The One Who Got Away Pt. 01

Tears streamed down my face as I swiped my hotel room key and entered what would be my place for the weekend.

It wasn't the emotion, or reaction, I was expecting to have at the end of what seemed like the longest period of my life. You see, just earlier this week I received the news that I had long awaited—my divorce was finally final.

Until that point, I had been legally tethered to someone I still had love for, but was no longer in love with. We had been together for more than 9 years, 7 of which we were married. We had one child together, so I knew because of that we would always be connected, but my now ex-husband and his actions were no longer my responsibility.

There's no sugarcoating it. He was (well, really still is) an alcoholic. Being that I can't stand drinking, or even the smell of it, it's odd that I was even attracted to him. But I had fell in love with his conversation, his intelligence, how much he cared for his family, all of the things he showed with me when he was sober.

But, over the past few years, the sober moments became few and far in between. There was the drunken speech, falling asleep in the foyer (if he even made it inside the house), the frequent missing work due to hangovers and the eventual firings, the hiding of bottles, the lies, and oh, let's not forget the cheating.

All of which, according to him when he was drunk, was my fault. Then when he sobered up and saw his soiled clothing, missing shoes, or find that he is waking up in the front yard, he would make promises to get himself together, do better and be better to us.

Then it would start again. After pleading, begging, therapy and lots of girl talk, I kicked him out. Then officially separated, and now here I am newly single but definitely not ready to mingle.

I just knew I would feel relief, happiness, or even ready to go on the prowl (it had been over three years since I've had sex-couldn't bring myself to it knowing he had cheated). But, I felt none of that. Just sadness.

A coworker, who also happened to be a really good friend, invited me to a local benefit gala to get me out of the house and into a place with some good vibes. My mom volunteered to watch my son for the weekend and I decided to check into the hotel where the gala was being held.

As I sat on the really soft king-sized bed, all of the stress, worry and shame I felt seemed to come out fast and furious as I sobbed for what felt like an hour.

My pity party was disrupted by a sudden vibration of my phone. I glanced down and realized it was the alarm I had set for myself as a reminder of when I needed to start getting ready for the gala.

I reached over to the tissue box that sat on the nightstand and wiped my face.

"Leigh, you got to get yourself together," I said out loud to myself. "Get. It. To. Fucking. Gether. Chic."

It's exactly what I did. I took what felt like the best shower in a while and when I got out, decided to turn on my music playlist on my phone and jammed out as I put on make-up and got dressed.

I had purchased a black, sleeveless, fitted mermaid dress that hugged all of the right curves of my curvaceous body, made my butt stand out even more, and showed just enough cleavage to draw attention without looking slutty.

I stood in front of the full-length mirror in the room and admired what I saw. Since the separation, I had really focused on taking care of my health and started going to the gym. I still had a small stomach pudge, but my curves became better defined, my arms were toned and I was that fine thick. Let's just say, ain't a lot jiggling but the boobs, and one day some lucky guy (or gal...hey, I'm open) won't have to worry about being cold.

It's amazing what dressing up can do to make you feel good about yourself. For the first time in years, I made myself smile. I felt like a sexy chocolate drop!

Suddenly, my admirationfest was interrupted by my cell phone ringing. It was Ana, my awesome friend and coworker who invited me to the gala.

"Hola Leigh! I'm downstairs in the lobby. Are you ready? If not, I can come up to your room and wait if you'd like?"

"No that's okay. Just give me five minutes to finish up and I'll meet you downstairs."

"Sounds good."

"Oh and Ana?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for letting me be your plus one."

"That's what friends are for. Now hurry and get down here chica!"

The gala was packed with people who came out to in support of the local history museum. Ana, who serves on their board, left my side to work the room and greet donors. Being the wallflower I am, decided to make my way over to one of the high-top reception tables to nibble on some of the finger foods.

As I ate and people-watched, I could feel my sadness creeping back over me. I watched as couples held each other, as men looked at their significant others with lust and pride, and as women adjusted their significant other's ties or bowties.

Before I knew it, I could feel a tear slowly going down my face. "Dammit Leigh!" I thought to myself.

I took a spare napkin and used it to quickly pat dry the tear path before anyone could notice. I needed some air.

So I grabbed my purse and headed over to the outdoor patio which was much less crowded. I walked over to the railing and looked over at the botanical garden that sat adjacent to the hotel.

"I'm not much of a crowd person either," a deep voice stated as its owner approached the railing on my right.

"Yeah, I just needed some fresh air," I replied without looking at the guy.

"I feel ya," he replied.

There was something about the way he said "I feel ya" that felt so familiar. I glanced over and saw the guy messing around with his phone.

I couldn't get a good look at his face, but even the side of his face seemed familiar. I didn't want to seem thirsty or stalkerish so I looked away back to the gardens.

"Hey Leigh!" called out Ana who approached my on my left. "They'll be getting started soon. We should probably make our way to our table."

"Sure, let's go in," I replied and began walking with Ana back into the banquet hall. As we entered the door, I glanced back and saw the guy was no longer at the railing.

We settled in at our table and Ana introduced me to some of the other board members and their significant others. They were very nice and didn't ask any personal, probing questions. Thankfully.

The event's entertainment was a jazz band who played some of the classics as well as instrumental versions of some current songs as we ate the typical banquet food.

As dessert arrived, the museum director began the program followed by several speakers who either thanked everyone for their support or spoke of the importance of the museum to the community.

Then the museum director announced that he had a special announcement to make. Thanks to the organization's most recent giving campaign, the museum has raised enough funds to build an interpretive center to add on to the museum.

"That's amazing!" I leaned over and told Ana who was beaming ear to ear with pride. I know the museum is something near to her heart so it was wonderful to know that it was going to grow.

"And at this time, I would like to introduce you to the project manager who will lead us through this important endeavor," announced the director. "Jayson Rivers, please come to the stage."

I was taking a sip of my water as the name was announced and nearly spit it out. "Jayson Rivers? No, surely it's not THAT Jayson Rivers?" I thought to myself.

Then as the guy approached the microphone and began to speak, I realized, it was indeed THAT Jayson Rivers.

The Jayson Rivers who I dated freshman year in college. The Jayson Rivers who was my first. The Jayson Rivers who encouraged me to be a writer. The Jayson Rivers my mom, dad, grandma and everyone loved. The Jayson Rivers who I (stupidly) broke up with because he had to transfer to another college because they were discontinuing his major. The Jayson Rivers I've thought about a lot, especially the past few years. The Jayson Rivers who was my ex and, as cliché as it sounds, was the one I felt got away.

I also realized why the "I feel ya" comment from earlier seemed so familiar. Because it was Jayson Rivers. It's something he would say all the time.

"Leigh? Leigh?" Ana whispered as she poked me. "What's up? Close your mouth honey. I know he's fine, but don't make it obvious!"

It got me out of my daze and I realized that my mouth was indeed gaped open and I felt embarrassed. "Sorry Ana."

As the event wrapped up, everyone headed to the stage to see a mock-up of the upcoming museum addition and to chat with the director and Jayson.

"Do you want me to introduce you to him? I heard he's single," Ana asked me.

"Um, no, I'm fine. Actually, I already know him," I responded.

"Oh, that's right, from earlier, from outside. I hope you got his number or something. Girl, you know I'm married. I can't go around asking men for their number, not even for you," she said with a laugh.

"I know Ana," I responded laughing with her. "But actually, we didn't really talk earlier. I didn't really pay much attention to him. This is going to sound crazy, but we use to date. Sort of. Back in college. It was our freshman year and then he transferred to another college and that was that. He's changed a lot since then. He was cute, but damn he's fine. But I can't...I can't go talk to him."

"Wow! Leigh, that was your freshman year so it's been what, about 15 years? You're a single woman now, go at least say 'hey'!" said Ana as she began to pull me toward the front of the room.

By the time we made it close to him, most of the people were heading out. I don't know if it was the lighting or me realizing who he was, but with each step, he seemed to look finer and finer.

"I'm going to go help the director with getting these mock-ups packed. Leigh, go talk to him. At least say hello," Ana urged as she quickly headed over the director.

"Leigh? Ashleigh?" asked Jayson as he turned towards me.

"Hi Jayson!" I replied almost too enthusiastically. "I thought it was you earlier, but I didn't realize it until the end of the program.

"I knew it was you, but didn't really know what to say. It's been a long time," he said.

"Yes, it has been. How have you been? I didn't realize you were in this area," I responded.

"I've been good. Life is good. I'm kinda in this area. I actually live over in Jackson, but have been spending a lot of time here. Since I will be managing this project, I was thinking of moving here, at least temporarily. It's a contract job, but I'm excited about it," he said.

Then there was a sudden awkward silence. The kind of silence where you both want to say something, but you don't know what or if you should.

"*cough* Well, um, you know this banquet food always leave me feeling hungry. Um, I was thinking about heading over the Alley to maybe grab something to eat. Would you like to join me? Maybe catch up?" he said with some hesitation.

"Uh, sure," I said, almost immediately regretting it. I shouldn't be going out in public with another man. Hell, the ink is still drying on my divorce papers.

"Cool, cool. Um, meet me over there in say, an hour?" asked Jayson.

"That works. See you soon," I said and turned to head over to Ana before "soon" was even out of my mouth.

"Well? It seemed like y'all at least had a cordial conversation," Ana said as I approached her.

"Yeah," I replied not daring telling her that I agreed to meet up with him later. "This was an awesome event and again, the new addition is exciting. I know this museum means a lot to you."

"It does. We've known now for about a month, but decided to make the big announcement here. I'm geeked!" squealed Ana.

After saying goodbyes to our tablemates who stuck around to talk to the few people who still lingered, Ana noted she was heading home and I headed upstairs to my room.

I looked through my bag to see what I could wear. I didn't pack much and my house was on the other side of town. I did have some black shorts and a tank top. Basic, but I guess it'll do.

I slipped off my dress from the night and placed it on the bed. Before putting on the shorts and tank top, I headed to the bathroom to tone down my make-up some.

Within minutes, I was dressed and headed to the elevator.

When the doors opened, so did my mouth. There stood Jayson in some jeans and a polo shirt.

"I didn't know you were staying here," he said as he held out his arms to prevent the doors from closing on me as I walked in.

"Yeah, long story. Decided to make this weekend a staycation," I replied.

"Hm. Well, at least I have some company to walk with," he laughed.

As we walked out of the hotel and walked over the Alley, we chatted about general things. Where I was working, how he got the contract with the museum, etc.

I avoided asking him about his relationship status because I surely wasn't ready to answer questions about mine.

When we go in the Alley, we sat down at a table near the pool area which was a bit quieter than the tables near the bar.

"I don't drink, but do you want anything? I'll be glad to get it for you from the bar," Jayson asked as he pointed over the bar filled with drunken men and half-tipsy women.

"No, I don't drink either," I replied.

"So, Leigh, not to pry or anything, but some crazy guy not going to come running in here because we're sitting a table together? I need to know if I should be ready to fight or not," he said with a laugh. "But seriously, are you involved with someone?"

Here we go, I thought. "Nope. Divorced," I said with more ease than I expected.

"Wow, um, I'm sorry. Same here. We just weren't a good fit for each other," he said. "As a matter of fact, it was the reason I became so hyper focused on work and decided to look for contract jobs out of town. You?"

"It's why I'm on a staycation," I said quickly with a shrug. "But, off of that...so what are you ordering?"

I'm glad he didn't pry further, though I could tell he was curious. After looking at the menu, we decided to settle for wings and cheese sticks. Oh, and water.

As we ate, we talked some more and I learned he didn't have any kids, I told him I had a son, and we chatted about people we knew from way back when.

Not even thinking, I blurted out "Jayson, I'm sorry I broke up with you the way I did. I know it was a long time ago but I felt I need to apologize. I just felt that you were leaving me and would go off and find someone better. It was stupid, I know."

"Hey, no hard feelings. I was transferring to another college, in another state. We were just 19. It's all good. I hope you haven't been thinking about that all these years?" Jayson said.

"No. Yes. Well, kinda. When ish started going downhill in my marriage, I'll admit, I couldn't help but wonder 'what if? What if I had seen the relationship through?' Seeing you tonight threw me for a loop, but it was good to see you're doing so well," I said.

Realizing that I must sound like I'm trying to hook up, I quickly added and rambled: "Not that I'm trying to hook up with you. I'm just saying, it has been something I've thought about. I mean the break-up, not hooking up. Not that you aren't worth hooking up with...Oh gosh, I'm making a fool of myself."

I was so embarrassed. I should've just stayed at the hotel.

"Geez, chill Leigh. I feel ya. I mean I've thought about what could've been too so I get where you're coming from," he said, which put me at ease. "We were good with each other and well, you never forget your first. But, we grown as fuck now. Life happens. We can have cordial conversations in an adult space, right?"

I just nodded, too scared to open and say something else stupid or embarrassing.

We finished out the wings in silence. Jayson watched the sports news on the nearby TV while I looked around checking out the scene. Most of the people congregated around the bar, and only a few ventured over the pool tables.

At the moment, no one was playing and it's been years since I've held. I've always enjoyed it, but haven't been able to play in a long time.

Without saying anything, I got up and walked over the nearest pool table and picked up a stick, prepped it and then gathered the balls to play. I could feel someone watching and I glanced behind me and noticed it was Jayson.

I turned back and started playing alone. There was something therapeutic to eye the target and hit the balls into different corner pockets.

"You're alright Leigh. Not bad," said Jayson, who had appeared at the other end of the table. "But, you could use some help with your form. Do you mind?"

He held his hand out for the pool stick and I handed it over to him. He put it down and unbuttoned his shirt, showing a white wife beater shirt underneath.

I gulped. Jayson was fit. Not muscular, but fit. My excitement to see him was turning into excitement to see him, if you get my drift.

He took over hitting balls and it wasn't long before he was standing by me.

"You gotta stretch out when you're hitting the balls. Can't be timid," he said to me. "You were looking a bit tight earlier. Let's loosen you up some and get in there."

Okay, I know he wasn't trying to be sexual (or was he), but I was getting turned on. I can't go there. I can't.

And like a K-9, it seemed he could sense it. "What's up Leigh?"

"Oh, nothing," I whispered.

"Hm. Okay. So show me what you got," he replied and gave me a wink.

We went back and forth playing. After a while, we decided we had had enough and was ready to head back.

We laughed and talked as we walked back to the hotel and as we got into the lobby, I turned to him to ask, "So, are you in town for the weekend, or?"

"Yeah, just for the weekend for now. I'll be back probably next weekend to start looking for a place to stay so we can get started on the project," said Jayson. "What about you? Headed back home tomorrow or?"

"Staying until Sunday. My mom has my son until then, and figured it would be a good time for me to just relax and think."

"That could be dangerous," he said, with a little bit of concern in his voice.

"What could be?" I asked.

"Thinking. It can help you come up with some great ideas or figure things out, but when thinking becomes looking for reasons of why things happened, or what ifs, you get stuck there. Don't get stuck there Leigh, trust me, I've been there," he said.

"Thanks...I'll keep that in mind. But, um, you know, since we're both here through the weekend, and if you need someone else to eat with, hit me up. Here's my number." I gave him my cell number and we headed into the elevator.

"Got it. I'll text you so you'll have mine," said Jayson, and within seconds, I had a text from him that said "Loosen up baby girl."

Baby girl. Jayson use to call me that anytime I was stressing or worried about something. It was something about the way he said it that put me at ease.

Needless to say, it still worked. This time putting a smile on my face.

"See? That's what I want to see," said Jayson, who smiled back.

We reached my floor and said our goodnights as Jayson headed up to his room.

When I got in my room, I slipped off my clothes and jumped in the shower. After lotioning up, I decided to sleep in my birthday suit. It is so relaxing to be naked and wrapped in soft sheets and in a fluffy bed.

As I settled in bed, I turned on my smooth jazz playlist and began thinking. For the first time in months, not about my situation, the divorce or a pity party. I began thinking about the future, my opportunities and how to get back to being me.

In the midst of my thinking, I dozed off and was awaken by my phone vibrating. It was a text from Jayson.

"You up?" it said.

"Yeah. Why are you still up?"

"Can't sleep. Want some company?"

I was naked. My mind went to earlier and thought, why not? Just go for it Leigh.