possible. To begin with, will you tell me about your acquaintance with the deceased?'

'I met Bertie in the army. He was an army surgeon before he went into civvies and I was attached to his unit for a while. We kept in touch afterwards. I come here a few times a year.'

'So you were friends.'

'Yes.'

'What was your role in the war?'

'Intelligence Corps,' said the colonel tersely.

There was a pause in the inspector's rhythm of questioning.

'What do you know of the staff here?'

'The staff?' Colonel Mustard took a few seconds to decide how to answer. 'Of the housemaids and gardeners, nothing. Mrs White, as I am sure you now know, was on terms of friendship with Bertie and joined us for part of the evening tonight. I have spoken to her when I have stayed here before. As for Grey, he has been here for years and --'

'When exactly was Mrs White with you all during the evening?'

'I can't say exactly. For about an hour. I had been in the billiard room for a while after dinner. When I came back to the lounge she was there, talking with Bertie and the Professor. She went back downstairs to help Grey check the housemaids' work around half past nine, I should say.'

'But Dr Black was still with you at that time.'

'Yes, he was. He went off about half an hour later. We were going to go riding tomorrow -- today, now -- and he said he needed a good night. Soon after that Professor Plum began to tell us a long story about an Egyptian pendant that he had with him, and then Miss Scarlett told us a story or two about some actors she has been working with, and then Mrs Peacock went round the corner and found the body.'

'It was during that half an hour, after Mrs White had gone, that Dr Black heard footsteps outside somewhere?'

'Yes. But other people heard them at --'

'Now, think of your fellow guests, please, Colonel. After Dr Black had left, did you notice any change in any of them during the rest of the evening? Any sign of exertion on someone who had left the room, anything unusual in anyone's expression or manner?'

'You're asking me to put a rope round someone's neck.'

'Not at all. If you noticed nothing, that is quite all right. Perhaps there was nothing to notice, indeed. If you did notice something, of course the reason may be unconnected with the murder.'

Colonel Mustard was silent for several moments.

'I noticed nothing significant, I think,' he said eventually.

'Could you say that any other guest, or yourself, definitely did not leave the lounge between Dr Black's departure and Mrs Peacock's discovery of his body?'

Again, Colonel Mustard took his time.

'No,' he replied finally.

He was sunk so deep in thought that the Inspector had to tell him twice that she had finished with him.

***

Once the Reverend Mr Green and Miss Scarlett, in their turn, had also been summoned to answer the Inspector's questions, Colonel Mustard had made up his mind about a few things. While he was observing the closeness of Mr Green and Mrs Peacock, who had abandoned their armchairs to share a high-armed canape, Miss Scarlett entered the room, and the Colonel beckoned her surreptitiously.

'Seraphina. I need your help,' he began. 'In a moment, we're going to have to --'

He broke off as the Inspector and her sergeant appeared at the door of the lounge.

'Thank you all,' the Inspector began. 'I know it's very late now, but I think I shall be able to wrap things up for you soon. I'll ask you all just to wait here a short while longer while I get the medical evidence. Grey is still on duty downstairs.'

She left, and Sergeant Ash returned to his post in the corridor.

'Listen,' Colonel Mustard recommenced, quietly but urgently. 'This is what happened.'

***

As the Inspector and deputy coroner left the dining room, Colonel Mustard was just hanging up the phone. He caught them up as they reached the lounge and went in, accompanied by Sergeant Ash.

'Well,' began Inspector Marigold, 'if I may, I'll let you all know how things stand.

'Dr Black's body was found with various bruises, contusions, abrasions, including rope marks on the neck and minor trauma to the buttocks and...er...chest. From various evidence, there were several possible weapons that might have been used against the doctor, including a candlestick that I understand was the gift of Mrs Peacock, but Dr Rose here is of the opinion that the blunt instrument used was in the nature of a piece of lead piping, and there is no reason to suppose Dr Black's revolver or dagger had anything to do with this.