The Now Former Lady Deveroux Ch. 05

Esther leans back and appears ecstatic by the question. "I would endure graciously." 

"Perhaps I don't want it to be gracious."

The Sister grins, sliding down to hover her lips just below Samantha's. She wraps her arms around her neck and taunts, "Then do what it takes to bring me there." 

Samantha kisses her forcefully, unable to contain the booming excitement within her. "What fun I'm going to have with you, my dear," she promises, allowing her mind to race with ideas, pulling forth fantasies and desires she'd carried with herself for years without a suitable outlet. 

Until a shard of nerves slices through the images, and she gazes down as the fervor scattered over Esther's face. A prickle of guilt forms in her stomach, and she cautiously adds, "But not tonight." 

"Please," Esther sits up, a little panicked. "I need it." 

"You'll get your pleasure," Samantha presses her lips into a tight line, sighing. "But I cannot bring myself to do it without speaking to you in a more lucid headspace." 

Esther throws herself back into a kiss, her arms flying across Samantha's body in an attempt to continue. "This is all I want," she pants, "I need you." 

"And as much as I adore hearing you desperate for me..." Samantha attempts, making a futile effort to resist the need coursing through herself as well. She finds her own hand dropping to her vulva, spreading apart the wet lips with a quiet moan. "Sit back, dear." 

Esther obeys, stretching out her legs and sitting upright. Samantha lays one of hers underneath one of Esther's while the other sits on top, like two V's facing one another. She shimmies her hips forward on the carpet, leaving a few inches of space between her clit and Esther's stiff erection. Samantha's hand returns to its work, circling across her own clit like she would if she was alone. "I want to watch you," she swallows. "Touch yourself." 

The Sister's hand wraps around her delicate and stiff erection, and then releases a satisfied sigh at the sensation. Samantha watches, her legs tight and her hips aching to feel what it would be like to lower herself down upon it. She throws her neck forward, raising her free hand to hold the back of Esther's head while her tongue pushes between her lips, kissing her like it was all she needed to live. She rocks with the movement, gasping and moaning into Esther's mouth while she feels a surging heat inside of her chest and abdomen. 

Esther whimpers back, her fingers circling around her tip while Samantha pulls back to watch hungrily. She wears her lust on her face like it was makeup, and gazes at Esther with nothing but a desire to make her shiver with delight. Samantha rests her forehead on Esther's, letting their hot breaths meet in the tiny space separating their lips, and she groans happily. 

"Christ," Samantha huffs, "I'm not usually so-," she's interrupted by an involuntary gasp from inside her chest. She tightens her grip on the girl, increasing the pace in her wrist while crying out, "Oh, Esther..." 

And then it consumes her. She sighs loudly as her thighs constrict against Esther, her body rocking with a bursting wave of pleasure that pours out over her. She pushes through it, demanding more and more from the feeling until eventually it becomes too much, and she exhales ecstatically as she falls onto her back. 

Watching Esther continue, her eyes filled with an adoring lust as her hand slides up and down her stiff clit, fills Samantha with another wave of lust. Her hand returns to her vulva, pulling apart her labia while unable to pull herself away from the rapturous scene before her. 

"You are so beautiful, dear," she chimes out, ensuring Esther's eyes were fixed upon her. "I can hardly bear the look of desire upon your face, so focused and needy. And I cannot contain my own excitement for witnessing you contort with bliss." 

Esther's speed increases, and she shivers as the feeling pushes forth. Samantha beams, adoring the necessity that governs her. "Just imagine if it was my hand upon you," Samantha teases. "Not tonight, but someday I hope." The idea pulls a low moan from Esther's chest. She places the pads of her fingers inside of herself, slowly penetrating between her wet lips while watching the display before her. "And just imagine if it was not my fingers within me, but your gorgeous beauty, filling me..." 

Esther gasps loudly, her thighs pulling tightly against Samantha's legs as she struggles to contain herself. "Fond of that idea, are we, pretty girl? Think of how warm and soft I would be. Imagine me writing underneath you, begging you for more and more." She lays fully back, giving Esther a clear view of her fingers sliding inside of herself. "Or perhaps I would climb atop you, pinning you to the floor while my hips rock upon you... God, how you would squirm," she sighs, feeling her own pleasure building up just as quickly again. "I would sink my teeth into your neck, wrestle your arms to the ground, cause you just enough pain you would not be able to bear it..." 

Esther cries out into the room as the orgasm overtakes her. Her hips rock forward as her cum shoots out of her, landing on Samantha's thighs as she pants and whimpers. In disbelief that she could be turned on further, the warm liquid on her thighs drives her wild, and Samantha scoops it up with her fingers and inserts them back into herself, lowering her other hand to slide across her clit while she does. Her back arches and her body bursts with warmth, increasing her speed until she finishes once more, sighing out and collapsing back into the floor. 

Samantha removes her fingers from herself, raising them to her mouth and licking up the remaining taste of Esther's juices. She moans as she sucks on them, ensuring the Sister watches every one of her salacious movements. She plays with them for a moment longer, enough to ensure Esther would be unable to forget the image later tonight and wish it were something other than Samantha's fingers inside her mouth, and then pulls them away, settling into the satisfied warmth in her chest. 

Esther watches her in amazement, muttering, "God, I want you to ruin my life..." 

"At this rate," Samantha exhales, "I just might." 

After another moment or two to savor the feeling, Samantha lifts herself up and wraps the blanket around her back, opening the two flaps in the front to invite Esther in. The Sister crawls forth and nestles her head into Samantha's chest, slowly beginning to regain control of her breath.

"Oh, Esther, what am I to do with you?" Samantha asks, her fingers gently pulling through the girl's slowly drying hair. 

"Anything you wish to do, truly," she cuddles deeper. 

Samantha kisses the top of her head. It's quiet for a few moments, interrupted only by the pattering rain on the walls and windows and the crackling fire before them. "I have always wondered how you looked underneath those cumbersome robes." 

"And now that you have?" 

"You are curvier than expected, posses a larger erection than I guessed, and I cannot bear how ravishing you look," Samantha sighs delightedly. 

"Oh, to be ravished by you," Esther purrs. 

Another few restful moments capture them, and Samantha spends them paying attention to the bubbling joy in her chest. The fires of lust slowly subside, replaced by the desire to simply kiss Esther sweetly and stare into her eyes for all eternity. She wraps her arms a little tighter, allowing the pads of her fingers to gently circle across her soft skin. 

"So..." Esther says quietly, "it appears you've learned a few new things about me..." 

Samantha tilts Esther's chin up to look at her. "Are you worried I am to judge you?" 

Her eyes dart away sheepishly. "No one has seen such a side of me in quite some time, and..." 

"Esther, if you thought I found it difficult to resist you before..." She kisses the top of her head, and the bristling fears in the back of her mind encroach into their peaceful state. She pushes a long breath out of her nose and quietly says, "You realize for your sake this cannot happen again?" 

Esther grimaces. "I'm not sure I-,"

"My dear, how on Earth are you going to explain returning to the convent so late, drenched in rain?" Samantha implores. 

"I can come to a cover story." 

Samantha's hand pulls her face back to meet her eyes. "And the next time you visit?"

"I want to see you again," she pouts. 

"I... I am not worth throwing your life's convictions away. What of your peace of mind?" Samantha frowns. "Esther, even with the most liberal of definitions of chastity I'd struggle to explain this away." 

"Then don't," the Sister contests. "I will simply avoid being caught and we could do as we please." 

Samantha's heart so badly wants to agree with her. "And how are you to face confession?" 

Esther's rebuttal is ready and immediate. "Father Billings will forgive me." 

"How are you to face your God?" 

"He'll forgive me, too. I've already accepted my decision and the consequences," she says, full of conviction and certainty. She finally meets Samantha's eyes, then kisses her and asserts, "I want this more than I've ever wanted anything before." 

"Oh, Esther," Samatha presses her lips to her forehead. "It clearly requires a stronger will than mine to resist you." She places her hand on Esther's cheek, holding her face still as she says, "I'm going to ruin your life. Do be sure to thank me." 

And, to Samantha's delight, Esther whispers back, "Thank you, Mistress." 

-- -- -- 

"... Samantha?" 

The voice slides through the latticed gap in the confessional wall, muted and hardly registering in Samantha's ears. She stares ahead at the door, her fingers massaging her tense palms, trying to bury the surprising feeling of condemnation resounding in her chest. The priest has to repeat himself twice more before Samantha pulls her head up a little and mutters, "I thought you weren't supposed to acknowledge who the confessor is?" 

"Well, we're past that, don't you think?" He chuckles. It's easy to imagine the warmth in his face, delighted she was continuing to humor the practice. It's even easier to imagine it leaving him, hearing what she and Esther had done. "It seems as though something is troubling you." 

She sighs, long and low, wondering whether or not she should actually allow herself to speak on the matter. She'd dragged herself to confession after struggling to meet Esther's eyes at breakfast with the children this morning, hoping Simon might be able to bring some peace of mind to her. 

"How do you and Peter manage?" She says at last. 

He pauses. "Well, by the rules of our congregation, I am not bound to celibacy as, say, a Sister is. And... I do not believe theologically I am committing a grave error in being alongside him. Why do you ask?" 

"You know why," she grumbles. 

"Simply being polite," he coughs. 

She purses her lips, regretting the need to ask her next question. "What are the consequences for breaking an oath such as chastity?" 

She can hear him take a slow breath. "Hypothetically speaking, I presume?" 

"Of course." 

"Well, it could be grounds for removal from the order."

As she feared, and suspected. She leans forward, clasping her hands tightly into one another with a nervous tick. Samantha is frustrated by the whispers of fear in her voice as she implores, "And you could prevent it, couldn't you?" 

"The Mother Superior makes all decisions such as that. I may advise her on occasion, but ultimately the responsibility rests with her," he answers, not sounding abundantly pleased to do so. 

Shit. "Then that settles the issue," Samantha decides, sitting up suddenly. "For her sake, I must never see her again. To do anything else would require her to sacrifice all that she has for me." 

"And you are not worth this?" He asks, his voice frustratingly calm and pastoral. He was doing it again, trying to instruct her towards a more generous belief in herself. 

"Don't be ridiculous," she sneers. 

She can hear him adjust in his seat, the wood creaking quietly beneath him. "If that is the decision she wishes to make, why try and stop her?" 

She doesn't answer, offended by the very premise of his point. Samantha would not allow herself to be party to such destruction of Esther's life and livelihood. She sighs, loudly and with disdain, and storms out of the confessional, slamming the door behind herself with more force than she ought to have done. She runs her hands across her face, tugging at her skin to throw away the weariness that seems to sag it down, and marches out of the front doors of the church. 

Had she been more thoughtful with her exit, she might have noticed Sister Pullwater greeting a few congregants out front. She would easily have avoided her, unable to bear the shame in her chest again. But she'd not been careful, too deeply consumed by the frustrated battle running incessantly through her mind. 

"Miss Deveroux," Pullwater calls out to her, halting her march. Her stern finger encroaches into the air, becoming her over whilst dismissing her current guests. "A moment, if you would." 

Samantha stifles her sigh, forcing herself into the practiced niceties that had been essential to her function and survival amongst the gentry. In a chipper voice, she replies, "Yes, Mother Superior?" 

Pullwater bows her head, greeting her with a polite respect. The firm wrinkles across her forehead lift up as she rises, only to furrow once more as she says, "I find myself surprised to be saying this, but I believe I have misjudged you." 

"Oh," Samantha posits, expecting condemnation instead.

"I..." She puffs air out of her nose with a hmpf,  pushing herself forth as though compliments were difficult to provide. "I was worried you would turn my niece down an improper path, but, as it seems, your friendship has been a positive influence on you both." 

Samantha stomach churns. "Thank you, but I believe you've given me too much credit." 

"Nonsense," Pullwater scolds. "Esther is settling in quite nicely amongst the Sisters, and the kids have been delighted to have a frequent and pleasant guest. Judith has not stopped singing your praises since her birthday. I took a risk encouraging Esther to come to Bellchester, I was worried she would too easily fall into old habits despite my supervision..." She shrugs, baffled by the way things unfolded before her. "Given your history with Annette, I was overly suspicious of you, and I ought to have been kinder." 

Samantha swallows, her mouth dry and bitter. "You're too kind, Sister Pullwater." 

The Mother Superior waves away her modesty with a disgruntled gesture of her hand. Instead, she asks, "Will you be available after you prepare breakfast for the children tomorrow? I was hoping to speak to you about another matter." 

"If you wish." 

"Good, good," her head bobs, satisfied. "A testament to the living God you are. Until tomorrow, Miss Deveroux." 

And with that, the nun departs, leaving Samantha stupefied. She'd expected a lecture, a condemnation she would have to defend against. She'd prepared a lie to tell, ready to dismiss any accusation made by the Sister. Instead, she'd been given praise; praise which felt grossly misguided. She shivers, and while her plan had been to sequester herself at home, shut away in her shame and frustrations, she finds herself carefully marking where Pullwater left to. Once confirming she was off to the market and away from the convent, Samantha turns back towards the church. 

She steps quietly up into the convent, past the orphanage and towards the Sister's quarters. Esther was likely in her room, taking time to herself after breakfast, and Samantha can hardly prevent herself from staying away. Whether it was to end things with or, or kiss her, it was impossible to tell. There was a fury inside of her that could not be resolved on her own. 

Samantha knocks quietly at Esther's door, which pulls open a moment later. The nun wears her white robes, which only emphasize the mild flush on her face and the breathy way she moved. The former noblewoman grins at her, noticing the unkempt ruffle of her habit at the base of its hem, and quickly reads what she has interrupted. 

"Thinking of me?" Samantha smirks.

"Praying," Esther coughs out. 

"Thinking of me," she confirms. "I needed to speak with you." 

Esther nods, closing her eyes to steady herself a moment. "As do I." She steps out of the doorway, gesturing for Samantha to come inside, then shuts the door softly behind them. She sits down on her narrow bed, set against the wall of the small, plain room, and gestures for Samantha to sit beside her. She does, but leaves a thoughtful amount of space between them. 

Samantha speaks first. "I'm so... I need to apologize for last n-,"

Esther takes her hand. "No, you do not." 

"Yes I do," she pulls away, though not enough to escape Esther's inviting touch. "I shouldn't have-,"

"Perhaps I should speak first," Esther interrupts, quietly staring at her until Samantha relents and allows her. "Samantha," she exhales like her name meant something, "no one has ever made me feel the way you do. I came to your house of my own volition last night." 

Samantha shakes her head. "I've been tempting you, pushing you to give in." 

Esther smiles, though half of her face nearly grimaces. "As though I haven't?" She removes her veil, depositing it on the mattress to her left. "Last night, you saw the woman I truly am, not the one I'm pretending to be." 

"This life has brought you peace, stability, purpose-,"

"And there is an aching hole in the center of it," Esther sighs. She turns her hand in the air, searching for the right words, and eventually explains, "I told you the Apostle Paul says only to marry if you cannot withstand the burning. I, I am not capable of it, and never have been." 

Samantha furrows her brow. "We cannot marry, so the point is irre-,"

"I have interest in either sex, Samantha. I could marry," Esther looks away. She removes her hand from Samantha's, setting both of them in her lap as she thinks, a frightful nervousness written upon her face. "The issue is not marriage, it is finding a relationship in which the other person can douse the flames within." Her eyes flick back up to Samantha, filled with a devout certainty. "You can." 

Samantha lowers her face into her hands, pressing her palms against her forehead. "Esther... this is a dangerous path we're treading." 

"In every lover I've encountered before you, they grow frightened when they learn of my unconventional desires." She lifts a hand to Samantha's cheek, pulling away her hands and ensuring their eyes meet. "Last night... that was the first time anyone has looked upon them and been excited. I... I could see it in your eyes, and I want it so badly I would do anything to have it." 

"And what of your oath?" Samantha's eyes escape hers. "What of the Sisters? Esther, I am not worth such a loss. I will only disappoint you." 

Esther shakes her head, hasty and disbelieving. When she speaks again, her words form with an argument of certainty. "You've never met anyone like me, either, have you? Maybe you've met women with similar tastes, and maybe you've met women who bring you emotional fulfillment, but they've never aligned until me. You wouldn't leave me," she asserts, so confident in it that Samantha nearly believes her. "I love my life amongst the Sisters with one excruciating exception. They need not know." 

"Oh, you beautiful girl," Samantha lifts her head up to the ceiling, staring at the sky as though asking forgiveness from a God she wasn't even sure she believed in. She pushes a long breath out of her chest, already knowing what her decision was but struggling to accept it. "We would need to be careful," she says at last, "lest you lose everything."