All Comments on 'The Pride of a Slave'

I have grown to really like your writing and I am enthralled to see where these characters take us. In a way, your story reminds me of 'The Giver'... one of my favorite novels. If I could offer one suggestion, the transitions are a little fuzzy. I kind of lost track of the progression of time. Not a major deal, I'm just the kind of reader who likes to become immersed in the details. Can't wait for the next part! And thank you for writing this =)

i really enjoyed this story. i got so into it it almost felt real. thank you for writting and please go on i would luv to hear more about what happens with Sera

You, StormHerald, have definitely & swiftly become one of my favourite authors! Not just on this site either! I am incredibly happy that you posted a new adventure so soon after Courting A Vampire which of course, I loved too! Just a few minor grammatical mistakes that interrupted the flow for a brief nano second. Wish I could help by telling you what they were, but the only specifics I can recall are all character & plot related!

What a mesmerizing submission! Thank you for the time you spent creating this captivating world! Great twist! My only question -- when's the next fabulous chapter?!

K.Veracious

I totally adore this story! I can't wait for the next part!

Amazing story. Thank you!

Keep up the awesome work and can't wait to read more.

Donna

I love it! Your writing is amazing. I loved Courting a Vampire, and if this is anything to go by - Im going to love this story as well. Excited to see where Sera, Dimitri and Ryder end up, and i cant wait to read more!

WOW! This is great.

Can't wait for the next parts.

Wonder when she will meet her guy... was rooting for Dimitri, but not sure where you are heading...you keep me guessing.

Thanks.

Can't wait until the next chapter to see what come of the three friends.

so how it goes should be interesting, hope to see more soon

I was just catching up with my sleep after staying up late waiting for your updates to Courting A Vampire, and now I will be staying up late again waiting for the next chapters of this new imaginative and entertaining story from you.

Yves

I for some reason think she is either to be the wife of one of the boys or be the leader of the administration. Only thing is that the human males are very sexist (expected) and I'd she is to be with one of them, they will fight over her. I can't wait to see where this leads to. <3

-123udontknowme

An Excellent Intro, one I look forwards to seeing more of. You have captured the feelings of the characters very well, and this makes me want to read your other story, so well done sir/ ma'am.

Absolutely great start. I loved Courting a vampire, and I'm really glad I started to read this new story of yours. I'm already in love with your characters and by the next chapter I'll probably be hopelessly addicted to this new story.

Thanks for sharing!

I really hope your posting tonight I am going to love reading this almost as much as the last story!!!

I loved the plot of to court a vampire but you have excelled in this new story.

you should be exceptionally proud of this piece of work, its an immensely enjoyable read and quite addictive.

I really cant wait to see what comes next.

Such a well written piece of work! It drew me in and kept me there completely until the end! Waiting with baited breath for the next chapter!

I am very impressed by this story. Great job so far. I hope it doesn't end up quite so angsty as Court. I want to see a happy ending with lots of vamp, human, were sandwich sexy goodness! i love how you have shaped each characters personality and made them come alive. Stalking your profile to read the next chapter!!! And the length was EXCELLENT! Way to go : )

this is littered with dozens of punctuation errors, spelling errors/incorrect words, and grammar issues.

But then again I never had a single complaint on CAV. But with this story you have far outdone yourself. I love the 2 future leaders being held at bay from one another thanks to a human slave. But not just any human slave, there is something about Sera you aren't telling us. At least that's what I think.

I can't wait for the next chapter and am really glad you didn't take a break after finishing your first series but rather jumped in w/this story. Just keep it coming!!!

I so much love this story just as I did your other story. You did give us what we all wanted and in grand style... You Gave Us Length! I can't wait til the next chapter of this comes out. I want to see where Di goes with this slave thing and will he continue to announce Sera as a Slave and not what he's called her in the past... Sister. That was like cold water being thrown on me but Sera took it in stride.

Need I say more.....................

I loved the first one i came across it one day and read the whole thing and i love this one too. Ryder reminds me of a guy i went to high school with and started to laugh out loud when i was reading, i can not wait to find out what happens and what the dad has planned because he as something. Also don't give to much listen to people who feel the need to complain about punctuation when they themselves have not written anything. keep up the good works can not wait to read what happens next.

Get an editor, the amount of errors, being punctuation, grammar, misspelled words and completely wrong words and words that just shouldn't be in the sentence are distracting.

I was way too engrossed in this amazing story to notice even a single grammatical error. Such a wonderful flow to the writing which held me to the end even though I was meant to be doing other things :)

Eagerly waiting for the next installment.

as a way to bash other person's writing, when they really have no other comment to make.

Sounds like jealousy to me in many cases, over the fact that they can not or will not write as story that others might enjoy. Or, If you won't play by my rules I will take my balls and go home.

Other times they are correct.

Love this new saga of yours. I was so engrossed in the story,I didn't notice the errors.

Well done. I hope you post daily as you did with courting a Vampire.

Loved Courting a Vamp, but this one shows even more promise.

ur writing is awesome dont worry about negative comments. luv ur story keep writing daily with the same length

Wow. Another great story. I love the strong chracters you come up with. I can't wait for the next chapter. Oh yah loving the length. Lol.

And more.

The story length and characters were perfect. Don't listen to all the bitching and moaning. I love the story already. Looking forward to an equally awesome Chapter 2!!!

Plot: Interesting, although it wasn't as original as I expected it to be. A Cinderella story, set up in an alternate universe of vampires, wolves and humans with a caste system; but the beautiful girl with a perfect body is no damsel in distress.

Characters: She is a slave girl, who conveniently has future leaders as best friends - both having contrasting personalities (a serious but caring vamp and a sanguine yet protective wolf), making it possible for her break through the limitations or boundaries brought about the unjust social hierarchy. As the heroine of this story, she will bring about or spark a change that would shake the different kingdoms to its core. She is confident, courageous, a fighter and stubborn. You have a good mix of characters.

Exposition: I commend you for the length. I like how you created this alternate world and even set up rules on how society works - very creative, indeed.

Spelling and Grammar: Maybe you should get another editor, for he/she missed a lot of basic mistakes e.g. an blue eyes, insure instead of ensure ( to “ensure” that something happens is to make certain that it does, and to “insure” is to issue an insurance policy), "I was getting winded and they were fresh" (wounded?), etc.

Point of View: Hmmm, try to be consistent. If you write it in first person POV, write it in first all through-out. But it can't be helped because there are scenes wherein your main character is not present e.g. the scene of Victor, Isadorre and Mariah. I suggest you use third person limited POV all throughout. Or use first person still, but through the pov of another person, let's say Isadorre, for the particular scene. I believe you are good enough to show us readers who is speaking without blatantly labelling each part as "Isadorre's POV" or "Sera's POV"

Rating: 3 stars

I really like this story. I think you have a good base so far and look forward to how it turns out. I have my ideas of how I would love to see it go. And will be happy to see what route you take with so many options at hand. :)

A well executed beginning.

I am looking forward to continuation.

Respectively

~Hellkite

What a magnificent story! You have an incredible tale shaping up here. So unique...riveting. I will be anxiously awaiting your next chapter. Sera is definitely more than she appears to be. The parents have some sort of plan for her that the boys don't yet know about. Can't wait for more. Bravo!

I liked your earlier story but this one is shaping up to be amazing. Keep writing and I'll keep reading. Thanks.

I just joined this site so I could follow this story. Holy cow I'm so hooked! You are a great writer!

Damn Storm - I don't know what it is but I love your writing. You drew me in with "Courting a Vampire" but this is even better. I loved the long chapter and can't wait for more...

I agree with you needing an editor, I hated CAV because you left too many things left unanswered, I hope I'm not going to waste time reading another story like that. So far I like this, apart from editing.

a very nice blend of fast pace, char n plot development. im going to read it again now :)

The characters all sound like someone from Courting a Vampire.

No, she really did mean "winded"... She'd been running for quite a while and was having difficulty breathing normally because of the exertion, while those boys had simply been laying in wait and had no such breathing issues.

@StormHerald: I very much enjoyed this chapter and look forward to more. I only hope you won't leave us hanging with too many unanswered questions like with your other story. I'd love to see you go back and "finish" Courting a Vampire one day.

As for grammar/spelling/etc. ... I've read stories half the length of yours that had been "edited" and submitted with over ten times the mistakes your story has. A GOOD editor would be a boon to any author, but the trouble is in actually finding one. I wish you luck. In the meantime I would suggest simply running it through a program like Word to pick up the more obvious errors.

This is a great story -- very compelling. A couple of questions: Why was Dmitri the crown prince (i.e. put in with Ryder) if he originally had an older brother? And why was Sera the only child of her mother's if mated pairs are supposed to have one kid a year? Is it just that she was the first child?

Okay. This is amazing! Better than your other story! I can't wait to continue reading!

please reread the story, Di's brother's dead. and Sera father was killed soon after their mating, seem by those greedy Admins.

This is truly an amazing story.! i love it.!

Still, what is Sera feeling for her 2 friends?bff?or more than that?seem like there's still long way to go if you ever consider to Sera and those 2 boys to fall in love.

Cant wait for next issues!!

Soo good! I hope to see more.

I thought I liked Courting a Vampire, but I am really liking this story well. Please keep going. Although I understood your reasoning for wantng to end Courting a vampire please dont let this story go as you did with that one. I am loving it so far!Keep going!

This is really good, I like that the way your vampires and werewolves came about. It's different and refreshing. If this were a book, I would definitely buy it. Can't wait for the second chapter.

I really really love this story and the care you have taken with the characters. I hope Sera gets to make the boy suffer ... It's only fare. Please update soon.. Crying reading this.. It's so damn good

This first chapter pulled at my heart strings. It made me laugh, cry, and wonder exactly where it was headed. If you ever need another editor or even a proof reader I would love to help! Waiting on the next chapter as patiently as I can.

Please don't make this open ended like you did with Courting a Vampire. I can't stand open ended stories and I feel this will be a great series.

I find myself disappointed that you only have one chapter in this story. This is book worthy stuff, but it would need professional copy editing for mass publication (And probably back revision once you have more chapters done). Also, where is the porn (sorry for being crass)? I'm curious if this will turn into a fantasy/masturbation piece, or maybe a peeping Thomisina, or maybe a brutal power exchange thing. You could go lots of ways and make it work, maybe even do all of that and more.

Please continue on with this story line. You have a real Winner here.

Simply can't wait for more.

great start and first chapter!

Cannot wait until next Chapter! Please be soon :)

Possibly the best story I've read so far. Please continue with this plot line it's amazing. At the end of this with the main character hearing what she just heard could you play on that pretty please. But continue with this best you've written so far can't wait for the rest

this story definitely caught my attention. :) it's different from how the world of werewolves, humans, and vampires are viewed. can't wait for more. :)

Excellent stuff, this is a really enjoyable read and I look forward to reading more!

You have some fantastic characters here - I was so interested in them that, I must say, my heart just dropped when I heard Dimitri talk down about Sera to the girl he brought home. More soon please!

I'm excited to see there is another chapter posted. Don't worry if you can't keep up with the long chapters. Just try to get at least 2 pages and post regularly. No one can complain about that!

Please continue it's a great read, love the characters and plot.

No sex but Absolutly Great story - More ASAP please!

I love this story! It has completely sucked me in and left me wanting to know what happens next. I also loved your previous courting the prince series, but i think this one will be even better. Can't wait to read more!

What an introduction! You have me hooked, which is definitely something to say. I tend to exit out of stories the moment I see grammatical errors. Good job at making me stay!

The story definitely sounds promising. I do only hope you will start to use apostrophes more often.

Good start. I can't wait to read the rest. =)

so looking forward to reading the rest. loving the originality and background story already.

They suck me in SO badly and he's feeling left out! Keep them coming! :)

the first chapter was amazing, i cant wait to read the rest, althought i didnt really like di calling sera his slave. more please.

A rich and interesting story. The characters and storyline are intriguing. I can't wait for more!!! I really can't wait to see what Victor's hopes for Sera are. Di confuses me. I think from his actions that he loves her. So, I didn't like Di's answer to the girl he brought home. I felt badly for her to be spoken of like that. I really like Izadora. The only thing that didn't make sense to me was that the boys would leave her alone on the night her mom died. If they were that close, I couldn't imagine they'd do that.

Enough said!

It totally has my undivided attention........

Please tell me this is not the one you mentioned at the end of Courting a Vampire??????

I started this expecting a good read, but this blew my mind! You give each character a life and story, and every scene plays out perfectly! This honestly one of the best things I've read in awhile!

I love finding a story like this here. It's soooooo good.

I love this story. It tugs at my heart in the very best way. Plus, I love stories with a good build up. -DC

It is a story not simply sex. They are hard to find but it is why i love this site, thanks!

I love the background and character building. I smiled while I read the first chapter. Your story truly is a gem. Thanks

This is so amazing it scary. I actually shed a few tears on the 3 page! I have fallen in love :3 <3

Excellent start!

First time I cried from happiness, followed of course by tears of fear. Emotional investment is a sign of good everything.

LOVE this so far! I hope this story is finished!

Wow! This story is off and running - I could not put it down. Loved this -- you are off to a teriffic start. Keep up the great work and I promise to keep reading your stories. Cannot wait for the next part. :)

Certainly far from erotic, and yet quite a good piece of literature. I look forward to there being some form of deeper relationship soon.

JT

A fantastic story!!! Literary genius!

wow I rarely read a beginning to a story this good...even from "professional/published" writers/authors. I only burn to read more. AND I hope you have an actual ending not like others in "NonHuman" Category leaving their story somewhere in nowhere.

Well well well! I REALLY hope this series carries till the end, as this beginning is excellent! Don't even care if it ends up being sexually explicit at some point or not.

Warning!

This story is good but it takes a long time to get to the sexy stuff and it wasn't ever finished.