All Comments on 'The Red Mask'

Bad grammar, bad spelling. Good concept. To much emphasis on some things that weren't needed, and it ended too quick. 2/5 sorry.

I agree with anonymous. Your transitions were confusing and your grammar needs attention. Your idea, though intiguing, was lost in the structure.

The long thy high [thigh-high] fishnet tights, the sexy red thong underwear that only served the purpose of being something she could slide off to entice the nights [night's] customer, the tight yet comfortable blood red corset with black ribbons and liner, the clear red 5 inch hooker heels that she had just perfected her sexy strut with, and finally the red mask. [run-on phrase; not a sentence because there is no verb!]

Yes, there were definitely some grammar issues, but it was a hot story. I'll go ahead and give it a 5 to make up for some low-balling.

Your story sucks. On all levels. Most unreal. Pathetic.

that was great

Sure, there were some grammar issues, but that was hot as hell.

BTW, It's a shame you included "the last they would ever have as lovers" part of it

Cause this could use a sequel.

But yeah, definitely get yourself an editor.

One of their accusations about improper grammar isn't even true. I know I don't have perfect grammar and nor do I care, but if you're gonna insult someone's story for bad grammar, make sure the claims are true.

Keep on writing.

5/5

great story.although it seems a tad unrealistic.all in all a good read.but u might wanna watch out for the grammer it can make or break a story like this!

Ug, from the "I'm ovulating" part it went downhill fast.

Super hot. A sequal would be great.

needs a sequel she could change her mind itwas hot!

The concept of this story is appealing, but the spelling and grammatical errors really took me out of the moment. Readers who say "ignore the criticisms about grammar" don't do writers any favors. Good writers should care about that because it impacts the reader negatively. Good raw material, but next time use an editor.

This story needs a sequel where she goes to her brother after changing her mind and becomes his lover, and they decide to raise the baby together.

It seemed promising until the focus shifted to making babies.1/5

Have never read anything so bad

Make a 2nd chapter, the siblings get together and become a couple after the 1st baby is born and have twins

Are you the same guy who does the English subtitles for the Japanese incest game show segments that are on a bunch of different porn sites?

if he is the same bloke, his blog keeps moving

Not unreal. I went to a club with 7 others for my bucks party.We had a large booth from where we drank and watched the show. Like this story, money was put in the top of stockings, there was one girl, a little more solid than the others but a great arse, the boys had singled her out for me, she approached,in the dim light she turned away from me, sat on my lap,wriggling her arse. She reached under feeling my cock, the boys, take it out, take it out,, she turned, undoing my trousers, taking my cock out, stroking, she looked up at me, shit it was my cousin, Glynis, we recognized each other at the same time. No, the boys laughed, she said they have paid for me, still stroking me slowly, I was hard,i don't mind she said as her mouth circled my cock, oh, my head went back, she was good, the boys cheered her on, I was getting close but she pulled back, she held my cock, rolling a condom onto it. She faced me, lowering herself onto my cock, looking at me, the boys cheered, she began to move up and down, her pussy grasping my cock, playing her part, give it to me big boy, moving faster, she knew the exact moment my cum blasted, she squeezed her pussy around my cock, milking me and after sitting for a short time, moved off, removing the full condom. Two days later at my wedding reception, I saw her, a long black dress, glasses, she smiled, my cock tingled, she had a dance with me, I said sorry about the other night, she said that's o.k. heres your wedding gift, she handed me an envelope, I would like it if it were me. Open it when you are alone. I was puzzled, later in the night I had to go to the bathroom, I remembered the envelope. I opened it, a voucher for 1 hour with the girl of your choice at the club. I went out, at the end of the night as we went around, I came to her and as I hugged her, I said it definitely will be.

A fuck club without condoms, that doesn't make sense.

any more (anymore)

paying tribute too the amazing session (to)

thy high fishnet (thigh-high)

nights customer (night’s)

street walker (streetwalker)

though the smoke (through)

they shy man (the)

Blue tie (blue)

Fifty Dollar (fifty dollar)

her (????) coming just close

Angles prayers (Angel’s)

ran her hand up (the) fullness

at a boy (atta)

your very lucky (you’re)

redheads mouth (redhead’s)

The Angel ran (Then)

nick name (nickname)

call me (-an) Angel

my sisters...name (sister’s)

what the hell is you (are)

can we stay her (here)

Boss (boss)

juts go up (just) Sister's (sister's)

neck (with) him

this sluts (slut’s)

red 5 inch hooker heels/4 inch clear red hooker heels (????)

thank god (God)

Condom (condom)

horror of the coming experience would be sedated (eased)

Big Brother (big brother)

sisters back (sister’s)

James' interlocking their fingers (James)

thrown out all abandon (POORLY EXPRESSED)

had full committed (fully)

caste on them (cast)

un-obstructed (unobstructed)

waves of exacts (ecstasy)

his pussy (her)

mom, (????) oh god, oh god, oh god

James' (James's)

it feel to the ground (fell)

Ill just cum (I’ll)

its gross (it’s)

Brother's cocked (brother's cock)

he same set (the)

there only chance (their)

Cumming (cumming,)

the just laid (they)

You can't even spell that's correctly...how can you judge them???

Terrible spelling and grammar.

The critics in I/T can be as tough as in LW. Personally, I feel this is a story with some merit. However, the Anon are correct. You do need a LOT MORE editing of spelling and grammar, as it kills the flow...and your ratings.

The story line is good, just needs an editor's help. BTW your NOT fertile after only one week.

this needs a sequel where they cant keep their hands off each other

The fertle period is 2 weeks after period not 1 week.

You got a lot more story to tell. Don't just leave us limp dicked.

Actually a woman is fertile two weeks from the beginning of her last period

Great story please continuous why does it have to end

5*'s

Your levels of spelling and grammar are atrocious.

Terribly written, awful grammar and spelling. So many errors it distracts from the story. Also, no plot development, just an abbreviated fuck. Not even sexy it was so bad.

I don't understand the hate this story is getting. Its writing is good enough and the taboo factor was max. The fertile cycle people keep commenting on wasn't wrong, it's about a week after last period ends, like the author said.

While it didn't do it for me, I disagree with the folks hating on the spelling and grammar. Yes, there were errors, but far from so many that it could be called atrocious or awful. I'd say it's on the better end of language use for the site. And the complaint about lack of plot development? Dear god, who ever thought a sex story would lack plot development? Surely the first time that has ever happened! That poor reader, expecting to find complex and nuanced literature and forced to endure through three pages of fucking.