The Priest

I walked for miles without seeing so much as a single house. The sky was inky black, and I was drenched. I began to regret not waiting it out in my car.

Then there it was, tucked behind a grove of elms. A small brick church. Our Lady of Perpetual Solitude. I ran across the grass, covering my head with a soggy newspaper.

I carefully closed the heavy door behind me and squeezed the rain out of my hair. The church was silent as a crypt. Every step echoed and resonated. I heard someone sniffle.

"Hello?" I entered the aisle and walked toward the apse. "Is somebody here?"

A young man stepped out of a confessional booth. He had beautiful wavy hair and an aquiline nose. I noticed the white collar.

"Hello! What are you doing out in this weather?"

"My car broke down and I don't get reception here, I must have walked for miles."

I reached him and stopped. He had kind eyes.

"Come in, sit down. I'll get you a towel."

"Thank you."

I looked down. My yellow sundress stuck to my body and you could see everything. I blushed and covered myself with my arms. He handed me a towel and I saw him struggling not to stare as I dried off.

"Are you okay? I thought I heard crying when I came in."

"Oh. No, I'm fine, I just have a lot on my mind."

"Do you want to talk about it? I'm a great listener. I'm actually about a year away from being a therapist, so I'll be a professional listener soon."

"I probably could use someone to talk to..."

"Then it's a good thing I found you! Let's go in here, it's a bit more private."

We climbed into the confessional booths and closed the red velvet curtains. The cutouts in the wood divider cast delicate shadows on his face. The walls were dark polished oak and smelled like lemon.

"What's bothering you?"

"I'm supposed to take my vows in three days, and I don't think I can go through with it." I could see him look down at his hands. "Every time I think about this being the rest of my life, my chest gets tight and I feel like I'm going to pass out. It's not cold feet. It's is something deeper."

"What is it exactly that's giving you anxiety?"

"I don't think this is me. I had only been clean five weeks when I entered the seminary. I wanted to make a serious change, and I thought the discipline and structure would be good for me. But I feel trapped."

"That's a pretty big decision to make when you're newly sober."

"I know. But my family kept saying how great it was that I found my calling. I couldn't let them down again. I've already put them through so much."

"What made you want to become a priest in the first place?"

"I've always been a spiritual person. I believe that God is all around us and that life is a gift. But I don't know if I have to be in the clergy to serve."

"What scares you more? Staying or leaving?"

"Huh." He considered the question carefully. "I'm scared of spending the rest of my life on the sidelines. I feel lonely all the time."

"It sounds like you know what you want to do."

He was silent. I watched him through the screen. He looked up, and he looked right at me.

He came into my booth and closed the curtain behind him. He took me into his arms and kissed me deeply. His tongue touched mine and caressed my mouth. I could feel his intensity.

We awkwardly undressed in the cramped space and I sat on his lap. We kissed and I could feel him stiffen and grow underneath me. I lightly bit his neck and ran my fingers through his chest hair.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

He pulled me close and entered me slowly. I wanted him so bad.

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life."

I thrusted against him and our limbs knocked against the walls. He touched my body like it was sacred. He kissed me like a hungry man.

He raised my arms and ran his fingers down my sides. He teased my clit and brought me to the brink and back. He watched my face as I writhed under his touch. He held me and kissed my breasts. I braced my arms against the wall.

"Come with me," he said.

I followed him to the crossing, and we lay on the steps. A giant crucifix was suspended above us from wires. We made passionate love on the red carpet. I climaxed and my cries echoed and bounced off the high ceiling.

He touched my face and angled my hips to go deeper inside.

"I see God in you," he said.

It didn't feel like a line.

*

Originally published in "Stories To Bang By, Vol. 7: Odds & Ends"