The Only Constant is Change Ch. 09

She nodded her head in understanding. "So it was spur-of-the-moment."

He nodded in agreement, but said, "If I can believe her version of the story."

Teresa looked at him in sympathy. "I know you're hurt and angry, but you've already said that she's never done anything to make you question her before. Why wouldn't you be able to believe her now? Did you find out from someone else, or did she confess on her own?"

That question gave him pause. Ava had brought it up on her own. True, it would have eventually become obvious that she was pregnant. But, she could have just as easily tried to hide it by breaking up with him and hoping that he didn't find out while he was gone. Instead, she told him an unflattering story about her actions and begged for his mercy. Perhaps that was self-serving, but it seemed to lend credence to her story. In the absence of evidence to the contrary, he was inclined to believe her.

"Say I believe that it was a one-time thing," he said. "That doesn't fix the problem going forward. What if we stay together and a few years down the road we find ourselves having to spend time apart? How can I be sure she'd not going to do the same thing in another moment of weakness?"

"Honestly?" she asked. "You can't. But you don't know what's going to happen tomorrow anyway. What you've got to figure out is whether your trust in her is so broken by a single, admittedly huge, error in judgment that you can't continue with her in your life. Or, if you have enough love in your heart for her to grant her a stay of execution this one time."

"But," she said, sliding over to him and taking his hand, "if you go that route, you can't hold it over her head all the time. Either accept it and move on or cut her loose, but no relationship can survive if someone is dangling a sword over the other person's head."

Jeremy sat back, deep in thought. After a few minutes, he turned to her and said, "Maybe you're better suited for social work than I thought. You seem to be pretty good at this counselling thing. You've certainly given me a lot to think about, and I really appreciate you being here for me tonight." He paused and said, "Can I ask you a question now?" When she nodded, he asked, "Why aren't you piling onto Ava? I mean, she's done just about the most horrible thing I can imagine at this stage in our relationship and it's almost like you're trying to talk me into forgiving her. It seems like you'd be doing the opposite."

Teresa blushed slightly and looked at her hands. "I've listened to you talk about her for so long, and I saw how much pain you were in when you talked about what happened. It's obvious that you love her so much. You wouldn't be in that kind of pain if you weren't. I couldn't live with myself if I tried to take that away from you too lightly. I wish you didn't have to go through this, and I won't deny that I'm angry for you that she would do something like this. But if you come to me, I want it to be because you want me, not because I'm not her. Does that make sense?"

Jeremy looked at her in wonder, and then he smiled. "Now I really have to start giving you a little more credit, Jalapeño. You're a better friend than I knew." Then he leaned over and kissed her cheek before saying, "Thank you."

They finished their coffee, and Teresa took him back to his car. Before leaving, she told him to call her any time he needed someone to talk to. Driving back to the room he rented from a retired widow named Madeleine Hess, he felt a little clearer about his feelings about Ava and her betrayal. After what Teresa said, he was leaning towards reconciling. But he wasn't quite all the way there yet.

One of the barriers was realizing that he didn't have to take her back at all. It would suck if they went their separate ways. But he was fairly certain that he wouldn't go lacking for companionship if they did. His evening with Teresa had made that apparent.

He didn't dwell on that thought at a conscious level. But deep in his mind, that seed was taking root. The fruit that it would eventually yield was rotten and poisonous. And Jeremy was destined to take a big old bite.

*****

It had been a little over 6 weeks since Ava had delivered her bad news. Jeremy had spent a lot of time going back and forth in his mind. Some days he'd wake up, planning to call her up and tell her that it would all be okay as long as she followed through with her plan to give the baby up. But without fail, before he could make that call, the doubts would creep back into his mind. It was maddening, and Jeremy was really feeling frustrated at his indecisiveness.

His parents hadn't been much help. They sympathized with him, and they understood his feelings. His mother had counselled him in much the same way that Teresa had, urging him to consider whether he could move forward in whole and forget about the past. His father mostly just listened and tried to be supportive. He never really offered an opinion on what Jeremy should do, however. It was maybe the first time in his life that Jeremy felt like his dad was holding back from giving advice.

You might imagine that he was avoiding talking to Ava, but he knew that he had to maintain contact with her if they were going to have any hope of a future. At about 3 months along, Ava's morning sickness was tailing off, so she wasn't quite as miserable. Also, her breasts were in the beginning stages of swelling and she had the barest hint of a baby bump. But when he looked into her eyes, there was a haunted look there. The vibrant light that usually shone there was extinguished. She also seemed a little thinner in the face, which surprised him a little bit, since he'd always understood that women gained weight during pregnancy. But he didn't comment on it.

Their conversations were awkward. Jeremy looked at the changes taking place in her and couldn't help but be reminded that it wasn't his baby that was causing these changes; it was David's. Even in her shame, there wasn't really a viable way to avoid talking about what she was going through. As it was her first pregnancy, there was a natural fascination on her part with everything. Ava tried to minimize it, but she sometimes let some of that excitement slip out. It was a small knife wound that Jeremy tried to absorb each time, but it still cut him.

He did his best to be supportive of her, but his hurt and frustration were mounting. Ava could see it building, but she also was beginning to get impatient with his leaving her in limbo regarding their status. She tried to feel him out gently, but he remained non-committal. Eventually, she pushed a little harder and he blew up.

"I can't tell you about 'us,' Ava!" he said angrily. "I shouldn't have to tell you, but because of your mistake I'm left wondering. And every time I think I can forgive you, I get a picture in my mind of you fucking David or me taking you back only to find out that you got lonely again and found someone else to take my place."

Ava pleaded with him, "I've said I'm sorry a thousand times. I can't keep saying it. I love you, but I can't keep doing this. You're punishing me over and over and it's killing me."

That was when Jeremy made the second of his series of mistakes.

"I know you keep apologizing to me. But what you haven't done is give me a reason to stay with you," he said tartly. "I'm pretty sure that if I look real hard that I can find a girl who won't cheat on me when my back is turned."

He regretted it as soon as he said it, but the look on Ava's face showed him just how deeply he'd cut her. With an icy fury, she said, "I can't believe that you would say that to me. I stood with you, even supported you while you slept with Serena and Hannah. It was a little exciting for me, but it was also an expression of love. I shared you with other girls. And now, when I made a mistake, you just can't help throwing it in my face every chance you get." As the tears began to stream from her eyes, Ava quietly said, "Go ahead and go find someone who won't cheat on you. I love you, but I'm done apologizing for the mistake I've made. I can't do it anymore. You're tearing my heart out, keeping the wound fresh. I'm not sleeping. I don't eat as much as I'm supposed to. I keep waiting for you to decide, but all I get is more heartache and guilt.

And as long as you keep throwing this in my face every time we talk, we have no future. I really hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me, but until that day, I don't want you to call me. It hurts too much." With that, she kissed her fingers and pressed them to his lips on the screen. Then she cut the connection.

Stunned, Jeremy almost called her right back and begged her to reconsider. But then he got angry. Yes, she'd allowed him to date other girls. But that wasn't the same, was it? There were differences; she'd known in advance and they weren't exclusive. What Ava had done was without his permission, and the result was a baby.

It was early on a Saturday evening when she'd ended the call, and without other distractions, Jeremy could only sit and stew over this most recent development. The longer he stewed, the angrier that he became. Finally, he made a momentous decision. It would prove to be next-to-last in his series of mistakes. Jeremy decided to go dancing.

It was a little after 8 pm when he walked into Fire and Ice, a club some of the guys from work had been raving about. Supposedly, the owners had instructed the bouncers to maintain a high female-to-male ratio, since the girls would bring in the guys and the guys, once they got in the door, would spend all kinds of money trying to capture the attention of some lovely young thing. He'd been told that it was, to quote one of Jeremy's favorite movies, a "target-rich environment."

Ordinarily, Jeremy didn't need any "social lubricant" to have a good time at a dance club. In the mood he was in, though, he wasn't quite ready to hit the floor right away, and simply stood at the rail observing. The discussion with Ava had him in enough of a sour state of mind that when the shooter girl came around with test tubes of some cocktail sponsored by a local distillery, he bought a pair and downed them. They were good, fruity without being too sweet, and when she came around a little while later, he downed another pair.

Feeling a little more relaxed, he began to survey the crowd. At one of the tables nearby was a group of 3 girls, two blondes and a redhead. They seemed to be having a good time, laughing and watching as the crowd moved to the thunderous beat. Jeremy watched them for a few minutes, then decided to make his move. As he made his way towards their table, the redhead happened to glance his way. Their eyes met and she smiled at him. Jeremy took it as an encouragement to approach.

By the time he got there, all three pairs of eyes were watching him. Locking eyes with the redhead, he said, "Good evening ladies. My name's Jeremy, and I was hoping that I could interest one of you in a dance with me."

The redhead smirked and said with a twinkle in her eye, "That's a pretty weak pickup line, Jeremy. Can you do a little better?"

He wasn't in the mood, so he shrugged and said, "I doubt it." Then he turned and walked back to where he'd started. When he got there, he glanced over to their table and was surprised to see the redhead looking his way with a stunned, confused look on her face. Jeremy tried to ignore her and continued to survey the crowd. He had another shooter, this time it was something that was cloyingly sweet and he decided that shooters were too much of a crap shoot.

He was contemplating ordering a White Russian when he felt a tap on his shoulder. Turning, he was surprised to find the redhead standing there, looking at him expectantly.

"Yes?"

"I thought you wanted to dance," she said.

He looked her up and down. She really did look nice. Probably 5' 5" or so, she wore 4" heels that brought her much closer to his eye level. She wore a blue velvet baby doll dress with a deep v-neck. It was a good choice, complimenting both her blue eyes and the dark red, shoulder-length hair she wore parted on her right. But he was a little put off by her remark earlier and decided to see what she was about.

"I don't think so."

You could have knocked her over with a feather, by the look on her face. "What?"

He leaned in so he could speak into her ear. "I said, 'I don't think so.'"

"I heard what you said. I just don't understand it," she said petulantly.

He turned to face her and said, "I don't have any interest in playing games. I came here to have a good time and get my mind off of some stuff. You've shown me that you want to play games. I'm not interested." Then he turned back to watch the crowd.

He felt her move away and dismissed her from his mind. He was about to move towards another table when he again felt a tap on his shoulder. Absently he looked over his shoulder and was surprised to see that, once again, the redhead was standing there looking at him expectantly.

She smiled and held out her hand, saying, "I'm Annabelle, Annabelle McIntyre. I'd like another chance. No games this time."

Jeremy smiled and took her hand. As he led her to the floor, he said, "I'm Jeremy Halperin."

They spent the next couple of hours rotating between the dance floor, her friends, and the bar. Jeremy was still new to alcohol, and he'd underestimated the kick from the shooters he'd consumed earlier and the drinks he'd ordered since. For the first time since he'd turned 21, Jeremy could legitimately say that he was beyond

drunk. Even so, he could feel the connection building between them; perhaps because he could feel it, he did everything he could to make sure she knew he was interested in her. Eventually, Annabelle leaned in and spoke softly in his ear. "My roommates and I are about to head home. Do you want to come with?"

Jeremy made the final mistake of his series. Afterwards, he would attribute it to a combination of anger, loneliness, intoxication, and general horniness. He took an Uber home with Annabelle and her roommates.

He'd learned a few things about pleasing a woman the summer before he left for the Navy, and even though it had been some time since he'd had sex, he apparently hadn't forgotten anything. Annabelle seemed to enjoy everything he was doing, if he was reading the moans, punctuated by the occasional rigid shaking, that emanated from her body. It was nearly 2 am when Jeremy collapsed after his final orgasm. Annabelle curled up next to him and the both fell into an exhausted sleep.

When he woke up a few hours later, he didn't remember where he was at first. Then it started coming back to him, and by the time Annabelle came in to check on him, he was almost sick to his stomach with guilt over what he'd done. Apparently, he was no better than Ava. At least he hadn't produced a baby. Of course, he was assuming that, since he couldn't recall using any sort of protection the night before.

He was sitting on the side of the bed, his head in his hands, thinking about what he'd done when she brought him some aspirin and orange juice.

"Here you go," she said. "You okay?"

Jeremy sighed. "I'm okay. I think I owe you an apology, though."

"Oh? What for?"

"I didn't mean for last night to happen. I have a girlfriend back home, and we've been having some problems, and I think I used you to take my mind off of her. I'm not like that, and I'm sorry for doing that to you."

She smiled at him warmly and placed her palm on his cheek. "You're sweet, but you don't need to worry about anything. I'm a big girl and you didn't do anything I didn't want you to do. Last night was amazing, but it was just a bit of fun between two people who needed it."

She leaned in and kissed his lips lightly. "You were incredible. Now, I've got some bagels and coffee for you if you'd like to eat. When you're ready, I'll drive you back to your car."

As he ate, Jeremy tried to find a tactful way to broach the subject. Finding none, he took the direct route. "Annabelle, when we had sex last night, did we use any protection? It's been a while for me, and I wasn't planning to sleep with anyone, so I know I wasn't prepared."

Annabelle was astute enough to see what was really on his mind. "Don't worry. I'm clean, and I have a birth control implant. I think we're good."

At least I didn't screw that part up, he thought.

Later, as she dropped him off, Annabelle asked him to put her number in his phone in case he wanted to go dancing again. She promised no strings and wished him luck in fixing the problems with his girlfriend.

If it were possible, Jeremy would have forced his truck to trudge all the way home. He felt lower than low, and couldn't help but realize what a hypocrite he'd made himself.

Walking into the house, Mrs. Hess was sitting in her usual place in the parlor, next to the fireplace. Per the norm, she was absorbed in a cross-stitch project. Not too absorbed, however, that Jeremy could sneak by unobserved.

She took one look at him over her glasses and said, "Boy, you look like someone ran over your dog and then backed up and ran'im over again." Mrs. Hess was not a subtle woman. Her husband had been a colonel in the Marines before his retirement, never rising to general because, according to his wife, he wasn't very good at playing politics. Jeremy was never sure if he'd rubbed off on her, or if she came that way naturally. In either case, she'd appointed herself to be his surrogate mother from the day he came around to look at the room she'd advertised for rent.

Jeremy paused at the foot of the stairs, trying to decide whether this was a conversation he should have. Seeing the expectant look on her face, he admitted to himself that she'd keep hounding him until he gave her what she was looking for. So, he stepped down off the first step and made his way to the couch.

He hesitated and fidgeted, just as if he were a little boy trying to avoid coming clean to his own mother about who broke the lamp. After raising three boys of her own, Mrs. Hess knew the signs. And just as well, she knew how to break the subject of her interrogation. She just sat there, patiently looking at him.

Eventually, he cracked and quietly said, "I screwed up. I screwed up real bad."

The older woman had come to love Jeremy much like one of her own sons since he'd been rooming with her. She knew him to be a fine young man, strong in body and character. Thus, she was surprised to hear the anguish in his voice. Something must have really shaken him. She set aside her needlepoint and moved to sit with him on the couch.

She looked at him for a moment, trying to decide on the best approach. Finally, she asked him, "Did you kill someone?"

Startled, his eyes jerked up to look at her. "What? No! Of course not."

She chuckled. "Settle down. I didn't think so, but I just thought I'd check. Did you break any other laws? Put someone in a hospital? Do something that'll get you booted from the navy?"

Jeremy shook his head.

"Well, everything else can probably be fixed. Want to tell me what happened?"

He swallowed heavily and said, "I cheated on my girlfriend."

From what she knew of him, she'd never have suspected him capable of something like that. As quickly as the thought came to her mind, she also realized that if he had done it, it was so foreign to his nature that of course it would tear him up.

"I see. Well, that's not something I would have expected to hear from you."

A single tear made its way down his cheek. Softly he said, "I never thought I'd ever say those words."