The Noble Predator Ch. 03

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At the end of the summer, Lira's mother had been hospitalized, delaying her return to Maine by several weeks. When she finally saw Rüt waiting for her on the granite boulder, as she always found him. He was crouched on the boulder, fingering a shiny object in his hand. When he finally saw her approaching, his relief quickly turned to anger. He nearly jumped the 30 feet off the granite cliff to reach her, his face enraged. "I wait. Each day, you do not come," he was furious as he towered over her.

"My mother was in the hospital", she tried to explain. She had expected him to be displeased, but she had not anticipated this level of anger. But she was not afraid of him. She knew him too well to believe him to be capable of any violence against her. She saw his angry outburst for what it was -- fear. Fear that she had deserted him, fear that something had happened to her, fear that he might never see her again.

It took him a moment to calm himself and focus on her words. He softened and took her in his arms.

"She well?" he asked.

"Yes, for now." She wanted to explain her mother's illness, and her relationship with her mother, but decided she preferred to keep him separate from her other life. Her trips to see Rüt, her time with him, had become a haven for her despite her ambivalence, and she didn't want any of the unpleasantness of her other life to encroach on the serenity that she had found here with Rüt.

With a concerned look, she touched the skin on his neck, noticing the flesh around the metal brace was raw and swollen. The stress of the many days waiting had caused the choker to tighten further around his throat. In the last few weeks, she had worried how her absence would be construed by Rüt and whether he would begin to doubt her return. But for the first time, she began to worry that her actions could so directly impact his physical well-being.

"Are you okay?" she asked with concern.

He nodded, "Yes, now."

The autumn air was crisp and cool. She noticed he was wearing threadbare pants and an equally worn shirt and was glad she had thought to bring some warm clothes for him to wear during the approaching winter.

"Where did you find these," she asked, curious how he managed to obtain anything up here.

He didn't answer as they made their way up the mountain. As they reached their campsite, Lira began to lead Rüt, pulling him into the tent, anxious again to feel his heat against her skin. He stopped her, "No," he instructed and led her by the hand for another hour's hike up the mountain. He silenced her with kisses each time she playfully asked where they were going, but she had suspected quickly that he was taking her to his home, their home if she would just say the word.

Deep in the forest just before the treeline, they came upon an old abandoned shed abutting another large granite outcrop, possibly a vestige of a ranger's station or a hunter's lodge. It was almost completely demolished. Lira held her breath fearing this was Rüt's idea of home. He led her to the front of the structure, where he lifted the rotted door and pushed aside a large stone slab to reveal a hidden access to another room built into the stone and earth, possibly an extension of a cave of some sort. They ducked through the entry and Lira was stunned into silence at what she saw. It was a simple lodge, yet clean and well maintained. Larger than her own apartment, he had a separate bedroom and cooking area, graced with makeshift bookshelves stacked with various collections of odds and ends, knives, an old rusty razor spotted with dried blood, a set of disposable razors she recognized as the ones that had gone missing from her backpack a few months earlier, a small stack of folded clothes, and a row of well worn books.

He eyed her as she took in their surroundings. "This is amazing", she said. Cooking utensils were set along a large hollowed out piece of granite serving as a kitchen basin. A hand-carved wooden chair sat beside a wooden table. "Did you make this?" she asked incredulously. He nodded proudly. "But how did you...?" her voice trailed off as she sat down, "It is so comfortable." He was overjoyed as she admired the comfortable surroundings. She walked to the shelves of books and odds and ends, "where did you ever get these?" she almost asked to herself as she thumbed through copies of Metamorphoses, Gulliver's Travels, Gabriel García Márquez's Collection of Short Stories..

"Camps, trash," he strained to speak. Yes, hikers were always littering the mountain with things they'd lost or left behind. She was reminded with a pang of regret of her grandmothers ring she had lost here nearly eight years ago.

With a smile she pointed to the set of her razors, "And these?" she asked lightheartedly, "what else have you taken from me?" She thought she actually saw him blush slightly but she was quickly distracted by the cozy looking bed set against the far wall.

She walked to the bed and sat on the soft handmade down mattress covered by a down filled comforter. Lying down, she sank into the soft billowing folds. "This is heavenly," she gushed, "How did you ever manage all this."

Rüt beamed with pride, pleased that Lira was so impressed with his home, their home, hopeful this would be enough for her, that she would finally say "yes" to him. In a long stride, he was kneeling at her side, "Tell me, now you stay here," he begged.

"One day," she assured him, knowing she was disappointing him yet again, "But not now."

A scowl darkened his face, "Why?!" he demanded, "Snow comes. Road will close"

He was right. She had been thinking about the impending winter and had begun to worry that she would not be able to visit him for possibly five or six months once they had their first snowstorm. The roads would be closed this far up north, and hiking would be difficult if not dangerous.

"I can't, not yet," she responded.

"Why?" he growled, "Why!"

"Because, I," she stammered struggling to give him an answer but there was none, "I just need time..." Even as she said the words, she knew that if she wasn't prepared to commit to him now, she might never be able to give him the answer he so desperately sought. His behavior had become more and more urgent, more and more demanding. She was afraid to give herself to him but equally afraid of losing him, losing his love.

"No more time," he urged, "Need you now," he demanded. The angrier he became, the more he gasped and struggled to speak.

"Then my answer is 'No'," she answered defiantly, angry at him for forcing her to answer, as she moved to walk out the door.

His face drained of color as he deduced her true feelings. Her heart ached with the realization that she might never be able to fully give herself to him, never be able to commit to staying with him on this mountain, and now he knew that as well.

He approached her hesitantly, his face pained.

"Not go," he pleaded, "If I wait ten years for you say yes, I have hope, but one day with no hope, I not want to live. I need Belle."

He knelt at her feet and buried his head in her hips. He gave himself to her completely, showing just how vulnerable he was, and just how much power she had over him. He was completely at her mercy.

Placing her hand on his head, her own voice trembled as she whispered, "I know, my love. I know."

He laid her down gently on the soft pillows of his bed. But there was a canyon between them now that could not be bridged. All they could do was cling to each other trying to mend the pain in their hearts. Their bodies exhausted from the day's exertion, aching with desire, their minds tormented by the uncertainty of their future, they were physically and emotionally raw. She felt his anguish in every touch, saw it in every look. Silently, he removed their clothes, working deliberately, with a single purpose. He gently penetrated her, filling her with all he had to give.

Over the next three days, he remained distant, but never left her side. He made love to her tenderly but urgently, never letting her rest from their coupling. Lira saw the desperation in his eyes and understood his only desire was to fill her fertile womb with his seed, to give her a life that would grow inside of her, a part of him to be with her in all the places she would explore but he could not, a part of him to be with her always. And she opened her body to him, willingly, compliantly.

On the last morning of her long weekend with Rüt, she lay in bed alone while Rüt had gone to collect some wood for a morning fire. She was mentally preparing for her departure, but trying to delay it as long as possible. As she looked around the room, she began to idly inspect the trinkets that he had collected on the shelves. She lightly touched her razor blades laying on the shelf, together with an old battered compass. There were several empty bottles of Salty Dog beer, probably left by young trekkers who had carried more beer than water. There were tweezers and scissors, toothpaste and brushes, flashlights and oil lamps, standard household items making the space feel familiar and comfortable. She picked up one of the well-worn books lying on the shelf to read it and an old folded piece of paper fell out. As she picked up the paper, she noticed the gleam of a small metallic object hidden just behind the books. She reached back and pulled out a circular metal band. She stared at the object for several moments as her mind tried to grasp the truth of what she saw. Stunned, she slowly traced the outline of the large diamond jewel with her finger.

It had been eight years since she last saw the diamond ring that her grandmother had given her. It had been eight years since she had lost her grandmother's precious keepsake. It had been eight years her bad luck had first started, bad luck that she attributed to her careless safeguarding of her grandmother's last gift to her.

She inspected the inscription on the inside of the band: BELLE. He had thought it was her ring. How did he find it? she thought relieved to have it again after all these years. She looked up at all the trinkets and knick-knacks and items strewn on the shelves, and she became enraged. She heard footsteps behind her as Rüt entered. She turned to him accusingly, his face already ashen as he looked down and saw what she held in her hands. His face tensed.

In a step, he was in front of her, grabbing the paper in her hands.

"Did you read?" he demanded holding the worn folded paper in her face.

"What?" she looked at him annoyed. "NO."

Relief washed over his face. "You not take," he said emphatically.

"What! You stole this!" she snapped, holding the ring in his face. "Like you stole all this stuff," she said waving her arms at the shelves. "You stole this from me and kept it from me for all this time!"

He looked at her, apprehensive, "Yes, but..." he struggled to explain but no words would come.

Rüt looked at her uncomfortably. "I took to keep you with me."

"You had no right," she fumed, but tears were starting to cloud her vision.

"Please, Belle," he said, reaching down to wipe the tears from her eyes but she backed away sharply.

"Belle," he tried to calm her, "not be mad."

"My name is Lira," she said emphatically, "Belle was my grandmother's name. You didn't take my ring, you took hers. It was the only thing I had of her, and you stole it from me," she repeated.

"Please," he began.

"No, don't try to explain," she cut him short while she pulled her clothes on, hurriedly getting her pack. "How could you keep this from me all this time," she fumed, "what else are you keeping from me?" She paused and looked at the collar around his neck. "What is it you are hiding from me? What is that thing on your neck? And why are you hiding on this mountain? You expect me to give myself to you, abandon my life to be with you, while you continue to withhold everything from me. I can't do this anymore, Rüt. I can't."

"Belle," he grabbed her arm and pressed against her, kissing her hard on the lips trying to connect with her again.

For a moment she submitted, parting her lips briefly before her anger resurfaced and she tried to pull away. He held her with an iron grip, unrelenting.

"I can't pretend that I can be satisfied with a life up here alone with you. I need more than sex and a hovel with a bed, I need someone who will grow with me, have a family with me. How can we do that up here?"

She saw him wince at her words, but she wanted to hurt him.

"Mine," he growled just as he did the first night he took her on the mountain, but he was less gentle, less patient than he was then. He pushed her on the bed and pinned her arms back as he rubbed against her, "Mine," he repeated mindlessly, spreading her legs with his knee as he frantically worked to unbutton her pants. "I need Belle, Belle need Rüt." She recalled him saying these same words when he chased her that night just a few months earlier.

She stopped him. "But I don't, Rüt," she stated flatly as she pushed him away to stand up. "I don't need you, Rüt," she said resolutely, trying to convince herself as much as him.

She saw a flash of anger as he pushed himself back on top of her, jerking her arms back, tearing at her pants and holding her in place as he looked down at her with a crazed look. She suddenly didn't recognize the man towering over her. Though she had once felt secure and safe from harm with him, perhaps she knew his personality as little as she knew his history. Perhaps he was capable of more violence against her than she had let herself believe.

As he tore her panties from her hips, his own pants down at his knees, she looked up at him with fear in her eyes as he readied himself to violate her. She tried desperately to lock her knees together, but she was no match for his strength. He looked back at her and paused to finally see her fear. His face softened and his entire body slumped.

He abruptly pulled himself off of her small trembling body, still breathing heavily as he pulled his pants to his waist and walked to the door. His body stiffened, he stood facing the wall, the air filled with tension as Lira sobbed quietly on the bed. Lira jumped at the sound of breaking wood as he slammed his fists in the wall, propelling books and cups off the shelving.

"Belle, go now," he quietly pleaded over his shoulder.

Her heart sank. She pulled her clothes together, angry, hurt and confused and walked towards the exit. She turned to look back at him, "Rüt."

"Go," he roared, refusing to return her stare.

She walked out into the cold, cloudy morning, tears streaming down her face. She felt a sudden chill as she started down the mountain. Oddly, the air felt colder and colder the farther she moved from Rüt. By the time she arrived at her car, she was chilled to the bone. She drove home trying to convince herself that this was how it had to end, that their love was fated from the start, that she finally had her grandmother's ring and the curse would finally be lifted. Only when she got home did she discover that she had left the ring with Rüt on the table, but sitting at the kitchen table crying into her frozen dinner, she suddenly realized she didn't care about the ring.

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Lira sat in her mother's bedroom. With her mother's condition worsening, Lira had been spending more and more time at her mother's house to care for her. It had been four months since he had sent her away, but the pain of their separation had not diminished.

She frequently recalled the last time they made love. Even then, she had felt Rüt was saying his last goodbye. His every touch, every moment with her had a gravity, as if he was trying to capture each moment and make it last a lifetime. Only when she had cheapened their love as merely sex did he become enraged, his anguish and desperation giving way to anger, which had given way to resignation.

But spring was coming and, she missed him terribly. The time with her mother only deepened her longing for Rüt. Her energy was sapped and her heart was heavy, her spirit empty. Despite her last words to him, her longing was not physical. She felt a hole in her heart, an ache just to be near him, to feel his energy, feel her own energy restored in a way that only he could do.

Their baby was due in another five months, but so far she had managed to keep it a secret from her mother and everyone at work. She spent most of her time in her bedroom replaying her last moments with Rüt. She sorely regretted how she had left him. Though he offered her all the love, safety, protection that she had never known before, she had thrown it away out of fear.

"Why haven't you gone on any more of those weekend getaways you were so secretive about," her mother demanded over breakfast. "Did your boyfriend finally dump you because you couldn't satisfy him? Or did he decide he didn't need you and your bun in the oven. You'll never get anyone now, how do you expect to take care of that thing."

Lira's face grew red with anger. She glared at her mother sitting across from her. Her mother, who had not shown her much kindness before the disease, had become more and more bitter as the disease had progressed. Since her father left them thirteen years earlier, her mother had become a bitter hateful woman who saw fit to aim all her anger at her own daughter, filling Lira with insecurities until Lira doubted if she had any worth at all. But Lira realized she wasn't the same scared girl that she was before she met Rüt. His love had changed her, made her stronger, confident and secure. Without his love, she had begun to feel weaker and less capable. But just the memory of their time together warmed her skin.

She remembered her grandmother's words, "You will find the man who will cherish all that beauty."

Lira looked at her mother and couldn't help but feel pity for her now. After all this time and despite her mother's best efforts, Lira had had a man that truly loved her, something her mother never had. In a moment of clarity, she realized she would be a fool to spend another minute away from the one person that made her happy beyond measure.

Later that evening, Lira began packing, anxious to leave for Maine as soon as the hospice care showed up in the morning. It was still early and she could not know whether the roads would be open or the mountain would be traversable, but she had to hope that the recent warm spell in New England had melted much of the snow in the trail that led up the mountain to Rüt. She needed to get to Rüt to tell him everything she was feeling, to apologize for hurting him so, and to finally give him the answer he wanted to hear, the answer she was ready to give with all her heart.

"Lira," her mother cried from the living room which for convenience had turned into her mother's makeshift bedroom. "Something's wrong, I need help."

Lira was immediately suspicious. Her mother's demands had been endless. Now Lira suspected she was trying to manipulate her to keep her from Rüt. Even if her mother didn't know exactly who she was seeing, these weekend getaways clearly made Lira happy and that was enough reason for her mother to try to interfere.

"Lira," her mother cried out again more urgently, "I need help."

"Yeah, I'm coming," she tried to hide her irritation, brightened by her impending reunion with Rüt, knowing how happy it would make Rüt, how happy it would make her. As she approached her mother with the evening's series of pills, Lira dropped the glass of water. She stood frozen looking at the blood soaked blanket on her mother's chest.

"Mom," she gasped, as she reached for the phone to call 911.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Lira began the familiar climb up the mountain. It had been four weeks since her mother was hospitalized. A few weeks later she had lapsed into a coma for several days before dying. Lira had to handle her affairs and make arrangements for the funeral, but she hadn't shed a tear for the mother who had caused her such grief and pain.