The Rabbit Hole Ch. 02

"Grab it."

"And rip it up."

"Rip it up?"

"Yes, rip it up. You don't need it anymore. Don't worry about Joe."

"Don't worry about Joe."

"Joe is safe."

"Joe is safe."

"Joe is gone."

"Joe is gone."

"Joe is happier where he is."

"Joe is happier where he is?" asked Nadia. Why? What was wrong with her? Why would he leave her? Sure, she wasn't the ideal mate for someone like Joe, but she tried. Dammit, she tried.

"Nadia is happier without Joe."

"I'm happier?" asked Nadia. Was she? Joe wasn't perfect. He was an asshole half the time. But he liked her. He complimented her. He noticed her. He wanted her. Didn't he?

"Yes, you're much happier without him."

"Okay."

"Think about Joe. Picture him in your mind."

"Okay."

"What was one thing about him that you didn't like, that drove you crazy?" asked Penny.

"He had a filthy mouth," said Nadia.

"Yes, he did."

"He was rude."

"Yes, he was."

"I didn't like that," said Nadia.

"No one would. And now you don't need to hear all those filthy words ever again. You're free from that. Isn't that nice?"

"Nice."

"That's much better."

"Better."

"You don't need Joe."

"I don't need Joe."

"I don't?" asked Nadia. Nadia opened her eyes. Penny was behind her, pacing. "Are you sure?" asked Nadia. "Because I'm not so sure."

"You're better off without you. You're too good for him."

"I wish that was true," whispered Nadia.

Penny crossed in front of Nadia. "Are you in the Rabbit Hole?" asked Penny.

"What's the Rabbit Hole?"

"What do you mean?" asked Penny.

"What do you mean?" echoed Nadia.

"Where are you right now?"

"In your office."

Penny walked away from Nadia. The lights turned on in the office. Penny walked to her desk and clicked a button beneath the top. The rain and bell sounds stopped.

"What just happened?" asked Penny.

"You turned on the music and turned off the lights and I breathed and then you snapped and you talked to me."

"Did you go down the Rabbit Hole?"

"You keep asking me that, what is that?"

Penny stared for a long time at Nadia. At first, Nadia thought she had done something wrong? Was that why she couldn't be hypnotized? Was she doing it wrong? In all the videos she saw, everyone else went under so easily, so quickly. Hypnotists were like gods or goddesses walking in and out of the minds of those who encountered them. It seemed like the hypnotists had all the power and did all the work. But maybe the subjects were doing something too, something Nadia didn't understand. Was this her fault? Was she broken?

"I need to go," said Penny as she stood up. "I have a meeting."

"Wait," said Nadia as she stood. "Did it work? Did I go under?"

"No," muttered Penny. "Something went wrong. I'll need to check my equipment."

"It wasn't me?" said Nadia with a sigh of relief. "There isn't something wrong with me?"

"No. It's not you," said Penny. She was going around the office, collecting her bag and things to leave. "No one is immune to hypnosis."

"Especially not if they want it as badly as I do," said Nadia.

Penny paused and looked at her. "No. Especially not you." Penny's distracted expression softened. "I promise it's not you." She reached into her purse and pulled out a wallet. From that, she grabbed a business card. "Here," she said as she handed it Nadia. "This is my personal number. Call me to find another time to try again. I promise it's not you. We'll just have to figure out what was wrong my equipment and try once more. Okay?"

Nadia took the card and smiled. "Okay."

Penny's phone vibrated. She checked it, and put it into her bag. "But I really do need to go." Penny walked out of the office and Nadia followed.

"I have to go too. I have a meeting with my principal."

"You teach?" Penny's heels clicked as they walked through the poshe living room towards the elevator.

"High school English," said Nadia.

"That's ... cute," said Penny. She pressed the button for the elevator, and both women stood side by side, waiting for it to arrive. "We need more people like you. Teaching, that is," said Penny.

"Thanks," said Nadia. She was used to people thanking her for her work. It's what everyone said when they didn't know what to say about her work. It was fine.

The elevator arrive and they both stepped on it. Penny pressed the button for the lobby, and they both waited while they descended dozens of floors.

"I'm sorry I can't help you more with Joe," said Penny, checking her phone again.

"It's alright. I don't think he was really that into me."

"Using you for your body?" joked Penny.

Nadia didn't laugh.

"He has to come back, right?" asked Nadia. "He can't have moved to Hawaii."

"I've heard of people doing crazier things," said Penny.

"Yeah, but not Joe. Joe wouldn't do that."

The elevator beeped and the doors opened to the lobby. "You wouldn't believe what people can do with the slightest push," said Penny.

Nadia opened her mouth to respond, but Penny was already clicking away down through the lobby, towards the front door.

**********

Nadia stared out of her cramped apartment while the cup of tea warmed her hands. Around her were scattered clothes, unfinished paintings, stacks of books, and of course, her journal.

Her journal was never far from her. Her therapist told her to write down her dreams, including her daydreams. If any were interesting, she was supposed to bring them to him.

But she would never let anyone see what she'd written down.

On the tiny saucer by the windowsill sat two blue pills, two large white pills, and one maroon-ish circular pill. Tea and pills. 4:30. Everyday. Her appointment with her principal. ADHD. Anxiety. Mood-swings. All the fun stuff.

For years, Nadia's mother didn't hesitate for the latest regiment. Whatever the dose. Whatever the cost. "Medicine is for sickness. You don't debate doctors."

But Nadia had sought more natural cures. Meditation. Yoga. Therapy. And ... hypnosis.

It didn't work. It never worked. Even with one of the most powerful hypnotists in the world, Nadia was still broken. And what did she expect? Penny would put her in a trance and take away her problems? Her faults? Her weaknesses? Penny would snap her fingers and Nadia would finally be perfect.

"It doesn't work like the stories," she muttered. She took another sip of her tea, turned around, and grabbed her journal.

This is where she kept her dreams. Her daydreams. Her nightly dreams. Her nightmares. Her ... wet dreams. And they were all wet these days, more and more so. Each one started the same. Another hypnotist. Another promise of her gaining control of her mind. Another hope. Their inductions were different, but they all wanted her to go deep. They wanted to take her under. They wanted to make her blank so they could feel around and see what she was made of.

Last night's dream featured an intelligent hypnotist: dark eyes and thick glasses. He wore a flannel shirt and simple black tie. He was a nerd, but Nadia noticed his eyes glancing at her chest during the trance. She was trancing him, she always did. Her body, her sighs, her soft moans as they took her deeper under.

He wanted her to tell him what she was thinking. But it was nothing. She was thinking nothing. She was a blank slate, something to be written on. She asked what he was thinking, and whatever he said, she repeated. She took his words, and they became hers.

He liked her breasts.

She liked her breasts.

He liked her cleavage.

She liked her cleavage.

He wanted more cleavage.

She wanted more cleavage.

He wanted to see her naked.

She wanted to see herself naked.

And so it went, the marionette strings of his words became her reality. She was becoming him. He was becoming her. She was decreasing. He was increasing. His thoughts occupied two bodies. Her thoughts occupied none. When his thoughts urged her to move, she moved. When her thoughts urged her to move ...

No. She had no thoughts.

He thought she should undress him. She did.

She thought he should touch him. She did.

He thought she should get on her knees. She did.

She did and she did and she did and she did. She agreed. She complied. She wanted. She became he. He moved the extension of his body, formerly her body, until its mouth was around his cock. The extension of his body sucked and licked. The extension obeyed his every whim.

Reading the journal, Nadia squirmed in her seat, clenching and unclenching her thighs. Dr. Hazel didn't want to read these dreams, but Nadia did. She read them over and over. She read them as though they could trance her, as though reading them would make them real in her mind. She sighed as her eyes rolled over the pages, revisiting the dream from last night. Or the daydream from this morning. Or the fantasy driving to Miss Penny's.

One where she becomes a doll.

One where she becomes a whore.

One where she becomes a slave.

One where she becomes a bimbo.

One where she becomes a lesbian.

One where she becomes nothing at all.

All of them calling her, beckoning her transformation. Each one a siren in the dreary sea of her mind. Each one a promise and a fantasy. Each one a dream and a hope. Each one so far away and impossible. Each one naive and remote.

But in her dreams, she could have them all.

Nadia's hand found the top of her mound over her clothes. She pressed into it, sunding thunder and heaven up her body. She pressed again, swirling around. She was already so close. She didn't need a body to cum. She didn't need a mind to cum. When she dreamed, she was always so close to cumming.

Another circle. She moaned, dropping her journal to the floor. Another circle, she fell back onto the bed, spreading her legs. Another circle, she clawed at her dress, trying to get free, but failing. Another circle, she moaned so loud the neighbor banged on the floor beneath her to shut her up. Another circle, and her eyes went wide. The world went white.

She saw Penny, standing behind her, while she told the crowd what a good cocksucker she was. Her phone exploded with texts begging to suck their cocks. She wanted to. Penny wanted her to. Penny made her. Penny remade her.

She came.

She tore at the sheets, writhing around, but she kept quiet. She didn't want to get thrown out of another apartment for being too loud.

When she finally caught her breath, she returned to the window. The tea was cold. It didn't matter. She took her medicine anyways.

Anything to help her mind.