by rilysilywily
Kind of 90-15 % kind of thing but I guess if we are actually thinking this then it could probably really happen as I have heard of far off wackier things happening.!****
You could have gone into more detail as far as what this and that really looked like ~~
ect.! ( "5" ) ATW..
Good storytelling. A bit more description would be greaAt but overall good story.
Too! Many! Exclamation! Points! Or are your characters shouting all the time!
Very! Distracting!
A very nice and sexy story as it is. I read for enjoyment, not to critique authors.
A great story, as one of your other readers said "where can you get that game". It would be greater if there was a 2nd or 3rd part.
Hi, nice story!
Not to be too hard, but I think you use explamations marks rather excessively. Yes, I've seen that with many other authors as well. However, you tend not to see that with the highest ranked authors. If you stress everything, it does lose its meaning.
Keep on writing!
Poor writing of a pretty good story. An editor (or at a minimum a proofreader) would be useful.
Loose=/=lose.