The Perfect Beginning Ch. 05

Becky LOVED this because she derived a great sense of purpose and value.  She also loved it because it was pure girl time with her best friend.  She got 3 to 4 hours a day, five days a week alone with Kimberly at Becky's house. 

Some of the time Kimberly was dressed as a boy because when she was presented to Donna, she'd be dressed as such.  But most of the time she had Kimberly dressed properly, as a girl, in a pretty, delicate dress.  

Dress up was one of Becky's favorite things ever.  It was so exciting as it always made her feel like a little girl striving to be a big girl.  She was fascinated to the point of fixation on all things pretty and feminine. 

And she did not know if it was because she was doing this for Michele or because it was with her little sister, but she was getting very turned on dressing and teaching her little sister.  Often she'd excuse herself to the bathroom where she'd get herself off in secret.

Michele knew she could always count on Becky and spent special time with Becky as a reward.

****

Michele's mom was freaked out. 

Her daughter had always been so focused and always done the right thing.  Michele had always been so wholesome and level headed.  She'd been a good girl. 

DONNA'S SECRET ABOUT THE BLOCKERS WEARING OFF FOR HER IN HER 120s

Now she had some crazy idea that Tim was her boyfriend!  And Donna knew it was all her own fault for bringing Tim into the family to begin with!  She knew how young girls viewed older boys.  She knew how some under-school girls got all boy crazy and when it came to older boys, well they'd do just about anything not to lose him. Anything. 

As a girl, she'd been that way herself. Donna's forever secret was that when she'd been in her 120s, her blockers inexplicably stopped working. She became boy crazy and did some things she'd never share with anybody. And it caused her to marry way too young.

She assumed she was a freak in this way but wondered if it were possible that she'd passed this on to her daughter.

She hoped that Michele was still decades away from all this.  From Donna's point of view, Michele was still such a young girl.  Everything was now in jeopardy: college, graduation, a career and a normal marriage.

Preferably in her late 400 or 500s!

They'd been "seeing" each other for quite a while, which assuredly meant her baby girl was no longer a virgin. 

He'd want her off her blockers!

Pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases were now a possibility and with further hysterical consideration, a probability.  Donna wanted to cry. 

How many other girls is he screwing on the side?

She knew from hard experience how men were.

In the face of her mother's brimming hysteria, Michele was as cool as could be.  She'd had a lot of practice after all.  "Mom, seriously, it's not what you think.  It's not even close.  We are in a committed relationship and I've got him totally under control.  Tim, go get my mother a water, no ice and then sit down on the couch and remain absolutely silent," she said smartly.

In spite of it all, she thought the way Michele just spoke to, how she spoke about Tim, was strange.  It was not exactly angry, rather, it was aggressively assertive and commanding.  If anything, she'd imagined the older boyfriend speaking to and about the young, teen girl that way. 

And did she just say she had "him totally under control"?  That's an odd way to put it.  "...remain absolutely silent."  Odd.  

Michele went on to highlight how well things had gone since she and Tim had been together, how tranquil and harmonious things had been.  

Donna watched Tim when after handing her a water, he sat quietly just as Michele had told him.  Absolutely silently. 

And he has not looked up once. 

Their respective demeanors were so odd, Donna did not quite know what to make of it.  Even the way Tim sat was strange. 

He is so pensive.

Then she saw it, he seemed to be sitting like a proper girl.  His posture was perfect, hands folded in his lap and he sat on the edge of the sofa with his knees pressed together as though he were wearing a skirt, legs crossed at the ankles.  And then she really got it: he kept his eyes down in deference the whole time. 

It's deference or meant to look that way.  He glanced at me for a bare instant as he handed me the glass...just like a serving girl. 

Though weird Donna was not born yesterday, there was obviously a degree of stage management going on here; an attempt to make Tim seem as nonthreatening as possible.  Who was this boy she brought into the house anyway? 

Donna turned her attention back to Michele who laid out her argument.  Donna did have to admit that her daughter made some strong points: her grades were up, her teachers loved her, and she had not been in any trouble at all. 

Michele had saved the best for last, "Mom, I just want you to know, I'm still a virgin." 

Donna almost laughed out loud with relief. 

"And I want to be totally clear, I expect to remain a virgin until we, meaning you and me, decide otherwise...maybe not until marriage.  You are my mother and I want you in on this decision.  This is my choice or our choice, and he has nothing to do with it."  

Tim felt his stomach sink.  He had no numbers with which to calculate the math, but he knew their was a long road to walk before his big moment and his opportunity to rid himself of his shameful virginity.  

Conversely, it was this statement that stopped Michele's mother and kept her from a total emotional collapse.  She had to consider this.  She knew Michele was telling her the truth and further, everything Michele said about her behavior and their mother/daughter relationship was true: all of it was as solid and healthy as it has ever been. 

In fact, she often bragged about how wonderful her daughter was when other mom's were bemoaning how they were constantly locking horns with their children.  It was undeniable that since she'd made Tim their babysitter, Michele had calmed down quite a bit, seemed considerably less bitchy and they'd gotten along almost more like friends than ever before. 

Above all was that last part about letting Donna herself be in on Michele's decision making on this very important topic.  She took assurance from this, and strangely, she felt honored by it.  Yes, it was honorific and highly respectful and almost seemed old fashioned.  Certainly it was in step with the Church and Sister Anne would approve.  

The more she considered this last part, the more respect she gained for her daughter. 

Donna herself had, as an under-school-girl, behaved rebelliously and impulsively when she pulled away from her parents and their strictly religious lifestyle and got pregnant at an obscenely young age. 

I wish I'd brought my mother into it! 

It had all been a huge mistake.  Michele's father was a disappointing problem at best and at worst, abusive.  She took solace from having gained her daughter and having gotten back in the good graces of her parents and the Church.  She'd cursed herself countless times for turning her back on her mother and father.

Perhaps it would be best to just do nothing for a while so as to avoid alienating Michele?  Perhaps it would be best just to check things out in this so-called relationship before she did something to devastate the current tranquility?  At the very least, she needed to formulate a sound argument, a justification for ending their "love" affair and by observing, she'd certainly be able to do just that.

And so it went.  Though Donna had real misgivings about what was happening between Michele and Tim, she decided to just observe for a short bit.  She made it a habit of being around just a little more so that she could get a feel for the young couple.  

At first she thought Tim an amazingly well mannered gentleman.  It was the obvious assumption.  She decided she'd rather live in a world in which all boys and young men wore aprons and were as well behaved as Tim.  Yet soon she was all the more surprised at what she saw.  

****

Of course Tim was taking constant coaching from Becky. 

"Don't make strong, continuous eye contact.  Sometimes, I mean often look down in deference.  Correction: always look down. Never make continuous eye contact. Only make eye contact when she is speaking to you, especially if she is making a point or asking you to do something, yet even then, keep your head tilted slightly down." 

Of course they'd been over this but Tim knew he had to hear it over and over again so he'd internalize it.  He took his training seriously as there was a lot riding on it. 

"Let her know you are listening.  Always be gentle, always be soft.  Never Ever share opinions or give advice.  I can't emphasize enough just how important this is.  And if you are ever asked, and only if asked, start off by saying, 'I wonder if...'  It's good to start off with an apology, like, 'I'm sorry, but maybe...' 

"Remember, in this house, with these very special ladies, your opinions are not important.  At all.  Just assume your opinions have absolutely no value.  Better yet, just assume that whatever you think, whatever your opinion is, it's probably wrong.  Like, accept that in your heart. 

"No, they are not perfect and sometimes they are wrong.  But shut your pretty, little mouth.  They know better than us.  They are our betters.  It's why they are like the adults and we are the children.  Things will be alright as long as we know our place. 

"Even when they ask for your opinion, present it gently and let them know that you know you are probably wrong anyway.  And if you are right, you need to be almost apologetic about it.  It does not matter if your idea is good or if you are right.  In this way, you don't matter.  Always, always, remember this: in a leadership way, your ideas do not matter...at all. In fact, your opinions are harmful and will lead to your dismissal.

"And try to be helpful but don't do too much too soon."  

*

Soon after the earth and sky opened and nearly consumed Donna, she found herself alone with Tim in the house.  Michele was not due home for another hour and Tim spent that time diligently cleaning Michele's room. 

It was so strange to Donna. 

I wonder how long they will be able to maintain the show?  Eventually, the truth always comes out.  He'll show who he really is. 

Even still, she had misgivings about her predisposition, her assumption that Tim was a wolf in sheep's clothing. 

Why would he go to this degree to impress me?  He could get a lot of girls.  How could this be so important to him that he'd assume this humiliating posture?  He wears a darn apron, for goodness sakes!

The most important thing to Donna was her comfort level.  She was at ease around the boy.  And that was a very good thing.

"Donna?" he stood before her with legs together, perfect posture and arms behind his back and addressed her in a quiet, gentle voice.  

She looked up from her magazine with raised eyebrows, "Yes, what is it?"

"I just changed Michele's linens; I was wondering if you would like me to change yours?"

"Oh, ahhhh sure, that would be lovely." 

God, a girl could get used to this! 

Probing to measure the depth of his commitment to this theatre, "Tell you what, when you are finished with that, why don't you sit down in the living room and take it easy.  Maybe we can have a chat."

"I'd really like that Donna, but I'm not allowed to...I mean I can't."  Though Tim wanted to find the words to make himself sound somehow less obsequious, he couldn't.  "Michele has given me a list of chores that I have to have completed before she comes home."

With a playful smile, "What happens if you don't get it all done?"

"I'll get...I'll be in trouble."  

Now this is interesting. 

Yet Donna let it go. 

"Tell me, how long have you been cleaning our house?  I don't mean today, I mean on the whole."  

"Pretty much since the beginning."

Donna smiled. 

Interesting.  I wonder why? 

"We'll chat another time."

"I'd like that...I really would.  Donna...I really do want to be here.  I want to do everything I can to fit in.  And really, chat time would be so fun, it's just that I have to do this now."

"...so fun..."  Interesting.

Well then, keep cleaning the house and get back to work. 

She smiled anew as she realized she almost spoke her thought aloud. 

"We'll see." 

She figured the relationship had another week at most.  He'd give her what she needed to end it all.  She'd get it any day now.  But in the meantime, this is not so bad.  She smiled to herself as she visualized him making her bed. Her mind turned back to her previous train of thought:

The truth always comes out in the wash.

She almost laughed as she considered he was doing their laundry.

Oh, who knows where this is going?

Some small, unacknowledged part of her was beginning to hope that this would work out, after all. She went back to her magazine and Tim went back to work.

*

Donna's anxiety suddenly spiked and threatened to launch her into some compulsive act of radical action.  She used all her willpower to stay her hand.  Her head was aswirl with conflicting notions and her thoughts and feelings were bound to the circus fun wheel, were anything but fun and would not stop spinning. 

On the one hand there was how the world worked with school age over-school children and even a few under-school children, older boys, younger girls and sex.  The forces at play, if unchecked by blockers, were powerful.  On the other hand was her notions of her preternaturally strong and mature daughter. 

She's so strong, so willful!  And the apron, the Susie Homemaker apron she'd seen him in several times.  That really might mean something! 

Exactly what it meant, she was not sure.  

The wheel just kept spinning. She knew she'd have to end this soon.

*

Michele would be home soon but before she arrived, Donna had to have a word with Tim in private. She considered the possibility of breaking up the "relationship" herself.

"Why?  Why do you clean our home?" 

On the face of it, she was not clear why asking this question made her so uneasy.  Subconsciously, she knew she was pressing up against something large and ominous and there was a part of her that just wanted to let it alone and not ask. 

But it's so darn strange! He's more like a maid than a boyfriend. 

"Why have you been cleaning our house all this time?"

"Oh...uh...well, um...really just cause Michele likes it."  As ever, he mostly only glanced up before averting his gaze.

"So what, I hired you to babysit and out of the blue, you just started cleaning the house...only to discover that my daughter appreciates it?" she asked doubtfully.  

"No...no, she told me...I mean ... she asked me to so I did."

"So what, she just tells you to clean up and you do?" she asked skeptically and without trying to hide her incredulity. 

"Yes," he replied meekly.  "And now I sorta like it.  I mean, I don't mind it.  I don't know, it just feels right. I mean, I do like it. Doing this for you both makes me feel good."

Not knowing where else to go, "Alright.  I suppose you should just get back to it then." 

There was comfort in his response but she was not ready to take comfort.

There is more to this! 

She was not ready to know what it was, however.

**** 

Something else occurred to Donna.  It took a while for her to pick up on it because she'd been around it her whole life.  The only difference now was that it was coming from a man.  When they were in the kitchen, they seemed to be in one another's way. 

"I'm sorry," he said. 

That's when she realized he said it all the time.  "I'm sorry," was his go to.  It's the thing submissive or abused women said all the time in every day interactions so as to establish themselves at the bottom of the pecking order.  It was active, continuous and reflexive deference and submission.  Sometimes with women, Donna found it too obsequious and it could become irritating. 

He did not learn that from my daughter.  Or maybe... maybe because she put him there, at the bottom?  Her bottom? 

She had to admit she did not mind the sound of that even if it gave her a naughty, little sexual thrill. 

She keeps him in an apron. 

Donna kept coming back to the apron.  The symbolism was too meaningful to dismiss.  Anyway, she decided it did not irritate her when coming from Tim.  She appreciated his deference. 

It's kind of nice, for a change. 

Even if it was just a show, his deference appealed to her.

****

It did not take long at all to see that Michele genuinely did wear the pants in this relationship.  In fact, Donna was kind of impressed.  In short order, it moved well beyond 'kind of impressed' and all the long way to amazement.  She viewed this relationship much the way Krista did.  It was so unlikely, but wonderful, beautiful if truth be told.

Their mother and daughter relationship had always been strong and she came to realize that as Tim began "babysitting" her daughter, their relationship had gotten much better. 

Now they took another step forward together as mother and daughter.  As she saw how Michele managed Tim, she gained so much more respect for her daughter. 

It was actually fun watching how her little girl controlled the much larger, much older young man.  There was something almost wrong, unnatural or perverse about it? 

Is it perverse?

It was not simply an inversion of societal/ gender norms which was itself, a form of perversion. She felt there was something sexually compelling about it all.

Donna was secretly thrilled when watching the dynamic play out, and was extremely embarrassed to realize that she became somewhat aroused by it. 

It's so weird!

Her own pleasure in this made her very uncomfortable. Yet she did not think it was only her pleasure at play in all this. She felt in her bones that they were experiencing sexual pleasure in all this. She became convinced of it.

Donna was getting off on it and that was wrong. Perversion needed to be turned out. So she did the only thing that make sense: she decided to try not to look at it.

*

Michele was keenly aware that she and Tim were on center stage so she took every opportunity to demonstrate her standing with her boy. 

Within ten days, Donna fully approved of her daughter's choice and made it clear that she would do anything to support what Michele was doing with Tim.  Michele could not have been more pleased with this news as she'd need her mother's approval for their next big step together.

****

One of the things Michele noted early in her relationship with Tim was that women liked that she was in charge.  They seemed to get a thrill out of it and it always garnered her respect.  Always. 

She assumed that many women were not like her and a good number of them might even be much more like Tim than herself, but they all seemed to like that Michele controlled Tim.  If nothing else, they just seemed to get a kick out of it.  Even for those who preferred a much larger dose of equality in their relationships, they all knew they lived in a patriarchal society and what Michele did with Tim was like scoring one for Team Girl.  It was good. 

For others it was discovering some sort of natural order that had, up until then, been somehow hidden from them.  She knew that at least some of these women, women like Krista, saw new possibilities and wanted a relationship like the one Michele had created for herself with Tim.  

She did not know how her mother internalized all of this, but she knew her mother enjoyed what little she saw of the relationship between she and Tim.  She was curious if she got this natural inclination to dominate men from her mother...even if her mother did not know she had it herself.