All Comments on 'The Power of Blackmail'

The writing is good. My comments do not detract from the story's merits. Here are my observations. It is better to use third person narrative. Otherwise the narration can read like an overly talkative individual that you want to get to the point but won't. The reader also is deprived of knowing more about the other character's thoughts when not using third person. Interesting insights in describing some personal characteristics, like the other sister developing stern manners... However, at some point, you want to get somewhere as far as why people sat down to read your story, so you can insert bits about the personalities, the household composition , in between, if it is extensive.

Now, the title implies a situation. But the title turned out to be almost tongue in cheek. The innocent sister is actually initiating one of those forbidden games between siblings. This is more like Erotic Coupling. There is no element here of reluctance, domination or anything like it. One more issue is that , as it turns out, the maturity level of the main character might be less than that of his youngest sister? Whether intended or not, this is a role reversal that cancels out the NCR intent. No insight on his sister's personality and no real angry, sad dialogue on why she did what she did. No really deep disappointment between the supposedly close siblings.

I like the story so far and can't wait to see what's going to happen next. Hopping Ryan turns her into his personal pet and cum slut in pictures and puts a collar around her neck with leash for when the rest of the family is away.

Great story!

Great story

I'm dying to read what comes next

please continue

I really liked your intro paragraphs. It's so hard to supply all that info in an interesting way. The whole photography part and family descriptions were nice and breezy. It was so well done, in fact, that the first few lines of dialogue were jarring, to say the least. I felt like I was reading this retrospective memoir of a man looking back on his youth and then you hit me with the I-need-to-shop-for-crotchless-panties. You lost a lot of verisimilitude by using that line, in my opinion.

As far as dialogue in general, it feels like you're imagining a natural conversation between two characters and transcribing it to text. That kind of dialogue doesn't actually sound natural on paper. You have to strip a lot of the fluff and phrase things differently. I can't get more specific than that, because I also have a huge problem with it, haha! What I usually do when I feel like I'm doing bad dialogue, is I just read a few lines of conversation from a book and that usually illuminates my mistakes for a short while.

That teaser scene at the end was hot!

Cant wait for you to continue this one.

I didn't rate the story yet.

I just started reading it and it already became problematic.

You live in a small town.

You're going to the local store.

The drive takes an hour.

????????? Pay attention to detail.

ml