The Rise of Rachel Price T-Girl Pt. 21

"Soon you all gone," Mimi said, lifting her skirt up and talking to her dangling genitalia. "Bye-bye."

Rachel looked around, embarrassed and worried that even this high up, they might be noticed on the balcony.

"Please, Mimi," Rachel said, puling her skirt down. "Why don't you like them?"

"These are not me, you know lady?" Mimi slurred.

"You just found them stapled to you one day when you were born. I know the story. Lets get back to the party." Rachel said, getting up.

**************

Weeks later, Rachel took the paper questionnaire from Dr. Cooper and pulled a pen out. She looked around Dr Cooper's arcane reflection space. Her eyes felt a little odd, Levant had sprung for some corrective eye surgery. An operation on one eye after another had corrected Denver's short-sightedness. While permanent, Rachel had agreed to it as, like the teeth, it could be something either sex might have. Not needing contacts all the time was a convenient bonus she was enjoying. It was still a bit weird, though.

She was back in Dr Cooper's Pacific Heights Victorian restoration house, back in his time capsule of a front room. Time was passing so quickly that it was hard to believe a whole week passed since her last visit.

"So, how have you been this week?" Dr Cooper said while Rachel filled in the questionnaire he regularly gave her every month.

"Busy." Rachel said, "I had my other eye done, so I no longer need glasses. Douglas and I went to two new wonderful restaurants. We agreed not to talk about the Asylum, and we had a wonderful time. I think the two are related. I was wearing one of the new Paris cocktail dresses and it looked spectacular. What else.. I haven't shaved my face in a week. There is huge amount of work happening on the Asylum; it's taking ages. Douglas wants it ready for the housewarming next month."

"Interesting.." Dr Cooper said.

Rachel looked over from the couch. "Why?"

"When we started, you called him Levant. Now it's Douglas." Dr Cooper said.

"Does that means something?" Rachel said.

Dr Cooper tilted his head "Everything means something, Rachel, the question is what. So are you still having sex with Charlie?"

"Yeah," Rachel said "Occasionally."

"Are you enjoying it?"

Rachel was a bit conflicted. "Sure."

"You don't sound very certain." Dr Cooper added.

Rachel wondered what to say to a man. It took more foreplay to get things going. Charlie had started really attacking Rachel's breasts and nipples to get her going. Charlie loved Rachel's new breasts and would lick them with a wildfire of passion. Rachel felt weird; this was really turning her on, and her dugs stood to attention like binary clits to Charlie's subtle tongue. Rachel still struggled to get hard with Charlie. Charlie was very understanding, but the whole process was getting awkward. They had ended up having the French dildo running up Rachel's ass while Rachel tried to take Charlie with her legs wide open. More often than not, Rachel would soft cum in Charlie, then end up licking up her own seed while muff diving on Charlie in apology. Meanwhile, Rachel had better luck with her fingers and mouth over her dick to get Charlie to cum.

Sometimes sex was too much work and they just got together and had a bottle of wine and watched a movie. Down with Love was the last one; they had both enjoyed it so much.

Rachel paused filling in on one question "I anticipate and care fore other people's opinions about me." Had she given that a four last time? She thought she gave the same answers each time. Possibly four and a half. She remembered giving four and a half to something.

"Its a long way to come out to the Asylum to see me after Levant has been. She's very busy I feel bad about the fact she has to travel so far. And you don't need to tell me I'm feeling guilt over Levant's feelings. I'm well aware of it."

"I wouldn't be a very good therapist if I told you anything. I offer suggestions, insights, alternative perspectives. You or rather your feelings decide the truth of the matter."

"Here you go," Rachel said, handing the paper form back.

Cooper checked over it and raised an eyebrow, "You keep saying you don't have any feelings of paranoia."

"No" Rachel said. She hadn't spoken to Hunter in a while, she did agree with Hunter's suspicions about Levant and didn't want to admit to them.

"Are you sure you haven't felt anything? These a common side effects. So no feelings of being watched. No feelings you're on the edge of something people are keeping secret from you? No secret organisations planning things behind your back?"

"No" said Rachel thinking about Hunter and what he said.

"These delusions are quite common, I'm surprised you don't have them most people on your dose would do."

"I'm fine," Rachel said.

"Well, That's good. We can up your dose. Just remember to tell me if you get any of these strange conspiracy thoughts in your head. If you think we are all secretly organising against you remember they are just delusions. We can talk about them, change your dosage, switch drugs."

"I'm on so many drugs at the moment. I was saying to Mimi - she's back by the way - I told her I had more tablets than and iPad factory. But... If I start to think the moon landings didn't happen or the world isn't round then I'll let you know, no problem."

Rachel thought Mimi had changed slightly after the operation. She seemed happier, more together, more at ease with herself. Mimi said it was the best thing she had ever done.

"What's that test telling you?" Rachel asked. "Is it telling me I'm becoming more feminine?"

Cooper looked the paper over. "Oddly enough, no," he said.

"Oh," said Rachel, quite pleased.

Cooper began working through the pages, adding as he went.

"I might as well tell you now, as an instrument, it's losing its power. You see, I got you to fill this out when we first met months ago. The HRT hadn't really started at that point. The Kintraff test is quite a sensitive measure of how far on the spectrum between male to female you are. The answers aren't obvious one way or another. So sometimes, I get a number of trans women getting quite masculine scores to begin with. If they don't drop, it's normally a sign they are actually transvestites, and I would recommend against surgery," Cooper explained.

"Right, and you said my feminine score isn't changing," Rachel said, pleased. She answered honestly and tried not to remember what she had written previously. She thought she gave the same answers each time. Cooper finished adding and wrote the score down.

"No, when you started, you had one of the lowest male scores I had seen," Dr. Cooper said. "It's on a bell curve, but you were on the bottom end of normal for masculinity."

Rachel looked over. "I was?" she said.

"Sure," the doctor said. "The test works around gender stereotyping and social conditioning. The word association tests - you give very feminine scoring answers to."

Rachel felt a weird shiver coming over her.

"But you said I wasn't becoming more feminine?" Rachel said.

The doctor leaned forward reassuringly.

"Well, you started pretty low on masculinity, then dropped quickly into fully feminine. It's now leveled off. Think of it like height. Women tend to be smaller than men. You can find tall women and short men. In lay terms, you started off as a short man and quickly shrunk into an average woman. You're not becoming more feminine because you were already pretty feminine to begin with. Come on, are you sure you don't remember having any gay thoughts about boys at school?"

Rachel thought back. "No, I just played computer games."

Rachel remembered she liked playing New Horizon, Tomb Raider, and Mirror's Edge. They all had female central characters. She would spend long periods changing clothes, but at the time, she thought nothing of it. she loved building houses in Minecraft too.

"Did you approach any other women at school?" the doctor asked.

Rachel struggled. "No. I was too worried about... you know, spoiling it and offending them, them turning me down."

The doctor tilted his head. "You were worried about their feelings?"

"Sure," Rachel replied.

The doctor leaned in. "Tell me. Do you think a man like Andrew Tate worries about women's feelings? Do you think most men worry about the feelings of someone they haven't spoken to and know well? You think most men go around worrying about the feelings of random strangers? That's more something women do, Rachel. I'm sorry I'm just struggling to understand with something which to me, as a man, seems so obvious but for some reason, you're not getting it. I'm sorry for overstepping the boundary. I'm here to help you work through your feelings. But I'll ask you the question. Have you asked your self if perhaps you didn't ask any woman out because it didn't feel right?"

Rachel pulled a face."Of course it didn't feel right."

"Did you see any women asking men out?" the doctor asked sitting up "Did you see women asking women out?"

"No," Rachel said.

"So I ask this as a genuine question, Rachel. Do you think you might just have subconsciously internalized what other women do and then did it?"

Rachel looked away. "No.."

"Are you sure?"

" Maybe. I don't know." Rachel said looking over.

"The first woman you slept with, how did you ask her out?" the doctor asked.

Rachel looked down. "I didn't, she asked me."

There was a long pause. The doctor was either lost for words or wanted the message to sink in.

"Was this a certain the bi-sexual, the one with the man's name? The one who keeps dressing up as a man for you? A powerful executive woman who is about five years your senior?"

Rachel looked to the side. "Charlie, yes."

Cooper sat for a moment, "And you don't think this tells you something? Something about yourself?"

There was another powerful pause.

"Let's go back to playing computer games. Did you like to play against others?" the doctor asked.

"No, I just liked playing by myself," Rachel replied.

"So not very competitive would you say?" the doctor asked.

Rachel thought for a second "Well, no, I guess not"

The doctor didn't labor the point but did write it on his pad. He looked over to the tests. "Well, the tests have tailed off. You score slightly more feminine than the average woman, and you have been like that for a while."

"Really?" Rachel said, looking at her fingernails.

She had switched to using her natural nails instead of acrylics. They had grown long enough on their own, and felt much lighter. The weird part was a small band that had appeared on them when she started HRT. It was something to do with the hormones. The band was slowly marching across her nails, like some strange timer or gauge. It made her think that something would happen when it reached the tip, and Mimi would smooth them off.

"Most of my clients with your scores would be pleading with me for surgery by now, and I would sign them off too. I've signed off on trans-women who had higher scores than you had on week six. Let me give you an example. I told you that you were thinking like a woman. A normally scoring male would be really angry by now and shouting at me. If I had told Levant, he would have been offended and could have well punched me in the face. You took it and internalized the anger, not even all women would do that."

Cooper put his pad down when he said this. Rachel retreated back into the couch.

"Well," Rachel began.

"Your voice un- broke within a few months of HRT. That's very rare, you know that?" Cooper continued.

Rachel's shoulders slumped. "So why do I want to go back to being Denver?"

Dr Cooper stapled the sheets of the tests together.

"Yes, why do you? Or do you? I've had my contract extended for another month. So you tell me if you are so keen to be Denver, why are you putting it off? The question is really: are you 100% sure you want to go back to being Denver again?" Cooper thought for a second. "To answer your question, sexuality and gender are not all internal but also external. It's like intelligence; it's both in your genes and in your environment. You feel an obligation to your parents, but the level you're feeling it is stronger than the average man might."

Rachel curled up, pulling her knees to her face.

"A real man would have let his grandfather die rather than get dressed up?" She practically pouted.

Cooper shrugged. "I'm sure many would have. I mean, would you see Andrew Tate doing it? Try this, would you tell your grandpa you're doing this?"

Cooper picked his pad up again, ready to listen.

"No. He'd be too ashamed." Rachel said and realised that Dr Cooper might be right.

Cooper put his pad down.

"So we are back to the question of this seems obviously right for you." Cooper had said," Your enjoying it yet you feel you need to keep saying you want to stop. I want to find out what's causing that conflict. I thought I would go back to your father. He left you at a formative time didn't he."

"I guess so," Rachel said.

"Do you think you might be projecting him on Mr Levant, on Douglas? You say how much you both get on so well." Cooper said.

"Yes, we do," Rachel admitted. Of all the things which happened between them they did get on very well. They still talked over dinner, it was hard to believe the man Hunter talked about was her little Monster. He had his tantrums and could turn on a dime if you didn't know him. She knew him and relations were going well. Occasionally he would get angry, but it was generally her fault. Most of the time he was a sublime delight to be with. He still didn't force himself on her. They hugged and kissed in public, but he was still the perfect gentleman around her. Levant had switched to having the occasional night at home, watching a movie or a game together. It was nice to be less formally dressed.

"I was wondering if perhaps the reason you resist seeing a future with Douglas is that perhaps he represents too much of a father figure to you. Perhaps you want to pull away from him before you think he is going to hurt you again"

"Hmm," Rachel said. "I just want to go back to being a boy."

"But do you? I mean," Cooper said, flicking back through his notes on the questionnaires "here back when you got back from Paris. I asked you how your breasts made you feel. You said quote, 'I look down, and I like being a woman.'"

"I said that?" Rachel asked, sitting up.

Cooper held the paper up "I wrote it down in black and white."

Rachel sat back "I don't remember saying it. I guess it was months ago. Did I really say that. But if you wrote it down, it must be right."

"Well, take what you said five minutes ago. I just want to go back to being a boy. Not, I want to go back to being a man. You want to go back to being a child. Perhaps it's because you can't face the role your mother has pointed out to you? The Kintraff test proves this. "

"Is there some other test I could do?" Rachel asked.

Cooper thought for a moment. "I could do an AFG or arousal test. It's more accurate but it's also more complex."

Rachel unfolded and looked at Cooper. "An arousal test?"

"It's more of a measure of how straight you are," Cooper began. "You look at a computer screen and you're shown pictures of naked men and women. Then, we measure who excites your body. They monitor your breathing, ECG, and arousal, but for me we need to push an anal sensor up your behind during the experiment. It takes a while to set up. Are you okay with that?"

"Sure," said Rachel. "I'll book in with the receptionist, but not next week. We have this stupid house opening... hang on, that was a trick, wasn't it?"

Cooper smiled. "Yes and no. The test is real, and the probe is real, but you're right, most men would have refused off the bat and needed a lot more reassurance before accepting the anal probe."

Rachel sat back. "Geez." She was caught by her own desire to be male again.

Cooper looked at Rachel. "Okay, let's try and look at this from an emotional point of view. You have to stop thinking. Don't analyze this logically. Feel about this from your heart. Let's try this. Suppose you stay as Rachel forever. What is her future like?"

Rachel sat back and took a huge deep breath. "She has a rebirth party. She might go to university. She ends up marrying Levant maybe. She has a couple of kids with him via IVF. She travels the world. She doesn't have to work. She has houses all around the US. She has a life of leisure. Her kids have the best opportunities in life. Maybe her mother eventually accepts her." This was mostly things Levant had promised or suggested.

"Okay, and what about Denver?" Cooper asked.

"I don't know. He starts university a year late. He struggles through the degree with no money. He gets a job to pay off the loan. After that, who knows?" Rachel replied.

Cooper paused. "Strange how Rachel's future is so clear and detailed, and Denver's is short and unhappy. I notice Denver doesn't meet a girl. Do you think that's significant? Do you think Denver might want to meet a man?"

All Rachel could think of was Charlie. Where would he find someone like Charlie? A straight Samantha would be good too.

"Are you okay? This is a lot to process," Cooper said. "Like I said, I can easily up your Prozac dose if you like."

Rachel sat back. "Please don't. I can hardly think on that stuff."

Dr. Cooper had prescribed it so that Rachel could sleep, but it made her mind slow. Levant had liked it as he could tell her all kinds of nonsense, and Rachel had just believed it and happily agreed with every weird conspiracy he told her.

"That could be an advantage. You have to stop thinking and start feeling. You need to learn to trust your feelings. Don't listen to what society is telling you how to be. Listen to yourself," Cooper advised.

Rachel nodded. "I'll try."

"So what are you thinking about now?"

"Is it bad that I'm thinking about the hairdresser's appointment? My hair is going to be long enough not to need the extensions anymore. It's going to be all natural" Rachel said. She was quite looking forward to it.

"It's not bad; it's perfectly normal," Dr Cooper added.

'For a woman,' Rachel thought.