All Comments on 'The Obsession'

with all the unnecessary punctuation, its like reading a story narrated by william shatner

remember, not every sentence needs 3 commas and a semi-colon

I had some problems with your story, well more than some. First problem was I really didn't get any sense of story. There seemed to be little reason that you developed for the goings on or "leaving the message". The next problem is the overall structure of the story. It was murky to non-existant. My final complaint is in your general use of the English language. Your story seemed to be written by a guy who failed eighth grade English and decided that was enough and he had no intention of learning any more of our language. Your grammar problems include shifting tenses, wrong word choices, confusion about numbers of person just for starters.

I have at times deliberately broken rules of grammar in stories; sometimes my foul balls work and sometimes not. I also make mistakes that get through despite my best proofreading efforts. I don't see that you put your best efforts to your story. Learn to respect your readers.

You need to relax with the commas! I could not get by the first two paragraphs. The way you constructed your sentences made them nearly unreadable. You need to run your writing by another pair of eyes to get comments for improvement BEFORE you submit your next story.

You get a cash bonus for every comma?

I tried finding a story, but all I found was excessive punctuation.

Should have called this "The Comma Obsession."

I, was, enthralled, by, your use, of punctuation.

I was, going to, comm,ent on all the, commas.

Also, you might want to use words that actually make sense (tired instead of tried, for instance).

My comment is on the story. I don't get a rise from adultery. The idea of of watching my wife with another man leads more to thoughts of homicide than erotica. There was nothing here that makes me want to come back. I thank you for sharing your stories and encourage you to keep improving. Perhaps one of your future stories will be more to my tastes.

....cause it does not bother me to much, but the story lines are toooo light. This cont."Buddy" buisness is very irritating. Oh yeh, most men do not enjoy hearing about their wives being fucked by some one else. The ending is too simple:" listen you fat fuck, you will support your wife ...bla-bla-bla". Come on, wright something worth reading. Gave you 2 stars, only to get your attention, othrwise NO MORE STARS FOR YOU.

... But would have liked the writer to not care if she was pregnant. Rather than tell her to move in, he should convince her to let her wimp husband think it's his. Please don't forget to write the chapter featuring Buddy's mother!

... But would have liked the writer to not care if she was pregnant. Rather than tell her to move in, he should convince her to let her wimp husband think it's his. Please don't forget to write the chapter featuring Buddy's mother!

So they object to anybody else using them, even when they are used correctly. Perhaps Americans speak so fast that they don't pause in the middle of sentences as the rest of us do.

I tried. I really tried to read this. But it was like torture. SO MANY COMMAS!!!!!!! And besides that, the "plot" sucked.

This reads as though English is your second language. Even if you are trying to portray a low class writer, the language and punctuation are just too bad to believe. Even your "sayings" are wrong.

This is a waste of the reader's time.

And bad grammar. Was this a phone call from a man to a cheating wife's husband? Was this a letter? Sure seems like a man telling another man he's fucking his wife. And why would the husband not divorce her? Is he really obese or his wife lying to her lover? Too many questions and too many mistakes. 1 star.

Thanks for for confessing about affair and pregnancy. Will make divorce much easier not to mention pre-nup. Hope the kid doesn't cramp your lifestyle. Given your financial situation shouldn't be long before she is searching for your replacement.

With my money I have already found hers

To be very frank with you, your story was at best garbage. At worst, still garbage. Your scores reflect it's worth.

Lay off the commas. Also, "virginal wife?"

🤤 ahhh, I am somewhere in the middle of it. I think 🤔 , ahh 😴

Yeah! What‘s up?! 😧 Ahhh yes, I am still, reading, the, the 😴 sto... ,,, ry😴

What was it again, the story, 🤤, name, 😴😴😴😴

Could, someone, please, turn the, 🤤, light, out😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴

So, do you just randomly hit the " key? Unreadable. You could be a combination of Jack Kerouac and Leo Freakin' Tolstoy, but if you can't write legible dialogue, you might as well stick to lining up obscene words in you alphabet soup!

Please go to a at least a Community College and take a literary class. Take the whole years course!