All Comments on 'The New Neighbor Pt. 01'

Loved your story. Hope there is a pt2. Bravo

You really need to get a proofreader. You've got Joseph being 18 in the first sentence of the story and then in the third sentence he's 19. For the first 2/3 of the story I kept wondering why this was in the Incest/Taboo section. Once we got past all the drama and the marriage and got to the mom and them in the backyard, then it made sense. Got to wonder what's chapter two going to be like?

It's not often to find a story which keeps you interested how people get together and also are made to laugh how you described some actions. Looking forward for the next part

Good story! Agree with proof-reading comment. I believe you meant to use "horny" instead of "ornery" which has a much different meaning. Also, it reads a little stilted ... consider writing how people speak in real life... "I'll get that for you" instead of 'I will get that for you".

to use the participants names ALL the time.

When there's just the two of them, intersperse 'he', 'she', etc.

First, your editing needs some work. In the very first sentence, Joe is eighteen. In the third sentence, he is nineteen. Editing is not just running spellcheck.

Second, the story seems finished even though you titled it Part 1. The plot as covered could easily have been stretched out to three or four parts, in my opinion.

Still, as I said, I like the story a lot.

So much of this feels forced and stilted, I had to stop reading at page 2.

Loved the twist - it was great!

You show some talent, others have mentioned getting an editor, I second that motion. Proper usage and syntax make a story flow for a reader, having someone else read your story and assist you would be a good idea for a writer at any level of accomplishment. I would suggest a class in creative writing as well. There's a lot that goes into a good story, plot, characters, narrative and good usage and syntax. This is what editors are for.

Ok thought the story was going well. Ok, the build up was a bit quick but not too bad then in a few paragraphs she was divorced, ex husband getting done by the fbi and she prob a millionaire after the payouts, then they get married and finally banging the parents in an incestuous orgy! Way too much happened too quick without buildup. Also tbh I'd have preferred this being a straight romance at least in this part. Just to give Susan some time to enjoy being with a guy who loves her.

How many decades was the MC in high school? He builds a 900 square foot building, fences, yard maintenance, and on and on, attends high school, yeah, too much. Stopped after 1st page.

After reading the other comments, I'm glad that I did.

FYI, your writing is good, an editor would help

You wouldn't think so, but this is a good love story. Joe seems such a great, mature young man. When he is stripped of his clothes, I was hoping for the maturity of a bit of manly chest hair for that muscular man chest, perhaps a treasure trail, and hair for his thighs and forearms. THAT'S a really sexy picture! Please write a chapter two!

Much better if it had been 2 independant stories. Romance was enough if you had not skipped half their story.

Incest and group should have been handled separately as it destroyed the romance story. You rushed through half the romance after you needed to get to the incest.

Notwithstanding all the petty quibbles in previous comments, I found this story delightful and really compelling. You have classified this as Pt.01, and I hope there are many more chapters to come. IMHO, well worth all five available stars, more if they were permitted.

cute story, rather too simple but good

Nice and hot love story. The swinging with parents was a weird shock. As the other commenter below said, it destroyed the romance.

This story went off the rails and became a mess.

what a mishmash, and her cluelessness hard to swallow-'what's a swinger...?'...

I was liking the story but I couldn't finish it. The swinging killed the story for me. But not only the swinging; the parents were almost always absent in their son's life and in the end they almost seemed the parents of the year. I couldn't buy that. Susan seemed to be a moral person, not wanting to cheat on her husband despite how bad her husband was, and then, when we are told she is in love with Joe, and she should have only eyes for him, we are told that she was checking her father-in-law package (there's where I stopped reading) and it seems that she jumped to the swinging gladly. A big NO from me and 1* for leaving a very bad taste in my mouth. The end ruined totally the story for me.

This sorta feels like a bit more polished version of someone's fantasy. Has the hallmarks of a nice building up, but then when you're like "ok that was good, but I need it to be more extreme so I get off" it goes crazier. Also it hops from thing to thing and all the personalities just mesh without issue.

Fun, but not novel material.

This feels like two stories. The first story was good. The second felt so disconnected from the first story that it had no impact and didn't feel like it followed its own internal logic.

Great stories include great seductions, intense fucking, sucking, and cumming…this had it all, including my favorite fucking…swinging! Keep writing.

Excellent story! 5 BIG ASS FUCKING HUGE BLAZING NOVA STARS!

Lost me with the swinging