The Next 25

Valerie spoke to the crowd in ball room of the local Holiday Inn who were gathered to celebrate her and Jacob's 25 Anniversary. "I want to thank everyone who came tonight to help Jacob and I celebrate the end of 25 years of marriage. No marriage comes without its challenges, upsets, financial problems and, well, whatever shit Murphy has for you. Jacob and I have made it through all that together without killing each other. Along the way, we produced two lovely young adults who I hope will make the world a better place. (Everyone applauded)

"While I wouldn't trade the last 25 years for anything, my next 25 years will be quite a bit different. During this celebration, movers have been taking my things out of what is now just Jacob's house to my new house. (The crowd began to murmur, and Jacob exchanged 'What's going on' looks with his daughters.)

"Tonight, I am starting a new life. One that hopefully will last 25 years with just as many good memories. Those previous good memories from my 25 years with Jacob took a lot of energy, sweat, cooperation and self-sacrifice on my part. I do not regret one moment of it. I wish to thank my husband for his part in making all those years so worthwhile.

She took a while to gather herself together, then she continued, "Well, now I'm going to be selfish as I become a senior but still have my health. I doubt many of you will approve of what I am doing, especially Jacob and the girls, but I'm doing what I want from now on. I'm ready to do what I want to do and not have to worry about how any of my decisions may affect my husband or my family or my friends. If any of you don't like it, you don't have to. I don't care anymore.

"Thank you to those you have been friends and neighbors over the years. Fuck you to all those who were pains in the ass. There's no need to prolong this any longer. I'm outta here." Valerie went over to Jacob and handed him an envelope. She had tears in her eyes but left without saying anything to him. Then she headed for the door as the crowd split to make an exit for her. The murmuring got really loud.

The girls came over to their dad and asked, "What the hell is going on Dad? Is Mom for real? Is this some practical joke?"

"You know as much as I do. I'm stunned like you are. Let's see what is in the envelope." He tore it open. The heading 'Petition for Divorce' stood out. He read the contents quickly. "She is divorcing me. She has already taken half the checking and savings account and will sell me her half of the house's equity, or we call sell the house."

"Are you sure it's real, Dad?"

"As real as my broken heart."

"Dad, you can't let her do this. Go after her and get her to come back."

"I suspect she's already been got."

"You mean she has another man?"

"Probably."

"What are you going to do about it?"

"Probably sign the papers and get drunk. I don't want a wife who doesn't want me."

"Daddy, let us talk to her. Maybe we can bring her to her senses."

By now the crowd had left. Jacob and the girls cleaned up the mess while stopping to cry periodically.

In a few days, the girls came back with a report. "Mom has gone bat-shit crazy. She is shacking up with a guy only two years older than Melody! It was sickening. She was hugging and kissing on him the whole time she was talking with us. It was worse than a fucking teenage make out party. She says she got tired and bored of you and her life after we left home. She didn't say 'Empty Nest Syndrome' but we both suspected it. When she looked at the future, she said she couldn't stand the idea of 25 or more years of the same old shit. She wants to have some fun. She says she has moved on with her life and advised you do so too."

"I guess I need to see a lawyer and see what my options are."

Two days later his attorney-to-be informed him: "You have two options - get fucked or get fucked even worse. You lose despite the supposed even split because she has just changed addresses and dicks. So, unless you find a woman who makes good money to move in with you immediately, my advice is to sign the papers and get it over with and move on."

*****

THE SETTLEMENT

At the final hearing, Jacob was supposed to bring the check for half the equity from the sale of the house and furnishings. Valerie's boy toy was there sitting beside Valerie. Val was dressed like she was 20 years younger. The dyed hair made her look younger until you looked deeper to see her wrinkles around her neck that revealed her hidden age. As the girls had described earlier, she almost had sex with the boy while they were waiting.

When she did speak to Jacob, she offered, "Since we still have the two girls in common, there will be times when we will all be together. After being married for 25 years, we should at least be able to be friends."

"No, Valerie. We will not be friends."

"Why not?"

"Because when we were married, I loved you. I loved you more than anything else in the world. Now, I don't even like you. We will NEVER be friends. This is a warning: be careful. You do not want to make me an enemy."

Boy-toy, Buster interrupted with a smirk and snarky comment. "I want to see the backup documents for all the expenses from the selling of the house. I don't trust him not to cheat you."

Jacob's lawyer passed the documents to Buster. He read over them while Valerie nibbled on his ear and helped him read the words that had more than one syllable. Jacob began to plan what he would do to both of them in revenge.

*****

CELEBRATION

A few weeks later, Valerie and Buster were celebrating the final divorce decree in their home that night. Besides liquor, weed was involved. They were both pretty stoned and put-up little resistance when someone in a gas mask burst into their apartment. Soon both were unconscious from a noxious substance sprayed in their faces.

They woke up to find they were both tied up naked in chairs, sitting back-to-back, unable to see the other. Valerie was the first to recognize Jacob as their captor. "Jacob, what are you doing? Untie us immediately. You are in a lot of trouble, asshole."

"Let's see. I am standing here free to walk about while you and boy toy are tied up in uncomfortable chairs. I would venture to say that it is you two are the ones in trouble."

Buster threatened, "Untie me old man or I'll kill you!"

Jacob laughed. "Shut up, junior. The adults want to talk. Valerie, you broke one of our wedding vows, forsaking all others. I have decided I will make sure you keep another marriage vow - till death do us part."

"You won't kill us. You are a better man than that. When we ran over our dog that time, you cried for days and paid to have the dog buried in the pet cemetery. You wouldn't do anything to prevent you from seeing our daughters and our future grandchildren. Now, let us go and I promise Buster and I won't turn you in."

"That man you described in such glowing terms when you announced you were abandoning your family is DEAD. That man you thanked would never do anything like what THIS man plans to do. Sorry, Valerie, but you didn't quite know me as well as you thought. Any more comments before I start?"

"What are you going to do?"

"Look on the table. I have a tree pruner, duct tape, a sharp knife and a propane burner used in welding. Does that give you any idea of what I might do?"

"No. No. Let's talk about this. Maybe I was hasty in getting a divorce. Buster is just a mid-life crisis mistake. I realize that deep down I still really love you. We can reconcile and go back to where we were."

"You mean back to me being a cuckold with you planning your escape from our marriage? Sorry, not in the least interested."

"No. I mean when it was just you and me and the girls. Remember all the good times we had? You can't tell me you can murder the woman you have loved and who mothered your children."

"I may not be able to murder you, but I have no problem torturing you. I have no such qualms about murdering Buster, the boy toy."

Buster interjected, "Hey, it's not my fault. She came after me. She even had to bribe me to have sex with her. Hell, I have to close my eyes to fuck her old body. I do it as fast as I can to get it over with. I was just in it for the money. Man, I promise I'll leave town and never bother you again."

"Promises given under duress don't mean much. Enough talk. Time to get started."

Jacob picked up the tree pruner and got them in position around boy toy's left big toe. "Big toes are important in balance, or so I've heard. Surely, getting to fuck my wife is worth that sacrifice."

"NO! NO! Please don't. I'll do anything."

"All I want is for you to bleed." Buster soon screamed and then he suddenly stopped. He was unconscious. Valerie was sobbing and begging Jacob to stop. Finally, Valerie could hear the sound of the pruner as it made it through bone. CRUNCH. Jacob put the pruner down and brought over the propane burner. With welding gloves, Jacob turned the burner on. The smell of flesh burning was prominent. "Had to cauterize his wound closed." Valerie heard nothing from Buster.

"Is he dead?" Valerie asked.

"No. He'll be in severe pain when he comes to, but he should recover soon. Would you like his toe as a souvenir?" He held it up to her.

"No, I don't want his toe. You've got your revenge now, why not let us go?"

"Oh honey, I have just begun my revenge. I need to wake up boy toy for the next part.

Once Buster had regained consciousness, he repeated his plea to kill Jacob if he wasn't let go.

"Good boy, I'm glad you still have a fighting spirit. Now, I want you to listen to me have fun with your bitch."

Valerie screamed, "No, Jacob. Give me a chance to make it up to you! I really love you."

"Let me see, what part of your body made people believe you were mine? Oh yes, your ring finger. Don't you still have our wedding ring?" She shook her head, 'No.'

Jacob took her left fist and opened up her fingers so that he could isolate her ring finger. He took off his own wedding ring and it slid easily over her smaller finger. Once her finger was in the pruner, she relaxed in hopes Jacob would be faster in her case.

Jacob stopped and opened the pruner up. "It's more fun to torture Buster."

Again, Buster threatened, "You bastard. You better kill me, because I'll kill you if you don't."

"Oh, I'm so scared." Jacob mocked. He reached down and pulled Buster's penis out from his body as far as he could.

"No! Not my dick! Please!"

Valerie tried to intercede, "No Jacob, not that. Leave his penis alone. I'll give you all my money. I'll make him disappear. Just please leave his dick alone."

"You know, that has the makings of a Country and Western song, 'You can take my money but leave his pecker alone.' Has a nice ring to it. Too bad, I know why you are so protective of his cock. The cock that cuckolded me."

"Jacob, leave the boy alone. He told you the truth. I was the one who went after him. He had a tight body and a nice dick that I thought I wanted. Don't take it out on him. Take it out on me."

"Now you have compassion for someone? Where was your compassion when you were abandoning me and our daughters? I'll tell you where. You were riding you lover here cowboy style - on this prick." Jacob pulled Buster's penis out as far as it would stretch.

"Listen to her man. Please don't. Please, I'm begging. Hey, what if I give you a blowjob. I have experience. I give a damn good blowjob."

"You are one sick puppy. You know what they do to neuter dogs? They don't castrate them, but in your case, I'm making an exception." Jacob reached for the sharp knife and sliced away. Blood splattered everywhere. Buster fainted." The cauterizing torch was back in use with the accompanying smell.

"Sorry, Val he'll never be a man again."

"Jacob, I hope you spend the rest of your life in jail being ass-fucked by huge black men in prison."

"You still don't understand, do you? My plan is to go to Hell before you. I will be waiting there to punish you further."

"Go ahead and kill me, mother-fucker!"

"Potty mouth. Mouth? That gives me an idea." Jacob forced open Valerie's mouth and stuck the severed penis in her mouth and taped it shut. She had trouble breathing. "Breathe through your nose. I know it's hard given your allergies, but it's life - or death. Anyway, I think I'll leave now."

Valerie was having so much trouble breathing that she had to swallow the penis. Soon after she passed out from lack of oxygen and intense fear. When she awoke, she was free, but Buster's body had been removed. There was a bad taste in her mouth. When she remembered why, she puked her guts up. No penis showed up in her vomit pile.

*****

EPILOGUE

"Senor, why you no want nice girl make you nice wife? You get plenty pussy and her family take care of your house, cook for you, wash clothes and dishes for you and cut the grass."

"I don't need someone for house and yard. I can do those. I need something to do. All I need I can't provide is pussy. I want pussy without her whole family attached."

She said something in Spanish no one north of Hell could interpret.

He took a taxi for his daily dose of Gringo with several ex-pats who also was living the good life on the discount plan called Costa Rica. "Hey, Jack, there was a fine- looking woman asking about you yesterday after you left. Man, I can't believe you let that one get away. We told her you'd be back today."

"Oh shit." The men all looked over his head. He knew she was behind him.

"Hi Jacob. This is a nicer version of Hell than I believed you deserved. Can we talk?" Valerie was standing behind him looking sexier than he ever remembered.

"Sure. But I want to stay in sight of my friends here in case you try to kill me."

"Will they stop me or pitch in?"

The men all said, "Pitch in."

"Thanks guys."

They went to a table at the far end of the restaurant. Both ordered coffee. Valerie ordered a café au lait at his suggestion.

"Does 'café con leche' mean 'coffee with poison?'"

"I don't know how to say that - yet. It depends how long you're going to stay."

"I don't know. How long you going to stay, Jacob?"

"I plan on dying here. Sooner than originally planned now that you are here."

"Cut the crap, Jacob. We both still love each other no matter what we did when we both had a crazy period. You can't have what we had for 25 years and not have some love left."

"Your crazy period is over then? I'm not sure about mine."

"It took me a while, some therapy, and, last but not least, repair of my throat from swallowing a penis. Never thought I would wish a man had a smaller penis." They both chuckled.

"I have trouble believing you are so forgiving, lots of trouble. What about what I did to Buster?"

"I felt bad for him until all the other women he was fucking kept calling and asking where he was. I told them I didn't know but I doubted they would get anymore dick from him. When I thought back to how badly I let him treat me, I had little sympathy for him and a lot less respect for myself. I did hear from him recently. He told me that his toe and penis was just fine. He said that you had faked the whole thing. You cut him near where you were supposed to cut off. He couldn't see so with pain close to the spot he believed you really had. I laughed my ass off. Not long after, I decided I needed to see you.

"No, I don't want to know where you got the spare body parts, especially the penis. I had trouble realizing what I had done to you until you literally shoved it down my throat. Between that and the girls and my therapist and my finding out about Buster, I decided I had greatly wronged you and our daughters. I needed to try and reconcile. I don't mean we need to get married again or anything. I just want to spend my senior years with the man I like more than anyone else."

"When does he arrive?"

"Ha, ha. So, you going to show me your place?"

"I'm surprised you didn't say 'our' place."

"I'm trying to take it slowly. I warn you. If you show me your bed, I don't know if I will be able to control myself."

"Are you always this friendly with men who tried to kill you?"

"Are you always this friendly with women who did kill you figuratively? I'm so sorry. I can't believe how with Empty Nest and Mid-life Crisis I turned 180 degrees in how I really felt about you. I concluded I deserved choking on a penis, probably worse."

"Enough apologizing. Let's go take a look at MY place."

They took a taxi to his house. From the taxi, Valerie marveled, "Oh Jacob, it's beautiful. How could you afford this?"

"The house was expensive, but everything else is so much cheaper, I can make ends meet on my retirement."

"Let's go inside. I'm dying to see it."

Valerie got the tour and admired it all. She paused in the bedroom and looked at Jacob. "Not yet, Val. The old bad memories are too fresh."

"How about I rent the spare bedroom?"

"It depends. When would you want to move in?

"I'd prefer now, but next week is fine. Can I invite the girls down?"

"Sure. They can stay in a hotel."

"By that time, we'll be using the same bedroom. Let them have the spare. They can't afford a hotel."

"You seem pretty sure of yourself, Valerie. I'm still in shock you didn't stab me from behind when you had the chance at the restaurant."

"I feel like I have a good chance because I know what you like. I can do everything you like although my cock sucking abilities have diminished some due to the damage from the object in my throat." Valerie dropped her dress to the floor. She had no underwear on.

Memories flooded as Jacob looked her body over. He couldn't suppress getting an erection. "Damn you, Val! Did I tell you that you still look good enough to eat?"

"Did I tell you how much I like it when you eat me?"

"Fuck the week's wait." He and Valerie fell into bed for the rest of the day, all night and half the next day. She couldn't walk and he didn't want to except to get up and pee.

The next 25 had officially started.