The New Roommate

I'm not here to complain, things are difficult everywhere and it's not getting easier for anyone. But I do feel like the things we were told when we were younger about living in a society based on merit are a little questionable at this point.

In my experience, and that's what I want to talk about today, the person I am on paper isn't always good enough. I have a job, but it's not a great job. I have a degree, but it's soft and only really puts me in a great position for a Master's Degree, not really career advancement per se. So when my landlord didn't offer a new lease and I had to move, Boston real estate was not exactly open to my situation. I had to look for a single room sublet in someone else's apartment and my credit rating and the amount I could afford were not promising. So I improvised.

I am 26, my financial situation is not prosperous, but I know that no one is too curious about that when I walk into a room. I'm not a supermodel or really all that conventionally hot, but men have always responded to me. High school me would have said that my hips are a bit too big, my boobs too big to be perky or be totally modest without some work, and my lips are bigger than looks good on my face. My hair is brown and curly, and I have kind of a plain face. Nothing about me is outstanding. But men respond. I worked my way through school waiting tables, and found that my flirting was better than my food running, so I worked it. And now, looking at my lease ending in two weeks, I'm scrambling to use everything I have to find a new place.

I'm not trying to hook up for a place, that's just dumb. I don't want to be locked into a situation for the next couple of years and feel like I have to perform in order to keep up my housing, that's just too much pressure. But I figure I can sell the "possibility" lightly to get me in the door and then keep to myself.

It's a good plan, but the nuance is hard. I don't want to promise anything, but I also can't live with someone totally into me. I am a modern woman, and I like to fuck. I don't want to always go to some dude's house, that doesn't always feel great. So I need to find someone who kind of likes the idea of me in their private space, but also understands that I'm going to get my needs met. I don't feel like I'm ready to have a boyfriend again, just need a guy here and there to keep my balance.

I've gotten more insecure about housing as this last month has passed, but I feel pretty confident. But this all leads up to Tom and his apartment. He asked me over to see if we're compatible as roommates, and I came by after work. I changed from my flats to heels, and took off my blouse so I was just in my sweater. It was tight enough to suggest my body, and slacks in general tell you everything you want to know about my hips and ass. Tom invited me in and we talked at the kitchen table.

He gave me the creeps at first. He looked like he was around retirement age from some trade, a big stiff belly and big hands, and definetly felt lonely; he looked at me like he wanted to see more but knew he wouldn't. It was kind of ideal. But as we talked, I realized I kind of liked the attention from someone who understood that I was not going to satisfy whatever was going on. But we got along pretty well and both of us like keeping to ourselves, so he invited me to move it. I handed him an envelope of first and last and I moved in the following weekend.

I wasn't wrong about Tom. He was hungry, but didn't make it obvious and that was great for a couple of weeks. About three weeks in, I was out with some friends and met someone at one of those grown up arcades when everyone gets drunk and gets progressively worse at air hockey and video games while getting hotter in the well-lit space.

Jason worked somewhere I can't remember, but he was fun and he had a nice ass. He was charming and just interesting enough that we know someone was going home with Jason. I caught Jason staring at my chest while one of my work friends told a story and made my decision. I turned to him and he looked up quickly to hide what he was doing, but I just smiled and I think that's when he made his decision, too.

We decided to go back to my place because it was closer, and when we came in Tom was in the next room with the TV just a bit too loud, which was perfect. I led Jason into my room and he pulled me close and kissed me. I held his ass in both hands and pulled his cock to press against me through our clothes and rubbed against him. HIs hands went under my sweater and unhooked my bra and I could feel how excited he was as he slid his thumbs under the cups and brushed my nipples.

I knelt down and opened his pants and put his cock into my mouth immediately. I love giving head, and he wasn't so big I couldn't fit him all the way in. I sucked in slowly, all the way in, then back out until it was just his head, and then back in, guiding his rhythm by pulling his ass to me. After a few minutes, he pulled my shoulders and I stood up and we took our clothes off. I lay down while he slid the condom on, then he held the backs of my thighs with his thumbs on both sides of my pussy, and slid himself in. I was very wet, and I really needed to get fucked. Jason was confident, he was gentle, and he was good, but he came first. I felt his breathing change, he sped up, and then he pushed himself up in me so hard my ass lifted of the bed and he just held himself in there, just little jerks until he finished and rolled off of me. He quickly pulled off his condom, tied it, and dropped it on the floor and then started sucking on my nipples like he'd wanted to all night. He started to finger me with his middle finger deep in me and his thumb pushing down and rubbing my clitoris. I came twice before he was hard again, and then I pushed him on to his back and laid next to him and sucked him until he came, and I kept sucking until I was sure he was done and I swallowed. Twenty minutes later he was dressed and leaving and I noticed the TV was off. I hoped I hadn't disturbed Tom, but also, I couldn't not fuck. I have a pretty healthy sex drive, and I really like being desired and making someone cum.

When I got up the next morning, Tom was making coffee. The kitchen was it the middle of the apartment, Tom's room on one side connected to the living room and mine on the other connected to the kitchen. We met most mornings in the kitchen, neither of us apparently morning people, so not talking much.

"Morning, Tom."

"Oh hey, I didn't see you come in."

Our kitchen wasn't big enough for a table, no one is getting lost in there. Obviously, Tom was uncomfortable.

"How was your night?"

"It was good. Did you have fun with your friends?"

"Always, yeah. I met someone, I'm sorry if we made too much noise. I hope that's not awkward."

"No, nothing wrong with that."

That was our only interaction about it. Tom seemed pretty normal with it, so I stopped being weird about it. Normal is hopefully one to two times a week, mostly with a couple of guys I've known for a while. I'm not a big fan of the drama of meeting someone and then trying to navigate as little actual social interaction as possible for both of us to get what we want, so I try to avoid that.

About a week after Jason, my friend Mark came by. Marky and I have been friends since high school. We tried dating in our sophomore year, but it got old pretty quick. He was a big military guy, enlisted midway through our senior year and ran off like ten minutes after the final bell, and our politics and opinions never really aligned. But I was 16 for a minute, and do you remember 16? Horny for no reason, and by the time I was ready to try something, it was pretty clear Mark and I were about done; so I decided to give him a blow job. It wasn't a great blow job, but it was a first for both of us. We were doing homework at his house, and no one was ever home during the day. So I closed my book and just got on my knees in front of him and started to unzip his pants. He said "what are you doing?" and I said "I want to suck your dick" and he said "are you serious?!" and I said "Mark. I'm your girlfriend and I want to suck your dick and I've wanted to for a long time." And I had. Mark was a pretty average size, but he had a great big head and came a lot. I mean seriously a lot, like hard to swallow it all before it drips. And with that big, round head, he had a great dick to suck. We didn't socailize and we didn't fuck, he'd just come over and I'd give him head. He's been engaged for years but he thinks getting a blowjob isn't cheating, so I still get to give him head every couple of weeks. We tried anal a couple of times when he first got out of the service and wanted to try it, but it's always been about head.

When he first came over, I was late. But Mark was in the kitchen talking to Tom, just casually chatting. I walked in and said hello, and he turned to Tom and said, "Excuse me, we need a moment."

He walked into my open door and sat on the bed and I followed and shut it behind me. He stood up and pulled his pants down and took off my blouse while I knelt between his legs. He ran his fingers through my hair, grabbed my head, and took control of his blowjob. I looked into his eyes and sucked him like his dick was the only thing in the world. I love sucking him slowly, deep throating him to the balls, but he made me suck faster tonight and he came quickly. I had him all the way in and he came into my throat. I choked a bit while he gave a low moan (or an aggressive sigh?) and jerked him off all the way off in my mouth.

Within fifteen minutes, Mark was walking into the kitchen and then out of our apartment. Tom was still leaning against the counter, apparently looking at a magazine. I came in to get some water and we talked about really nothing at all and then I went into the bathroom. When I got in I was horrified to see that the tank top I'd put on quickly was pulled a bit to the side and my nipple was out. Tom seemed more attentive than usual...or was I imagining it?! I wanted to find out.

I made sure I was still exposed. I think I've mentioned, my boobs are basically huge. They always kind of fight their way out if I'm not wearing a bra so this was easy. I walked back over to Tom and continued the conversation. For the next 20 minutes, we talked about common things needed for the apartment, about the new grocery store, and about the placement of some shelves for the hall. Tom did not obviously look at my nipple. But I could see the movement out of the corner of my eye as Tom's pants got a bit tighter and I could see that he was hard.

When I got back to my room, I was absolutely soaked. I always masterbate when Marky leaves, there is literally nothing hotter than a mouthful of cum. But when I pulled my dildo out of my drawer and immediately slid it in, I imagined Tom walking in on me, being shocked and embarrassed and running out, and I just kept cumming.

Over the next two weeks, I experimented some more. I didn't want to have sex or touch Tom, but I was really getting off on the attention. My bathrobe is a bit revealing, so I haven't really worn it out of my room too much. Once or twice to go to the bathroom or get something from the kitchen, but not frequently. Tom has seen it, but mostly from the other room. So I decided to let him see it a bit more.

We were in the kitchen a few days after he'd seen my nipple and he dropped the spoon from his coffee. I stepped over and bent to get it. He could surely see my lips from beneath my ass. Over the next few days my bathrobe fell open a few times and let my nipple out, reaching for something in the fridge, or just casually riding down while I ate breakfast and read distractedly. Of course, as I was out more, some of it was accidental. I did fall asleep sitting on the couch while we watched a movie and did wake up with my bathrobe around my waist and one boob fully hanging out, but he'd covered me in a blanket before he went to bed, so I don't know when I'd been revealed. I was also showering one day when he came home. I didn't expect him back and had finished my shower and was fingering myself. I was daydreaming of a threesome, one guy behind, one in front, and I was getting close, rubbing two fingers over my clit and inside when he opened the door. He just said, "oh!" and shut the door quickly, I don't even think he registered what I was doing.

I kept this up for about two weeks like I'd mentioned, but then Malik came back into my life. Malik was an ex, we'd been together for maybe two years and had broken up last summer. There was a lot of external pressure on our relationship. Malik is very close to his family, and I'm not quite the respectable Tunisian girl his family had expected him to be with.

He texted one night, not too late. "miss you." It shook me a bit, there's a chance I'm not fully over him. We agreed to meet for a drink, and we talked about everything but the text for the first two drinks. Halfway through a third though, "You miss me?"

I waited for his eyes to catch mine, but he just kept looking down at the table. When he finally looked up at me he held my gaze for a second, said yes, and his eyes dropped for a second to my chest and back up to mine. He fought a smile and looked back down at the table.

"Me or my tits? Me or my tits, Malik?"

The thing about a crowded bar is that no one notices anything. Malik looked up at me and reached his hands out to cup my breasts. He squeezed soft and slow without breaking his gaze and instinctively pressed his thumb just a bit into my nipple. "You."

I'm sure we talked more, but I don't know why, and I don't know what we said; I was already done. We went back to his place without talking about it a few minutes later. We said hello to his roommates and walked back to his room. We took off our clothes without speaking. He lay down on the bed, and I crawled over him, lying half on him and we kissed in the way that you kiss an old lover: heavily, slowly, perfectly. I slid my hand down and began stroking him.

I just want to take a moment to talk about Malik's cock. His beautiful, graceful cock. He has a body that's meant to fuck, long lines, tight muscles and hair covering him. But his cock is wondrous. When he gets hard, it is long and curves toward him. His head is nearly the brown of the rest of his body, his balls bigger than they need to be, hanging almost to his asshole. But even on his back, his cock is almost perpendicular to his body, and it calls to you. You can feel the way you're going to orgasm with it in you, without moving you can feel the way his thighs will feel as you slide down him and rest your ass on them before you lift again. And when he's finished, it will wrinkle just a bit, and lay across his body, shiny with the wet from you, and lay in a soft line with the one drop of milky cum still hanging on to the little hole on the top as he falls asleep. And you have to just stare at what this cock has given you, and if you're me, you don't resist temptation, but lean down and lick that little drop on the tip.

While we kissed, he put on the condom and I shifted my hips and swung my leg. I slowly slid back until I could feel his tip up against my ass, and then guided him into me. We didn't stop kissing until I came the first time, grinding into his body while he held my thighs and pinned me to him and pushed up into me. I came once more a few minutes later, and I just couldn't do it quietly. This made him cum and I could feel him slipping his beautiful cock out and I slid down and jacked him off aggressively until he came over both of us. I licked some cum off of the side of his cock and he slowly rubbed my boobs and fell asleep.

After that night, we decided to give it another try and it was great. We had sex nearly every day, and it was good sex. I was truly being fucked the way I was meant to be. On him, riding him until I feel his hips flex; on my back with my legs in the air, my boobs hanging off the side of my body until he pulls out and cums all over me; on my knees feeling him pounding against my ass while my boobs swing over the bed, making my already sensitive nipples too sensitive as they lightly rub the bed; him in my mouth while he watches tv until he holds my head and I stay still feeling his cum spray against my throat; on his bed while he goes down on me, always sliding one finger, wet with saliva into my ass.

The sex was great, Malik had always been amazing. But of course, we weren't just fucking, he was my boyfriend again, and I was starting to remember whey we'd broken up the first time. I feel like the only time I was the center of his attention was when he was first putting his dick in me, but it wasn't just him. More and more I would just get on my hands and knees and let him fuck me from behind while my mind wandered to some of my better fantasies, about bus drivers when I'd forgotten the fare, my first English professor and the discipline I'd craved, or an anonymous hostel with a couple of guys I'd never see again. I imagined strangers slapping my ass while Malik's cock owned me, his balls almost smacking my clit. When he came, always pushing up into me so much further than I thought he could, I would imagine that it wasn't Malik's beautiful cock filling up the condom, but my old roommate Elsa's step dad. the sweats he always wore around his knees while he long-stroked me raw and came so hard it would run down my thigh.

It started to feel like the only words between us were instructions.

"Lay on the bed, my knees are raw and I want you to cum."

"Not in my ass, NOT IN MY ASS, okay, a little in my ass take the lube and go slow."

"Wait, let me cum in your mouth...!"

'Don't leave it on the bed, tie it and put it in the trash, what the fuck."

'I have to go to work, fuck me faster!"

So I decided to ask. "What's going on with you? You seem distant."

"I don't know, just normal stuff."

"I'm a little worried about where this is going," I said.

"..."

"What?"

"where it's going? We're just fucking, we both need it, it's good for us."

I'm embarrassed that I cried, that I didn't see that coming. We never went to his place anymore, we weren't really texting except to plan meeting up. Tom didn't like him and he seems to get along fine with everybody around us. Malik and I broke up for the second time, I don't really care about his story. You don't get to both tell someone you love them and that it's just fucking, that's bullshit.

I wasn't doing well, I spent the next two weeks kind of just watching netflix in my sweats when I wasn't at work. I think I fucked up trying to have a boyfriend again? I wasn't really feeling like I knew what I wanted. I felt sorry for myself, I wasn't really hungry, not horny at all. I knew I had to crawl out of this but I didn't know how. I talked to Tom about it a lot, he always wanted to know what makes me happy, and I just didn't know how to answer it. Fucking? It seems weird that my only hobby is fucking, I'm not telling Tom that. But he was very gentle with me, a lot of that "get back on the horse" kind of talk.

After about a handfull of weeks, Marky came by. He came in and laid down on my bed and pulled his pants down to his ankles. We hadn't talked about Malik, so I avoided that altogether. He was half hard, but I lay next to him and put him in my mouth, moving my tongue slowly until he was hard enough for me to really start. I wasn't getting wet, I couldn't really concentrate. He pulled me off and said, "we can do this another time."

"Sorry," I said.

He left and I couldn't stop thinking. I felt used by Malik, but he was supposed to care. And when Marky got up, it couldn't have been more clear that he was also using me; but for just a second, when he pulled me up so he could stand, his cock came out of my mouth and I wanted it back, I felt the taste of his pre-cum in my pussy. And just like that, I knew what I needed. I needed to get laid, that was for sure. But I needed it cold and emotionless for now, I needed that mutual understanding that this was just a fuck. It was a good fuck, but it didn't come with anything attached. So I knew what I had to do.