All Comments on 'The Reverie Ch. 01'

First of all, I would like to congratulate you on posting this story. It takes a lot of guys to put an erotic story up on the Internet, and those that post class fiction I have nothing but respect for.

With that said, there are a few things about this story that I think could use some work. For starters, I found the perspective change to be a tad disorienting and it took me a while to really understand what was going on. I'm not sure if this is an intentional device or not, but I found much of it hard to follow along with.

Another thing I would work on is characterization. This is only the first chapter, but I don't think really have a good feel for who the main protagonist is or why I should care about him. This can eaisly be remedied in future installments however, and I'm sure there is a lot more up your sleeve than just what you've shown here.

The writing as a whole is solid. The sex scene felt just the tiniest bit mechanical, but this may have to do with my disconnection with the characters and situation.

I hope I don't sound discouraging. You should definitely keep going and keep writing! You've got some solid foundations here, and I hope to see more of your work in the coming weeks.

First of all, I would like to congratulate you on posting this story. It takes a lot of guys to put an erotic story up on the Internet, and those that post class fiction I have nothing but respect for.

With that said, there are a few things about this story that I think could use some work. For starters, I found the perspective change to be a tad disorienting and it took me a while to really understand what was going on. I'm not sure if this is an intentional device or not, but I found much of it hard to follow along with.

Another thing I would work on is characterization. This is only the first chapter, but I don't think really have a good feel for who the main protagonist is or why I should care about him. This can eaisly be remedied in future installments however, and I'm sure there is a lot more up your sleeve than just what you've shown here.

The writing as a whole is solid. The sex scene felt just the tiniest bit mechanical, but this may have to do with my disconnection with the characters and situation.

I hope I don't sound discouraging. You should definitely keep going and keep writing! You've got some solid foundations here, and I hope to see more of your work in the coming weeks.