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"Not to mention that he got jealous of all the attention and worship paid to His Son, which he never intended, well not just yet. Gods need souls to survive ... well, now that's your worry, my son. He never intended for Jesus to rule until he was good and ready to turn it over to him. He had cut Jesus personally down to size for his defiance, hence the man's downfall and death, punishing him like the rebellious son that he was.
"It was deliberate, too. A spiteful last laugh at the Christians, Muslims, certain rabbis, and others who had perverted His teachings and cost him souls. He got to pick his own successor, and he also got to have some revenge at the feminists that he blamed for their offenses against him, real or imagined. He was frankly quite incensed by Germaine Greer and her remarks about sexuality over the years, so choosing a guy like you as God, instead of a woman, was a huge middle finger to her kind. He hasn't had the energy for old-fashioned wrath in a way, so he's letting you handle that. He also realized that he was a bit harsh on the gay thing, though he couldn't admit that openly.
"In the end, he wanted a man who wouldn't be so easily controlled and wouldn't live according to even his commandments. As he explained to me in his last breath, 'The right God won't even be ruled by my will or laws.' He wanted an irreligious Jew, and who better than one not raised in Judaism, which would free him from the cultural baggage of the Talmud and Torah? He wanted a man and not one who would be given to letting others push him around, especially wives or girlfriends," Mother went into considerable detail about why I was chosen as Master of the Universe, if you will...
Yes, for a brief second, I considered actually producing a sword, raising it to the sky, and shouting, "By the power of Grayskull, I have the Power!" Then I realized how silly that would sound, even to me, and decided against it. Admittedly, I was always fond of the He-Man comics, despite their cheesy nature and their hero who always took himself too seriously. Part of me wished that they had been an adult comic instead, because then there would have been a lot of bawdy humor and plenty of wild, raunchy sex.
In any case, now I did have the power, but Mom was still talking, and a good son should still listen to his dead mother when she dropped by to make a big announcement from the Beyond. No doubt, she had something else to tell me and I should forget about He-Man for a moment longer. Sure enough, she had stopped to make sure that I hadn't tuned her out, as only a mother would do.
"Isaac ... Ian, please listen! You had that far away, suddenly distracted look on your face that my brother always got when he was daydreaming. Please, I have to finish what I came to say. It's very important! You can get mad at me for the interruption later, but even if you are God, I am still your mother! Punish me if you wish, but listen to me now, please!" Mom continued.
"Sorry, Mom. Okay, what else was there to say?" I smiled at her, while the others watched and listened.
"Look, sweetie ... Lord, whatever you want me to call you, the point is that you're in charge now. You have a throne to fill at some point, though you can also live and rule on Earth if you pleased. There is a reason that you've never really worried about HIV or STDs, and why you've wanted to breed a lot. There is a reason why, when they're around you, people throw caution to the wind and toss their condoms in the trash. Not only are you God, but you've been God for a while now ... well, technically, there were two of you at one point ... you and Adonai, during the transitional phase. I have here the Tablet of Destiny, originally held by Tiamat, Kingu, and then Marduk, and later Adonai ... it's for you. I can't hold it much longer. It will burn me if I do. It's actually very painful to carry right now, even as a ghost. Here it is," Mom handed me the Tablet of Destiny, which didn't burn me at all.
At that point, as Des later told me, my eyes turned white ... and then red ... and then gold ... and then purple ... and finally grey. My skin became translucent for a second, and then a blinding whiteness came out of me, so much that everyone averted their eyes, even Mom. When I focused on dimming it, I was always to do so enough that they were able to look upon me. They all fell on their knees in worship, as if suddenly aware of just how little I was the ordinary mortal man that most folks thought me to be. Des had always talked of me with cult-like reverence, but now ... now even she was amazed and awed by my majesty.
"What else did you want, Mom?" I asked Mom, just in case.
"Well, forgive me, but when I said that I was fine with my lot, I lied a bit. I ... need a final judgment from you, son ... Lord. Please, if I have been good to you at all, shown you a mother's love ... please let me spend eternity how I wish, in what I consider my own Heaven," Mom begged me.
"And what is that?" I inquired.
"I want to be one of your angels, plain and simple. I want to spend eternity as an angel of the new God, doing whatever pleases you ... serving my own son. This is all that I ask, please give it to me. That is what Heaven means to me. That would be my Paradise," Mom pleaded.
"Plus, you'd like the powers of an angel. Well, tell me, are there any archangels?" I wondered.
"Sure. Michael, Uriel, and Gabriel. The other one, Raphael, was banished to a mortal existence during the Renaissance and then died a natural death. He is now in Heaven, but as a regular soul, enjoying his personal Heaven ... an art gallery full of Renaissance nude sculptures ... all male, as it happens. The human Raphael admired women aesthetically, but not as much as men, and he never found them attractive. Anyway, why do you ask?" Mom puzzled.
"Then I will bring him back and make you the fifth archangel. I take it that there have never been female archangels before," I grinned.
"Well, not since Kubaba Cybele was destroyed. Then again, that Goddess had it coming. Attis helped destroy her as payback for castrating him. She never expected that. He killed her and himself at the same time. A murder-suicide deal, you know. But, yeah, I wouldn't mind being the first female archangel since then," Mom smiled at that.
"Is there really a Moroni, and if so, why did he give Joseph Smith those accursed golden plates?" I probed, but just then, all of Jehovah's knowledge hit me ... and trust me, he wasn't omniscient, but he had learned and known a good deal of things.
I realized that Moroni was purely a fabrication and had never existed, much to my relief. It had all been a hoax, nothing more. I banished such thoughts from my mind, touched Mom on the head and transformed her into an archangel ... yes, the archangel Miriam. I then reached out and yanked Raphael out of Heaven to appear before me and made him an archangel again. I kept him gay, mostly due to liking the idea of a homosexual archangel. That should put a bee in some religious bonnets, I thought. I wanted Mom to be happy, but I didn't want her to desire me or leave any danger of that, so I tweaked her orientation and made her a lesbian. I could sense the relief in her face, as if this decision released her entirely from the pain of attraction to me, allowing her to just be my mother and archangel, nothing more.
It occurred to me that I could tweak Martha, too, and make her bisexual, but I realized that she was never happier than now, serving Becky, so I simply made her unable to disobey my eldest sister at all. I also lengthened her lifespan by slowing and reversing her aging process, so that she wouldn't get the release of death any time soon. I further made her unable to achieve orgasm without rimming a woman to a climax. For her, anything less would keep her frustrated, a thought that delighted me, given how much she had mistreated others. For a final touch, I made her absolutely hairless and smooth below the neck, along with removing any of the nearly invisible hair that women typically have on their faces.
With that, I kissed Mom on the lips (but platonically) and released her ... and Raphael, back to Heaven, telling them to "hold the fort," for me until I was ready to show up, kick ass, and take names. I put Mom in charge of the heavenly host, something sure to irk Michael, but why should I give a fuck? I was God now and I would do my own will, thank you very much. I was pleased that the angels hadn't been given my job, especially once so many of the brass turned out to be such dicks.
Turning to my partners, I realized that I no longer needed any kind of pills to perform, as I could get an erection at will. Naturally, or was that supernaturally, I also enlarged my cock and removed all of my hair on my body except my eyebrows, as that seemed more God-like and all. I would look less like my simian ancestors and more like the Supreme Being that I had become. I would always be sleek and bald and never have to shave again. I then removed all hair from the women of my tribe except their eyebrows and head hair, as well as all body hair below the neck on the menfolk. This would make things a lot more fun for us, I believe. I had nothing against lumbersexuals, but I personally preferred both male and female partners to be largely hairless.
At that, I made Enrique and Priya appear before us and addressed them in front of the others.
"You are Enrique, yes? What do you want, Enrique? Honestly, do you want to marry Celia? Do you want to be her lover on the side? I have decided that I must take your wishes and those of Priya into account, too. The Adlers have had their say, but they have no right to make that choice for you. You haven't been heard from, after all. What do you think? What do you think, Enrique?" I asked him, truly curious as to what he wished.
"Look, I am pansexual, but I am just tired of the sharing. Sorry, but that's how I feel. I get jealous, every time I hear or think of Celia with Nathan. It infuriates me. I burn to have her, to make her my own. I am very much in love with her. I don't know what else to say. I wish for her sake that I felt differently, but I don't. I wish that I could move past jealousy, but I can't. That's just how it is," Enrique confessed, still in pain at the thought of sharing Celia indefinitely.
"So ... as you can see, I have supreme power over the Cosmos. If I could make you free of the jealousy, or give you a lover who would be faithful to you, which would you rather have, honestly?" I demanded to know.
"I would ask for a faithful lover, and yes, I would be faithful to her ... or him, too," Enrique shrugged as he admitted his true feelings.
"And how do you feel about that, honestly, Celia? You've heard Nathan earlier state his wishes, but what do you really feel? Are you honestly that much of a slut, which isn't a bad thing, or are you open to the idea of monogamy, as Enrique prefers?" I wanted to clarify things before moving on to Priya.
"I'm ... a slut. Sorry, Enrique. To be blunt, I like you, but I'm not cut out to be faithful to anyone, period. It's just not who I am, just as sharing and poly are not you. We have so much in common in some ways, but not in this. I thought that this was just a diversion for you. I didn't think that it was true love. Are you really in love with me?" Celia wondered aloud.
"Yes, I am. I wish that we were on the same page. I love you ... and you alone, Celia. I just wish that you loved me the same way, mi Corazon," Enrique said, "I've done my playing, but that was killing time until I found my true love, my real passion, you see."
"And you, Priya ... are you more like Celia or more like Enrique?" I turned to Priya at last for her own view.
"Well, no offense, but despite my sins, I am still a good Hindu girl. I was just weak when it came to Nathan. If I am to marry, I must be faithful and loyal to my husband, and would rather that he were to me, too. I get jealous at the idea of Nathan with Celia, too. Perhaps I could marry Enrique and Celia could stay with Nathan, who is more of her type?" Priya proposed.
"I ... wouldn't mind, if we could truly love each other. Priya is such a sweet and lovely young woman," Enrique agreed.
"Very well, then. Instead of changing your natures, I will simply change the objects of your affections. That is much easier, anyway, if you think of it, and will leave you all much happier. Priya and Enrique, step forward," I ordered them, causing a knife to appear from nowhere.
They walked toward me and I caused the knife to levitate before cutting both of them on the hands, making them bleed now.
"Press your wounds together, mingling your blood with his. Yes, that is good. This is a blood pact, if you will. It is much a stronger bond than any traditional marriage. This is something of a sacrifice for me, since I'd love to have sex with both of you, much as I had originally planned, but I believe that this covenant of yours will make each of you much happier. As from this moment onward, you now have an eternal commitment to each other. Your souls and spirits have been scrambled together, and to top it off, I have made both of you incapable of tolerating even the idea of mating with others. You will never desire another person but each other for the rest of your lives," I declared before healing their open wounds.
"We should still hold a wedding for them and have them exchange rings and vows, all that jazz. I will be interested to see how their marriage turns out," I smiled, and then told the couple, "Get busy making wild, passionate love to each other. We all want to watch, since we can't participate. And then you can both watch us all get it on ... but this is a nice breather, isn't it, for all of us?"
"Well, who am I to refuse the will of God?" Priya spoke with a mix of reverence and humor as well, making us all burst into laughter at last while admiring her naked body as she disrobed.
Chapter 18
Watching Enrique and Priya get it on was rather wild, I had to admit to myself. Well, I didn't, since I was God, but still...Anyway, they were quite the cute couple, from the way that Enrique did foreplay, to the way that Priya whimpered as he entered her from above, to the way that she shockingly enjoyed anal. So much for being a good Hindu girl, I thought, but who's judging? It was kind of funny to hear her say that, given that her Gods had been destroyed some time ago. Of course, culture was a lot of baggage to handle, and one didn't shake off religious morals overnight. It turned out that Nathan had gotten her into sodomy, for which Enrique really ought to have thanked him, though that would be an awkward conversation for sure. It also turned out that she was technically a virgin, hence the buggery. It was Enrique who picked that cherry for sure.
While the couple showered after sixth act (because I didn't let Enrique go soft until Priya no longer needed it), I decided some other things. Since I was God, I simply slowed their aging process, removed any body hair, changed both of their eyes to a shade of purple, increased their height, raised their metabolism, and gave them both pointy ears. I radically transformed their DNA in such a fashion that they were no longer genetically human, but another species entirely. To summarize the issue, I turned Enrique and Priya into elves. Yes, I went there. Blame my fondness for Tolkien and other sources of elven lore, but I was eager to actually create such a race where none existed. I set their life expectancy at roughly three hundred years for a start, considering a possible increase from there.
When Enrique and Priya emerged from the shower, it was as much to their shock as that of the others, but neither of them seemed to object. If anything, Enrique liked that he looked younger than he did before, Priya welcomed her new slender figure, and they both really enjoyed the sleekness of their bodies together. It was also complete proof of my divinity, and therefore both of them fell on their knees in abject worship before I told them to rise.
"Arise, my new progenitors of the Elven race. I look forward to seeing the impact that this transformation of yours has on the world and mankind itself. While I intend to turn others into your kind as well, I will be very selective about who makes the cut, and you will become the Lord and Lady of the new Elven race. I am even contemplating the notion of a separate Elven nation, though I'd have to find the right land for it.
"Now, both of you, choose your new Elven names, to proclaim your new identity as Lord and Lady of the Elves. Think well on the origins and meaning of those names, as well as what they say about you. After that, I will issue the first commandments of the Elven Way, the code by which you must live," I instructed the rulers of my new Elvish tribe.
"Very well, then. I choose the name Eruantien, which basically means 'gift from God,' which I believe suits me best, as you are God and have given me such gifts now. What about you, Priya?" Enrique, or rather Eruantien, declared with obvious gratitude.
"Sounds wonderful. In that case, I prefer to be called Eruraina, which means 'God is gracious.' This was very true of you, Lord, because you have been rather gracious to me and my husband...my new husband, Eruantien, that is. I am going to love being an Elf, I can already see that. Thank you for that and for bringing me together with a man who loves me back as I love him, truly forsaking all others. The fact that it isn't your way of life, and yet you cannot accept and celebrate it in me and my mate makes that even more significant to me. You are a great and wise God, much like those which I was taught to believe in and pray to, Lord," Priya/ Eruraina thanked me.
"Yes, you are much greater than the God whom I feared would send me to Hell over jerking off," Eruantien agreed with a smile.
"Well, I still revere the memory of my old Gods, but I can do that and worship you as well," Eruraina told me.
At that point, a bit of smoke and noise appeared in the room with everyone, stunning all of us, only to reveal about four people, including three men and a woman, all of them quite lovely, if strange and exotic in appearance. The woman was rather dark, too, while one of the men was brown with a monkey jaw, another light blue, and yet another royal blue with an elephant trunk on his face. They turned to me and it was the woman who spoke, not the men.
"So, you are the new King of Heaven? Well, that is impressive enough, but we wanted you to know that you're not alone as a Deity. Yes, Jehovah is gone, good riddance that, and most of the pagan Gods are dead, too, but we still have worshipers. We've just chosen to lay low and not contend for the Heavens. We let that pompous fool Jehovah think that he'd killed us, but many of us are still around," she smiled at me, but with something of a friendly and conspiratorial tone, "If we had shown ourselves sooner, Jehovah would have destroyed us or died trying, leaving the Heavens in chaos and open for some demented angel to fill the void."
"You are...Hindu gods, I presume?" I gathered from the way that they looked.
"Exactly. Avatars of Vishnu and Shiva. I am Radha, supreme consort of Krishna here. That is Ganesha and the other is Hanuman. Our temples and shrines still stand, making us much harder to kill than Jehovah thought. We know of your pacts with others and we wanted one of our own with you. So, here is our proposal. You will reign and rule in Heaven, as you wish. We only want our corner of the Cosmos, one where our devotees live unmolested. We are...semi-retired, if you will. We see no reason to worry about the external lands, many of which pervert our teachings through a variety of false gurus and false swamis.
"We want to keep those souls and we want some compensation for the loss of Priya's soul. You did not mean to steal her from us, but you still took her, nonetheless. It would be difficult, not to mention unwise, for us to reclaim her now, but we want at least one soul in exchange for hers. She was such a pure and devout soul, too, so we cherished her and her soul had a lot of value. So, what do you say?" Radha continued.
