The Order of Zarathustra, Ch. 07.5

Hello Zarathustrans!

In honor of NNN, this installment is a sexless affair. It's an optional story explaining a little more about where Rachel came from. If you are new to this story line, I encourage you to start at the beginning. The final chapters should drop in December. Thanks to everyone who votes and likes stories, that keeps authors going!

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No Nut November

In a word, November sucked.

When Khan had got back from his business trip, his wife and his Apprentice both sat him down and explained what happened. He grew very quiet, asking questions for clarification. He never yelled at Kayden, at least not in front of Rachel. That wasn't his way. But afterwards, things were very different in the house. Much more tense. Kayden began seeing her therapist again and was no longer taking a glass of wine with dinner. She attended meetings with NA.

Khan didn't have sex with Rachel for two weeks after Halloween. As far as she could tell, nobody had sex. That was probably the longest dry spell this couple had since they got married. Even the Crucible rituals every Sunday night became sexless. Her Master became something of an amateur therapist. They spent time each day talking through what happened. Finally, Rachel had let him know that it was possible to be working through sexual trauma and yet still be horny. She let him know she was going to be putting on a demonstration of this in the walk in hall closet in five minutes. It was a very persuasive presentation.

They had sex in the closet, and then once more the following Sunday in the study for Crucible, and that was it. Then the Stones were jetting off to Virginia, back to Khan's family home for Thanksgiving. Which left Rachel dog sitting for the whole holiday week. It seemed to perpetually rain that month.

Rachel pulled up in front of her Mom's house on Vest drive in Khan's old F-150 truck. She had briefly considered borrowing the Mustang, but thought that was a little over the top. Besides, she had no interest in provoking Kayden these days. They had reached an uneasy truce, but Rachel's trust in her had been shattered. She was doing her best to forgive, but forgetting was not in the cards.

She checked her face in the rear view before getting out. Just a little makeup, with new brass round lensed glasses and her short black hair held back with a white Alice headband. She wore a burnt orange sweater and tight stretchy black jeans. She also wore her birthday gift from her two Masters: a bracelet made of interlocking squares of silver, with earrings to match. She had left off the matching necklace as too much for today. Her father, on the other hand, had sent her a card with twenty dollars in it, and called last week from Sacramento. She wouldn't hear from him again until Christmas.

Stepping out of the truck, she slammed the door and headed up the walk. Breathe. Breath is Life. Control your breath, control your life. She was met at the door by six feet of lanky brother, wearing a flannel shirt and a goatee.

"Aaron!" she cried, as the siblings crushed each other in a big hug. "Hey Velma, Wassup?" Rachel pushed up her glasses, puzzled. He pointed to her orange sweater, then the specs. "Shit," she rolled her eyes as he put his arm around his little sister and guided her in through the door. Greetings and hugs were all around. Aaron had brough his fiancé Parker in from Seattle. Rachel had only met her twice before. Her grandparents were there, as well as Uncle Donny and Aunt Ruth and their four kids. Her Mom was no where to be seen, until she made her way through the modest two bedroom house to the kitchen.

Rachel's Mom was furiously mashing potatoes while gravy bubbled and the turkey roasted in the oven. She had never been a great cook, but not terrible either. The stress of a big holiday meal always got to her.

"Hi Mom! Happy Thanksgiving!"

"What? Oh, baby, you're here! I didn't know if you were coming!" Mom wiped her sweaty brow and leaned in for a hug. Rachel was taken aback.

"What do mean you didn't know if I was coming? I said I was last Sunday!"

Mom was back to mashing the kettle of taters with a hand masher. "No, I know dear, but it just seems like I never see you anymore, what with that job, with those people and all."

Aaron was behind her with Parker, a huge grin as he snacked on a handful of cashews. "Yeah, Mom says you joined a cult or some shit."

"Whatever. I'm just their personal assistant. I'm a glorified gopher. Anyway two people don't make a cult."

Parker was just beaming with her perkiness. She was wearing thick dreadlocks and a knit Bob Marley cap, with a nose ring. Bet Mom loved that. "Look at you though, Rache! You look great! You really dropped a lot of weight!"

"Yeah, I've been doing keto, and going to the gym. It seems to be working."

"It's because those Stone people are running you ragged," Mom said, herself looking ragged from all the cooking. "Honestly, I don't see why you couldn't have just stayed here. It's just strange living with those people."

"We went over this, more than twice. It's the job. They go off all the time to places, and keep odd hours. It's not a nine to five gig." She surveyed the chaos of the kitchen. "Mom, you want me to help? I told you I would have brought something."

"No. No, I'm fine. You all just shoo out of here for now, it's too small in here for all of you."

Rachel went through the small talk with everyone, repeating her story multiple times. Yes, thank you, I have lost quite a bit of weight. Keto and the gym. Yes, I moved out and live with a couple as their assistant. No, it doesn't pay much, but I'm learning about real estate and business. No, I don't have a boyfriend, but I was seeing someone last summer. He went away to college.

Even though this was the house she grew up in, and the family she loved, compared to living at the Stone house this was jarring. The rooms were too small, with too much furniture and too many people. It was hot and noisy. Her teenage cousins were rude and loud. Uncle Donny and Grandpa just watched the game and talked about how crappy the government was. Aunt Ruth just sat in the lazy boy like she grew there. She found herself out on the back patio, with Aaron and Parker. Parker quickly pivoted out of sight, a telltale scent in the air.

"Dude, what are you two doing? Mom smells that she's gonna flip!"

Parker held the joint close to her, eyeballing the kitchen window. She passed it to Aaron, who took a drag and held it in like a champ. He passed to his little sis, who declined.

"Hey, you know how it is in there. Just need a little something to take the edge off."

"Edge off what? I don't see you getting grilled on your life choices."

Parker took the joint back and took another hit. "Trust me, your Ma got us when we got in yesterday. Won't let us sleep in the same bed, cause we're not married yet. Seriously? I mean, who does that anymore?"

"Dude, Mom really is worried about you with this cult thing, though. I mean, what exactly do you do over there, anyway?"

"Pretty much whatever they need. Cook dinner, run errands, call clients, that sort of thing. Sometimes they let me in on some of the stuff they do. They buy houses, fix them up, and flip them. They also buy and sell stocks, bonds, you name it. They're basically just in business for themselves. It's no big deal. Mom's just pissed cause she's here by herself now."

They got called into the kitchen for dinner. Mom made them all stand and bow their heads, and Grandma said grace. They only said grace exactly three times per year: Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter dinner. After her long winded prayer, in Jesus name Amen, they sat down. There were six regular chairs around the smallish kitchen table, with a seventh folding chair squished in. The kids would have to eat in the living room. As Rachel filled her plate, she realized just how much of this was carbs that she really shouldn't be eating. She filled her plate with turkey, green bean casserole, and some deer meat Uncle Donny brought. She went easy on the rest, but it was still a big plate for her.

As she turned to the table, she saw Mom, Grandma and Grandpa sitting down. Uncle Donny and Aunt Ruth. And Aaron and Parker were hitting the last two chairs.

"Awww, come on. Seriously!"

Mom looked puzzled, then looked around. "Oh. Oh, I'm sorry dear! Aaron, get another chair from, um, maybe there's one downstairs?"

Rachel held up a hand. "No. It's fine, Mom, really. This is fine." She went into the living room, settling in on the sofa, while her cousins watched MTV. She didn't say much to them.

It was all so mundane. All of it. The adults just bitched about their jobs, their bosses, their government. But they never thought of getting a better job, or living independently. Everybody had a crutch. Either something to smoke, or a stiff drink, or way too much food. Everybody seemed incapable of facing what should be a festive day without external emotional support. A day for thanksgiving, without being thankful or having anything to be thankful for. The kids were all idiots, as far as she could see. Raised in front of the TV, no manners, nothing to be proud of. Somehow, Rachel had become her grandfather. She chuckled to herself.

She ate Thanksgiving dinner sitting on the sofa with cousins she didn't really care for. Exiled to kiddy land. In a house that was too small to entertain a dozen people. And her Mom wondered why she moved out. Actually, it was a miracle that she did. She hadn't been home in months, just called every Sunday because her Master made her. Coming home to this was a vision into what she might have, probably would have ended up as. Still living with her Mom, in the basement bedroom Aaron had built for himself as a getaway. Maybe trying to get back to community college. Still working at Wendy's. Maybe driving a used car she could hardly make payments on. Maybe dating a guy that was as low caliber as she was. Directionless. Nothing to celebrate, certainly.

She finished her plate, then brought it in and put it in the sink. She hung around in the kitchen, absorbing the conversation and joining in where appropriate. The men, and then the women, all were getting back up to refill their plates from the spread on the counter.

"What, you're just one and done, sis?"

"Yeah, I'm full." He piled up more turkey, and a heap of potatoes and gravy. "Saving up for pie, huh lightweight? Okay." She leaned against the counter and took in the gluttony. Khan and Kayden ate well, when they ate. Twice a day they would eat a full plate of food that tasted delicious. But this was ridiculous. Rachel realized they were probably eating enough calories to really be enough for three days. Three Days. In one meal. Her Mom said something to her.

"I'm sorry, what Mom?"

"Where were you off to? I said, it's a shame you couldn't go back to college like you wanted to this year. Aaron got that nice job at Microsoft with his degree."

"Well, he always was the smart one, Mom. Actually, I'm going to go back next fall, and get a business degree."

"I hope you're not going to just take out a bunch of loans, dear. We talked about that."

"You talked about that. Incorrectly. There's nothing wrong with debt, if it's good debt."

That tended to put a stop to other conversations at the table. Grandpa pointed a fork at her. "Young lady, there's no such thing as good debt. That kind of talk got us into the Depression."

"Anyway, I'm not getting a loan, Mom. Mr. Stone's going to pay for it, as compensation for me working for him."

"Wait, whoa whoa. Your boss is just going to pay for your tuition? Just like that?"

"Sure. That's how they operate. I don't get a big salary. I do get free room and board, and get to use their car when I want. Assuming I provide value to them, they said they would cover my tuition next year."

Everybody paused to digest that. Uncle Donny cleared his throat. "Honey, I don't know these people, but that sure sounds like a scam to me. What's to stop them from saying you did a bad job later, and refuse to pay for it? I think they're just leading you on."

"You're entitled to your opinion. I trust them. If I'm wrong, I'm no worse off than I was this time last year."

Her Mom just lost it. "Don't you see, baby? They're using you! They were always shady people! All kinds of people coming and going from their house down the street, parties at all hours! And then they build that mansion, after living here? It's drugs, isn't it? It has to be! There's no way anybody could get that rich that fast! Darling, please, you need to stop this. You need to come home. This isn't healthy. I barely recognize you anymore. These people are leading you astray!"

Rachel pushed her glasses up on her nose and folded her arms across her chest. She looked down at the silver bracelet Khan had given her. That Kayden had picked out. She smiled.

"Good. Led astray? Good! Look around, Mom! LOOK! This is what following your path gets me? A crappy little house, with a shitty job you hate, hoping like hell you don't get fired from it? Huh? Dad might have been an asshole for running off, but at least he had the balls to try something. Let me ask you: are you happy, Mom? Are any of you? Really?"

Grandpa stood up, slowly, staring eye to eye with her. "Young lady, this is not the time or place for this. You apologize to your Mother. Right now."

Rachel thought about her options in the space of a single exhalation. She matched her Grandpa's gaze and didn't flinch. She never broke eye contact with the old man.

"Mom, I apologize. You raised me better than that and I'm sorry to cause a scene at your dinner."

Grandpa gave her a slight nod. She gave him one back. He sat back down.

"Well, I just, Rachel I don't know what to say! Except that outburst proves these people you've taken up with are no good! They're putting you against your own family!"

"No, Mom, they aren't. They don't deal drugs, either. In fact they hate any kind of addiction. They just work really hard and are really smart about it. They're good people, and I trust them. You need to trust me. I'm going to go ahead and go now. I'm sorry. Happy Thanksgiving everybody."

They called after her to stay. Aaron came out to the car, to try to bring her back. She barely heard any of it. She got in the truck and drove off before the tears started. She had to pull over a short distance away to let them finish.

November sucked. But it was drawing to a close. She realized her family was small, petty, locked into modes of thinking that they thought brought safety, but she now saw just brought chains. And through Victory, my chains are broken, she thought. It hurt, but maybe today was a victory.