All Comments on 'The Other Lisa'

A rollicking cliff hanger, superb!

luved the story,well written n ending was great.

Wow what a great story! Really seems like it would be a perfect romance movie.

There are times that you know the story from just a snippet and yet you savor each details as it emerges. There was never a doubt as to the end, but how to get there? How does this dance play out? So much built up passion, so wonderful to watch, to experience.

You have my “ear” — you’ve posted essentially three pieces in short order and each (count the longer “Chanel and Ashley” as one) uniquely different — characters, background, erotic scene(s), storyline. Very creative. This piece enjoys well done background that captures the frustration/ misunderstanding/angst against the simmering erotic tension of a love affair. The sex may not be as charged as “Standing Room Only”; of course not, blends perfectly with your storyline. Thanks for continuing to share; looking forward to next piece. 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

Very well written, and so beautifully romantic. Thanks for sharing this.

A nicely-written and bitter-sweet look at the often sad consequences of misunderstanding and poor communication. Very enjoyable, Princess, and it's five stars from me.

Beautiful.

A well written and highly enjoyable, though slightly implausible tale of love conquers all. I'm a sucker for happy endings so this ticked all of my boxes including the hot sex one. Very well done.

When the Fates have spoken, there is no getting around your own fate. I firmly believe that.

Excellent story, Lisa, the protagonist, definitely had trust issues, and the other Lisa, didn't think things through either. Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Lisa's definitely make a pair.

Good enough for four stars. There were lots of tense shifts, especially in the beginning, as well as some awkward phrasings and grammar errors that took me out of it. Overall, I enjoyed the story arc, but I wish it had been drawn out a bit more.

Many thanks once more for the feedback. I have started a thread in the forums as somewhere to discuss anything further to the comments, so as not to clutter this section with my own resposnses.

https://forum.literotica.com/threads/shooting-the-moon-discussion-thread-for-my-stories.1575825/

Enjoyed the story

Sweet story

Lovingly told. A world of multiple Lisa-types cannot be bad.

Lovely ...... Tragedy is a part of our lives, every ones and so better have it at the beginning so to enjoy love much more the upcoming path ..... And love is love no argument like churches or homophobics

Good story, but as someone earlier said, it should have been longer.

For example, all those clashes you told us about; I'd have preferred you showed them to us. I think there was a lot of suspenseful material hidden in there.

Another thing to consider is: what if you had presented it in alternating 1st person, first Lisa-1, then Lisa-2, allowing us to see and feel from both points of view. The bittersweet waste of time would have, in my opinion, come across more deeply and even more bittersweet, and the facial expressions Lisa-1 couldn't read clearly in Lisa-2's face, we'd have seen from the other side. And known what Lisa-1 was misreading, or failing to read. We'd also have understood better why Lisa-2 fought back; as presented only from Lisa-1's point of view, we left unsure about Lisa-2's behavior.

Style-wise, you managed something in this story very few writers get right. An opening that reveals enough to orient the reader, but not give away anything important before going back through history. Writers usually want to say too much in a pre-flashback opening and accidentally ruin the story because the reader already knows what's going to happen. You didn't do that.

The story wasn't something I could buy into . So much time spent on telling how much they hated each other and then it was better just like that . You just don't get over that many years of hatred that easy in my opinion.

beautiful... lovely... got a tear in my eye... I need to read more of your stories now 😉 LisaR

OH MY! That was precious. I had always fantasized what a nude no-holds-barred Salsa dance would be like, and now I have a sense. The build up was intense but added to the consummation. Their story wasn't an easy journey and reminded me of a bumper sticker I once saw and used in a computer lab I used to supervise: The Floggings will Continue until Morale Improves. It only took them a decade of mutual ego-bashing to realize and passionately consummate their destiny. I loved the ending image, "we needed each other right there, on tap . . ." Now that is pure ambrosia.

I rarely give 5 stars, but this love story got them. I can't add to the earlier comments, they said it for me.

Love this, I've read it 4 times in 2 days!

One thing that really troubles me is the 3 years as dance partners but never spoke or connected earlier? Doesn't sit right for me, would be better as 3 months.

Otherwise it's great, I love your writing style.

Can we have a part 2 from other Lisa's side telling of her love and confusion as to why she's hated. Then a part 3 of how their love grows. No, no I'm not greedy 😄

you are an excellent writer!

While everyone is entitled to their own opinion, I disagree with virtually all of the suggestions others have made for structural changes. I think you have designed this story impeccably. I see no benefit to be had from alternating viewpoints between first-person Lisa and second-person Lisa. The same goes for expanding on the details of their repeated, ill-fated encounters between the Gareth incident and the new male salsa dancer. You wisely focused on first-person Lisa and built up, in this reader at least, a sympathy with her plight, only to show in the end that throughout the ensuing months and years she grew increasingly ensnared in her web of malevolent interpretations. You even inserted the erstwhile puzzling feedback of her parents!

You also have drilled down brilliantly into the eroticism of dance. It brings to (my) mind the nasty old joke: "Question: Why do ______ [insert: fundamentalist/evangelical Protestant adherents of your choice] not make love standing up? Answer: Because it could lead to dancing!"

Please keep on keeping on. 5 stars!

A very fine piece...beautifully written. Jeanne xxx

This was great: a really fun combination of the "rivals to lovers" and "school friends reunited" tropes. Made it feel fresh. The dancing was also hot!