The Perfect Beginning Ch. 04: Therapy

When Michele began attending their weekly, Sunday brunch, she was accepted into the group.  Though she was a bit unsure at first, Michele soon came to understand that her acceptance was not that of a novelty.  She was accepted based on merit and as a peer. 

And she did not play act the part.  She was young and far less experienced in the world than her new sisters.  She did not hide from this.  She dealt with it as a young woman, a younger sister. 

These women thought of one another as sisters and often referred to one another as such.  Though a peer of sorts, Michele thought of herself as a respectful younger sister with a lot to learn.  She listened carefully and asked lots of questions.  In doing so, she learned and matured.  And in so doing, gained the additional respect of her older sisters, confirming their decision to accept Michele as one of their own.  

It was funny and fun to Michele that at times when alone with Tim, she could embrace her little girl energy and she loved that; but she also recognized that she stepped (rather gracefully) from childhood to adulthood without having to slog through some of the most awkward and dreadful between years that everybody else had to contend with. 

Some of her Sisters enjoyed sharing with her some of their young challenges providing Michele with a more objective perspective of her under-school landscape.  She was a girl but in one very significant way, lived with a pleasure most women never achieved.  She loved being a girl and now loved being a woman.

****

Dear Me,

I have so much gratitude for my friendship with Krista. 

Before, I did not feel like I had an equal that I could relate to.  Now I do.  We are not totally equal because she is older and knows way more about so many things.  But on a personal level, we connect. 

And since we've been friends, I feel like I am changing so much.  I am learning so much about...everything!  I'm watching the news, going to the museum and art openings and next week I'm going to the Opera House with Krista, Millicent and Gwendolyn.  Then we are getting dinner and Millicent will use her connections to get me into the bar.  Not that I'll be drinking. 

Spending time with the Ladies is amazing.  They are so wise and smart and know so much about the world...

****

And she'd keep Tim a boy...a cute, sexy, dependent, good, little boy.  Her boy.  She really tried not to take what she had for granted. 

I own him.  He is mine.  And not just some ugly throw away.  I own the boy I want to own. 

When she reminded herself this way, she felt warm all over. 

I love my boy-thang.  

****

One day Krista came to Michele with an idea. 

"I want to ask you something, but before I do, I want to say a few things.  I have so much respect for you, Michele.  It goes beyond that really, you are an inspiration to me." 

Michele knew of all Krista's many romantic failures and her few success. 

"Honestly, I see you as an example to all girls, as well as women" 

Michele felt her friend's love and it showed on her face.  The respect was mutual. 

"I want you to consider allowing me to counsel you both as a couple.  And before you say anything, I want you to know, I agree with you: you don't really need very much in the way of counseling.  In ways we've discussed, in some areas, you are way ahead of me.  Yet I think I can help you with Tim. 

"You've told me of his anxiety and the difficulties he's having.  He sounds to me like he might even be suffering from a mild form of depression.  He loves you Michele, and he needs you and he needs what you give to him, but it does come with some challenges. 

"As much as you know about how to make your man heel, sit and obey," she offered a wide smile, "even you could use a little objective guidance with relationships.  Who couldn't? 

"It would all be about solidifying your relationship, helping Tim to embrace what he now sees as a challenge.  Working together, I think we can do this. 

"And there will always be challenge for him.  We wouldn't want to take that away," she smiled.  We'd just work to ensure his commitment never wavers.  We could work to guarantee his iron clad commitment to you. 

"And selfishly, getting in there with you two would give me even greater insight into how you swept him off his feet and what you've done with Tim since; and I want that.  A lot. 

"Especially when it comes to men, I have a lot to learn from you, honey.  You can teach me while I think I can help you.  I want to learn so that I can do with men what you have done with Tim.  What do you say?"

This was actually something Michele had thought about herself. 

Krista was pretty and she had to honestly assess whether or not she viewed Krista as any kind of potential threat. 

She'd given this some thought and tried to be objective and concluded that she even trusted Krista with her guy.  Michele was amused to realize that she was pretty possessive of Tim.  Further, Krista had a masters in psychology and was a licensed marriage and family therapist.  Michele had decided she was not going to lose Tim and therefore, she thought this a good idea. 

She smiled at her friend, "Yeah, okay, let's try it."

"I'm so excited! This is going to be great!"

****

Dear Diary,

So now Krista is going to council Tim and me. 

At first I was not so sure.  However, I began to think about it and I think it is going to work out. 

One thing that has changed me was the time I got to spend with Miranda, Dorothy and Brenda.  I really wanted them to see that they could do with men what I'd done with Tim.  The more I thought about that, the more I realized that I want all women to have something as beautiful as what I have. 

I know Krista wants it.  She's told me so about 100 times!  I don't blame her and would want it too if she were the one who had it. 

A while back, I told Tim that he was not going to college and that I might want to keep him at home...like for his career.  He did not respond well and earned himself a punishment.  Naughty boy!  Smiles.  Getting Special!  Mmmmmm.  Anyway, he was having a hissy fit and stormed off to my room to cry his little eyes out or something, I don't know.  He's so emotional, Love it! He had to get it together. 

So while he was freaking out, I told him to come to me for his punishment and you know what?  He refused.  So the question is whether or not I can really own him if he won't always follow my directions? 

I sat with this a little while because it was really bugging me.  Like, do I own him?  Is he my property? 

Then by chance, I had a conversation with Tanya and Cin about riding.  They are way into the equestrian thing and own their own horses. 

Cin was telling a story about how her horse, a big, boy horse named Lightening just took off running after some other horse while she was riding him.  For a few minutes, she could not control him and she was even a little scared. 

Tanya chipped in that something like that had happened to her too. 

The lesson was that animals are unpredictable.  Why should people be any less so? 

Ok, so she lost control for a few minutes but then she got it back.  Before, during and after, she still owned the horse.  It's not like she stopped owning the horse while it was out of her control just for a minute. 

For a few minutes, I did not have complete control of Tim, but that does not mean he did not belong to me.  She went on to master the horse and I went on to master Tim.  I never stopped being his Master.  He's just a big animal who lost his mind for a few minutes while in a panic.  I never stopped owning him and was never anything less than his Master.  

I am Tim's Master.  

Pretty!

****

Michele had kept Tim from her friendship with Krista.  While that was about to change, Tim assumed they were going into therapy with a therapist that was meeting them for the first time.

They began meeting twice a week, once at Michele's and once at Krista's. 

"Tim, I want you to know, this therapy is intended to help you and Michele be happier individually and to be a happier and more harmonious couple." 

As they outlined the relationship, Tim was extremely uncomfortable.  He was a man dating someone way too young, which should make him a pig in Krista's eyes.  Yet she seemed not to think anything of it.

They began by outlining their relationship, starting with how it began.  They only touched on some of their 'challenges' as a couple.  Tim was starting to get the impression that if they continue seeing Ms. Krista, they might actually have to reveal some deeply private secrets between he and Michele. 

Aside from these misgivings, things seemed cool enough to Tim.  He liked Krista; she was warm and engaging and she seemed to really want to help them.  Tim was starting to think that once Krista saw how certain aspects of his relationship were totally unfair, how Michele did not treat him as an equal, she would help him normalize things with Michele.  

The only indicator that caused Tim a moments pause was that she introduced herself as "Ms. Krista."  He frequently had to refer to Michele as "Ms. Michele" but Michele referred to her as just Krista, and when Tim did likewise, she very gently, and very politely smiled and asked him if he would please refer to her as "Ms. Krista."

Alright, it's not like it's a big deal.  

****

Sitting with Becky in the lesbian lounge, "You mean Ms. Lucas the  skinny, hot-nerdy-librarian, councilor at Lincoln?  The one with the pointy nose and smart-girlglasses?"

"Yeah, her."

"Lucky!  I always loved her legs.  I've always had a thing for her.  She has the prettiest, most muscular calves and she shows them off in high heels all the time. God, I just wanna...mmmmm!"

"So you think it's good?"

"Of course!  Women like to deal with what men run away from.  You are going to get in touch with your feelings.  Don't worry, it's natural.  It's what girls do."

Tim was a little confused by that last statement.  Sometimes he did not like that Becky seemed to confuse him with a girl.  And then he'd feel Missy stirring in his panties and just give in to it.  Who could blame Becky?

"Besides, what difference does it make?  Michele has decided so I'd just put on a happy face and deal with it.  Be a good girl."

****

The next meeting was later that week at Krista's.  Michele and Krista hugged in a warm embrace.  "You look beautiful, Krista."

"Thanks honey, so do you.  I really love those jeans."  Michele posed playfully and they both laughed gently.

"Hey, Krista."

Krista stopped and looked at Tim with head slightly cocked and just a hint of irritated smirk on her pretty face.  "Now Tim, I'm quite sure we addressed this the other day," Krista said it warmly but firmly as she smiled at Tim.  "I'll require you to call me 'Ms. Krista'.  Do you understand?" she asked gently.

"I guess so but, I... well not really.  Michele calls you Krista."  Tim's heart rate quickened with nervousness.  He simply was not used to questioning authority when Michele was present and was proud of himself for standing up to this small injustice.

Looking Tim dead in the eye, Krista said in a pleasant, neutral, professional voice, the one she'd use at school with a boy she caught running in the hall, "Michele and I have a totally different sort of relationship.  I relate to her as another adult.  If you prefer, I'll allow you to call me Madam Krista or Madam." 

She smiled at Tim and proceeded to welcome them into her home.  His concern was summarily dismissed.

"Oh."  Neither of the ladies even heard him passively accept Krista's precedence setting explanation.  It almost seemed as though it did not matter.

"That's funny, I make him call me 'Ms. Michele."

"Of course."

As they sat, Tim became aware that his chair was just slightly shorter than the women's. 

Nothing to be alarmed about.

As they made their way into the session, Krista asked some probing questions, looking for some relationship issues she could help them with. 

Tim expressed how he felt overwhelmed by Michele all the time.  He was uncertain about how he felt she controlled everything.  Lastly, he explained how he had real reservations about not attending college at Michele's insistence so that he might be a stay-at-home husband...when they actually marry. 

"Krista...I mean Madam Krista, that's like, wrong, isn't it?"

"Before I address your concern, I'd like to explore your feelings about matrimony.  How would you feel if Michele actually decided to take your hand in marriage"

He so badly wanted to play it cool and really temper his response but immediately knew he was not capable of doing so.  He and Becky had been talking about it quite a lot and he'd gotten to the point that the mere mention of it made his heart beat rapidly and he suffered a weird vibration of joyous excitement and anxiety.  "I...I really, really want it.  I mean, I think it would be a good thing."

"'A good thing?'" she asked skeptically.

"I mean...more than that," he said lamely.  Beaming with the joy of it, "I want it like so badly.  Like, I want it more than anything, Ms. Krista.  Like sometimes I can't stop thinking about it."

Michele looked so amazingly superior at that moment. 

'...can't stop thinking about it.' Good bitch.  Obsess.

Smiling her pleasure, "Tell Michele.  Look at her."

Looking to Michele, "I want it more than anything, Michele.  Becky and I talk about it like all the time.  I want to be married to you like so bad."  His profession sounded like a plea, like begging.

She just looked at him with a gentle, superior smile playing on her lips.  She did not feel the least compulsion to respond to his near begging.  She had him exactly where she wanted him: in need.

"Michele knows this Tim, but you need to be clear about and prioritize your own feelings. 

"Moving back to your anxiety, the issue is not whether any of these are good things or wrong, Tim, the problem is your unwillingness to accept these things.  You feel they are somehow 'unnatural.' 

"I assure you, these expectations, Michele's expectations are quite natural.  Her expectations are natural because they are in step with your respective natures.  She is acting upon her nature while you are resisting yours. 

"I suspect you are reacting to shame.  We will work with this.  And your shame is quite understandable, by the way.  Your trick is to gain acceptance in spite of your shame.  Your shame will remain. We will enjoy a deep dive into this topic."

Tim was disquieted.

"Let's play a game.  I'm going to name two things and Tim, I want you to tell me which is Michele and which is you.  For example, if I said 'green' and 'red', you would assign one to you and one to Michele.  Do you understand?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Sit up, stop slouching and respond with a proper 'yes, Madam' or 'no, Madam.'"  

Michele smiled on.

"Yes, Ms.," was Tim's quiet, self-conscious reply.

"One final thing, this is just a symbolic association game.  It is obviously not literal as neither of you could be green or red.  It is only a symbolic reflection and by no means should be be seen as a complete reflection of who you are.  We are way too complex for anything like that.  Okay, now, here we go.  Let's start with green and red."

"I'm green and Michele is red."

"Good.  Okay then, why?"

"Um, I guess I just think of it kind of like a street light.  I just go until Michele tells me to stop.  But now that I think about it, sometimes she tells me to go.  So like, a lot of times she's green and red. I don't know, it's the best I can do."

"Okay, perfect.  Let's do another: lion, lamb."

Tim felt his stomach sink.

"Um...Michele is a lion and I'm the lamb?"  Tim half stated, half asked. 

"Why Tim, why is Michele the lion?"

"Umm...because she is strong?"  Tim began to feel his penis swelling of its own accord.  He glanced to Michele and he saw her in body, sexy, but so much smaller than him.  It seemed wrong.

"Yes, good, Michele is the lion.  And why are you the little boy lamb?" she asked with a smile.

"I...I'm not sure," came his lame response.  He simply could not look at this pretty and highly intelligent woman and say, "Because I'm weak." 

Tim still felt that when he was around attractive women, a need to impress them somehow. 

When I'm not around Michele, I really am a man! Did she say, "little boy lamb?"

"That's alright, try to stay calm and try not to get frightened and flustered," she added patronizingly.  "It will become clear.  Let's continue: predator, prey."

I'm not frightened! God, who said anything about being scared?

As petulant as he felt, he would not dare speak his protest in front of Michele.

"Michele is the predator, I'm the prey."  Tim already hated this and wanted to order it the other way...but Michele was watching with a fascinated smile and she knew the truth. 

This was not going at all as Tim expected.  He almost felt ambushed, but he knew Krista was a licensed therapist, she had professional credibility.  Besides, he was the one to broach the topic.

"Yes, yes, good.  Michele claimed you as her own didn't she? 

"Michele outlined a few things when she first contacted me about therapy.  Oh, I know all about it, how you mistakenly thought you were her babysitter, and being the older boy, well the situation lent itself in support of your false sense of self.  Don't feel badly, it wasn't your fault. 

"I'm talking about the part of you that thinks you are a man.  I'm so sorry Tim, but society's really done a number on you.  It's important that you begin to question this silly notion of manhood that you covet.  We will all work together to help get that out of your pretty, little head. 

"In the beginning, when this all started, your true self knew.  Naturally, your true self, your higher self wanted Michele to take the lead, you wanted to belong to her, but it's not like you had much of a choice now was it?" 

"I'm not...I don't know..." 

Oh my god, she knows who I really am. 

He was convinced that certain women just sized him up.

"Michele, did Tim have a choice?"

"Definitely not."

"Tim, you didn't have a choice because you were following your nature and Michele was following hers.  She is a lioness, a predator.  She is a huntress.  You are looking at her, you see it.  She is beautiful, truly graceful, fierce and deadly.  She is power incarnate. She's to be looked up to, admired and respected for her strength. 

"You are a little boy lamb who had lost his way in the big world.  You spent years attempting to live up to what society wanted you to be and acted the part of the tough guy, but Michele immediately understood the truth about you and showed you who you really are. 

"The huntress knows her prey. 

"And you know it too, on some level.  Why else would you be with someone else so much younger than you, considering your respective ages? 

"You are weak...and that's okay, you just need to accept it and learn to be meek and docile so your powerful lioness will keep you and not destroy you. 

"The huntress has claimed you.  Lucky you.  I mean that most sincerely and I hope you realize it is true.  So fortunate. 

"What you are experiencing with Michele is quite as it should be.  As much as we've talked of equality, as much as women have in recent years spoken up for equality, not everybody is equal.  She's just stronger than you. 

"Of course there is shame in this, profound shame.  She's a girl. 

"But that does not mean you are not the luckiest boy in the whole wide world.  You are just lucky you found someone so much stronger than you who even wants you.  

"Now as we do this, Tim, I want you to look at Michele.  I want you two to maintain constant eye contact.  Do you understand?"