The President's Gay Wife Pt. 01

At home the President dressed only in underpants said to his wife "Stuff-all wrong with the Echo's report. Paints us in a good light." But Magnolia was asleep on the sofa with a towel between her thighs. Later they watched TV news reports together and were generally pleased although Magnolia did say she was wearing far too much lipstick.

Chapter 2

In the morning Gerry was flushing bile back down his throat after gagging on the headlines of the Guardian: 'Shocked President Fakes Reconciliation with Sex Confused Wife' and a wide-angle zoom picture, chopped to the outer edge of the lipstick on the PM's cheek to just beyond the red plastered whore-like lips of his wife and the almost black grease of her eye shadow had him stuttering, "W-what the f-fuck?"

The President rushed to the kitchen sink and vomited. Only then did he remember what Jim Gee had warned, "Prepare for acidic reflux." The bastard -- he'd get Gee brought in for corrective treatment.

Police or NBII? Gerry chose the Bureau believing the police would be too public. He called the director of the Bureau and ordered that publisher-editor Jim Gee be brought in and detained. The Bureau chief said he'd first have to get the PM's approval.

The President then called his private secretary.

"Oh Gerry, hi."

"You bitch."

Kitty replied slowly, "Oh, so I'm to blame for your wife's moment of mad gay indiscretion?"

"No you idiot. For painting that slut and me up to make us look like caricatures to be plastered on the front page of the Guardian."

"Oh no."

"Yes, you stupid woman. We look like Punch and Judy."

"But it looked great on TV last night and in theEcho earlier."

"Yes, but they are not driven by a scurrilous muck-raking editor."

"Just a minute Gerry, I'll dart out to the mail box for my copy of theGuardian."

"Lord Fitzroy to you!" he roared and she said. "Whatever you say. I'll be less than a minute."

Kitty panted, "Oh dear. Who advised Lady Fitzroy to plaster on her eye shadow in that messy manner?"

"I did. No I didn't. I'd told her by radio message before making our final landing approach to cover up her red eyes as she would have been crying, unsure of what my reaction to her would be at the airport."

"But eye shadow wouldn't help that?"

"She knows that, are your stupid? She bought some pink eye drops at the airport pharmacy and then applied extra eye shadow to take emphasis away from her eye rims."

"So I'm to blame for that?"

"No, of course not. But I'll tell you this. I want you over here within ten minutes with your resignation. I'll then decide whether or not to accept it."

"Why?"

"Yours is not to reason why."

"No resignation is forthcoming. You are blaming me for your wife's stupidity Gerry. If you want me out then sack me. That will leave me free to dump you with a huge claim for damages over wrongful dismissal. You may be the President but that doesn't put you beyond the law. Blame yourself for a grave error of judgment in marriage; don't blame me. Goodbye Gerry."

"No wait."

But Kitty had cut the connection.

Oh God, thought Kitty, looking closely at the newspaper picture of Punch and Judy. She snorted, "The foolish woman seemed hell-bent on self-destruction."

Kitty looked into the nearby mirror and cute baby blue eyes looked back. Well, she reckoned they looked cute. She looked at the rims and saw no sign of redness despite being addressed in that despicable manner by Gerry the twerp who would have made more botches with the potential to upset his reputation than a dog has fleas, but fortunately she'd been his political mommy and kept him on the straight and narrow. He was an impetuous sod, like going to England without her and coming back and announcing he'd become secretly engaged.

Gerry had described his new girlfriend as the Lady of Camelot rather than the colorless wimp she'd turned out to be. The President had confessed to Kitty when they were driving home drunk one night he'd got into Lady Camelot's knickers on their first date and that had been at 10:00 in the morning. Kitty sighed in recalling that, knowing she'd missed that clue he'd found a pretty whore. Two months later the President returned to England, alone again, and his entire staff, the Government and the people of the country found out from a TV news item from London that the Marquess of Fitzroy had married the daughter of a couple who ran a village hotel. The knot was tied at a small obscure church and attended by only eight friends of the family.

Kitty fluffed up her brunette bob, checked her face for surface eruptions and smiled at the thought that Gerry had accused her of making him look a fool. The fool had put the skids under himself when he returned to the stupid bitch the second time, his dork obvious larger than his brain. The smile broadened as she thought would he dump her, leaving himself defenseless from careering down the slippery slope into near oblivion, as that would be his fate as a rudderless President. He was in the box seat to win the duel with her but he tended to dither when a pretty face was involved, didn't he Magnolia? She shrugged, deciding why worry.

The phone went.

"Hi, it's Gerry. I think I may have over-reacted. Sorry. Bound to have a real scrap on my hands when Parliament sits again. Oh, you may be interested. I've had the Bureau pick up the scurrilous Jim Gee under the National Security Act that allows him to be held without legal representation for forty-eight hours."

Kitty wondered if she were being set-up and perhaps Bureau people were listening in. Perhaps she was bugged?

"That's smart, allows him to be questioned about how he got that appalling photograph of Magnolia while at the same time being grilled about whether he'd attempting to bring down the Government."

"That's a bit over the top. The interrogation...er gentle questioning...is aimed as why he's so determined to damage my high standing. If he harms me it's quite possible that could harm the country. That would bring the National Security Act provisions into effect and bang, the media would come under severe restraint."

Kitty laughed lightly and said, "Good luck, he's a bit of a smart ass."

"While I'm talking to you Kitty I should say then Bureau had been advised you may be passing on classified or confidential information to the Opposition."

"Who me? You have to be joking."

"They are required to follow up on information received Kitty. Unfortunately it was received anonymously."

"The lying swine, attempting to besmirch my good name makes me mad. I'm ready to castrate him or pull out her ovaries."

Gerry laughed and Kitty thought she heard a suppressed background snigger.

"I'll try to protect you Kitty."

"No, let them arrest me and as soon as I can I'll scream blue murder to the media and perhaps the backlash on you and the Bureau will flush out the crazy idiot."

Gerry cleared his throat. "So you deny passing info to the Opposition or to its intermediary?"

"Of course I do. Do you think I'm a self-destruct nutcase? Although everyone thinks the Bureau is an under-performing collection of misfits, at least I have faith in them being able to track down the imbecile who is trying to set me up without a shred of evidence because none exists. Me working for the Opposition? Oh fuck me stupid. Gerry, please get those misfits on to my case and tell them I'll cooperate and will hold nothing back because there's nothing to hold back, although don't tell them that."

"Um, can you help put a finger on Jim Gee?"

"Let me see. Oh yes, sixteen years ago when university students taking media studies, we were juniors together on a newspaper and when half-drunk after attending a function he attempted to rape me."

"But he didn't?"

"No, how could he rape me if I described as attempted rape? As we banged around groping, he failed to get my kickers off and in despair I half knocked a tooth out and he ran off to his dentist. There's evidence because the tooth is dead and was screwed into his jaw."

"Jesus, remind me not to try unless asked."

Kitty distinctly heard a background snigger, possible more than one person.

Gerry said Gee couldn't be charged for an alleged offence that occurred sixteen years ago because the Statute of Limitations on a charge of that nature was seven years. "Anything else?"

"Not from me but perhaps you could ask your wife? Possibly she's had liaisons with newspaper editors and TV executives because it's possible she's now halfway working her way through the senior males and females of the Public Services."

"Bitch!" Lord Fitzroy roared, cutting the call.

Gathering herself, Kitty called Jim Gee on a private number.

A severe voice said, "This is Skye. Please state your name and the nature of your business."

"This is Kitty Loveridge and I am calling Jim Gee, publisher-editor of theGuardian. I have reason to believe that Mr Gee is in the custody of the Bureau. I wish to speak to him."

"I can neither confirm nor deny the whereabouts of this man you have mentioned. May I ask how did you get this private number?"

"I am the President's private secretary. I have the private contact number of every daily newspaper editor in this country and similarly the numbers of news editors of all TV and radio stations. It is how we communicate with the media."

"Thank you."

"Wait, please tell Mr Gee I called. He knows me. Please tell him if he doesn't call me within forty-eight hours from now I will be issuing a statement to all media that he's being held beyond the limitations of the Internal Security Act."

"Your comments have been noted. Goodbye."

Kitty snarled into her phone, assuming it was tapped, "Your lips are tighter than your ass you bitch Skye if that is your real name."

Appalled that she'd made unsubstantiated claims of numerous adulterous behavior about Magnolia to Gerry, Kitty thought she's apologize to him later and confess she was just being catty. She had a friendly relationship with Magnolia as being private secretary to Gerry she frequently traveled and dined with they both. The truth was she found Magnolia a bit boring as if she'd been locked away. What was the reason for that? However Kitty conceded she'd observed that Magnolia brightened whenever Gerry arrived in the room and if he indiscreetly touched her breast or dig fingers into her butt Magnolia became almost embarrassing. Why had she married Gerry? As a journalist Kitty wanted answers.

Two hours later -- it was Saturday -- and she received a call.

"Hi, it's Jim Gee."

"Oh hi Jim. I heard you became unavoidable detained."

"Yeah."

"Were you beaten up?"

"No, it was quite civilized, nice chaps really. No rubber hoses, water drips or truth serums. Just mindless repetitive questions. There was nothing to say because they were on and on about me seeking to bring down the Government. They gave up on that and after another barrage of questions gave up on asking why I wanted to harm the President's good reputation. Then they asked me about how I came to be in possession of photographs of Lady Fitzroy sunbathing in the nude. It took me a full five minutes to get over my hysterics about that sunbathing claim. I was unable to assist because of the ethics of newspaper journalism not to reveal sources of confidential information. That had them up a tree without a ladder so I demanded to be set free and they agreed, telling me to be a good boy and remain loyal to the Government. I said surely they meant the nation but they said no, the Government. On the way out a giant of a woman told me you had called to wish me well."

Kitty was pleased to hear he'd received her message. "Well, I called after being told you were in the lock-up and knew they would have your cell phone. I thought I should call and make some sort of threat that unless you were released within the due time I would be forced to raise a media rumpus."

"Well, if that had some influence Kitty thanks. I owe you one."

"You've owed me one for the past sixteen years after you blew your attempt to bonk me, so I reckon I'm unlikely to collect. Bye."

"Bye and thanks again, sweet one."

"Be careful darling, this phone is probably tapped, as I have been accused of talking to the enemy."

"Which enemy?"

"I appear to be under investigation, so I must not say in case I am charged with seeking to pervert the course of justice."

Jim laughed. "You a pervert? I don't think so. I'm back to the newspaper. Bye."

* * *

Next day before dawn, media liaison officer for the Prime Minister's Department Megan Ryan was admitted by security to the home of the President. Lord Fitzroy met her in the kitchen with the coffee already poured and asked, "What is it?"

Meg held up a copy of the Guardian, which he'd called for to study because he'd only seen a faxed copy when first advised of the scandal when he was in England. The murky photo actually looked like a sunbather and the Page 1 headline screamed, 'Nude Sunbather Lady Fitzroy was Actually Doing This -- Page 3.'

Gerry frowned and told Megan, "So the bastards published the picture on Page 3 so young children wouldn't see it without opening the newspaper and it would be considered unlikely they'd do that. He opened the newspaper and projected an acidic reflux across Page 2. Without wiping his chin he saw the picture of his wife in a Sixty-Nine pose over the top of another woman with that woman's bra pushed low down her chest. The woman with licking tongue outstretched was clearly Magnolia but what she was actually licking was blacken out and over-written with the words, 'Censored by the responsibleGuardian'.

"Self-censored my ass -- if they'd published the bared vagina the editor would have been dragged before the courts," said the President, wiping his chin.

"What is it darling?" asked Magnolia, dressed only in a thong.

"Oh dear," she yelped as she sighted the photograph and then fell to the floor screaming because her husband had whacked her over the mouth.

Megan said she better go.

"What did you see Megan?"

"Your criminal action Mr President."

"And if I promise you Kitty's job by the end of the month?"

"Thinking about it Prime Minister, I heard and saw nothing. I'd been sent out into the other room."

"Excellent Megan. You will be signed on by the 31st of this month, that I promise."

Gerry showed out the happy Megan who all but kissed him. He dragged his sobbing wife to the sofa in the lounge, gave her a couple of friendly pats as one would give to the family dog. He made her day better be making her a pot of tea, delivered along with milk, sugar she never had, and her favorite cup but with non-matching saucer.

In his study and able to focus, Gerry first read the damning article properly and groaning at wild claims bound to shed votes from the Government by the truckload, comforted himself with a wild thought perhaps he could send in a Bureau team to trash the editorial floor and blow up the presses of the treacherousGuardian. He then looked at the largely concealed body caught in grotesque foul action under his disgusting wife. Who was she? Would he ever find out? Should he instruct the Bureau director to have his bitch of a wife taken in for the full works? After some roughing up she could be given the choice of spitting up truthfully the woman's name or suffer being ejected from the underground HQ with permanent disfigurement and perhaps gang raped. Ah, no. Not rape. The sick bitch could feel martyred after that. He went off to the shower, feeling dirty.

Just as the President pounded his body with a hail of cold water he heard the shrill blast of his red phone. Leaving the shower running he hurried to his study and took the call from the Bureau director.

"I won't say good morning because obviously it won't be."

"That's true, sick bitch."

The director asked, "Can you give me a name?"

"No. Haven't a clue. I really like her so find it difficult to thrash it out of her."

A pause and then, "Well all is not lost. May we have Lady Fitzroy down here for a wee chat?"

"Why."

"During our raid on theGuardian we seized the original pictures."

"Great, what have you got?"

"What we see from the published picture but the untouched originals show it a lot clearer. Magnolia obviously has an exceptionally long tongue. The sick bitch she's with obviously is Caucasian, big-boned so that makes her tall and thus eliminating 80% of women and not overly fleshy so bang goes more women, rather narrowing it down. We went to examine the color of her bush but the unhelpful bitch totally shaves but that narrows down the parameters even further."

"I see and that's it?"

"Yes, apart from the ace."

"The ace?"

"Yes, a real clue -- the bra. My female agents tell me its expensive and rather exclusive -- imported."

"Don't we import all bras?"

"I wouldn't know being a bachelor. But the PM has authorized the investigation and two of my girls are off as soon as the shops open. They are confident the bra has come from France, possibly Italy. They say with the clear photograph a lingerie specialist will be about to tell them cup size and probably who made the offending apparel."

"Offending?"

"Careful choice of word to indicate I'm sympathetic to you."

"Oh right, thank you. Anything else?"

"We should have enough by the end of the day to provide you with a name."

"Gee, you guys are good. What do we do when we have the other woman identified?"

"Depends on you Mr President. We could sent her out to sea alone in a boat that 'accidentally' explodes or go easy on her and just accept a thrashing from her husband. Depends who she is, doesn't it?"

"You might even like her as a pet."

"Mr President, I'm gay."

"Oh, are you? I didn't know that but then I'm not the Bureau. Actually that would be total humiliation for her."

"Oh Mr President!"

"Oh yeah, with the stress I'm nothing thinking straight. There is no need to humiliate you David er I mean Ralph."

"Thank you sir. Will be in contact about progress."

Gerry checked on his wife and she opened her eyes, surprise to see him nude although he did not appear to be primed. She pulled at the elastic of her panties and cooed, "Come to mommy darling."

Stalking from the room ready to puke Gerry had a mind change before reaching the bathroom. He returned to the lounge where she'd napped waiting for Gerry to finish business with his visitor. He closed the door behind him and said in a childlike voice, "Hello mommy."

Later Gerry remembered he should call Kitty to apologize for Internal Security tailing her and phone tapping her.

Kitty snarled, "Well as an innocent citizen I demand an apology.

"The Bureau has to act on accusations of treason."

"So what? I demand a fulsome apology from you.

"Well, I apologize fulsomely. Oh, by the way, that wasn't you under my wife in that photo in theGuardian was it?"

He grinned as Kitty foulmouthed him and cut the connection.

* * *

Kitty laughed almost hysterically as she returned to her office. That question from the Gerry was delivered in such a sick way it was a real laugh. Fancy the weasel able to think that one up all by himself. Magnolia had made a couple of full-on passes at her but Kitty had wriggled out, thinking more of the consequences of being found out rather than the immorality of having sex with her boss's wife. Magnolia was such a lush that she was probably a real expert. She wondered who the woman was -- the bra could be pivotal to her identify in the absence of confessions. She called Isobel Martin.

"Hi Izzy, it's Kitty calling on personal businesses. Still busy covering tits and asses expensively?"

"Hi Kitty. Is this truly a personal call?"

"Yes, truly. I was calling to ask if you had a couple of hard-ass women from National Security call on you?"