The Perfect Beginning Ch. 04: Therapy

"Yeah...I mean yes, Ms. Krista." 

And Tim did understand.  He felt like she knew him better than he knew himself.  He began to realize he was at a total disadvantage.  She was saying things about him that he had kept so deeply hidden that he at once felt the shock of a powerful and difficult revelation and an understanding of the truth of all of it.

"Good boy." 

At that, Tim realized, with no small amount of discomfort, that he was ramrod hard.  This was a condition he'd developed only after being with Michele.  Tim was literally hard more often than not; at least when he was with Michele.  He was so used to being hard, there were countless times he walked about with an erection and did not even know it; he was so like a small boy.  

"Let's continue: teacher, student." 

"Michele is the teacher and I'm the student."  Tim's face burned red with embarrassment.  

"Yes, now this is interesting isn't it.  Michele's in under-school, yet she's the teacher, while you are her much older student.  Looking at Michele, explain to her why she is your teacher."

"Michele, you're my t...teacher umm because..."

"Timmy, I won't ask again, maintain eye contact with Michele as you speak to her."  

Tim was only vaguely aware of an implied threat in Krista's warning; threats like these had become common and he'd learned to be guided and propelled by them with a sort of unconsidered obedience. 

It was so hard to look at Michele, as it would have been to look at anybody while he explained these dark and deeply shameful, secret truths. 

Michele had tried to help him see his inferiority to her.  As a show of respect, Tim had spoken of this aloud, but wondered if it were true and tried not to think too much about it. 

Now he was being forced to dive into a topic which terrified him and to do so with this pretty stranger bearing witness made it so much worse.  The thought of explaining his inferiority to the woman he loved, with Krista nodding her approval, was beyond unsettling. 

And with another to bear witness to it all, for it to be openly acknowledged in front of a third person, it would certainly provide Michele a new perspective of a more comprehensive context and all but force her hand to break up with him.

Sometimes Michele looked to Tim like the most sexy woman he'd ever seen.  Other times, she still looked like a girl, a pretty, young under-school girl, but still a girl.  It was all about her attitude at the time.  This was one of those times in which she looked like both and it made his head spin. If he had to describe her with one word, it would have been, "superior." 

"Michele is the teacher, because she teaches me how to do things."

"Yes," she said pleased.  "What exactly does she teach you?"

"She uh, she teaches me how to dress.  She teaches me how she'd prefer I drive my car.  And she teaches me how to...how to behave and, and how to clean her house."

"Those last two are particularly  interesting now, are they not?  We'll come back to that. 

"All of us seek to be significant in who we are and what we do, even children.  We are social creatures and we find comfort and wellbeing when we find our place, our niche.  We will work together to help you be the best little student you can be. 

"With time, you will become more attentive, more obedient and more accepting of your role.  We all have a role to play.  In this you will discover a greater sense of purpose and wellbeing," she smiled warmly. 

"And it's not like the teacher has no responsibility.  She has to consider what she wants you, her student, to do, how she wants you to do it as well as suitable discipline and correction.  Okay, good boy; moving on.  geisha, samurai."

Tim paused, looked up and noticed how intently Ms. Krista was watching him.  It was more than that, there was a real intense look of anticipation on her face and just the vaguest hint of amusement.  Tim noticed his cock pulsing in his panties as his stomach sank and his chest constricted.  His balls throbbed with an aching burn.  "Michele is...Michele is the samurai and, and I'm the...the...  Wait, this is not fair, Ms. Krista, I'm not the geisha," Tim stated weakly.

"It's just symbolism, Tim, don't worry about it," she said encouragingly.  "It does not necessarily mean you are a girl.  If Michele is the samurai in the relationship, what does that make you?"

"But I'm not..."

"Well, let's think about it symbolically, the samurai is the warrior, and in the relationship, the protector.  The samurai is fierce and strong and very aggressive when need be.  The samurai is very demanding and expects the geisha to know her place.  When she strays from the path, the Samurai will put the Geisha in her place. 

"Have you ever put Michele in her place?" Krista asked with a smile. 

"No...I...I've never..."

"Okay, well then has Michele ever put you in your place?  Think of a time when you either got too big for your britches or unacceptably moody... or disobedient."  

Tim looked at Ms. Krista with a look of disbelief and loss.  A slight smile on her face and eyebrows raised as if to pry his response.

"Um...ah, yes," he whispered.  Yes to all those things.

"Yes, good," she responded warmly, encouragingly.  "How so exactly?  Let's say you're getting a bit big for your britches, a little sassy, a little bratty, a little naughty, what might she do to put you in your place? Imagine you've been a little naughty-pants boy."

God I fucking hate those words!  Why does she put it that way?  'Naughty-pants,' what the fuck?

"Well..." he fidgeted, "she'd scold me, I...I mean, I mean like, tell me what I'd...I'd done..." Tim could feel his throat closing, "and then she'd sp...sp...spank, she'd spank me."  He could not believe his own disclosure and suddenly felt close to tears. 

Oh my god, why did I say that? Oh my god, it just slipped out! Do not cry!  Do not!  Breath!

Krista's eyes sparkled like large, finely cut emeralds. 

Why, he's shaking!  My, my, my!

Her smile was just as radiant.  "Yes!  Wonderful, Michele spanks you.  Isn't that wonderful?  I have to say I love that!  How sweet.  You really are a fortunate boy.  We'll return to this again later.  I want to know exactly what you mean by this.  Well alright then.  

"As I said, the samurai is fierce, strong and aggressive.  When you are with Michele, does this describe you?  Are you fierce, strong and aggressive?"

Michele snickered involuntarily.

"No, Ms. Krista."

"Does this description fit Michele?"

Right away, Tim wanted to say no.  Sometimes she was this way, but really not all that often.  Then he came to the dead end of his reasoning.  She was this way only occasionally because she did not need to be this way all the time. 

Her willingness to be fierce, strong and aggressive whenever she needed to be was sufficient to keep him meek, deferential and obedient.  And in the meantime, she was assertive and clear in her expectations of Tim.

"Yes, sometimes she is."  Like with Mai, he felt like he needed to defend Michele from any perception of abusive or inappropriate behavior by following up with, "But only when she needs to be."

"Yes, of course," agreed Krista.  "She's a responsible samurai and needs to keep things...and geishas, in line."  She smiled broadly at the boy.

He hated how he'd put himself right back in the situation he was trying to get out of.

"The samurai demands pleasure services from the geisha.  Do you demand this of Michele?" 

Michele uttered another quick laugh.

"No, no never."  Tim did not want that question to hang out there for even a second.  He feared the consequences.

"Does Michele demand servicing from you?"

"Uh, yes, like everyday."

"Have you any problems with this?"

"No, no, not at all."

"None?"

"No, really, I...I like it."

"Good.  That's because it is natural.  She's a samurai and a young woman with powerful needs. 

"Make yourself of value: be attentive, be eager to serve and learn to do it the way she wants.  Remember: she is your samurai.  Embrace your naturally subservient instinct.  It helps you compensate for certain obvious shortcomings and makes you more important to Michele.

"How does this make you feel when she demands sexual servitude?  I mean in a forceful way?  Do you like that she demands obedient servicing from you?"

Momentarily losing himself to his joyous enthusiasm, "Oh my god, yes!  More than anything in the whole wide world!"

Warmly, "What do you like about it?"

"I like being close to Michele and I really like pleasing her. 

"Michele has helped me realize how good it is for our relationship."  He hated how obsequious it sounded even before he spoke it, but it was a pretty watered down version of the truth,

"I like how she's usually pleased with me afterward...and then I feel good about myself.  I feel like it's one of the most important things.  And I just like...you know...really like doing it." 

He could not say that it was as close to cumming as he could get while engaged with Michele.  He could not bring himself to say that just her powerful musk drove him to the brink of sanity and fostered the most profoundly submissive feelings he could imagine along with a desperate need to please.  He could not say that her taste and scent was his sexual euphoria.  He could not say that every time he was between her legs that not only was he deeper in love with Michele, but he was also more in love with the feeling of being her slave. He could not say that while sucking her off it was the only time he experienced true clarity about his place in the world and was free of all doubt and shame about his status as Michele's submissive.  He could not say that her ultimate satisfaction was a significant indicator of his self worth.  He could not say that while his mouth was on her sex and his face buried between her legs, he was in a spiritual meditation in which he was so lost to Michele that his only pleasure was Her pleasure.

"But like when she's aggressively demanding?  Is it too much?"

"No.  Not at all.  Sometimes..."

"Sometimes?"

In a soft, quiet voice, "Sometimes I like that."  As though the qualifier made it less damning.  In fact, he always liked it.  Whether it was gentle love making or simulated rape or somewhere in between, he loved all of it.

"That's because it's natural.  Excellent.  And for you, it is one of the most important things.  That is the wellbeing I referenced earlier.  When you embrace your natural tendencies and surrender to Michele and the natural order, you find peace and joy.  Don't forget that.  You should feel proud of yourself." 

Turning to Michele, almost as though in a side conversation or as though Tim was not there.  "He really does have all the makings of a fine little wifey."  

Michele smiled, most pleased.  She was pleased with Krista's insight and thrilled with their therapy.

Back to Tim, "The samurai protects the delicate geisha.  Have you ever felt as though you have protected Michele in any way?  And again, looking at Michele as you answer."

"No."

"No, I did not think so.  Have you ever felt as though Michele has protected you?"

Immediately Tim flashed to his sessions with Mai and how frightened he has occasionally gotten of her and how relieved he was that first time when Michele came back for him.  God, he actually stood behind her to keep himself from Mai, that predatory girl. 

He wanted to lie so badly, but he knew if while looking Michele in the eye, she'd know.  "Yes," he whispered.

"Louder."

"Yes, yes, I have."

"Not surprising.  Tell us about it."

As Tim recalled his ongoing story, the women smiled knowingly in a casual, amused sort of way.  "Don't worry little boy, I'll keep you safe from that mean, little Vietnamese girl."  

Krista allowed herself a very telling laugh.  

"Oh, and don't forget about the Halloween party," Michele smiled. 

Of course he'd blocked from his recall this even more damning encounter.  He sank lower into his seat.

Eyebrows raised, "Oh?  Do tell."

Tim had to recall the entire event and with prodding, even revealed his "girl training," which he received before the party. 

Though Krista knew all about it, she pretended otherwise in order to share her "spontaneous" laughter at Tim's predicament. 

Tim told how Missy Thompson and her friend frightened and intimidated poor Kimberly into frozen submission and how Michele came to the rescue.

"That must have been so frightening for you; two young girls intimidating you like that.  Interesting.  Now let me get this straight, these girls were younger and much smaller than you, yes?"  

"Yes."

In fairness, Missy was and elite athlete and hardly a small woman.

"And you are a black belt in karate?"

"Yes."

"Well then, you must have been terrified by these mean, young girls."  She smiled broadly at the emotionally defeated boy.

In fact, Krista found it very interesting.  Michele's power over Tim was so profound that he truly internalized and accepted himself as a docile girl.  She could not wait to come back to this! 

"It seems you are already well acquainted with your role.  Symbolically, are you the samurai in the relationship?"

"No, Ms. Krista."

"Then look Michele in the eye and tell us who it is." 

And there it was, that superior smug expression on Michele's face.  It was always so weird to Tim because it always made him feel inferior to her yet she never looked sexier to him and his cock always responded.

"Michele is the samurai."

"Good, you're right, Michele is the samurai. 

"Now let us examine the geisha.  The geisha is pretty but weak and needs the protection of the samurai.  Without the samurai, the geisha would be taken advantage of and used by anyone, by everyone.  The geisha would be raped hard and repeatedly by a cruel world.

"It's good for you to reflect on what happened to you at that party.  And do you really think that if not for Michele, Mai would not have already claimed you for herself?  And what would those girls have done to you had Michele not saved you? Finders, keepers and all that?"  

Tim recalled the catcalls of the leering girls at the Halloween party.  He remembered being felt up and having his bottom pinched and his pig-tails pulled as Missy ground into his outthrust ass.  He remembered his fear, his paralysis and compliance. 

Fight, flight or freeze and I froze.

Unable to look Michele in the eye, his eyes wondered the room and as he looked within, he looked very, very far away to Krista and Michele. 

He remembered how the girls kept patting his bottom and lifting his skirt and how completely intimidated he was. He remembered Missy and her friend and how aggressive and mean they were and how scared he was of them. 

"They...they said I was a 'party-girl.' They, they might have hurt me...a little..."

"Yes, a 'little,' that's an important phrase, '...a little.' I like that you said it that way. 

"They likely would not have beaten you, though they might have.  They might have given you a very satisfying beating, both for fun and to make clear to you that this was their option, their prerogative.  They might have wanted you to know that they had that power over you. 

"Or, they might have hurt you '...a little,' just to soften you up and again for fun, for sport. 

"Then what?  You know, after hurting you 'a little?' What would they have done to you then?  What would they have done to the party-girl?  You do know what a 'party-girl' is right?  She's the girl who gets gang raped." 

"I...I know.  They might have... they might have..." it was just too hard for Tim to say.  

"They might have raped you, Tim, or in this instance, perhaps Kimberly is more appropriate.  Though here and now you are Tim, we will work on this other side too, for I think there really is another side of you.  They might have raped Kimberly.  Isn't that true?"

"Yes."

"Say it, it's important."

"They would have raped...raped me."

"Yesssssss!  That's right!"  She smiled at him.  "It's important that you see this now, see it in your mind." 

She actually saw Tim shiver. 

"Date rapes are common, Tim.  Party-girls don't usually consciously choose to be gang-banged. Just because they want to be pretty, just because you wanted to be noticed, to be desired, did not mean you wanted to be raped.

"They would have done to Kimberly what aggressors do to girls all the time.  They would have manhandled you. 

"Oh...I realized how funny but appropriate that word is when turned around like that...  They'd have manhandled you into submission, hurting you 'just a little' and then raped you," she said matter of factly and with a winning smile. 

"That's what we are talking about when we refer to them hurting you 'a little.' 

"See it Tim: One of them holding your arms behind you while the other slaps you around. Maybe a couple hard slaps to your little boy balls. 

"For them the fun's just beginning. It really would be so fun. Ah, to be young again," said as though reliving an exciting, earlier time. 

"And really, on some level, they can't be blamed.  It's easy to imagine the pleasure they would have had with you.  They are just spirited, fun loving, all-Porschean girls working off some stress and having a good time.  It would have been a great deal of fun and pleasure both.

"There they are, minding their own business when suddenly you come sauntering about with "party girl" all but tattooed on your lower back.  I don't think I could blame them with how you presented yourself. 

"Remember what I said about the conscious decision the party-girl makes as she prepares herself and presents herself at a party.  She's not thinking, 'I want to go out and get raped tonight.'  Not at all.  Yet on some level, she wants this.  It's in the way she dresses, walks, stands and presents.  If it's not an invitation, it's at least a dare. 

"The only thing missing on you was the tramp stamp."

Tim was not inviting these girls to do what they did to him and he sure did not want to be raped.

Did I? 

He considered what Ms. Krista said and reflected on his own behavior.  He recalled how he laughingly admonished the girls for flipping his skirt, almost making it more fun for them.  Was he trying to defuse the situation by making light of it or was he flirting with them?  He knew his face burned red and he smiled widely as he chastised them in a kittenish way, the way a playful girl might who was in the same situation. 

God, I was making it more fun for them!   I signaled them: Yes!  Come and get it.  And did I really like it? 

He thought then that part of him did like all the attention. 

I could have just commanded them to stop as Tim...but I didn't.  Oh my God, part of me wanted to be the candy! 

His mouth was open and his eyes went wide.  He remembered how he posed like a little coquet for Missy and her pretty, mean friend.  He stood like a totally defenseless, little girl and played with his pigtail and bit his lip. 

Was I inviting them? 

Isn't that just what Michele wanted me to do?

I did though, I wanted to be the hot, sexy, little tart. 

But was I signaling them that they could...that they could rape me? 

She told me I had to want to be pretty!  It's not fair! 

Yeah but I really did want to be pretty...or Kimberly did. 

Tim was totally confused about the implications of his behavior. 

Maybe on some level I did want it, all of it.  Even the raping. How could I not have known what they might do?

"After securing your fear and compliance, they might have raped you hard...or almost gently, playfully. 

"I can hear them now and think you can too, 'Kimberly has a pretty mouth, let's use her mouth.'  They would have been like little girls on the playground laughingly arguing about who went first on the swing.