The Refuge Ch. 02

This is a work of erotic fiction, but mostly fantasy. All persons depicted within are over 18 years of age. A romantic vision; all persons and places are fictional. Any reference to real people and places are incidental in nature and unintentional. The majority of this story is romantic in nature, between a man and a woman, however, this story will also eventually include sexual relations between two women, and between two women and a man that will include various fetish scenarios. If this is not what you are looking for, please find another story.

This is also a multi-chapter story, with some chapters dedicated more to plot and character development, though all chapters will contain some element of erotica.

Chapter Two: An Indecent proposal

I woke the next morning with a foggy mind and heavy heart. One bright spot in my morning routine was to FaceTime my son Bradley. He scolded me for missing his bed time song, and I heartily apologized to him. In his loving child way, he instantly forgave me and let me know how much fun he was having with his grandmother, my former mother-in-law. Even though my mother would have gladly watched my son for the work weekend, I tried to allow my former mother and father in law every opportunity to see their son through my son's eyes. He had my face, but he had his father Martin's eyes and he walked and talked just like his father. Spending time with Bradley was almost like having their son back again.

Even though it was hard to be away from him for the conference, I felt comforted by the fact that he was with my late husband's parents, offering the kind of comfort that only the child of your deceased child can give. It was still hard to think about Martin's accidental passing, even though it was close to a year now since his death.

Life can be both cruel and beautiful sometimes. The cruelty of loosing Martin in such a senseless way has been almost lessened, in a way, by the beauty of seeing him shine from my son's eyes.

That morning's seminars passed without incident, and I tried to put on my bravest, happiest face for my coworkers. It was rather hard to discuss ideas when my mind was lost in the reverie of last night's serendipitous and clandestine meeting with David.

The only thing that pulled me from my reverie was the buzz of my phone in today's blazer, a thin light blue chiffon that was doing nothing to ward against the large, chilly hall in which the lunch, provided by the conference, was served.

I jumped in my seat when I saw who was calling, drawing the attention of my boss and colleagues. I excused myself and quick-stepped out into the relative privacy of the corridor outside of the lunch hall.

"Hi," I answered breathlessly on the third ring.

"Hey," David said on the other end. "Is this a good time to talk?"

"Yeah, it's lunch break."

"Thank you for answering."

"I promised I would."

"Well, thank you. I'll be honest, I was a bit nervous you wouldn't answer after how we left things yesterday."

"How did we leave things?"

"Well, I mean about you not wanting to see me ever again."

"Oh, David. When you say it like that it, sounds so harsh."

"Well, it's the truth isn't it?"

"Yes and no. Like I said, it's not that I don't want to see you again, it's that we shouldn't see each other again because it wouldn't be fair to your family. I wish you could see that."

"Don't get me wrong, I understand where you're coming from, but it's like... uh, how can I put this... um, it's like you died fifteen years ago, and then came back to life in an incredible, earth-shattering way, and now I have to go on pretending that you're dead again. So, yeah... I've been a bit hung up on that today."

"Ouch, Davey," I flinched at the tone in his voice. He sounded frustrated and a little cold.

"I'm sorry, Rosie. I don't mean to hurt you... I know that's not fair, really I do, I just can't seem to help myself. I don't even know why I called, really. Maybe to make sure last night wasn't a dream, that it really happened, and that you do still exist in this world." He sounded so lost and my heart was starting to crack in those same, worn out places again.

"I'm sorry, too, Davey, for hurting you yet again. I agree, it does feel like losing each other all over again, but what is the alternative? In order to be together, to pursue this, to pursue you, would mean taking you away from your family and I absolutely will not do that. I will not be that woman that comes between you and your children." I took a shaky breath, willing myself with all my power to keep it together for the next three hours, when I could run away to my hotel room and dissolve.

"I know and I agree on some level, I know I do, and it's entirely selfish of me to want you, I completely understand that too... doesn't mean I have to like it though." I could hear his grin through the phone and I immediately felt better, grateful he was starting to let go of his frustration with me, or at least hide it better.

"So, why did you call other than to see if I still exist, to appeal to my baser self?" he laughed at that.

"No, as if I could. I, well, I don't really know why I called. I just kind of did. I have thought of nothing but you all day. My team thinks I'm coming down with something."

"Mine too, which is fine with me. I'm not really in the mood to withstand anything resembling a teacher meeting right now."

"Oh yeah?"

"Have you ever been to one? They are classically pointless. A lot of people talking about what they would like to see happen, no one committing to making it happen, and then pretending that it did happen after the fact. It's one of the great time wasters in the known world and I haven't the patience for it at the moment."

"Well, that sounds heavenly. You've never been in a programmer meeting, where we all blame each other for the bugs in the program, talk about what it will take to fix the program, and then end up starting from scratch anyway. Just as pointless, but a lot more boring and frustrating."

"Do you like it, being a software guru?"

"I mean, it's work, and work is work, but it does have its high points. There's a little room for creativity and it is nice to be the boss. I have a small team under me that's filled with great people. They call me Mr. JavaScript, and I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not." We shared a laugh and then a silence ensued, filled with an acute sense of longing that I could feel through the phone. It was always so easy to talk to him. Even now, when so much was on the line and we were on the verge of hearts breaking all over again, we could find something to joke about and ease each other's anxiety.

"So..." I began, then stopped. I didn't know what to say. Why did hanging up on the phone fill me with as much dread as saying goodbye last night did? Why were the two the same in my mind?

"Yes, 'so'..." he added. "I guess I should let you go. I guess I just, I just wanted to hear your voice. I know you said we shouldn't see each other again, but it's so tempting to ask you, you being so close and all right now, just down the road really. It's so tempting to drive the thirty minutes back to you, wait for the conference to be over and whisk you away somewhere to have my way with you again. To uh... well... to make love to you for hours like we used to do...

"God, I fucking want you. I'm standing in the corner of my office right now about to hammer a hole in the wall with my dick thinking about you. Sorry, if that offends you, I'm just trying to be honest." I smiled, feeling giddy from his crude confession, and my heart clenched. How I loved this man, so confident and passionate one minute and then tender as a lamb the next.

"It's ok, Davey. I get it. It is so tempting to give in and say, let you take me to dinner tonight, or rather, simply let you take me... so tempting Davey, but I can't do that. We can't do that again. As much as it kills me, and it does kill me to ask you to do this, you should think about your wife. Don't you love her?"

We fell silent again. I had stunned myself by that last statement, at being bold enough to ask that question. I knew what I would think, if I were his wife. I would fight tooth and nail to keep this man, which is ironic, because I hadn't done that when I was 20.

"That is a good question, a very good question..." Davey mused, half to himself, almost whispering into the phone. He cleared his throat and said a bit huskily, "I do love her, but I love you, too, Rosaline, sweet, sweet Rosie, don't forget that."

He fell silent, cleared his throat and I held my breath listening to him pull himself together, aching for him. "Actually, I've been thinking about this all day, not that it would change your mind, I know you better than that. I know that there is not a single thing I could say that would convince you to do anything you didn't want to do, but I think that, uh, and this might make me sound like a complete asshole, but the type of love I have for her pales in comparison to the type of love that I have for you."

"Oh Davey, don't say that, you can't mean that. Seeing each other again has just brought all of this back, opened it all up again. When we get a little distance from it, you'll see that isn't true, no matter how much my jealous heart wants it to be."

"It's the truth, Rosie. I do love her, but not in the same way I love you, the same way I've always loved you. You are, in a lot of ways, the love of my life. I told you that fifteen years ago in the letters I wrote you when I was in Afghanistan, and then later when I proposed to you; I love you in ways that I can't even describe. I would not be the man that I am today without you. I know that for an absolute certainty. You are my soulmate, and she is the mother of my children, my partner, and truly one of my best friends, but in a way, your love made me a stronger person.

"I learned so much from you, hell, I grew up with you, or rather, because of you. I love her and will always love her for the wonderful mother she is, but she isn't you. And distance? It's been fifteen years and my feelings for you haven't changed. I know that more than ever now having seen you and touched you. How's that for distance? I love you, there's no amount of distance that will make that love go away."

His voice broke on the last word and my heart squeezed. What were we doing this for? We were tearing each other up all over again. Would I ever be able to talk to this man without my insides breaking into pieces?

"Oh Davey," I said, choking up myself. "I'm so sorry. I love you too, but I'm so sorry."

"I don't think... I don't think, I'll uh..." he cleared his throat again and I felt tears sting the backs of my eyes. "I don't think I'll call for a while, just to resist the temptation of, you know, giving in to selfishness, or whatever." I flinched at the tone in his voice, at the hurt I heard there.

"All right, I understand. I'm so sorry to hurt you all over again. I do love you too, Davey. I love you so much, please know that. When your ready to call me again, I'll answer."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

************************

The afternoon passed in a daze. I barely registered any of the information in the seminars and by the time 3:00 rolled around and I had survived the last seminar of the day, I felt like a zombie; going through the motions. That call during lunch completely threw me.

To hear him tell me that he loved me more than the mother of his children, how could that be? I felt even more shaken than I did last night. I ached inside not only from the opening of old David-sized wounds, but from a deep seed of jealousy.

There was a time when I dreamed of a little David-shaped baby growing inside me, and to know that there was another woman on this planet that had that honor, that gave life to his children... I felt jealous and robbed in some way, robbed of the possibility to share that oh-so special gift of children with the love of my life, David.

All I wanted to do was disappear into the comfort of my hotel room. My roommate was having a drink in the hotel bar with all of the other teachers, something I begged out of again. No one questioned me, as I did look drawn and pale from lack of sleep and shock. My principal even told me that he would be ok with me leaving today rather than tomorrow if I felt too sick to continue.

As I was walking to the elevator banks contemplating this option, I felt a hand on my arm and realized that someone had been calling my name. I turned back and looked behind me. A woman I didn't recognize had her hand on my forearm; a tall woman with chocolate brown hair in a pixie cut, a wide face that lacked even a hint of makeup, brown eyes, and thin lips.

She had a deep red wool coat on over a black sweater and jeans with black flats. She was the antithesis of me, straight where I was round, flat where I was curved, and she was at least four inches taller.

"Excuse me, do I know you?" I asked politely as I took my arm from hers and stood, facing her, waiting.

"No, but I know everything about you, Rosaline. I'm Jocelyn," she said with an expressionless voice. My mouth dropped open in surprise. Holy shit was the only thing I could think. "And from that look on your face," she continued, "you've heard of me."

"Yes... yes, I uh," I didn't know what to say. What did one say to the wife of the man you just fucked the night before.

"Would you be willing to come have a drink with me? There's a bar here, in this hotel." She smiled and was perfectly polite. She was either very good at hiding her feelings, unlike me, or she didn't know what had happened between David and me last night. There had to be no other explanation for her friendliness, because I know that if the roles were reversed, her eyes would be snatched from her skull by now.

"Um... sure, but let's get a coffee instead. I think there is a, um, a Starbucks too, near the little gift shop."

"Oh yes, I know where that is, that sounds great." She turned and led the way, confident that I would follow her and not turn tail and run like the scared little bunny I was.

What on earth could she be doing here? The only way that she could possibly have known that I was here is if David had told her, and if he told her I was here, what else did he tell her? Was all the pain I had put David and myself through by rejecting him all over again... was it all for nothing? Did I end up breaking up his family anyway?

My mind was somersaulting with these tumultuous thoughts as I followed her through the lobby and around the corner to the little coffee bar next to the gift shop.

"So," I began, once we had sat down at a table for two near the bar, our steaming cafe lattes in hand. "Why are you here?"

"I like that, right to the point. Ok, I'm here to ask you to reconsider David's offer to see you again." She looked me straight in the eye as she said this and if I thought I was shocked seeing her before... A mini explosion went off in my brain.

"Um... you're going to have to explain."

"What's there to explain? Didn't he ask you to see him again after last night?" She smiled sweetly and I was completely flummoxed.

"You know about last night?"

"I know everything, dear Rosaline. Yesterday, the man that came home from this conference was not the David that I love and married. This David is a wreck. I caught him bawling like a baby in the bathroom. The only time that I have ever seen David cry was when our two children were born. That's it, and it was a silent tear or two. This was violent sobbing. I thought someone had died, he was so torn up."

She stopped, her eyes growing distant, contemplative. This was a very serious woman, one that didn't brook nonsense like crying for no reason. I suspected that if she should learn of my easy tears, I would receive a very severe scolding.

"After he calmed down, he told me everything." My eyes widened over the rim of my coffee. "We have no secrets, that is something we promised each other when we married twelve years ago, that we would never keep anything from each other. I of course know exactly who you are, and what you mean to David. I've known long before yesterday. He keeps a little shrine like space of your things in a cabinet drawer in his office at home. A box of mementoes: letters you sent him, things you've made him, poetry you've written, and lots of pictures of you." She stopped and took a sip, and I saw a bit of her stoic posture slip with the dimming of her eyes.

"That's... I don't know what to say, Jocelyn. I don't really know how to respond to that."

"I don't expect you to. There are, however, two things that I need you to understand. One, I'm not mad." She paused and took a sip and my face flushed. Not mad? How could she not be mad. If she wasn't mad, what the hell was she doing here?

"Two," she continued, "I know he still loves you. I know he has always loved you, that he's never stopped. You are the woman that I have been silently compared to for the past twelve years. I thought, foolishly now, I suppose, that this would never become an issue, but now that it has, now that you've stepped back into his life by whatever element of fate brought you two together, I am here to beg you to try something innovative, to be open to an idea." She stopped, suddenly hesitant, hedging around something.

"Which is..." I prompted. I wanted more than anything to get this over with and run away, to go home and bury myself in my misery and mortification over this whole ordeal.

"I'm here because I know that if I did nothing, I'm going to lose him. He will choose you, Rosaline."

"You can't know that for sure, and even if he did, I won't let him do that. I've told him this already. I won't let him leave his family for me."

"That isn't really your choice though, is it? Neither you or I can tell David to do anything. Besides, there are more ways to leave your family than physically. He can leave emotionally, mentally... If he is forced to stay where he doesn't want to be, we are going to lose him all the same."

"So, what are you proposing?"

"I am asking you to consider something radical, but not so far fetched in this modern day and age, really, I'm asking you to come live here, with us."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I know you are a teacher and that you have a seven year old son. He would come too, of course. There are great schools in our neighborhood where you could continue teaching, if you so desire, though you wouldn't really need to as David and I make more than enough money to support all of us. I also know that you are recently widowed. I've looked into you."

"You've certainly been busy, then, if you learned all of that since last night."

"I have, but then, as a police sergeant, I have the resources to find this stuff out relatively quickly." Holy shit. A police sergeant? What have I gotten myself into?

"Um, okay, Jocelyn... while I appreciate your 'offer' of entering a relationship with you, I am going to have to say no, but thank you, and ask that you don't pursue this further." I reached for my bag to leave, and she stopped me by covering my hand that was resting on the table with her own.

"Don't reject this idea right away. Please, hear me out. I know you love him too." The tone in her voice made me pause and I looked back at her face. Her mouth was trembling, her stoic, distant tone and posture gone in place of her plea. My long standing training as a teacher kicked in and my natural empathy forced me to sit back down. She swallowed hard and dropped her gaze.

"This is hard for me, but there isn't anything I wouldn't do for my children and for David. I really do love him very much. I care about his happiness and if he is a healthy, whole person, because that's the best version of David, the version that means the most to our family." She lifted her eyes back to mine, all trace of tremble gone.