The Road to Love

Before they left, Jeff told Kate about the apartment that he and Roy were sharing. She was very happy to hear that they were so close by. She was delighted to hear about Jeff's new job. She was crying when they left, but those were tears of happiness.

They continued to visit Kate three or four times a week.

There was one more fly in the ointment. The Dallas facility followed through on the paternity test. The results showed that Jeff was not the father of Kate's baby. Kate said she didn't want to have the baby. She wanted to get an abortion. It turned out to be anything but simple. Since she wasn't raped, and since "carrying the baby was not a danger to the mother's life," there was considerable opposition to her abortion request from various pro-life groups. Also, since the father had been identified, they had to contact him for concurrence on doing an abortion.

Dr. Abbot registered his objection to the procedure. He indicated that he would be willing to pay child support. He also wanted to have visitation rights and to be a part of his child's life.

Kate was very much opposed to Mark's requests, but she was told that she was on shaky ground legally. There would be no abortion and Dr. Abbot would be given standard parental rights. Legally, there was no recourse for Kate.

Just when it appeared that she would be forced to carry the baby to full term, God---or mother nature---intervened. She suffered a miscarriage. She got what she wanted, but she cried anyway. Jeff didn't know what to make of that. One of the doctors said, "Put yourself in her shoes. Even though she got what she wanted, she was painfully aware that in the span of a few weeks, she had lost two children. It brought back the death of Ellen in agonizing clarity. It was a lot to cope with."

Aside from the miscarriage setback, Kate continued to improve daily. Then came the news that they were ready to release her. They said she was ready. Jeff insisted on a private talk with her before the release. Some things needed to be addressed and some arrangements had to be agreed upon.

When the two of them sat down to talk, Kate began the conversation by saying, "Jeff, I'm not sure that I'm ready. I haven't forgiven myself and I don't think you have forgiven me either. How will this work? Will I be all by myself? If so, I'm not sure I can handle it. I need to return to work, but I don't have any confidence that I can perform my duties. I'm better, but I'm not my old self. Not even close."

"Kate, I'm not myself either. How can any of us return to what we had before? We shouldn't even set that as a goal. It's impossible, mainly because of Ellen, but for many other reasons too.

"I've told you about my apartment. It's just a two-bedroom unit, but I have taken the queen-size bed out of the master bedroom and replaced it with twin beds. Roy will continue to have his own room and we will share the master bedroom. We will be more like roommates than a married couple. I think we should live under that arrangement until Roy leaves the nest. After that, it is my current plan to file for a divorce. That's subject to change, of course. We'll face that when the time comes.

"During this arrangement, we will have the equivalent of an open marriage. Both of us will be free to date other people, but we will never bring our dates to the apartment and we will always inform each other in advance of our date plans. Will you agree to these stipulations, Kate?"

"Yes, I will. It's more than I'd hoped for and way more than I deserve. At least I'll have the two people that I love most in this world with me for nearly a decade. How can I not leap at that?

"For your information, Jeff, I will not be dating anyone. I will make one exception. If someday, by some miracle, you invite me on a date, I will accept. I will go anyplace and do anything that you want, should you ever ask me. If you find someone else, I'll understand. I'll support your decision. You deserve to be happy."

"We are both human, Kate. We both have needs. I don't expect to date either, but we shouldn't rule it out. Maybe we can find a way to meet our needs that is practical and makes sense. We need to see how things play out. I hope we can find a solution."

The years passed fast. Kate was working as a nurse in the office of Dr. Joy Becker, a gynecologist. Jeff was now a manager. He was moving up fast in his company. The two of them had come up with some innovative solutions which allowed them to live happily under their arrangement. Their most difficult times were when the three of them visited Ellen's grave, which they did several times a year.

Kate judged how well they were doing by the arrangement of furniture in their bedroom. The first breakthrough came the night that they pushed the twin beds together. The big breakthrough was when they replaced the twins with a king!

Later, they decided to rent a condo. It was much better than the apartment. It was in a great location and fit them perfectly for many months.

Then came the day when they helped Roy move into an apartment close to the trade school he had chosen to attend. They were officially empty nesters. Kate knew that this was a dangerous period for their arrangement, but there was no mention of divorce.

Jeff and Kate had survived some of the most tragic events imaginable. They both knew the root of all that happened. There was never a hint of any trouble like that since. They kept clinging to each other like they were the last two people on earth. They both understood how fragile their "arrangement" was.

At this point, it would be delightful to end with: "And they lived happily ever after." While it might be satisfying, unfortunately, it wouldn't be accurate.

The new trouble started right after Roy had left for school. It began when Kate announced that she was going to quit her job with Dr. Becker and return to nursing at the hospital. She said that she missed doing challenging work. She explained, "A monkey could do what I do for Dr. Becker. I call the patients in from the waiting room, weigh them, take their vitals, and tell them the doctor will be right in. I miss the challenge of real nursing. I think I'm wasting my education on this 'do-nothing' job.

The change in employment found her working four twelve-hour shifts. She alternated weekly between the day shift (8 am to 8 pm) and night shifts (8 pm to 8 am). About the only time she had with Jeff was on her days off.

Then came the night when she got off at 8 pm but didn't show up at home until past midnight. Jeff was worried about her. He called everyone he could think of, but nobody knew where she was. Just before midnight, he called the police. They wouldn't take a missing person complaint until she'd been gone for twenty-four hours.

When she came dragging in, she told Jeff that everything was alright. She was too tired to talk about it.

The next day, when she did talk about it, Jeff was flabbergasted. She began by saying that per their agreement, she had used one of her "dating" days. She said it meant nothing and was not worth talking about. Jeff was incensed. He let her know in no uncertain terms that she'd better talk about it.

It turned out that one of the new male nurses had invited her out to dinner. He was working under her and she thought it would be a good idea to get to know him better. He was young and having some problems with his tasks. She thought she could help him. They ended up in a bar. After having some drinks and doing some dancing, he invited her to his apartment to look at his sketches. At that point, she found herself working under him.

She assured Jeff that it was not serious and was just a one-time thing.

Jeff said, "Let me guess. He's a dominant alpha, isn't he?"

"He's no Phil or Mark, but he does tend to be somewhat assertive, but I'm immune to that behavior now. No worries, honey."

Jeff didn't say any more to her. He just moved his clothes and toiletries to the bedroom that used to be Roy's.

She objected vociferously. She said she acted within their agreement. He pointed out rather forcefully that the agreement also said that if either party had a sexual encounter, they were required to produce a lab report proving they were STD free before normal conditions would resume. He was not going to risk getting sick by continuing to sleep with her.

She said that they used protection and there was no danger of an STD. Besides, she had one more date with him scheduled for next Wednesday. She was using that date to let him know that they needed to make what happened a one-time thing and return to a professional relationship. For all practical purposes, it would be a break-up. She stated that she would furnish a lab report after that.

Jeff said, "So, you're delaying getting a lab report in case the "break-up" turns amorous?"

She insisted that it was just a one-time thing. She wouldn't have time to get to a lab report until she was back on the night shift.

Jeff pointed out that she worked at a hospital. "Surely, they have a lab there that you can use."

"Honey, there's no way in hell that I'm going to go to our lab and request an STD test. Surely you see the problems associated with doing that!"

When "break-up day" arrived, Jeff waited up until midnight. This time he didn't call anyone or worry about her being mugged. He went to bed in Roy's room.

Since Katy was working the day shift, Jeff didn't cross paths with her until 8:30 pm the day after break-up day. He didn't mention her date. In fact, he didn't talk to her at all. She could feel his anger. She finally murmured, "Don't you want to hear about last night?"

"As you've said, Kate, you think that you were operating within the confines of our agreement, so why do you think that you owe me an explanation?"

"Jeff, I fully intended to end my relationship with him last night, but he just wouldn't agree. I consider it to be over, but he insists that we are still in flux and it could still amount to something. So, I guess we are in limbo. I refused to set up another date with him. So, what do you think?"

"Well, if you really want my opinion about your love life, I need some additional information. First, do you love him?"

"No!"

"Did you let him have his way with you last night?"

She hung her head as she whispered, "Yes."

"You do remember that section D of our agreement says that either one of us can ask for a divorce if we no longer want to continue under the arrangement. Can you give one good reason, Kate, why I shouldn't start divorce proceedings immediately?"

"Sure, my dates are covered by the agreement. We both have the right to date other people as long as we don't bring them home."

"If you read the document, Kate, it says you must give advance notice about dates. You told me about your first date after the fact and you mislead me about the second one. Remember, the second one was supposed to be a breakup. Your admitted behavior had nothing to do with breaking up and everything to do with continuing the relationship. You have already violated the agreement twice, so I have every right to get out. In retrospect, I should have realized that you would never change. You still have that obsession with being dominated. I came up with the 'arrangement' in hopes of giving Roy some semblance of normal family life after the nightmare and upheaval that your actions caused. As it turns out, it was a bad idea.

"I just thought that after the disaster your fantasy caused, you would finally banish it from your mind. Now, I know that you can't ever do that. It's a hopeless situation."

At that point, Jeff grabbed his overnight bag and headed for the door. He told her that he had agreed to go to a game with Roy.

Kate tried to embrace him while begging him not to leave. She said, "This is not a good time for us to be apart. I should call in sick and we should get past this. I will do whatever it takes. We are teetering on the edge of an abyss. It's my fault and I beg you to let me fix it."

He shook her off and continued walking to his truck. She followed, screaming, "What will you tell Roy?"

He turned and stared into her eyes. He said, "I'm going to say what I should have said long ago."

As he drove away, she yelled, "Jeff, don't do something rash. I can fix this. I love you and only you. I will never violate our agreement again. Please don't leave me. I won't survive."

She tried all weekend to call Roy. Every time he found out it was her, he hung up. Finally, he did answer. All he said was, "Mom, Dad will be staying with me for a while. He's finally given up. I'm trying to help him deal with his sadness. Please stop calling and don't even think about coming here. Anything you do now will be counter-productive."

In her heart, she knew that she had lost both Jeff and Roy! She began sinking into depression. She was able to drag herself to work Monday morning. Just before noon, she was served with divorce papers. It was a simple, no-fault ending to their marriage of more than twenty years. It specified that each party would keep their own retirement plan. The joint account would be divided evenly. Jeff had pre-paid the condo rent for three months. Of course, there was no alimony and no child support.

There was an attached letter from Jeff. He said that he would always have a special place in his heart for Kate, but he could no longer abide her proclivity to be dominated by an alpha male. That fetish was the cause of their daughter's death and had robbed another unborn child of a chance to live, but even now she surrendered to that fixation. He couldn't stand by and witness any more destruction.

He had tried to hold the marriage together until Roy was on his own. That had been his only success. She had subsequently wantonly violated the arrangement that they were living under by dating someone without the required prior notification and by misrepresenting a second date. In both cases, those dates ended in admitted adultery.

He reminded her that he owed his company a year of foreign service. He said that he would be paying that debt starting in a few days.

He stated that he would remove his clothes and other personal possessions from the condo. Everything else was hers to keep. That included furniture and appliances. He was trying to be fair.

He thanked her for some memorable years of what he once considered to be a perfect marriage. It would have stayed that way "until death do us part," except for her repressed but revived yearning for something that he couldn't provide. For someone that he couldn't be.

He said that she was possessed by a demon that could be temporarily subdued, but never exorcised.

After he left the country to put in his year abroad, she mourned her loss every day that they were separated by miles and oceans. All that kept her alive was her hope that she could change. She sought professional help. She made some progress in understanding herself and eliminating her long-standing, destructive fantasy. She was attempting to banish from her mind the demon that had cost her everything. She was making great strides. Jeff would be proud of her when he returned.

She was counting the days till Jeff's return until she received a fateful visit from her son. His fiancée, Darla, was with him. Darla was a great girl and it was plain that they were very much in love. The only downside for Kate was that she saw much less of Roy since he met Darla. Kate's first sign that something was wrong was the tears in Darla's eyes. Roy, if anything, seemed angry. She remembered only in bits and pieces what Roy said that day. She remembered: "An uprising. Positions overran. Leaving hurriedly on an airplane. Taking ground fire. Hit. Huge disaster. Crash. No survivors. No body to return. Only an urn filled with ashes."

When she finally fully realized what it all meant, she fell apart. She was soon back in the mental health facility that had saved her once before. This time was different. She didn't eat or drink. She rocked back and forth repeating the same phrase endlessly: "Please don't leave me. I won't survive." Her doctor said she was remembering the day Jeff left. She was repeating her plea for him to stay. She was remembering the day that would always haunt her memory. Her last day with the husband that, unknown to her at the time, she would never see again.

She knows that now, and it's killing her. She only stopped repeating that phrase when her health deteriorated to the point where she couldn't---or wouldn't---speak. She had a "do not resuscitate" order on file from long ago. Within a month, she was reunited with Jeff. At least, that's how Roy chose to think of it.

She was buried in a small ceremony attended by a few friends and family members. Roy and Darla were the last to walk up and observe her body. They put the urn of ashes beside her in the casket. It was Roy's opinion that in the end, the demon had won.

Both stories had been told. Peaches said, "What a devastating story. It bothers me to know that except for some truly horrible happenings, it would be you and Darla instead of you and me. The loss of our parents is yet another thing that we have in common. The thing we both should learn from that horrible coincidence is that infidelity played a role in every death. Infidelity is a killer. It kills love and it kills people."

There were tears in our eyes, but after much discussion, we agreed that knowing the horrible consequences of infidelity made our relationship not more likely, but less likely, to fall victim to any genetic predisposition toward cheating. We both had our eyes wide open. It was time to throw caution to the winds and work on our relationship.

We had been so preoccupied with each other that we'd excluded everyone else from our lives. Now it was time for that to change. Now, it was time for me to meet her sister. It was time for me to meet Becky.

Becky:

Peaches informed me that it was Becky that stepped up and took over her mothering after the accident. They moved in with their grandma at first, but as soon as possible they moved into an apartment of their own. There was pride in her eyes as Peaches told me how Becky had given up going to college so she could get a job and pay for the apartment that they lived in together until Becky got married.

"The job that Becky got to support us was as an erotic dancer at the Jambo Club. She was far-and-away the best dancer they had. She was so good that the owner of the club married her! She became Mrs. Jack Jambino when she was in her early twenties. She became his widow two years later. Let's just say that Jack got crossways with some scary people.

"She spends very little time at the Jambo club now. She has a good manager and she trusts him to handle the day-to-day operation of the club. Becky learned a lot from Jack and she's a sharp cookie. She doesn't look the part, but she's the savviest woman I know. When I refer to the way she looks, I'm reminded of what Dolly Parton said on one of the nighttime talk shows. She said, 'It costs a lot of money to look this cheap,' and believe me, that applies to Becky.

"Not only is Becky the owner of the Jambo Club, she's also the sole owner of Jack's other assets, which number more than a few. Ollie, she's a rich girl. Furthermore, she's the investor I told you about. That's why I'm so sure we'll get the money we need."