All Comments on 'The Party: Lily's Beautiful Dress'

just love it

pls provide a new chapter lily gets pregnant

then tell her mom mom goins in

this would be a great story but for god sakes learn how to use pronouns properly or get an editor! the brother is not a her and the sister is not a he.

@Bry1977 Sorry for the pronoun mistakes. I've submitted the changes to the story, hope they get reviewed soon.

while you're at it, we don't need to be reminded that they're 'the siblings' every other sentence.

Fucking in the kitchen in the middle of a party. Not likely. Needs to be based on some reality.

I thought you had a five star story going right up until the part where they reached the bottom of the stairs and started knocking pictures off of the wall. But the breaking stuff didn't just stop there, it continued senselessly all the way through to the end.

Even if James and Lily were unrelated but still boyfriend and girlfriend, they certainly wouldn't be wrecking the house in a fit of passion. Anyone reading fiction knows that you have to suspend reality to buy into the story. But there's still a line that the author should not cross lest he or she makes a fictional story into a total farce. But you didn’t stop there either.

You continued on by having James orgasm over and over again in quick succession. Men are just not capable of doing anything like that.

I don't think that you actually put a great deal of thought into the plot of your story. I was disappointed overall by the time that I reached the end. I'll give you points for the siblings be in love instead of just fucking each other to get their rocks off. But I hope that you put a little bit more effort into planning out your next project before you sit down to write it. 2/5

Love it, please make a sequel!