All Comments on 'The Pulse Pt. 11'

Wow, that was a moving and significant ending. I wasn't expecting that. It felt almost ... like you were telling your own true story. Great job.

Loved this story up until this chapter. Really a downer ending.

An amazing story, and wonderful ending. Pretty heart touching. Cant wait for your next new written story!

This felt like a rush to end it.

Thank you for a fantastic series! Wow. Your story kept me captivated through every posting.

Ending overall felt a bit rushed but was still fairly well written. The consequences of using the pulse was a nice ending addition.

Thank you for sharing your wonderful story with us. Well written and always great to see a new addition. I'm looking forward to your next story. Thank you so much!

Very emotive ending that I really wasn’t expecting so Harry the tool got away really no legal punishment I get the sawyers paid so there was no legal case but not the tools ?.

I think the ending sucked, TBH. Every chapter previously had me wishing for more, then the huge let-down.

Keep writing though!

A great story cut short with a non-sensical ending.

I have to say, it was great. I like the fact that you didn't get carried away with the sex. Enough to keeps us wanting more. Although I'm sure many others will disagree, I really like the way you wrapped it up. Keep on writing, You might want to think about doing something more with your talent.

I felt let down by this story. The concept of the pulse and threads was novel and nicely thought out initially, but the plot was confused and difficult to credit. Why would anyone with that power allow himself to be manipulated and used like that? I suppose the twist at the end was different, so credit for that, but the ending was rushed and many loose ends were poorly closed out. Lots of promise, but mostly unfulfilled.

awesome story can't wait to read what you write next

Thank you, I really enjoyed the originality, mind control with strong ethics (realistically flawed).

Endings are hard and this one was as good as any but I would have liked to see Jake be big enough to make Youle and Jennifer into better people rather than exacting a (literally) hurtful revenge on them.... And what of Ami? She deserved some happiness... maybe with Jennifer, now that would have been an interesting adjustment.

BTW Surrey police for a town in Hampshire? Alton Towers would be a hell of a trek from Basingstoke, it's near Alton village in Staffordshire, nowhere near the town of Alton, Hampshire. I happen to know the area well.

Jake was showing Fiona round the area as if she hadn't already spent her life there... seemed a bit strange.

But those are niggles in a very enjoyable story. Looking forward to more.

Really enjoyed The Pulse…hope you keep writing more stories!

Really loved the first part of this story, but the last two or three episodes not so much. The last two in particular seem to be there just to end it because the author just got sick of writing the whole thing. One of the real problems that I see here a great deal is metanarrative drift in long episodic stories. This one is no different, The original concept of doing episodic installments of longer novellas or novels began in the 1840's with Charles Dickens installment novels which were published in weekly gazettes. While these were weekly installments, the entire novel had been already written and polished so the metanarrative running through the whole series of episodes was clear and precise. You read these with a clear understanding of what the whole purpose and direction of the work actually was.

When you decide though to write as you go sequenced stories in installments like this one; you as an author are faced with some real temptations which if surrendered to really cause problems as the story narrative matures in the later installments. There is a real temptation, particularly when you are also writing sexual porn as part of the longer metanarrative, to run rabbit trails to the point in which whole episodes are merely frames for different sexual encounters. A couple of these don't really cause a problem but each digression adds factors to the longer metanarrative (story line) that really add to reader confusion if you as an author are not careful to discipline yourself up front to maintain a clear story line with good foreshadowing leading towards a clearly defined conclusion.

That is not the case here. About the 5th episode, this story became nothing but rabbit trails....that became so very diffused as to be almost utter chaos. There simply was so little story that it became impossible to make the whole thing work anymore. That is why the author wrote the last two chapters as summary rehashes rather than additional episodes. By episode 9 there simply wasn't a overall storyline anymore. There is simply no way to really correct this kind of evolving story implosion because the rabbit trail episodes that caused the story line drift are cast in concrete in the previously published episodes. When the problem becomes too difficult to surmount; the only real solution is to "exit stage left.." and the author writes a get out of dodge conclusion like episode 11,

That is very unfortunate because the premise of the mind control coupled with the protagonist's high morality provides a vehicle for a really outstanding novel. I would suggest that the author, who has some really outstanding writing skills, spend more time brainstorming the metanarrative before he embarks on further large episodic works like this one... As a retired writing professor my key recommendation to my students over the years is to KISS...(Keep It Simple Stupid). In this case, layout your overall story line metanarrative, clearly articulate your goals towards conflict resolution and endgame....and STICK TO IT WHILE DISIPLINING YOURSELF TO AVOID RABBIT TRAILS THROUGH THE GARDEN....IE IRRELEVANT SIDE STORIES....AT ALL COSTS. Then, you will find yourself with a 20 or 50 episode novella that works and earns you the critical acclaim that a writer of your promise so richly deserves.

You earn a 3 from this reviewer.... you are a good writer, but you need to learn discipline and focus.

5 *'s for every part! I enjoyed the story.

Thanks

This whole series was excellent! Thank you

As several comments have mentioned, this is what happens when an author gets tired of a story and decides to end it and discard it.

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You had a great story. This ending was like dumping a bucket of raw sewage on it.

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Jake uses his power to perform the equivalent of a female castration/clitoridectomy on a foolish, self-centered young girl who was warped by her incredibly fucked up parents, then makes her devoted to a man who will abuse her. Meanwhile, the guy who probably actually deserved prison, the future rapist, the abuser and bully...he gets a similarly destroyed sexual function...and he's made to be physically sick at the sight of the aforementioned girl who was made to be slavishly devoted to him. Right. Wonderful. Jake is now the protagonist from "Sex for Silence".

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To summarize, in the end, the protagonist turns evil. Then prematurely ages, and leaves his children fatherless. Granted, his evil actions warrant such an end, but it doesn't make for a satisfactory ending to an otherwise enjoyable tale. The well established moral compass of the protagonist vanishes, and... unsatisfying is putting it lightly.

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Yes, Jennifer did something horrible. Yes, she's an immature, self-absorbed, poisonous little twat. Yes, she deserved to be punished. But, if he could so easily alter her desires, and neuter her ability to experience sexual pleasure until the day she died, he could just as easily have made her feel an uncontrollable compulsion to always be honest and truthful, thereby ensuring that she would confess her wrongdoing publicly, and guaranteeing that she would never maliciously deceive anyone ever again.

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He could just as easily have forced her to feel attracted to good people, who despised what she'd done; he could have ensured she felt compelled to repent and make up for her awful actions, which would have resulted in suffering coupled to growth. And that's just one example. The possibilities are endless, and much less sadistic.

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Jennifer didn't kill anyone, or rape anyone. She attempted to ruin his reputation, partially succeeded (partly due to her parents help), and she may have (the former head of school actually did it, and the timeline isn't made clear in the story) helped ruin his chances to attend Cambridge. That hardly merits a punishment that isn't even meted out to literal pedophiles, no? I mean, unless Jake is an absolute monster.

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On top of all that, Jennifer's mother escapes without punishment. Nobody will ever know what she's done. A couple hundred thousand pounds (less, really) is nothing compared to living a lifetime without experiencing orgasm. It's incredibly unsatisfying.

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As for tooly...well he was a monster from the start. Indeed, the "punishment" that this chapter's caricature of Jake enacts could have come straight from his wildest, cruelest fantasies. I don't have much sympathy for him. But a lifetime with painful erections and feeling sick when he looks at Jennifer...what is that? How is that satisfying? It's painful, sure, but it's also a childish and empty punishment. Forcing him to be compelled to tell the truth about everything, including his innermost thoughts (like his belief that Tina deserved to be raped, perhaps?) would destroy him. Hell, if you want to be cruel, make him heterosexual, but unable to become erect without looking at a nude male. Boom. So much more satisfying.

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And the premature aging came totally out of left field. Like...what the fuck? "Blah, blah, blah, I did some horrific shit to a stupid girl and an monstrous guy, suddenly started to go grey, had some kids, oh, then I aged fifty years in twenty years (approximately. he was 70 at 40, and we'll round up his age at the start of the tale to 20. 20 to 40 is 20 years, 20 to 70 is 50 years) and my beautiful wife and my darling children will be left widowed and fatherless, the end!" I say again: What. The. Fuck. Rug? Thoroughly pulled out from under my feet.

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It's such a shame, because I was really enjoying this story, but this parody of a final chapter is so bad that I literally hate it. I rarely give single stars, but this earned it just as much as the previous chapters earned their five stars each.

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You have more than a little talent, and a good deal of skill. If this chapter wasn't so (in my opinion) awful this would be one of the best Mind Control stories on this site. Oh, I loved the Blackadder references in this series. Unexpected, but delightful. All the more reason I'm sad about how it ended.

The last two chapters are some what of a copout. But I guess you at least ended it unlike some people. I just wish there was an actual climax to the story that was as well planned as the build up. There was a real investment in your characters...

Superbe histoire, je mets 5 étoiles pour l'ensemble des chapitres. Mais je dirais que l'on sens bien un certain relâchement de l'auteur pour ce dernier chapitre, comme "bâclé", c'est dommage. Manque d'inspiration pour la fin ?

Good idea for a story and well told up until the final chapters. Can’t help thinking you missed out on an opportunity to go from good to great. I suggest that you consider submitting an alternative ending to the story with a similar flow to your earlier chapters. However, whatever you choose will not attenuate your skills as an author.

I really liked the concept. Thanks for sharing this one.

Needs some reworking, but

Keep Writing!

really hope this story gets revisited and the last 2 or 3 chapters retracted. a few others put some really long descriptions of why they make no sense and kill the entire story, so I won't repeat them. the character was on an improvement arc after misusing his power at first, and then out of left field he goes completely evil and does some monstrous things, and then dies off.

Wpw that ending came like a bolt out of the blue and sucked. I agree that there should always be a price for "misuse of power", but was what he did really a misuse? Possibly overkill, leaving them both with life changing permanent changes.. but the ending felt rushed and totally changed the tune. It was like you just wanted to finish writing the story and get it over with.

I think it'd have worked better if he'd have given Harry and Jenny the knowledge that *he'd* fucked with them... and perhaps make the problems he gave them of an escalating type.

Then say, "You can change all of this. It'll either get worse and worse as time goes on... or you can confess to everything you did, accepting any punishment that entails."

Thereby he gets cleared, it seriously helps his civil case, and Harry and Jenny *still* get punishment, especially since we know they will fight it at first.

Great concept and mostly good execution. Hated the ending. Just too many open threads left dangling. We do t always get what we want though. 3/5

Really, REALLY shit ending. FFS, you TRASHED a great story and a good man. Jesus...

I enjoyed the story and the story telling. I was disappointed in the ending though.

Really like how this isn't a May Sue. There's power, and shenanigans with the power, but also consequences.

This gets a rare 5 stars from me.

Bit of a sad and bittersweet ending there, plus he didn't get his name cleared. And Harry + Jenny while living tortured don't know why, which kind of defeats the purpose a bit. Mixed feelings about the end but I suppose it's more of a half-full than half-empty view for me.