The Problem With Immortality Ch. 21

They fell asleep lovingly in each others' arms.

********

The next morning, Jennifer felt suddenly ill. Nauseous. She went to the bathroom and threw up in the laser toilet. Her vomit was instantly vaporized.

What was it? Something she ate? The time lag? Something else?

And then she looked in the mirror and realized. Her skin was starting to glow, ever so slightly.

She was pregnant.

Carl hadn't done it last night, of course. That would have been too quick. But they had been trying (well, she had been trying) consistently for two months. It was only to be expected that he would have shot her down by now.

Jennifer was momentarily disappointed that their spectacular lovemaking session last night hadn't resulted in a baby. But what did it really matter? Carl had done it at some point.

She smiled in the mirror, and resisted the impulse to rush back into the bedroom and tell Carl the good news.

She wasn't, after all, one hundred percent certain she was pregnant. And miscarriages were still common in the first two months. Carl didn't even know that she was trying to get pregnant. Why roil the waters until she was sure?

So for now Jennifer kept it a secret.

But at breakfast she was grinning from ear to ear.

"You look happy," said Carl, who looked refreshed and relaxed himself.

"Being with the man I love will do that," said Jennifer, giving him a big kiss.

Carl smiled. He was glad that Jennifer finally seemed to be relaxing. "So what will it be today, my love?"

"Anything with you, dear. Anything and everything," said Jennifer.

*********

They started with a gondola ride through the canals. Jennifer was sure that would be romantic. And it was, at first, until... until...

Jennifer saw the oarsman's paddle hit the water. And when she saw that, she got a fragment of a memory. Of being in another gondola, in this very same place. She couldn't see who was with her in the boat. Just that she was here, in this precise spot.

With Anson, no doubt.

Jennifer got a chill down her spine. As the ride continued, she got more flashes. Images of the boat. Of the gondolier. Of the water, of the buildings around her. Everything but the man with her.

Had it been romantic? Had Anson been snuggling with her, rubbing against her, like Carl was now?

No! She mustn't think of Anson.

When they got out, Carl took her to the Galleria dell'Accademia, one of the most famous museums in Italy. Jennifer tried to calm herself down, looking at the paintings. She saw one of a woman selling fruit in a market.

She had seen that painting before. She had a memory, of standing right in the same spot. She even remembered saying something, saying.... "What do you think, dear?"

But she didn't remember who she was saying it to. Or what his answer was. Anson's answer. Part of her life had been ruthlessly, surgically cut away.

The experience repeated with several more paintings, and Jennifer realized that the memory procedure had not been as successful as she thought. Happy Amnesia had only removed Anson, not the circumstances surrounding him. There were too many details left over that reminded her of him.

She had tears in her eyes and Carl must have noticed, because he said, "Honey, are you all right?"

Jennifer nodded and said, "I want to get out of here, Carl. Let's go to a nice cafe for lunch."

"Of course," said Carl, full of concern.

He took her to a small cafe overlooking a beautiful piazza with a statue of a naked woman in the middle of a fountain, streaming water out of both her teats.

At first, everything was fine as they ate lunch, but then the memory flashes started to return again. The fountain. The piazza. She had been here before. She had been here laughing, having a good time, she remembered that. Laughing about... it was gone. Having a good time with.... it was gone. All she remembered was the happiness, the feeling of... tremendous contentment. The rest had been robbed, taken from her.

She felt like crying. It only got worse when she looked around the cafe, and realized why the view of the fountain and the piazza had been so familiar to her.

Of course. Because the last time she had been here, she had been sitting at this very cafe, at this very spot. With.... With....

Jennifer started to cry.

"What's wrong? Jennifer, what's wrong?"

Jennifer was so choked up that she couldn't answer.

*********

"Memory erasure? Why would Odour be interested in that?" said Jessica. She was laying on one of the beds in their hotel room, completely nude, her legs spread, while a large black male sex worker was thrusting between her legs.

"I'm not going to talk with you while you're doing that," said Anson.

"Oh, all right," said Jessica. "Barack, I have to get back to work. Finish me."

"Yes Ma'am," said the sex worker. He started thrusting more rapidly, making "Uh.. uh... uh..." sounds.

"My clit! Don't forget my clit!" said Jessica crossly.

"Yes, Ma'am," said Barack, rubbing her clit with one hand while he pounded into her.

"Oh, yes, that's right, that's right," Jessica gasped. "I'm coming! Ooooh... ooooooh oooooooh!" she cried. Jessica gave one last big cry, with a big smile on her face. Then, as she sighed, she said, "All right, you can stop now."

"But Ma'am, I haven't yet-"

"Who's getting paid for this, me or you? Now get out," Jessica snapped.

"Yes Ma'am," said the large black man, slipping into his bathrobe and heading for the door, only pausing to briefly give Anson a humiliated glance.

After he was gone, Jessica rubbed her clitoris, to harness the residual waves of orgasm. "Next time we have to pick a hotel room with better room service."

"Of course," said Anson dryly.

"Now what's this about memory erasure?"

"There's a man in Interlaken Switzerland, who claims he can selectively erase memories," said Anson.

"So?"

"So what if we can erase some of Odour's biggest business deals? His best rounds of golf? His best times with women? He'll be able to do all these things for the first time, all over again!"

"He's never going to agree to let anyone tamper with his mind like that, and you know it." Jessica frowned, reached into her vagina, and scooped out a droplet of white fluid. She wiped it on the sheets. "This isn't about him, is it?"

"What do you mean?"

"This is about you. You want to erase Jennifer from your mind, don't you?"

"Don't be ridiculous," said Anson. "I'd have to practically erase my entire adult life to do that."

Jessica walked over to him, even as her right hand was still touching herself. "But you're thinking about it, aren't you?"

"Absolutely not."

"What happened to you at the Pain Management Clinic, Anson? You never talked about it."

"Nothing. It wasn't a good prospect."

"And what happened when you went to the Ju Chi Monastery in Tibet? What did your old friend, Master Pho tell you?" She saw his expression. "You're not the only one who can figure things out. This is no longer about Francisco Odour. This is all about you."

Anson didn't answer.

"I have a much better prospect, Anson. A man named Hugh Pinero, also in Switzerland. He claims he can make people telepathic."

"Telepathy?" Anson snorted. "Impossible."

"We can turn people into fish, and make people immortal. I'd say nothing is impossible," said Jessica.

"It sounds like another scam to me," said Anson. "I say we check out Happy Amnesia."

She went face to face with him, challenging him with her body language. "And I think that is a waste of time. I think you've gone totally off profile."

"If you feel that way, maybe you should ask to be reassigned to another mentor."

"Maybe I will," said Jessica evenly.

They were fast reaching a breaking point, and they both knew it.

********

There was no other choice.

When they got back from Venice, Jennifer sat for days alone, on the beach in San Diego. She ignored all the comms from Carl. She had to think.

And every time she thought about it, she realized she had no choice.

She would have to erase all her memories.

Her adult life, from the age of 23, had been so intertwined with Anson's, that there was no way to separate the Anson from the Jennifer or the Jennifer from the Anson. She saw that in what should have been a very easy to erase experience in one, discrete place: Venice.

If she ever wanted to be truly happy, she would have to erase all her memories, starting from the age of 23.

She would be losing most of herself, she realized. Most of who she was, who she had become, would be lost.

But she would be a happier person, no longer plagued with thoughts of Anson. She could be happy, with Carl.

She would not tell Carl in advance, of course. And she would have no memory of Carl, at least not as an adult, although she would remember that they grew up together as children.

But Carl would come for her, if she left a note for him. He would have to, now that she was carrying his child. He would be furious at what she had done, but he loved her. He would accept her, and they would fall in love all over again. She would also leave a note for herself, telling herself what she was doing and why, reassuring herself that Carl was the man for her, the man she loved and would love once again. It would all work out.

There was just one thing nagging her. The baby. She went to a medical clinic, and was examined by a highly competent robotic doctor.

Jennifer sat in stirrups, as the robot doctor inserted a probe into her vagina. This particular model looked like a human, but not so closely as to be confused with a human. This was done on purpose, because robots who exactly mimicked humans tended to make people feel uncomfortable.

The probe slowly pulled out of her.

"Well?" said Jennifer, sitting up.

"Your baby has been gestating for approximately 6.8 weeks. It seems to be quite healthy," said the doctor.

"Thank you," said Jennifer. And then, without knowing why, she asked, "Did you take a genetic scan?"

"Yes."

"And Carl Campion, he's the father, right?"

The World Government had everyone's DNA on file, and thus so did her robot doctor. The doctor clicked and whirred for a moment, and said, "Negative."

"Negative?" said Jennifer. She thought rapidly. How could Carl not be the father? He had inseminated her so many times! Wait... that time she had been swapping, with those strange men... could it have been one of them? Carl would be furious.

"Who... who is the father?" Jennifer asked fearfully.

"Processing," said the robot. Jennifer seemed to wait forever.

"Come on, come on!" said Jennifer.

"I am processing several billion possibilities," said the robot calmly.

She waited, and waited. Which one was it. Which one?

Finally, the robot doctor spoke.

"The father of your child is... Anson Ford."

Jennifer's jaw dropped. "No... that's not possible." But even as she said it, she realized that it was. It was as if she had selectively erased her own memory. She had tried so hard to repress the pleasure and the pain of their last encounter, that she had almost blotted it out of her mind.

"Are you sure?" she whispered.

"There is a 99.98% chance that Anson Ford is the father of your child."

"No... it can't be," said Jennifer, grabbing her belly.

"It is confirmed," said the doctor.

She left the office without saying another word.

********

Jennifer walked the beaches of San Diego, walking back and forth, north and south, north and south, collectively for miles and miles. The surf moved in and out, but she didn't see it. Her mind was all awhirl.

What could she do?

What should she do?

If she told Anson, then Anson would be back in her life. She would fall for him again. And then, if he left her again, she would be destroyed.

She couldn't risk that. She couldn't let that happen.

Finally, as the sun was setting, with pink and orange clouds which she hardly noticed, she gritted her teeth and decided what she would do.

She would still get the memory purge. She would let Carl think the baby was his, as least until the baby was of age. Then she would leave a recorded message for the baby, telling him of his true parentage. He (she was going to have a boy!) could then be free to seek out Anson, if he wished. Jennifer would have nothing to do with it. With no memory of Anson, she would know intellectually that it had happened, but would have no feelings attached to it.

It was a radical solution, but the only one she felt she could live with. And so she boarded a stratoliner for Switzerland. For Interlaken.

********

"Yes, we can erase all your memories beyond the age of 23, but that's so... radical," said Isaac Mercola. "We've never had a request quite like it."

"Well, now you do."

"Jennifer, please think about this. Who you are, who you have become, it will all be gone," said Isaac.

"I know," she said, in a halting voice.

"What terrible trauma have you endured throughout your life that drives you to want to do this?"

Jennifer started to cry, as she knew she would. "What trauma? What trauma, you ask? For 311 years I have been with the kindest, gentlest, most loving man in my entire life who has given me the happiest existence I could have possibly imagined. That's the trauma I have to forget. That's what I have to have erased, if I am to go on living again."

Isaac listened, and tried to understand.

"Can you do it?"

Isaac slowly nodded. "Yes."

"Then let's do it," said Jennifer.

"Now?"

"I'll sign whatever you need me to sign," said Jennifer. She desperately wanted to do it now. If she didn't, she might lose her nerve and never be able to do it.

"All right, Ms. Spaulding."

Jennifer's hands were trembling as she signed the electrodocuments. Isaac noticed it. "Ms. Spaulding, are you quite sure?"

"All signed," Jennifer announced. "Where do I go for processing?"

"This way," said Isaac, not looking at all happy about this.

She was given a thorough medical exam, one she hadn't been given last time. She suspected that one of the doctors examining her was also a psychiatrist. But when it was done, Doctor Hauser, who she recognized from last time, gave her a white gown to wear, and told her to follow him to the treatment room.

The treatment room was not directly connected to the examination room. They had to walk through public hallways of the Institute. As they approached a corner, Jennifer heard two people arguing, loudly.

"-tell you this is a waste of time. We should be seeking out Doctor Hugh Pinero. He can make people telepathic! Just think of it, telepathy!" said a woman's voice.

"Telepathy is not possible," said a man's voice flatly. A very familiar man's voice.

Jennifer's heart started to beat rapidly.

Jennifer followed Dr. Hauser around the corner, almost running into Jessica Dhomes, and her ex-husband Anson Ford.

"Jennifer!" said Anson, his face full of shock. He took one look at her in her white smock, and immediately became alarmed. "Jennifer, what are you doing here?"

"What I have to, Anson," she sobbed. She figured that Anson would appear one last time in her life. This would be his final chance to torment her.

"No, Jennifer!" said Anson, his eyes wide as he suddenly figured out what she was about to do. "No, please, I beg you!"

Jennifer followed Dr. Hauser down the hallway, past Anson.

"Jennifer! Jennifer, I love you!" he cried his voice cracking up.

"Anson, I love you too!" she cried, her voice just as broken up. But she didn't look back. She couldn't.

In a moment, she had turned another corner with Doctor Hauser.

"No... No... I've got to stop her!" said Anson.

"Anson, you can't," said Jessica.

"I've got to!" Anson cried. Suddenly, he grew dizzy. He started to hyperventilate. He had trouble breathing. He felt the room spinning around him. And then everything went black.

"Are you all right, Ms. Spaulding?" said Doctor Hauser, as they entered the treatment room.

"Yes," said Jennifer, wiping away the tears.

"Are you still sure you want to go through with the treatment? Once we do this, there's no going back," said Doctor Hauser.

"I understand," Jennifer sobbed.

"Then please lie down on the treatment table," said Doctor Hauser.

Jennifer did. Doctor Hauser put the now familiar net of electrodes around her head. "We will start again by mapping your mind, just like last time. Naturally, since we're going to be much more invasive, the mapping will take longer."

"I understand," said Jennifer, sniffling.

The machine started to hum.

Jennifer had made all the preparations. She had made holovideos, in fact. Four of them. One for the baby. One for Judy. One for Carl. And one for herself.

********

"Why hello there," said Jennifer. "If you're hearing this, it must be your twenty first birthday. How handsome you must be! I have some news for you. Carl, the gentle, handsome man who has raised you as your own, is not your genetic father. Your father is another man, a man named Anson Ford."

"Anson and I were married, for a long, long time. We loved each other very dearly. But the time came when we couldn't stay together any longer. But even after we parted, I accidently got pregnant from one last... encounter with him. Pregnant with you. I couldn't bear to stay with Anson. I wanted to be with Carl. So I erased my memory of Anson, so I could be happy with Carl."

"Unfortunately, this has also affected you, my dear, sweet son. Now that you know the truth, you can feel free to seek Anson out. He is a kind, wonderful, loving man. I'm sorry you had to wait so long to know the truth. I'm sure that Carl still considers you his child, and loves you every bit as much as you love him. That will never change."

"And of course, I will always love you, my dear. Always. I hope you will understand."

********

"Judy. My dear sweet Judy. I am so very sorry for what I've done to you. By now you have learned that I have erased most of my memories. But in the process I have also erased all my memories of you. I am so very sorry, my dear, sweet love. But it was the only way. I couldn't go on like this. I couldn't go on with Carl while still having memories of Anson.

"I hope you can forgive me. I hope you'll reach out and get to know me again. I so much want to have a relationship with you. I want you to get to know your new half-brother, and for him to get to know you."

"I know you said I should give it more time, and to wait for thoughts of your father to naturally fade. But I simply couldn't bear it. You probably think I'm a coward. Maybe I am. But there was no other way I could continue."

"I'm so sorry, and again, I love you so much."

********

"Carl. I know you're going to have a hard time when you hear this message. I've just had my memories erased. All of them. I couldn't bear it, Carl, I simply couldn't. Remember when we were in Venice, and I was crying? It was because of memories of Anson. I didn't tell you this, but before we went there, I got all my memories of Anson in Venice erased, hoping we could have a good time, hoping I could just think about you. But I retained enough fragments to make me upset."

"I realized the only way I could be happy with you, dearest one, was to purge my mind of all my memories of Anson. Unfortunately, that means purging all my adult memories, even those with you. I'm recording this note in the hope you'll come to me, come to me and claim me as your own, as you did before. I won't know you, other than our experience as children, but I will be very, very predisposed towards you. I want you, Carl. Come to me. Come to me, please, and we will finally be able to be happy together."

Jennifer had spent a lot of time debating whether to tell Carl that she was pregnant, and whether to tell him the child was his or not. She decided she didn't have the heart to lie to him. When she woke up, she would discover she was pregnant, and they both would assume that the child was his. It would be a lie of omission, which made it a little more palatable to Jennifer.