by musicfreak
I think this chapter was great. It was well-written and the characters are very real. Looking forward to more.
Very good chapter. I really like how real the characters seem, very believable.
Thank you. I try to pull what I write from personal experience and the emotions is this chap is really something I felt first hand. I'm glad to know it translate well onto paper. New chap tomorrow.
Another great chap.. Can't wait for the next one ;-) musicfreak you rock!!!!
Good second chapter. I really like the pace of the story and the way the story is slowly building.
I do not mean to be cruel, since I really like the story :) But you should definitely check your texts a few times before committing them, there are loads of errors in it. Just let them simmer a few days, then re-read them yourself or find a good beta reader to check your work before putting it online, it would definitely improve the reader's experience of your story - and the votes ;)
By no means was that mean. Constructive criticism helps us grow as writers. This story was in the make for 6 months and each time I started I did re read through them. Any mistakes could either be a miss or just my bad English. Lol. Anyway, I will definitely get an editor/beta reader for my future stories. As for the remaining chaps for this story, they're already submitted so I'll just leave it. I mean it's kind of like seeing how people respond to my writing without any help from others.
I like this story. It is nice to see two people who are not reading the signals right and who are tentative about the relationship. Life is not all light bulbs and easiness. There are plenty of awkward moments.
The extraneous amount of time you must have spent on details with these characters is phenomenal! It makes the story enjoyable!
a few spelling errors but a great story line. keep up the good work
loved the story it has got to be one of better underdog stories out there.
I love the detail in the story so far and am enjoying this too. Onto the next chapter as I started late lol
The cuteness of this story is making me addicted!!~ I finally found a story here that actually captures my interest after so many failed attempts to love Literotica again.
Thank yo for this wonderful story!!!
there are not many writers who can pull off good dialogs. but you are one of them!