All Comments on 'The Princess Transformed'

Your paragraph structuring is confusing and diffi ult to read. You said the information she collected from the informant was valuable but we never read what the information was? How could u make a story and leave everything that tells the story. The only thing i learned from this is shes an elfslut and is fucked a ton. No information she gave to the resistance and the detail you dont put into the acts of sex themselves is disappointing and a big turn off. Every sex scene could be shortened and described as; oh im horny, i get gangbanged, they cum on me a lot, more sex

It's a good FIRST start. I admit that your paragraph structure is a bit confusing. But again it is your FIRST story that you submitted. You might look into trying to find an editor to help you with your writing. But again it is good start for your FIRST story.

You're off to a great if in places somewhat rudimentary start, but you have nonetheless managed to intrigue me and draw me in.

Nobody writes a masterpiece on their first try, but there is more than enough here that I would definitely encourage you to continue writing.

Can't wait to see where your imagination brings the reader to next!

I wish I could read this: it looks like a good story. Unfortunately, the paragraph and sentence structure is disjointed and broken: it's like being in a bus with a driver who is aggressively accelerating and breaking.

Have someone proofread this to smooth out the flow, and resubmit it: you probably have a good story; but what exists now isn't worth reading.

Hi, the author here, thanks for all your feedback! My sincerest apologies about the editing and formatting - I posted it straight from another site I had it on and the formatting got corrupted somewhere along the line. I've submitted an edited version to Literotica and I hope it will get posted shortly.

This is a multi-part work (I'm up to 7!) and so for those of you who like it, I do intend to finish the story. Real Life (tm) gets in the way on occasion though, so please be patient!

Great story, I look forward to more from you!