The Refuge Ch. 01

"As I remember, you liked my hair short so I kept it that way for you, never growing it below my shoulders."

"Well, if that's the case, than I missed out because your long hair is stunning. It has always been this same, shining blend of blondes... lovely." He smiled again while I blinked away his compliment. He let his hand drop away from my hair, but reached instead for my hand.

"Come on, let's go to dinner. I'm hungry." He pulled me from the lobby and into the bay of the convention center/hotel where he handed a ticket to the valet.

We waited in silence for a few minutes, his hand still warmly wrapped around mine giving it a squeeze. It felt so right to have it there, wrapped in his. The skin of his hand was rough and smooth at the same time. I rubbed my thumb across the top of his palm, feeling the callouses that most likely came from lifting weights regularly, just as he had when he was younger.

The valet brought a white, four door Tesla sedan up and David stepped up to receive the keys from the valet, opening the passenger side door for me.

"You own this?" I gaped.

"Oh, yeah. One of the safest, most fuel efficient cars on the planet, not to mention the most healthy car for the planet."

"Well, yeah," I said, stepping into the snug interior. The seats that I sunk down into felt like suede and I marveled for a moment at the luxury surrounding me before he stepped into the car as well.

"Then why the surprise?"

"What kind of work did you say you did again?" David smirked.

"What does that mean?"

"Uh... you know what it means, it means this is an expensive ride."

"Well... we all must do what we can for the planet, no matter the cost."

"Whatever you say, Davey, whatever you say." I laughed.

"Say that again," he said softly. I looked at his face which was illuminated by the street lights and neon lights of the store fronts we passed. His forehead was creased and I couldn't tell if he was upset.

"What?" I asked for clarity.

"That name..." he broke off, unable to continue. He risked a glance my way and his eyes burned into mine for a moment before he turned back to the road. His jaw clenched and I touched his arm.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you."

"Oh, you didn't, you didn't... the exact opposite actually. It was," he shook his head, "it was like I'm 20 years old again." He swallowed hard and I hungrily studied the expression on his face.

I knew exactly what he meant, which is why the name slipped out. He turned into a parking garage downtown, climbing the steep curve to the second, then third, until he found a spot on the nearly empty fourth floor. I stayed silent the whole climb, intimidated by the intensity between us. He parked expertly and turned off the car, but didn't move to get out. Instead, he turned his torso to face me. I could just make out his features in the dim light of the lot.

"I don't think anyone other than my mom calls me that anymore." His breath was coming fast now and mine too. There was something there in the air between us that I had somehow brought out into the open by calling him my special nickname. It both terrified me and excited me at the same time. I didn't know what to say and I couldn't move.

"Do you remember what I used to call you?" he said softly. I nodded my head, yes. "Rosie," he said, his voice full of hope, full of longing. "Sweet, sweet, Rosie," his voice caught again. "God, I'm a fool," he said right before he lunged at me.

He crushed my face to his, dragging his full lips across mine. I gasped in surprise and he took advantage, plundering my mouth with his tongue. I couldn't think, only feel, feel the press of his chest against mine, so solid and real, a dream come to life, feel his lush lips caressing mine hungrily, feel his tongue toy with mine, hot and needy, feel his hands pull through my hair, somehow gentle and urgent at the same time.

My arms went over his shoulders, my hands making their way through his thick hair. He tasted so good, he smelled so good, his mouth the same delicious intensity that I remembered.

He cradled my head in his large hand, turning it to slant his mouth across mine, deepening our kiss. I moaned into his mouth and at the sound, it was as if someone had poured a bucket of ice water over his head, sobering him. He pulled away with a curse.

"Fuck, Rosie, I'm so sorry."

"Davey, it's ok."

"No, I jumped you, I didn't even ask you if you wanted me to kiss you. God, I'm such an ass, I'm sorry." He pulled away from me and buried his face in his hands.

"It's ok, Davey, it's ok. I get it, I feel the same thing you're feeling right now. Lost and confused and so drawn to you even though I feel ashamed for being drawn to you."

"Ashamed, why should you feel ashamed?" He took his hands away from his face and caught me in that blue stare. I reached for his hands, to use them to stop my own from shaking, but mostly to keep him from hiding his beautiful face from me.

"Because... because... I want you, even though one, you're married with kids, and two, I don't deserve you." My voice broke and I dipped my head, consciously willing myself not to cry.

"How could you possibly think that you don't deserve me, Rosie? I am married, yes, I am. Her name is Jocelyn, and our children are the best things in my life, but you shouldn't feel ashamed. You aren't purposefully doing anything to make me want you so badly that I jump you in a darkened parking lot. That's not your fault, it's mine, my own shit."

"That's not what I mean, though, yes, I do feel guilty that I want you in spite of the fact that you're married. What I mean is," I gulped and gathered my strength, my courage to make it through this without dissolving into pieces. These are the things that I have come to terms with for the past fifteen years which was incredibly hard to do and speaking them out loud now, to this man, was almost unbearable for me. "I mean," I continued, "I don't deserve you because of what I did to you."

"What you did to me?" he interrupted, incredulous. He grabbed my chin and caught me in that incredible stare of his again. His eyes were so round, and so blue, they were breathtaking. "Rosie, you didn't do anything to me. I let you down, I hurt you."

"Yes, you did hurt me, but Davey I know what I did. I've had fifteen years to think about this." We stared at each other, our hurts so close to the surface that breathing was almost painful.

"I kept all those letters," I whispered into the air between us and his mouth trembled and mine began to tremble too. "I kept every word you wrote to me while you were in Afghanistan. Every beautiful word. You loved me so so much and when you brought me to visit where you were stationed in Germany, I failed you. I broke my promises to love you and cherish you, to be the woman that I told you I had become. I lied to you in those letters. I pretended to be a better person than I really was because I wanted to be a better person for you.

"I don't know, maybe it wasn't lying, maybe it was delusion. I pretended to myself that I had forgiven you for Darlene, for cheating on me with her and then choosing her. And even that was my fault because I let you go that first time after I graduated high school for petty, stupid immature reasons which was the reason you got with her in the first place. All of it, every fucked up thing was my fault." I couldn't keep talking; I broke down, burying my face in my hands this time.

"Rosie, Rosie, Rosie, it's not your fault. You didn't break your promises, I did. I promised to take care of you, to love you, and I chickened out. You were so amazing.... You were everything and I just couldn't be everything back to you, especially after what Darlene did to me. I was still torn up over her lies and cheating and all the mess that she wrought. You gave me a second chance to win back your heart and I blew it."

"No, no, Davey, I blew it. I got lazy and lonely while you were out in the field and I was alone on the base. I got so lazy. I stopped taking care of myself and I didn't know how to continue my education there. I didn't listen to what you asked of me, to those lists and descriptions of the woman you needed by your side in those letters. I gave up on our hopes for our future. I played petty games like taking my engagement ring off and flirting with other men on the base right in front of you, silly petty games of an immature girl, even though I was twenty years old by then.

"I'm so sorry I did that to you, that I let you down, that I ruined the second chance we had to be together, to be something special and wonderful together. It was my fault, not yours. I turned you away in my heart, hardened it against you." I sobbed, I couldn't help it, it all came pouring out of me.

"When we were writing letters back and forth, it was completely different than when we were face to face. It's like when I saw you, when I came to your army base in Germany, all of that other petty shit that happened with Darlene came flooding back especially when I saw her there, and I let myself wallow in my self pity, fed by the loneliness of being there in that strange space without you, and I fucking forgot all of the beautiful things you had written to me, that we had written to each other. I forgot that I promised to cherish you and love you like you deserved to be loved. I'm so sorry I ruined it. We could have had such a wonderful life together, you and I. Our lives would have been so beautiful if I had just been brave enough."

All of the hurt, the pain that I had been through after coming home from where he was stationed in Germany all those years ago while in the Army, came flooding back to me.

I was so wrapped up in my misery that I jumped when my door opened, and then he was there, pulling me into his arms, out of the car. I was putty in his hands as he turned me and took my place in the passenger side of the car, pulling me down with him. He touched a button on the side of the seat and the seat eased back to make room for his long legs. It was now surprisingly spacious in the front passenger seat.

He pulled me down into his arms, into his lap, my legs between his, my knees on the floor, and then closed the door, wrapping his arms around me. My head rested against his chest and the sound of his heartbeat helped to calm me.

"Oh, Rosie, I'm so sorry I've done this to you again. It's like every time I see you, I'm hurting you." He kissed the top of my head, his warm hand stroking the back of my head, my neck, and traveling down my back, then repeating the gesture. His chest shook too, and I could tell that he was either crying or very near to it.

"It's ok, Davey. You didn't hurt me, I've hurt myself, it's not your fault. None of this is your fault." I whispered into his jacket, breathed in the smell of his skin, attempting to calm my heart and my head.

"You didn't ruin anything, Rosie..." he sighed deeply, squeezing me to enforce his point. "You didn't ruin anything. It was doomed from the start. I've thought about this too. We were both in this bubble when I first called you that summer after Darlene and I split. I had no right to even think about calling you and... you were so kind and so open to the idea of forgiving me... I took advantage of that kindness and allowed myself, allowed us to live in that bubble for as long as we could because it was so beautiful there.

"It was easier to talk about all these beautiful things we wanted from one another when we were three thousand miles away. It was a whole other thing to be face to face and see how I had hurt you in your eyes over and over again each day. I," he squeezed me, trying to catch his breath enough to keep talking. "I couldn't take it anymore, seeing the disappointment and the hurt I caused, that's why I sent you home. It was my own failure I saw when you looked at me."

We held each other, rocking in the silence, calming ourselves, finding comfort in each other and the cathartic release of a fifteen year old hurt. I finished crying and relaxed, pressing myself flush against him, my breasts to his hard stomach, my stomach nestled between and pressing against his hips. I felt his heat there, and a not so subtle hardness that was difficult to ignore. I think he noticed that I noticed, because he shifted his hips self-consciously.

"So," David began, "now that that mess is said and out of the way, what now? Are you hungry?" I was hungry, but for more of his mouth on mine, that feeling hadn't gone away with the fifteen year old hurt. I knew, in the deepest part of me, it would never go away. I knew that I loved this man, had loved him since I was 16 years old, and would always love him, no matter where in the world he is, who he was with, or what he had done in his life.

My love for him is the unconditional kind, the kind that only grows stronger with each day, with each breath. This man was the love of my life, my soulmate. I would walk the ends of the earth for this man if he asked me. I knew it then, in that moment, in the front of his car, our hands clasped, the air full of breathy tears and growing comfort in each other, that even though he was married, and even though I should beg him to take me back to my hotel and forget about me, to go back to his wife and kids... it was this love for him that made me smile and nod my head, reluctant to let him go. I could pretend, for this night only, that he was mine again.

I lifted my head and looked him in his beautiful eyes. "I am hungry," I said, my insides aching with trepidation at his reaction, "but not for food. And," I paused, gyrating my hips over his hardening length, "I can tell that you are hungry for something else as well." His eyes widened and his brows rose.

"You noticed that, huh?"

"Well, it was rather... hard... not to." His breath quickened. The air around us grew thick at the suggestion.

"You know, you always did have a way with words, that's one of the things I love about you." My eyes widened... love, not loved, present tense. I wasn't able to analyze that statement any further because David's mouth was suddenly on mine, his hand firm on the back of my head, preventing my escape even if I had wanted to, and I so didn't want to. He kissed me agonizingly slowly, tasting every inch of my mouth, sucking on my tongue.

I gave as good as I got, answering every thrust of his tongue with my own, sucking in his lush bottom lip and teasing it with my teeth. He groaned into my mouth and we broke apart, gasping for breath.

"Fuck, Rosie, the way you kiss certainly hasn't changed. You're amazing, so beautiful... you are driving me insane." He leaned forward and I knelt back. He unzipped my jacket and pushed it off my shoulders, cursing under his breath when he saw my tight top. I pulled my jacket off the rest of the way while he took off his fleece jacket.

Despite the heat between us in the car, his nipples were beaded beneath his tight gray tee and I reached out to circle one with my thumb. He smiled lasciviously at me before lunging again.

David gripped my thighs and hoisted me up onto his lap. My knees pressed against his sides, nestling his hard cock into the hot crease between my legs. I ground my hips on his lap, rubbing my pussy against the thickness trapped in his pants. He hissed between his teeth and I smiled down into his face before bringing my mouth to his again.

"Oh, God, your kisses..." David breathed into my mouth, spurring me on, while his hands had their way with me. He cupped my full breasts and groaned again, pulling back to marvel at my breasts. "These are just as I remember them, so full, so round... much more than a handful."

He gripped the front of my shirt from the outside and pulled the V-neck down over my black demi bra, then pulled the thin cups down and away, exposing the tops of my breasts. His fingers were rough and warm against my sensitive skin as he rooted around to free my nipples from each cup. They had darkened since he had last seen them, from the birth and nursing of my son, now a dusty rose rather than a flush pink. He sucked in his breath, cupping my breasts and rolling his thumbs over each turgid nipple. It felt so good, his warm calloused hands on me.

He recaptured my mouth with his, sucking on my lips and I did a little exploring of my own, raising the hem of his shirt to trip my fingers over the ridges of his stomach. Those ridges had softened a bit with age, but were still desirously present as was the taut broadness of his chest, which was lightly furred with a smattering of dark hair.

I flicked a flat male nipple and felt it stiffen to greater proportions beneath my fingers, teasing the other into the same peak. He felt so good beneath my hands and I hungrily reached lower, to the snap on his jeans, aching to feel that hot piece of masculine flesh once again, skin to skin.

"And this," I said, once I had unsnapped and unzipped his jeans, reached beneath his black boxer briefs to pull out his cock, "is just as I remember." He groaned when I gripped him in my fist. He was over eight inches long and so wide around that I had a hard time making my finger and thumb meet. His cock was so hard and so hot, the skin velvety smooth with a couple popping veins that were fun to caress and tickle with my fingers. With the presence of his cock, the time for witty banter had passed and I found myself surrendering to my senses, embracing the total rightness of the situation, of being back in his arms with his cock in my hands.

He writhed beneath me, moaning into my mouth as I stroked his cock, making my pussy wet with the luscious sounds of his pleasure. A bead of precum moistened my fingers and I couldn't resist gathering more of it on my fingertips and bringing it to my mouth for a taste. He watched in fascination as I sucked the taste of him off the tips of my fingers. He was delicious... musky and salty, so masculine. It made a throb of pure pleasure spike through me, making my pussy clench.

He lunged for my mouth again and his hands plundered my clothing, releasing the snap on my jeans. The snap gave quickly due to the stretchy material as did the zipper. He slid his warm, rough right hand down the front of my pants and into my black boy shorts, searching for my pussy. I whimpered when his long fingers found my wet folds. He took no mercy, taking what he wanted from me. He stroked my folds, parted my wet lips and sunk his longest finger into me, thumbing my clit and making me writhe above him. I gasped his name, the sensation was so overwhelming as I was so hot and hungry for him.

"You feel so good..." He groaned and I whimpered into his mouth. He pushed me up off and onto my knees, yanking my jeans and panties down past my hips, to the level of my knees, my breasts bouncing before his face. He gave in to the tempting sight before him and suckled one of my nipples deliciously.

"Mmmm, Davey... I can make this work, hold on," I said pulling away from him. I turned around, presenting my back and he instantly grabbed my ass, pushing me forward over the dash and into the windshield. He spread my cheeks and I felt his thumbs parting my folds on either side just before I felt the warm wash of his breath against my wet folds and then his searing tongue laving and tasting me. "Oh, fuck, Davey, yes..." I gasped, fogging the windshield right in front of my mouth.

"You taste so good, Rosie, sweeter than I remember, I can't resist." He licked me until juice ran down my leg and I couldn't take it anymore. I pushed his shoulders back against the seat and reached back for his cock. I stroked it once, twice, before lowering myself into his lap. He gripped my hips, guiding me onto him.

His hard, thick cock felt like it was splitting me in two. It had been so long since I had anything of that size and girth within me. My late husband barely topped out at four inches, not to mention its lack of girth. This hot, torpid monster speared me to the core. I arched my back and bared down, forcing him deeper into me. When he was all the way in and I felt that pleasure/pain press of him deep within, my head lolled back on his shoulder and he sucked on my neck.