The Roommate Experience Pt. 02

- Okay - now here's the difficult part. Group three. These are girls who might be in Group 1, except that they're ... spoken for. Dating someone else, or married. Or somebody I know is actively pursuing them. Or even just seriously crushing on them."

"Like ... your sister Caroline."

- "Really?" said Sam. "You'd like Caroline, if Marty hadn't been after her?"

- "Bad example." I admitted. "Caroline is a 2 and a 3."

She seemed to like that answer.

"Laurie is a better example of a 3." I said. "She'd be a 1, except that she's dating my cousin. I knew that she was off-limits even before I met her."

- "And ... what number am I? A one?" asked Sam, shyly.

- "You, my dear, are all 3."

Her smile faded. That wasn't the answer she'd expected.

"You're a 1, Sam. I've told you often how pretty you are. And you know how much I enjoy sleeping with you."

"But you were a 3, when I first met you. I didn't want to mess up Marty's plans, so I didn't make a move right away."

"Do you want to hear why you're also a 2?"

Sam shook her head. She wouldn't meet my eyes.

"We can't go to your house, and we can't be around your sisters." I said. Harsh, but true. Eli would have been proud of me. I wasn't.

"It's also ... difficult when we go out with my friends."

Sam didn't cry, though she appeared to be close to tears. "I know." she said.

When I think back to that night, I wish that I could have invented the term 'friends with benefits'. Instead, I tried to let her down gently.

- "Sam, if I had to pick someone to be stranded on a desert island with ... it would be you."

I took her home on the bus. We held hands all the way. A block from her house, Sam stopped suddenly, and turned to face me. Her eyes were bright with tears.

- "You're still the nicest person I've ever met." she met. She kissed me, and then let me walk her the rest of the way home.

I didn't feel all that nice.

***

On a grey Sunday afternoon, I was sitting in our living room, enjoying a coffee. Rose was there, too, reading a book. I hadn't read a book since high school.

We had some really rough bookshelves: Ronnie and I had combined bricks and some salvaged lumber to put together some shelving. I glanced at a few of the titles, but they meant nothing to me.

On impulse, I stood up and went into the kitchen. Laurie was nursing a hangover, slumped over the table with a big bowl of coffee.

- "Laurie, can I ask you something?"

- "As long as you do it quietly." she whispered.

- "Would you mind if I borrowed one of your books?" I whispered.

Laurie grimaced, and turned her head so that she could look at me. "You read?"

Before I could answer, Laurie grimaced again. "Sorry, Joe. That was a stupid thing to say."

- "No problem."

- "If you're asking about the books in the living room, the art and photography books are mine. You're welcome to them. All the rest are Rose's, though."

- "Oh. Okay. Thanks."

- "Don't slam the door on your way out."

I had to smile - there was no door on our kitchen.

- "Rose? Would you mind terribly if I borrowed one of your books?"

To her credit, Rose didn't make a face, or comment about grease monkeys reading books. She just gave me a good, long look.

- "Which one?" she said.

- "I dunno. I haven't really read anything in a while."

- "What was the last book you liked?" she asked.

That was embarrassing. "Umm ... 'To Kill a Mockingbird'."

Rose didn't make fun of me. She got up, and picked a book off one of the shelves. "Try this." she said. "I really liked it."

She handed me James Clavell's 'Shogun', and sat back down.

***

- "We're throwing a Halloween party!" said Ronnie.

Rose volunteered to take care of food. Laurie took charge of getting weed. I was designated the beer man. Uncle Ray let me use a car from the garage to make a beer run.

As usual, Ronnie made himself scarce whenever there was work to be done. Laurie was ticked off.

- "God damn it! Typical Ron. He'll do - fuck! - nothing."

- "No." said Rose, with a twinkle in her eye. "He'll do fuck all."

- "Good one." I said.

Rose was grinning, looking mightily pleased with herself. "Thank you, kind sir." she said.

I invited Ray and his girlfriend to the party. They promised to make an appearance. I also invited Marty - with or without his girlfriend - but he had a prior commitment (or so he said). Eli was much less complicated.

- "'Course I'll be there." he said.

After that, I thought long and hard about Sam. I could invite her alone, or with her sisters. But ... Sam would not be relaxed. She had already embarrassed herself in front of Ronnie, Laurie, and Rose - several times.

To make matters worse, I had spelled it out for her: we weren't a couple. Not dating. If I invited Sam, I could almost guarantee that she would be crazy nervous. The potential for disaster was too great. I didn't call her.

On the night of the party, our apartment was jammed with people. They were hanging off the balcony. I counted eight people in my bedroom, at one point. The party overflowed into the parking spots behind the lawyer's office.

Luckily, because of our location, we weren't going to disturb anybody. The bakery was closed, as was the carpet store on the other side of us.

Ray and Karen did drop by, early on. They had a beer with me, said hello to my roommates, and then headed off to another party.

Eli was a hoot. He had strapped an Atari game system to his chest, and had wires wrapped around himself. He was also wearing stereo headphones.

- "What are you supposed to be?" asked Laurie.

- "A lie detector." said Eli.

- "Oh, brother." she said.

- "Here, try it." he said. He passed her the loose connection from his headphones. "Let me ask you: is this not the most original costume idea you've seen tonight?"

Laurie had to laugh. "Alright - I'll give you that one."

- "She speaks the truth." said Eli.

"I think she likes me." he said, once she had gone.

- "You're an idiot." I told him.

- "False." he said.

I helped Rose serve some of her snacks. On one of my runs through the kitchen, threading my way through the people stacked two deep in the hallway, I ran into Laurie again.

- "Joe!" She grabbed my arm. "Do you remember my friend Barbara?"

Next to her was a girl dressed as a very sexy vampire. I did remember meeting Barbara, at the last Christmas party. I thought she was pretty then, but tonight she looked ... stunning. She wore a black wig - the contrast with her light grey eyes was outstanding. Barbara was also showing a bit of cleavage (common today, but quite naughty back in the day).

- "I do. How are you, Barbara? You look ... amazing."

- "Thank you." she said. "You look great, too."

I was dressed as a pirate - nothing special. Laurie grinned at me, and then slipped away.

- "Where did you get your costume?" I asked. "It's fantastic."

Barbara grinned. "Glad you like it. I made it myself."

- "You're kidding."

- "No. I wanted something ... special."

- "Mission accomplished." I said.

She grinned again. "You're sweet."

- "Hmm ... I'll bet you're much sweeter." I said. After a few beers, I lose whatever shyness I have left - and most of my inhibitions. Fortunately, Barbara was in a receptive mood.

I don't know who was flipping records in the living room - Ronnie, maybe - but The Pretenders' "Precious" came on. Everybody knew it. The kitchen suddenly became a dance floor, with everyone gyrating aggressively. Barbara put out one hand, to steady herself - it landed on my hip.

She left it there.

I returned the favour, and we began to sway together. Everybody knew the lyrics, and shouted them in unison: "Trapped in a world that they never made ... But not me, baby - I'm too precious ... fuck off ..."

Barbara and I were grinning at each other. When the song ended, I fought my way to the fridge, and got myself another beer, and a wine cooler for Barbara.

- "Want to go downstairs?" I asked her.

We worked our way down the stairs, which were packed with people. It was considerably cooler - and quieter - outside. Barbara smiled, and said: "Much better."

Barbara worked in a record store. I asked her about it, and she told me about the highs and lows. Then we got into a discussion about the latest groups.

It was effortless, and quite wonderful. Barbara was a beautiful woman, dressed in a sexy costume. But more important, at that moment - she was easy to talk to. Our conversation was a give and take between equals, and I found most everything she said interesting.

I registered the difference at the time, and certainly thought about it later. Time flew by. It seemed like only a few minutes later when Barbara's friend Rina came looking for her.

- "Barb? We have to go."

Barbara smiled at me. "I'm sorry. I wish I could stay later. I've really enjoyed talking to you. And dancing."

- "So have I." I told her. "I hope I'll see you again."

- "Me too." she said.

After she left with her friend, I went back upstairs. It was already past 1:00. The party was still hopping. I helped Rose pick up dishes, and even managed to create enough space in the kitchen to wash a few of them.

Eli found me, and started one of the weirder conversations I've ever had. I pitched a towel at his head. He managed to dry dishes while spouting the most frightful nonsense. When he started quoting Nietzsche, I sent him home.

Laurie came through the kitchen.

- "Hey!" I called to her. She came closer.

"Thank you." I said. "For ... re-introducing me to Barbara."

- "You're welcome." said Laurie. She just grinned.

- "I mean ... you set me up. But ... I'm glad you did."

- "Of course you are." she said. "Do you want her number?"

I grinned at Laurie. "Yes, please."

***

Barbara and I got together the following weekend. We had a couple of drinks, and just like at the party, the conversation flowed freely. I lost track of time of time (much easier to do when you aren't checking your phone every three minutes. Barbara took it as a compliment.

A few nights later, we went to see band who specialized in Led Zeppelin covers. The guitarist was pretty good, but it was the lead singer people paid to see. She was female, very attractive, and could really belt it out.

By our third date, I was getting very comfortable with Barbara. She was easy to be with, and a very pretty lady. The combination of dark hair and light eyes never failed to stir me.

- "It's getting a little noisy in here." I said. "Want to have a drink at our place?"

Barbara smiled. I wasn't fooling anybody with my attempt to be clever.

- "That sounds great." she said.

I took her hand as we walked back to the apartment, and she gave my fingers a squeeze. It wasn't very cold out yet, so we didn't have to hurry.

But as we passed the bakery, and turned into the lane, I saw someone sitting on the step in front of our door. The person stood up, and took a step towards us.

- "Joe?"

It was Sam.

"Can I talk to you?" she said.

A hundred thoughts raced through my head. I'm not sure how I did it, but I kept my cool. I turned to Barbara.

- "I'm sorry." I said.

She understood immediately. And she handled it with pure class.

- "Call me tomorrow?" she said, softly.

- "I will."

Barbara squeezed my hand, and then turned to go. She only had six blocks to go to get home, along a well-lit main street. I probably should have walked her home, but I couldn't be in two places at once.

Sam could tell from my face that I wasn't pleased.

- "I'm sorry." she said. "But I can never get you on the phone - I leave messages, but you never call me back. I missed you ..."

I took Sam inside, and made us some coffee. Fortunately, my roommates were all out.

Then I took Sam to the little table where our phone sat. I showed her the scribbles on the wall, where Laurie had (sort of) left me messages.

- "Rose always gives me the message." I told her. "With Laurie, sometimes I get it, and sometimes I don't. Ronnie never tells me that you phoned. But you already know that."

I had her sit at the kitchen table. She looked more achingly pretty than ever. But her looks had never been the problem.

"Sam, if you want to call me, that's fine with me. I won't ever duck or dodge your calls."

She nodded. She believed me.

"You know that I like you. You're a beautiful woman. Sex with you was ... fantastic. And you know that I liked being with you even when we weren't ... having sex."

"But I can't be your boyfriend, Sam. We can't be a couple."

That was hard for her. She knew it already, of course, but it wasn't what she'd been hoping to hear when she sat waiting for me. She started to cry a little.

- "Do you have to go home - or do you want to stay over?" I asked. "No sex - but you can stay with me tonight if you want."

Sam sniffed back the tears. "I'll ... stay."

I turned off the coffee, and took Sam to my room. I put her to bed, and held her in my arms while she had a good cry.

Eventually, she fell asleep.

***

I already liked my roommates; after Sam had breakfast with us the next morning, I absolutely loved them. Laurie and Rose acted as if it was the most normal thing in the world. Ron was still snoring in his room.

I phoned Barbara, and she agreed to see me again. She was more than understanding; she was downright amazing.

- "I'm not sure what to tell you." I admitted. I didn't want to embarrass Sam any more, in case Barbara met her again.

- "It's alright, Joe." she said. "You don't have to. Laurie told me ... a few things."

- "Ah." I could well imagine which stories Laurie had passed on. "I want to be completely honest with you. But I'm also wondering how I would feel, if the roles were reversed. I'm not so sure I'd want to hear about your unusual ex-boyfriends."

Barbara laughed. "There weren't so many, and I'll spare you the details."

- "Thanks."

- "I am curious, though. How did you and Sam get together in the first place?"

I couldn't quite believe that she wanted to hear that story, but Barbara persisted. So I told her about Marty and Caroline ... and just went on from there. I explained about Sam's unfortunate nervous episodes - without providing any specifics.

That was what made me feel better about re-telling the story: Barbara had known some of it when she first agreed to go out with me. It wasn't a deal-breaker.

- "I was just as surprised as you were, to find her sitting on our step." I said.

- "But you were very kind and understanding to her." said Barbara. "You didn't yell, or make a scene. I was quite impressed with how you handled it."

I shook my head. "I was more impressed with how you handled it. And for the record - I was really angry. Who knows what might have happened, if she hadn't been there."

- "Oh, I think we both know what would have happened. We would have ended up naked, in bed together." Barbara flushed slightly; I don't think she was used to speaking so directly.

- "Do you think that might still happen?" I asked her.

- "It depends." she said. "What are you doing on Friday night?"

***

We went out to eat, but I don't even remember what we had. It was just that little bit awkward, because the whole point of the evening seemed to be for us to go to bed together. Everything else was just ... weird.

Had I been more experienced, I would have seen the potential of this delay. It was, in fact, extended foreplay. It could have been so hot ... but we made it uncomfortable for ourselves.

By the time I got her home, we couldn't even speak. We went straight to my room, and pressed our faces together. I peeled off her clothing, while she tugged at mine.

Barbara had an outstanding body: full, high breasts, a gentle swell to her tummy that I found very appealing, and an ass that jutted forth proudly. You could almost have rested a drink on it. Mostly, though, I was intoxicated by her light eyes, and her boobs.

I went after her tits like a starving sailor (if that's a thing). Barbara wanted to see all of me, though - it was hard to suck on her nipples while she tugged at my underwear. We ended up in an awkward 69.

She was just as eager as I was. The moment I got a condom on, she pulled me on top of her. We were still out of sync; I was bobbing while she was weaving. We never did get our rhythms in gear. After some awkward gymnastics, I came - but she didn't.

As soon as I became aware of that, I went to work with my fingers, and then my lips and tongue. Barbara had her orgasm - but it felt like we were doing the compulsory figures in an Olympic skating event.

The Russian judge gave us a 5.5.

I cuddled with her, afterwards. The body doesn't lie: she felt as uncomfortable as I did. For our first time together ... it was a bit disappointing.

- "I'm sorry." I said. "We were ..."

- "I know." she said. "It's okay."

I wanted to say 'It'll get better', but that sounded presumptuous to me even before I could utter the words.

Then the worst thing possible happened: we fell asleep.

Breakfast with my roommates was ... odd. Laurie looked happier about the event than we did. Rose sensed that something was off, and stayed quiet.

Ronnie tried to high-five me - I left him hanging, and glared at him.

- "Yeesh!" he said. "You'd think you'd be in a better mood. I would!"

Barbara ate quickly, drank her coffee, and announced that she had to go. I saw her to the door. I had to take her by the hand to keep her from running away.

- "Barbara." I said. "I ... I don't know what happened, last night. I know ... that I let you down."

Classy Barbara returned. "It wasn't just you, Joe. It takes two to tango."

- "Can I call you?" I asked.

Barbara smiled. "Sure. Tomorrow?"

We talked on the phone, and agreed that we should see each other again. Three nights later, we met at the Lion for a drink.

- "Barbara, I'm so sorry." I said. "I don't know what happened.

- "We were both too nervous." she said.

- "You think so?"

She just nodded.

"I'm still sorry." I said. "You deserve a whole lot better from me."

- "Really?" she said.

- "Damn straight."

We finished our drinks, and walked the two blocks back to our apartment.

I stripped Barbara like a Christmas present, and went down on her like a man on a mission. I licked, and sucked, and nibbled and fingered. But Barbara was too tight - too nervous. She couldn't come.

- "In me. Make love to me." she said.

I skinned on a condom, and entered her.

Twenty strokes later, I pulled out. Barbara looked closer to crying than she did to orgasm. I lay beside her, and took her in my arms.

- "I'm sorry ..." she said, burying her face in my chest.

- "It's okay." I told her, stroking her back.

***

We had coffee on a Sunday afternoon, and tried to figure it out.

I really liked Barbara. She had class, and was easy to talk to. She was lovely, with a great body. What the hell had gone wrong?

She had a theory or two. But Barbara was too kind to say the obvious: if we had gone ahead and had hot, nasty sex the night of our third date - which Sam had spoiled - things between us might have been alright.

She didn't want to blame me for that. We tried to pretend it hadn't happened, but there was too much pressure on our first night together - too much thinking, not enough passion.

- "I'm sorry, Joe." she kept saying.

- "It's not your fault, Barbara." I said.

- "I need some time to figure this out."

We never went out again.

***