The Quarterback and the Tutor Ch. 08

"You said that was a ruse, didn't you?" Marge asked.

"The need for a tutor wasn't really. I wanted all A's and that wasn't going to happen without some help and I knew Lucas is the best."

"Yes," Susan said. "Tom says you're the superstar of the engineering AND the math departments."

I blushed. Tom hit me on the shoulder and laughed.

"Get red in the face all you want, baby, it's the truth and everyone knows it."

"So get back to the love part," Marge pressed, anxious and smiling.

"The clincher was the first time I went to his apartment for a tutoring session. He informed me in no uncertain terms that he wanted cash up front for every session and no checks. He said he didn't trust athletes because they'd cheated him before."

Tom burst out laughing.

"I wanted to throw him on the floor and ravish him right there. And that's when knew I was really in love with Lucas Blake."

"And you made me wait all that time before you made a move?"

Tom grinned and put his arm around me.

"I couldn't give in too soon, now could I?"

"The rings!" Susan shrieked. "You've both got the same rings! Are those your engagement rings? Let me see!"

No one had noticed before her and then Marge and Harrison both wanted to see them. Susan grabbed my hand and pulled it close to look at the ring.

"It's beautiful, Lucas," she said softly. "Did you pick them out together?"

"No," I smiled. "Tom picked them out. He got mine first and then I got his a few days later."

"I'd already had the inscriptions put on them though. I just didn't want to buy my own in case Lucas didn't like his. Anyway, I wanted him to get it for me."

The waiter arrived to take our order and broke up the conversation. We got three sampler platters with some of all of the entrees on them. Plus, Tom got tacos and I got beef enchiladas. The others all got taco salads to go with the platters.

"We've got enough food for an army here," Marge said dryly, "but you boys can take home what's left. That way Lucas won't have to cook tomorrow."

"Thanks," I laughed.

"You all act like I can't cook anything! I DO help out and cook some things! Tell them, Lucas."

"Yes, you do, baby," I said patronizingly.

I patted his arm and they all laughed.

"Don't worry, Tom, we all know you try," Susan said sweetly. "It's just that not everyone has the gift of cooking. You try your best. You can't help it if you leave ingredients out. Or put too much."

"When Tom was a teenager I asked him to help with dinner," Marge grinned. "The instructions for the chess pie were right there on the table."

"Mommmmm..." Tom groaned and they all laughed.

"The recipe called for two tablespoons of sugar and Tom put in two cups."

I started laughing and Tom hit my shoulder teasingly. Apparently this was a favorite Braddock story.

"Oh, it smelled WONDERFUL while it was baking," Susan laughed.

"But when it cooled and we started to eat it after dinner we needed dynamite to get it out of the pie plate."

"The sugar had turned the pie into rock candy," Marge laughed. "Tom insisted we could eat it and we chiseled it out of the plate with forks."

"I'm sure Tom's better than that now," I smiled. "Actually I don't mind cooking because I cook like my family and I prefer it to always eating in the student cafeteria or somewhere else. I don't like to cook every day but home cooking is good a few times a week."

"And I help out. Tell, 'em, Lucas."

"He does, he really does. He's worked really hard to learn how to fix the things I cook."

"Particularly the pot roast, Mom. He makes the best pot roast you've ever..."

Tom blushed and stopped. Marge and Harrison both laughed.

"Let me give you a little piece of advice, son," Harrison laughed. "Never, NEVER make a comparison between your mother and your wife...I mean husband in your case. Particularly about cooking."

"Harrison and I had a fight a couple of weeks after we married and he told me that I couldn't cook anything like his mother."

Harrison covered his face with his hands.

"What a disaster. Thirty years and she's never let me forget it."

"I cried for days and days, certain that I couldn't cook even though my mother taught me. I finally called Harrison's mother crying and asked for her recipes. Barbara came over that night and jerked a knot in Harrison and told him she'd never feed him again unless he apologized to his wife."

"Obviously it worked out okay," I chuckled.

"It did, Lucas. Barbara not only came over a lot to help me but when we'd go over to their house she'd let me cook and she'd supervise. Barbara was a fantastic cook and I learned a lot from her. Harrison was in the dog house for a while though," she laughed.

"So what am I supposed to say here?" Tom asked innocently. "I love your cooking, Mom, and you know it but I love Lucas' cooking too. He's a great cook."

I patted his arm lovingly.

"I think that's ALL you have to say, Tom."

"Lucas is right, Tom. I'm not jealous that Lucas is a good cook. I'm just glad my boy is getting some good home cooking in this god forsaken cold country."

"It's not cold right now, Mom. It's March."

"It may not be cold to you but it is to me."

"Lucas, we never heard how you knew YOU were in love with Tom," Susan said.

"That's easy. I think I loved Tom from the first day, the blustering pompous ass."

"HEY!" Tom yelled.

Other diners looked over at us.

"I fantasized about him for two years and followed him with my eyes every time I saw him. Then I started tutoring him and our relationship grew. But the clincher..."

"Yes?" Tom arched his eyebrows.

"The clincher, Susan, was the evening he brought the puppies over. He looked like he was about to cry if I didn't want to take the dogs and I looked at him and with those eyes it was like he was a big puppy himself. He took my heart with those puppies and he'll have it forever. Everyone sees Tom as a big tough guy, a football player, an athlete, but I see a man with a gentle tender heart that I love more than life itself."

Tom put his arm around me and gently kissed my lips in front of God and everyone in the restaurant.

"Do you see why I love him so much?"

At that very moment two football players, Hank Rydell and Larry McEvers, walked up. Tom still had his arm around me and we all knew they'd seen him kiss me.

"Well, it's about damn time, 'scuse me, ma'am, it's about time."

Tom blushed and I thought here's the final test.

"Hey, guys," Tom said defiantly. "I guess you know now."

"Oh, we knew a long time ago," Hank laughed. "We were just beginning to wonder if YOU knew."

"What?" Tom asked, confused.

"C'mon, Tom," Larry grinned. "You've been acting like a love sick puppy around Lucas for months now. Lucas is cool and we were wondering if it was just you in love with him. Then we went over to the apartment to see the puppies and we knew."

Tom swallowed hard.

"Who else knows?"

"Oh, I don't know," Hank said. "A few of us have wondered, what with you spending the night at his apartment a lot but now that football season is over I don't think the whole team knows. I doubt the coaches know. I don't know, guys. You can't be planning to keep it secret with the two of you kissing in front of everyone in Consuelo's Restaurant."

Everyone was looking at Tom and me, waiting for an answer.

"Why don't you guys pull up a couple of chairs?" Tom asked nervously.

When they had sat down Tom took a deep breath.

"When I was fourteen there was a guy in my high school named Ray Gray. Everyone called him gay Ray Gray, all the time. One day a guy on the football team tricked Ray into sucking his d..."

Tom looked at his parents, embarrassed at his choice of words.

"We're not prudes," Marge said softly. "I remember what happened to Ray. Go ahead, Tom."

"Anyway, Ricky Lee tricked Ray to uh...uh...you know while they were in the bathroom at lunch. They were in a stall and Ray didn't know that Ricky had set it up with some of the guys to be there. When it was over Ricky opened the stall door while Ray was still on his knees and everyone laughed. Ray left school immediately and went home. He took his father's 38 and blew his head off."

Tom swallowed hard and there was a dead silence at the table. I looked over and there were tears in Marge's eyes. I took Tom's hand and squeezed it.

"I knew then that being gay was not for me. I laughed at jokes about homos, queers, fags, the whole bit. I never actually did anything to any gays but I never spoke up for them and I'm so sorry now. Then I met Lucas and I fell in love and I knew I couldn't hide it anymore."

Tom spoke quietly, his voice filled with emotion.

"It was a terrible thing, Tom," Larry said, "and I think a lot of people have been guilty of that kind of behavior but I just want you to know one thing. My brother Gary is gay and I love him. You'll never get anything but support from me."

"Everyone says you're the best quarterback this university has had since Lucas' father. You might get some shit from the gay bashing crowd, Tom, but I don't think anyone's ready to see you kicked of our team," Hank said. "I'll stand behind you and I know a lot of people who will."

"Some may not want to take a shower with you anymore but you can live without seeing their mangy asses," Larry laughed.

"Karma's a bitch," Tom sighed. "I'm going to catch some hell and I know it but every time someone calls me a faggot I'm going to remember Ray Gray. I'll just have to man up and take it."

"You'll make it, son," Harrison said. "I have faith in you, we all do."

"I wonder how long before it gets out all over the campus," Tom groaned.

"Uh, by ten in the morning I'd imagine," Hank laughed. "Get ready, Tom. Julia Harris was at the table behind us and she caught it all too. I just saw her leaving, looking over here at us. She'll spend the whole night on the phone."

Tom put his head in his hands in mock horror.

"I'll be ready tomorrow, guys."

Hank and Larry left and then we finished our dinner in much better spirits than I'd expected. I knew Tom wanted to reassure his family that he was okay and everything would be alright. They dropped us off at the apartment and left for their hotel. The Braddocks were planning to stay until the weekend, two days away, and leave on a Sunday flight.

As soon as we walked into the apartment I put the leftovers in the refrigerator while Tom took the puppies outside to do their business and then we played with them. Tom was tense and I felt as he were about to explode. I couldn't talk to him, I didn't know what to say. Tom was quiet and I could feel his emotions tearing him up inside.

"You can't imagine what this is like for me," Tom sighed, looking forlorn. "Tomorrow will be pure hell for me."

"Oh, I think I can imagine it, Tom. I've lived my life at this university as a campus lover boy going from girl to girl. People call me He-Man because I'm supposed to be so tough, so always in control. Tomorrow He-Man will become just another faggot to a lot of people."

Tom just looked at me, surprised.

"You're not the ONLY one who has to face tomorrow, Tom Braddock. When Hank and Larry saw us tonight, when JULIA HARRIS saw us tonight, my life as I've known it the entire time I've been on this campus ended; hell, as I've known it my entire life! I don't think now's the time for you to feel sorry for yourself and forget what I'M about to go through."

I suddenly realized that unconsciously my voice was hard as steel. Tom looked stunned and I couldn't believe what I'd just said to him, what I'd just done to our relationship.

Tom almost raced to me to take me in his arms. I tried to stop him, to not let him touch me but his strength was too much for me. To have kept him away from me would have meant a physical fight. He forced my head to his neck and I fought hard to control my feelings.

"I'm so, so sorry, Lucas. Please, please forgive me. PLEASE. I'm such a goddamn horse's ass, a total asshole and I'm so sorry."

I could feel his chest heaving with emotion. His hand held my head and stroked my hair.

"I'm so sorry, my darling. Of course tomorrow will be hard and I'll..."

"DON'T!"

I was about to cry and I hadn't cried since I was a little boy. I didn't even cry on the football field that fateful night when I was in such pain and I knew my football career was over. And I was NOT about to cry in his arms.

"It'll be okay," he whispered as he kissed the top of my head. "I'm sorry I'm such a fucking moron, baby. I don't know why you love an idiot like me."

His voice cracked with emotion. I tried to pull away but he wouldn't let me. I stayed in his arms until I kissed his neck. He relaxed when I licked his skin.

"You forgive me?" he asked hoarsely.

"There's nothing to forgive, Tom. We're bound together for life now, for better or worse. And in the words of that sappy ass movie, love means never having to say you're sorry."

Tom laughed softly.

"I never saw that movie, sweetheart. You know I only like shoot 'em up bang bang movies."

Tom released me from his hold and kissed my lips tenderly.

"I love you, Lucas Blake, and I don't care what happens tomorrow; I'll keep thinking of you. And if anyone calls you a faggot I'll beat the shit out them."

"I'm afraid you'll probably have a long line to fight, big boy. Don't go picking that many fights for me."

"I'll do anything for you, Lucas. I'd lay down my life for you."

He was holding my hands and I lifted them to my lips, kissing each of his hands

"I'm flying home to Atlanta to face my folks this weekend. I'm sorry your family won't be leaving until Sunday but I need to see my family before half the fucking alumni calls Daddy. He deserves better than that, my whole family does."

"I'm going with you."

"No, you're not. Your family is here and you're going to stay here with them."

"NO, I'M NOT. They can fly home a couple of days early. I'm going with you."

I sighed.

"No, Tom, I need to do this myself."

Tom grabbed my face and held it tight.

"I.AM.GOING.WITH.YOU.AND.THAT.IS.FUCKING.FINAL., LUCAS. You don't have a say in this without me."

I started to speak and he put his hand over my mouth.

"Shut up. I love you and I'm your husband. You were at my side when my parents walked through that goddamn front door. Shit, you took 'em on first while deserted you. I'll be there when you talk to your parents, my new in-laws, and if your Daddy wants to hit somebody he can hit me."

I tried to talk but he wouldn't take his hand from my mouth.

"I'll take my hand off your mouth when you nod your head that you're going to say yes to me."

Part of me wanted to hit him in anger but more of me wanted to hug him to me, to love him for standing up to me. I guess one reason I love him so much was that he never backed down to me; that he was always ready to fight for what he believed in. Even if a few tears were shed by him in the bargain.

I nodded my head and he took his hand from my mouth and released me.

"You promise me that I'm going with you, that you're not going to pull some stunt and leave me behind."

"Yes, I'll take you. You need to be prepared though. Your family isn't the only one with tempers. Everything could go okay or then again, everything could go to shit in the bat of an eyelash."

"I'll be there holding your hand and holding your head up high."

I was tired, exhausted, and it showed. Tom took my hand and led me to the bedroom. We undressed each other and got into bed naked.

For the first time Tom curled himself around me, holding me protectively, being the man for me. He held me in the dark, his face on the back of my neck, his lips kissing my skin occasionally, as if he was reassuring me. For the first time we'd gone to bed he didn't have an erection, he didn't want sex. I needed for him to make love to me but I was afraid to ask, afraid to upset the fragile balance of emotions.

"It'll be okay," he whispered. "I'll protect you, Lucas. I'll always protect you."

I kissed his arm that surrounded me.

"Well, it's out now," he said softly. "There's no going back."

"Are you sorry, Tom?"

"No," he said as he kissed my shoulder. "It had to happen and I don't care, baby. I'm just scared."

I lay in the safety of his arms until I fell asleep. I awoke in the middle of the night when I felt him moving. I realized he was crying and I felt his hot tears on my back. I started to turn to hold him and he held me tight in his arms.

"NO, tonight I'm protecting YOU. You stay in MY arms."

His voice cracked. I kissed his hand.

"Have you slept at all, Tom? Tomorrow will be a hell of a day and that's just the classes."

I tried to make a joke and it fell flat.

Tom held me even tighter and I let him weep silently.

"Shhhh, big guy, I'll be right beside you."

"I'm so sorry, Lucas. I always seem to cry and act like a big baby with you. I'm so sorry," he wept. "It's just that I'm so scared."

I wanted to hold him but he held me tight.

"Tom, I love you all the more because you trust me enough to cry in front of me, to show your all of your true emotions. I'd rather have you cry than bottle it all up because you were afraid of what I'd think. You can cry with me anytime you feel like it."

"I feel like crying a lot right now," he laughed softly through his tears.

"Then let it out, baby, let it all out."

"How many of friends won't be my friends tomorrow?"

His body shook with his silent weeping.

"I'm just so scared to find out."

"I'll be here, Tom, I'll always be here for you."

Eventually I heard his gentle even breathing and I hoped he was sleeping.

I didn't sleep anymore that night. As I lay naked in Tom's arms I contemplated the bare coldness of this day and how to help him deal with the rejections that I knew were coming. I knew in my heart that I could deal with whatever came for me but I worried about the man I loved.

In the coming day he would be faced with the end of his lifelong dreams as he knew them, all because of a new love of only a few months, me. He might make it to the NFL. He might become a star quarterback on a professional team but nothing would ever be the same again. The first openly gay quarterback. Tom was scared. I was terrified.